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Step by Step
Rykal Offline
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#1
 
Step by Step
"One step at a time, I can walk around the world. Watch me."

I have always enjoyed this quote since the first time I read it in Lois McMaster Bujold's Barrayar. There have been a lot of renditions of this quote, which I think is an offshoot of the famous saying "the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step". Same concept, same meaning, even if backwardly told. From the micro to the macro there's always a sequence of events that lead a person from cause to effect. You get no where without walking, just as walking will always take you somewhere. I think this is important in all things, especially personal growth, as without an understanding of where your mindset comes from then no action can follow with any sort of progress. 

To some extent I think we all have some idea of what we want and how to get it. Some get bogged down in the details of "how to how" to get something. Others are slugged by lack of motivation, determination, or simple discipline. These are human traits, after all, and we can't judge ourselves too harshly for taking the low hanging fruit first before climbing up higher. Those that are incredibly successful are oftentimes outliers. From Bill Gates to Eric Clapton there was a combination of right place, right training, right talent, and right timing. Or, as I see it, about 95% luck and the rest a combination of the previously mentioned. To put it much more simply: It is chaos in the universe and the only way we can ever hope to get ahead is to take it one step at a time. As much as people like to keep things fuzzy and welcoming about tulpas, ultimately those that go down the path of tulpamancy do so for selfish reasons, I think. Those reasons, I think, range from "trying it out" to intense problem solving. At it's very core the entire concept of a tulpa is rooted in an incredible imaginatative experience. 

There's nothing innately wrong with this, nor do I judge negatively those (including myself) who fancy the idea of it. Mainstream media has even started to loosely pick up on it in shows such as Sherlock with has Benedict Cumberbatch's character theorizing and extrapolating on ideas inside a "Mind Palace", which is much like a Wonderland that tulpa enthusiasts may know. He wishes to solve a case, he debates within himself as being "outside" himself with other people / constructs, deduces henceforth, and he comes out triumphant in the end...though often times with the help of drugs and narcotics to help him in this hallucinogenic state. In many ways he senses his family, friends, and enemies as tulpas to himself. They talk, help, and exist in a way that appears real; if not entirely sentient to the point that the show plays off this by making you wonder if there's literally people there speaking to him or not.

For whatever reason you have decided to walk the path of a tulpamancer I hope that you do so for positive and progressive reasons. I hope that it brings you happiness and rewards, for it's very purpose is to do just that -- create positive effects in your life. It all starts with a single step and if you are reading this then perhaps you agree; or you don't and that is perfectly fine as well. Either way, the choices and steps you take are your own and your experiences will bring whatever fortunes they may.

These are my first steps and I hope to bring you all along with me as I start this journey.

--

I have always been a bit imaginative growing up, though I still feel like I'm growing up; despite having a steady career and half a lifetime of experiences already. At an early age I enjoyed a mixture of different things happening all at once around me. Loud, eclectic music helped me focus on homework. Busy lunchrooms made my reading enjoyable. Silence caused me to fidget and boredom was a strange hell that I wanted to break out of. If there wasn't something happening then I was most likely tugging at my hair, as I had long bangs in my youth. So much I would tug and stress that I lost pigment in some places, causing my hair to grow in white on the spots where I would worry at. These were my "Worry Spots" as my mother called it, and after my third spot was made I was evaluated for hyperactive anxiety syndromes. I'm sure the terms have been changed or updated sense then -- had I been born a hundred years ago they would have simply called it "Nerves."

No syndromes. No hyperactive anxious tendencies. Just a bored child that wanted to focus on something, anything, and that became a strangely double-edged trait about myself. When I'm interested, focused, and passionate about something then there's very little in the world that can keep me from knowing all there is to know about the thing that's held my fixation. My past therapists have called it a form of mental strip mining after it started to affect my job performance. Like a firework in the night sky, I flash brilliant for a second, and just as quickly it fades...having nothing more to offer than the depressive low to that temporary high. It's possible to know something too well, I've learned this throughout my life, and yet in all my years I've yet to come across as something as tantalizingly chew-able as tulpas. 

I could gnaw on it for ages it feels like, and never quite get bored enough to dissolve it into anything baser than something I still find complex. I've always had a tulpa, I think most would agree, in the forms of intuition and our conscience. I believe these voices, feelings, and nudges come as naturally as sleeping and dreaming. Without these concepts I think we would have died out long ago, unable to think within ourselves about what's outside ourselves. Most humans accept this, understand it, and move on with it as the tools they were meant to be. Some fear it, thinking there's "voices" in their heads which I take to be the true origin of schizophrenia, and still others reject it -- preferring a strange mixture of media, religion, and suggestion to influence their choices without any need for inner thought. Technically there's nothing more that really needs to be done personally. The tools are there: Inner debate, objectivity, and self-morality. But these haven't entirely worked for me, they've bored me, like arguing with a devil's advocate without any sort of meaningful dialogue built along the way. In short; problem solving isn't doing it for me any more and now I need something more to help myself feel content to be bored from time to time.

My first step is to start my journey with my tulpa.

