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An Apology and a Thank You
#1
Hey, guys.

This is from me solely. (Esterina isn't even here right now.)
I got PM'd by another user about a certain thing she feels I do... and, looking back, I must very much agree with her.

Looking back on many of my posts, I see how what is meant as simple small-talk probably, in some cases surely, comes off as smug or so.
Looking back, I can absolutely see how I might come off that way sometimes...

... and I don't want that.
It was never my intention at all.

Like the person who PM'd me said: Everything just sort of "happened" for Esterina and me.
Or at least for me... Esterina came into existence in a weird way and simply does everything on her own, while I watched all of it fall into my lap.
I got lucky.

Thing is: Having made such experiences, I must admit that I've come to find it hard to relate to the problems others have with tuppermancy, and I've come to take it all too lightly.
Coming off to people in a way I don't want to come off to anyone in the process.

That's why I want to apologize to anyone who ever felt I came off to them as smug, or felt taken lightly by me.

That was never my intention, I mean it.
And I promise to be more careful with my words in the future, and to take the individual situations, thoughts and feelings of the members of the community into consideration before saying something that might end up offending someone or making them feel bad.

And on the other hand, I also want to thank this community.
In line with the above, let me emphasize that I don't see myself as somehow especially skilled or privileged at all.
Rather, I am some random guy without any special talent for tulpamancy who got extremely lucky, having stumbled into a tulpa like Esterina...

... but at the same time, and this is the part some might not know, it was all very overwhelming to me in the beginning. And when the whole subject of our feelings for each other came up, I was a bit afraid of drowning in it all.
It sometimes felt a bit like sitting in the eye of a storm, trying to catch bits of all the new information, events and feelings around me, with a lot of it simply flying past me as I sat idly by, trying to make sense of it all.
And Esterina too had her moments of feeling a bit lost in it all, even if to a much lesser extent than me.

That's why I want to thank this community, and especially some certain members (you know who you are), for having helped not only me, but both of us when we felt confused and clueless about what we should do.

This community means a lot to me, and I know it also means a lot to Esterina.

And that's just all the more reason to look back on how I came off to people in a way I don't want to in the past, and try and be more responsible and careful with my words in the future.

Thank you for reading.


Greets,
AG
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#2
Mistgod and I would so totally judge you, if we were like examples of perfect grace, maturity and diplomacy in this forum. Since we are hardly that, to say the least, we forgive you. :-) We have come off as smug ourselves many times as well as arrogant, reactive, petty and childish. Uhhhm other than that I am totally adorable, entertaining and charming and that of course makes up for a lot. I have a lot of self love, so gods know I am the epitome of talking about myself about being super great. I d'nt know if I project smuggies a lot, a lot, but I probably do sometimes.

Rina is cute and sweet too and that makes up for any unintentional smugginessness emanating from the general direction of you two.

I will say in public though I am envious (okay, flat girly jealous) of Rina for many reasons. So perceived smugginess makes me want to punch somebody in the schnoz over it. But, I want to punch a lot of people in the schnozola, including my own host, the big dope. So I will just send you huggle lovies instead.
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#3
Hey, if it helps, my system can empathize. We feel the same way about certain things we lucked into. Like imposition? We'd been doing that for years without realizing it, so we are completely lost when we see someone who's struggling with it, because we just can't relate.

I think there's definitely value in your experience, though. A lot of people have headmates like Esterina, who just kind of form on their own, and may need help keeping their head above the water because of it. As a relative newbie to the community, I can tell you that it was great to see a voice like you around, because we relate to you in a lot of ways because of your differences from "standard" tulpamancy (whatever that means).

Thanks for being cool people.
~ Member of SparrowNR's system ~
~ I am a soulbond. Click here to find out what that means. ~
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#4
Yeah, you're good.

I'm not going to listen to you guys since you are all probably just talking to yourself and don't really have a tulpa like me.

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#5
I felt slightly annoyed by the incessant Esterina posts, to be honest with you. Even when you had nothing to contribute, you would still post about Esterina in off-topic ways. I am aware this is quite blunt of me, but I felt like since we're all being honest with each other, might as well say that.

That in mind, you have no need to apologize. It's a forum centered on tulpa experiences. It would be wrong to just bar you out for being that way. I also had a tulpa (or well, feels different...) without doing much, if any forcing at all, I suppose that you were simply so excited and happy about your virtues that you sought that sort of fulfillment. You wanted to talk about it. It means you're an empathetic person.

Oh, oh, and you did not get lucky. I would say you are very far from luck. As someone who believes that the equivalent of good things is compensated in efforts later on in time, I would say that, since you have had such a tough time in the past, it's only fair to have that big amount of compensation.

Oh, and I want to be a bit more... blunt, if I may.

