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Aiming at Self Deception
Florence Offline
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#41
 
RE: Aiming at Self Deception

(12-20-2018, 05:22 PM)Angry Bear Wrote: Oh! I never looked at your profile, i didn't know how Zia knew it was your birthday recently.

Happy belated birthday, hopefully you get more progress soon.

Thanks bear! Smile  Way too busy recently, probably need to carefully rebalance work & life to get any progress. I chose freelance working style for being free in choosing when to work and when to not, don't know how it becomes workaholic style all of a sudden.  xD
12-21-2018, 05:33 AM
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Angry Bear Online
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#42
 
RE: Aiming at Self Deception

Same here, I do know the feeling of being hungry, so yes, I take more jobs than I can handle regularly. It's a compulsion of a sort I think.

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12-21-2018, 11:36 AM
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Florence Offline
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#43
 
RE: Aiming at Self Deception

(12-21-2018, 11:36 AM)Angry Bear Wrote: Same here, I do know the feeling of being hungry, so yes, I take more jobs than I can handle regularly. It's a compulsion of a sort I think.

Wish I knew how to feel hungry. Whether it's work or games/hobbies, I just fail to feel hunger or fatigue whenever I get focused. Food or sleep tend to get put off for hours or even a whole day, *sigh* Even the "bad food" type becomes good for me due to the high fat and sugar which all becomes energy instead of piling up.  xD
12-21-2018, 04:21 PM
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Florence Offline
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#44
 
RE: Aiming at Self Deception

Record of Dec 21st-31th

Previous: #37

Dec 21st
13 mins
Finally got some breathing space! I hope. Mental status is immediately improving! Smile

Dec 22nd
14 mins
Sorted a ton of things. Summer shoes are back inside their boxes now so this is a very good sign. Tomorrow I should finally have time to draw the pic I mentioned on Dec 10th. That's actually quite important because it's the birthday pic... Can't believe I spent 2 weeks working instead, meh.

Dec 23rd
0 min
Got fully occupied with painting pic and chatting with friends (For some reason some of my friends keep contacting me. Oh well. Those are interesting people so that's at least worthy of putting energy into)
   
The thoughts that come with the pic:
----
It hasn't rained for a couple of years,
Sunlight is warm, days are calm
So won't you come to me? With preparation please
Defend yourself, defend yourself from
----
(This post was last modified: 12-23-2018, 09:00 PM by Florence.)
12-21-2018, 04:27 PM
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Florence Offline
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#45
 
RE: Aiming at Self Deception

Finalllllly! Finally not busy any more! No wait, I'm still busy. I just got it under control (hopefully). The freelance jobs are so damn abundant that I've finally learnt how bad it is to take too many of them.

So yes, I think I will keep EVERYTHING under control as best as I can, and have time for this tulpa project again - also have time to properly sleep/eat/play/exercise again.

Will pick up writing the record tomorrow  Smile
02-04-2019, 02:30 PM
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#46
 
RE: Aiming at Self Deception

Please accept my offer of good luck to you.

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02-04-2019, 05:27 PM
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Florence Offline
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#47
 
RE: Aiming at Self Deception

(02-04-2019, 05:27 PM)Angry Bear Wrote: Please accept my offer of good luck to you.

Thanks~  Smile  Shouldn't be any problem anyway, since it's just a free-time-for-fun project after all. Apparently I already prioritize dollars over this project, lol   xD
02-06-2019, 08:54 AM
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Florence Offline
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#48
 
RE: Aiming at Self Deception

2.5
10 mins
Just picking it up. Honestly not going to be any real progress for at least a week, I think
(Besides I'm currently back home for spring festival - I will have less time for it than usual)

2.6
8 mins
Good... Still having time for this. Need to pick up exercise too... *Frowning unhappily when realizing how many things in my life that I actually plan to do*

2.7
10 mins
Slowly getting the correct feeling back. Can get to see yellow/blue or light dots again (and again: visual fatigue or sth, yeah).

2.8
0 min
Urm, well. Can still get busy on Fridays, apparently...

2.9
0 min
Taking a day off

2.10
17 mins
Interesting stuff! Saw some "colors". I could even say those are almost like real colors. Could be visual fatigue or sth but they look different from what I used to see. It changed from dark blue to slightly brighter dark blue, then half purple half blue.
I checked on wikipedia; the (almost) exact sequence was "Indigo dye" - "Indigo" - "Electric indigo". WOW that's cool, why do they all have "indigo" in their names...

Summary:

Saw some colors
Could this be reliable? Very hard to say. It seemed so vivid at the time but it only lasted for maybe 1~2 minutes. Further attempts on that day haven't shown anything like that yet. But never mind, we have time. We'll see if we can make it happen again.
(This post was last modified: 02-10-2019, 09:48 PM by Florence.)
02-06-2019, 08:56 AM
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Florence Offline
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#49
 
RE: Aiming at Self Deception

2.11
8 mins
Nothing special.

2.12
5 mins
Short, but I think I'm seeing some kind of color again...? Quite unreliable though. I'll not say I saw anything unless things get "real" enough in front of me.

2.13
10 mins
Nope, nothing

2.14
0 min
Too busy

2.15
7 min
Nope

2.16
0 min
Taking a day off

2.17
0 min
Same

2.18
14 mins
OK! STH insteresting!!! I didn't see anything, alright. But that night I dreamt of "closing my eyes and seeing sth in front of me" scenario. It was just half a minute, but I can certainly say to "imagine to see sth" and to "see it" is totally different. In my dream I could perfectly see a small gray circle in front of my eyes. It had small layers on the edge and it kept spinning.
So yes - I would only say "I can see it" if I can see sth like in my dreams. None of the previous experience is enough! I need to make it happen.

2.19
9 mins
Nope

2.20
13 mins
Nope

Summary:

Dream hint
Yes, to "see" sth is totally different. My dream told me so and I'll aim at such a phenomenon.
(This post was last modified: 02-21-2019, 09:16 AM by Florence.)
02-12-2019, 06:35 PM
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