--

If you've read this far, thank you. If not, no worries. I think it's best to ask questions at the end of posts since I'm always very interested in feedbacks, opinions, and discussions:

What made you join the site? (Bonus: Was it before or after you decided to work with tulpas?)
How often do you personally set aside time for yourself? Do you meditate, draw, exercise, etc?
If everyone's tulpa was visible next to them, do you think that would be better or worse for yourself in social settings?
01-15-2018, 04:10 AM
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Heckhound Offline
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#2
 
RE: Step by Step
Very interesting opening to your PR. I enjoyed reading it, and welcome to the forums. Smile

As for your questions:

1) The site was my first introduction to tulpas, I think. It's hard to remember, since this was back in 2014 or so. I didn't actually join until later, since I didn't feel like I had anything to contribute to the discussions here just yet. I wanted to join because this seemed like the best community for tulpa discussion out of all I've come across. I still believe that.

2) I'm a housewife currently, and my wife works, so I have a lot of time to myself. I would say most of my days are "me time," though I'm trying to get a job now. I do set aside 20 minutes or so to meditate, and I do draw from time to time. Not nearly as much as I used to.

3) This one is difficult. I feel like people would be judged for both having a tulpa, and the form their tulpa would take. You might get shunned in social situations more often. Unless it was impossible to tell that they were a tulpa, then I guess it would be a comfort having them there if you're anxious in social settings?

Are you going to answer these questions yourself? :P

pr // discord: Heckhound#6112
01-16-2018, 04:35 PM
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Rykal Offline
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#3
 
RE: Step by Step
For my first few days into legitimate practicing I focused on taking time out of the day for meditation and deep thought. Most people do this daily in the shower or driving around their streets on their way to work. It's mindless monotony which is the perfect breeding ground for imagination to flourish. Personally, I'm on a cross-country road trip to a new work location and I'm under a very loose timetable, making it very easy for me to simply drive a bit lazily and let my mind go where it may.

I have never been someone to think that actions are innately right or wrong, only correct or incorrect. Western philosophy puts things like left and arson in a place of punishing actions, whereas things like charity or volunteerism is held to high esteem -- respected. There's some grey areas though that have always caught my attention because they happen outside these extremes and are tolerated, but never truly celebrated. Take animal cruelty for instance. We generally abhor dog fighting rings, thinking that the animals are being bred to be aggressive; but take the counterpart of K9 units and training. The latter is obviously much more structured, the animals generally well cared for, but many training techniques are the same. Antagonize the dog, reward aggressive behavior, and perform on demand.

This is a bit of an extreme case and example, I admit, but it's the best I can come up with to illustrate my mindset when it comes to tulpas. A working dog, be it for bomb detection or suspect apprehension, is still a tool in the sense that it's sole purpose is to perform specific tasks. A hammer drives nails, a weapon shoots bullets, a knife cuts steak, and yet all can be abused and used for violence or intimidation. Tulpas exist in the same structure as this for me personally. They are a tool. A means. A widget with a purpose. 

So what's the tool supposed to be personally used for? I asked myself.

Debate, steadfast companionship, focus enchancer. These are just a few of the things that came to mind immediately, with minor things such as boredom eraser coming a little while later. I don't think of myself as a smart person, or even remotely intelligent compared to a lot of others that I have met. I've been lucky to have a good upbringing and my life lessons have taught me to act like a smart person by asking myself simple questions such as "Would a responsible person do this?" If so, I do it and it's generally worked out well enough for me. Perhaps this has been my natural tulpa all along, these little questions nagging and pulling me in ways that allow me to progress despite so many setbacks (those setbacks are stories for another time.)

I'm not concerned about shape or form, though I can see how so many find this to be an important thing. It's fun and interesting to think about what our mind would look like if personified -- I understand the appeal. However, I've always been a fan of function over form...caring more about if it works instead of how it looks. We'll see how things develop on that front. In the meantime I've a lot more to deal with in terms of what more I can consider for positive aspects. 

Thankfully I have a lot of time to do that.

Question for the reader:
How long do you find your meditation / forcing sessions to be?

How important is your tulpa's form to you personally?

Quote:Very interesting opening to your PR. I enjoyed reading it, and welcome to the forums. 
[Image: smile.gif] As for your questions:

1) The site was my first introduction to tulpas, I think. It's hard to remember, since this was back in 2014 or so. I didn't actually join until later, since I didn't feel like I had anything to contribute to the discussions here just yet. I wanted to join because this seemed like the best community for tulpa discussion out of all I've come across. I still believe that. 

2) I'm a housewife currently, and my wife works, so I have a lot of time to myself. I would say most of my days are "me time," though I'm trying to get a job now. I do set aside 20 minutes or so to meditate, and I do draw from time to time. Not nearly as much as I used to. 

3) This one is difficult. I feel like people would be judged for both having a tulpa, and the form their tulpa would take. You might get shunned in social situations more often. Unless it was impossible to tell that they were a tulpa, then I guess it would be a comfort having them there if you're anxious in social settings?

Are you going to answer these questions yourself? :P

Thank you for your reply and for taking the time to read my PR. I think you're right in that this is probably the best place and community to discuss this kind of thing, in an environment that's fairly good at self policing itself. From time to time I'll see something pop up from 4chan, Reddit, Tumblr, etc concerning the subject -- normally very violent or insulting, trying to put the idea in a horror show instead of taking a deeper look into it. I blame the silly creepy-pasta stories that seem to circulate the idea as having poisoned it.

As for answering my own questions, I'll get to it, I promise. I'm usually only good for one post's worth before I need a break to think about...what I'm thinking about. If that makes any sense?
01-16-2018, 08:43 PM
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