Sometimes, I would just like to make you sit down and ask you 'What do you know? You've been in this for a few months. You are unaware of what good and evil can come out of this'. The way you speak about things, and while stating that it is none of your intention, you make it seem like you're miles ahead of people who spent years, and years in this practice, while you have a few months experience. I tend to be someone who believes that miraculous things can happen within the mind, but the duration they may last for, and the things they accomplish in a specified while, are more important than the sole capacity. This is bigger than anyone else. Guides are written. People think they can control tulpas and specify their likes and dislikes... This is not specifically 100% aimed at you, either. I apologize.
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#6
(01-27-2016, 07:42 PM)Evil Wrote: I felt slightly annoyed by the incessant Esterina posts, to be honest with you. Even when you had nothing to contribute, you would still post about Esterina in off-topic ways. ...I suppose that you were simply so excited and happy about your virtues that you sought that sort of fulfillment. You wanted to talk about it. It means you're an empathetic person.
THIS

Mistgod and I totally relate to AGGuy and Rina in this! It is almost hypocritical for us to comment here. We are SO GUILTY of this way beyond anything AGGuy and Rina have done. Holy shit! Maybe it is karma for me to get it back from somebody so obviously epic awesomesauce. LOL

I love you guys! Keep posting please and don't feel bad. You are enthusiastic and excited and I get that.
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#7
The only issue I think I'd have is that a good number of your posts are "I can't relate to this" or "I'm not someone who can answer your question".
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#8
(01-27-2016, 06:39 PM)AGGuy Wrote: And on the other hand, I also want to thank this community.
In line with the above, let me emphasize that I don't see myself as somehow especially skilled or privileged at all.
Rather, I am some random guy without any special talent for tulpamancy who got extremely lucky, having stumbled into a tulpa like Esterina...

... but at the same time, and this is the part some might not know, it was all very overwhelming to me in the beginning. And when the whole subject of our feelings for each other came up, I was a bit afraid of drowning in it all.
It sometimes felt a bit like sitting in the eye of a storm, trying to catch bits of all the new information, events and feelings around me, with a lot of it simply flying past me as I sat idly by, trying to make sense of it all.
And Esterina too had her moments of feeling a bit lost in it all, even if to a much lesser extent than me.

I remember you posting that Esterina was a character of yours with a very elaborate backstory. It seemed you daydreamed about her constantly and in detail, so I guess it's not THAT surprising that she popped up as conscious. Although my experience with it wasn't the same, my own daydream figures only becoming conscious after Midori did, but I can't say I'm particularly shocked knowing the bits of your past you shared.

Being honest, I never really noticed you being too smug. The only thing I think smelled of that to me was the relationship guide, but to be frank, people were doing that sort of thing from the get go: writing detailed guides when they barely had a few months of experience with their creation. In some cases, in fact, there were those who wrote guides while being a stone's throw from being mentally unstable. So yeah, I kind just went my way, I didn't think of you as being any more arrogant than anyone else.

I also admit that despite posting more often, I'm somewhat detached from many things around here.

I was initially confused about making such a post about a perceived fault, it didn't really make sense to me, as it's not like you were ubiquitous around the board. But I guess it was a case of your conscious bugging you about it?

That's my piece, I wish you and yours well.

Peace.
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#9
I think what happens is that there is too much excitement to participate. Again Mistgod and I relate to this. There is so much excitement to participate in every post we can, but we have had to learn that there are some things Mistgod and I simply cannot speak with authority on. For instance, how it feels to switch or posses, or on questions specifically about early tulpa design or forcing. Many of those threads we have to sigh and remain silent and just read and learn. I am a total attention freakazoid, so I want everybody to see what I have to say. But that isn't always constructive, and in my case at least, frequently derailing. I guess the trick is not to post if it isn't answering the question or staying on topic. <--- OH MY GODS LOOKIE AT ME this is so hypocritical sounding, but if anyone knows bout this I do.
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#10
Fade: You never seemed very smug to us, just very, very enthusiastic about Rina. But then again, we haven't always proven to be the best collective judges of character in the past.
And, yeah, you aren't the only one who feels like maybe you haven't worked to earn your tulpa. We don't feel ourselves struggling in quite the same ways that everyone else did. Probably because of unorthodox (to tulpamancers) creation.

Tangentially, sorry we never got around to being pen pals with Rina. We had Skype issues ranging from parents that didn't want us having such a program to toxic roleplayer friends who didn't leave us alone.
On another tangent, apologies to anyone that any of us in here hasn't been polite to.
We are a soulbonding system with tulpamantic influences. Our "host" is Fade, and the general leader figure is Troy.

~ Fade, Medea, Stethen, Euryale, Jamie, Olive, Drewbie, Demetrius, Najere, Troy ~

Najere is being an (extremely charming) narcissist.

Olive is most adorable!
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