"One step at a time, I can walk around the world. Watch me."
I have always enjoyed this quote since the first time I read it in Lois McMaster Bujold's Barrayar. There have been a lot of renditions of this quote, which I think is an offshoot of the famous saying "the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step". Same concept, same meaning, even if backwardly told. From the micro to the macro there's always a sequence of events that lead a person from cause to effect. You get no where without walking, just as walking will always take you somewhere. I think this is important in all things, especially personal growth, as without an understanding of where your mindset comes from then no action can follow with any sort of progress.
To some extent I think we all have some idea of what we want and how to get it. Some get bogged down in the details of "how to how" to get something. Others are slugged by lack of motivation, determination, or simple discipline. These are human traits, after all, and we can't judge ourselves too harshly for taking the low hanging fruit first before climbing up higher. Those that are incredibly successful are oftentimes outliers. From Bill Gates to Eric Clapton there was a combination of right place, right training, right talent, and right timing. Or, as I see it, about 95% luck and the rest a combination of the previously mentioned. To put it much more simply: It is chaos in the universe and the only way we can ever hope to get ahead is to take it one step at a time. As much as people like to keep things fuzzy and welcoming about tulpas, ultimately those that go down the path of tulpamancy do so for selfish reasons, I think. Those reasons, I think, range from "trying it out" to intense problem solving. At it's very core the entire concept of a tulpa is rooted in an incredible imaginatative experience.
There's nothing innately wrong with this, nor do I judge negatively those (including myself) who fancy the idea of it. Mainstream media has even started to loosely pick up on it in shows such as Sherlock with has Benedict Cumberbatch's character theorizing and extrapolating on ideas inside a "Mind Palace", which is much like a Wonderland that tulpa enthusiasts may know. He wishes to solve a case, he debates within himself as being "outside" himself with other people / constructs, deduces henceforth, and he comes out triumphant in the end...though often times with the help of drugs and narcotics to help him in this hallucinogenic state. In many ways he senses his family, friends, and enemies as tulpas to himself. They talk, help, and exist in a way that appears real; if not entirely sentient to the point that the show plays off this by making you wonder if there's literally people there speaking to him or not.
For whatever reason you have decided to walk the path of a tulpamancer I hope that you do so for positive and progressive reasons. I hope that it brings you happiness and rewards, for it's very purpose is to do just that -- create positive effects in your life. It all starts with a single step and if you are reading this then perhaps you agree; or you don't and that is perfectly fine as well. Either way, the choices and steps you take are your own and your experiences will bring whatever fortunes they may.
These are my first steps and I hope to bring you all along with me as I start this journey.
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I have always been a bit imaginative growing up, though I still feel like I'm growing up; despite having a steady career and half a lifetime of experiences already. At an early age I enjoyed a mixture of different things happening all at once around me. Loud, eclectic music helped me focus on homework. Busy lunchrooms made my reading enjoyable. Silence caused me to fidget and boredom was a strange hell that I wanted to break out of. If there wasn't something happening then I was most likely tugging at my hair, as I had long bangs in my youth. So much I would tug and stress that I lost pigment in some places, causing my hair to grow in white on the spots where I would worry at. These were my "Worry Spots" as my mother called it, and after my third spot was made I was evaluated for hyperactive anxiety syndromes. I'm sure the terms have been changed or updated sense then -- had I been born a hundred years ago they would have simply called it "Nerves."
No syndromes. No hyperactive anxious tendencies. Just a bored child that wanted to focus on something, anything, and that became a strangely double-edged trait about myself. When I'm interested, focused, and passionate about something then there's very little in the world that can keep me from knowing all there is to know about the thing that's held my fixation. My past therapists have called it a form of mental strip mining after it started to affect my job performance. Like a firework in the night sky, I flash brilliant for a second, and just as quickly it fades...having nothing more to offer than the depressive low to that temporary high. It's possible to know something too well, I've learned this throughout my life, and yet in all my years I've yet to come across as something as tantalizingly chew-able as tulpas.
I could gnaw on it for ages it feels like, and never quite get bored enough to dissolve it into anything baser than something I still find complex. I've always had a tulpa, I think most would agree, in the forms of intuition and our conscience. I believe these voices, feelings, and nudges come as naturally as sleeping and dreaming. Without these concepts I think we would have died out long ago, unable to think within ourselves about what's outside ourselves. Most humans accept this, understand it, and move on with it as the tools they were meant to be. Some fear it, thinking there's "voices" in their heads which I take to be the true origin of schizophrenia, and still others reject it -- preferring a strange mixture of media, religion, and suggestion to influence their choices without any need for inner thought. Technically there's nothing more that really needs to be done personally. The tools are there: Inner debate, objectivity, and self-morality. But these haven't entirely worked for me, they've bored me, like arguing with a devil's advocate without any sort of meaningful dialogue built along the way. In short; problem solving isn't doing it for me any more and now I need something more to help myself feel content to be bored from time to time.
My first step is to start my journey with my tulpa.
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If you've read this far, thank you. If not, no worries. I think it's best to ask questions at the end of posts since I'm always very interested in feedbacks, opinions, and discussions:
What made you join the site? (Bonus: Was it before or after you decided to work with tulpas?)
How often do you personally set aside time for yourself? Do you meditate, draw, exercise, etc?
If everyone's tulpa was visible next to them, do you think that would be better or worse for yourself in social settings?