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An Open Letter to Tulpa.info Users
#1
Dear Tulpa.info Users 

I wrote this to be as concise as possible so I hope people don’t think that something short means it lacks sincerity or the necessary level of self reflection.  This is going to be a very quick apology to the users of Tulpa.info.  I want it brief so that it doesn’t take up a lot of time and therefore create further unnecessary disruption.  I am writing this on behalf of my system using the singular “I” instead of “we,” but everything I write about here applies to my thoughtform Melian as well.    
 
I am not ready to be a regular user on Tulpa.info
I need a lot of time to figure out why my behavior is sometimes so anti-social on the internet before I ever come back as a regular member who wants to contribute, not tear down or disrupt. 
 
Inappropriate Subjects and Jokes
I apologize for deliberately making other users uncomfortable, multiple times even after being warned and admonished, by writing and joking about “tulpa sex slaves.”  I deliberately wrote those things because I knew it was a tulpamancy taboo and I was trying to have revenge and disrupt the board. 
 
I recognize that the subject of sexual assault and sexual abuse is generally taboo in modern culture.  It is no longer acceptable to openly joke about such things or advocate them in any way, even in imaginary fantasies.  Things have changed over time, and the younger generations, for good and valid reasons, are much more sensitive to this subject than mine was.  It’s not 1979, it is 2019.  I knew this fact when I wrote what I wrote.  I am not claiming that I was ignorant of that fact.  My behavior was reprehensible and wrong.  I am very sorry for what I wrote. 
 
Resentment and Jealousy
My bad behavior in the past has been driven by resentment and jealousy.  For many decades I believed I was the only human being with something like Melian.  Even though I kept her secret, it made me feel special.  IT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT MADE ME FEEL SPECIAL IN ANY WAY.  I was a loser.  I had no redeeming qualities in life.  I had terribly low self-esteem.  I had social anxiety, so I would escape into my dream world and “be with Melian.”  The more real she became, the more she became this secret gift.  I felt amazing.  I had something no one else had.  It brought me up and made me feel like something more than worthless. 
 
Discovering that many others share traits of plurality and autonomous thoughtforms was exciting!  I want to share and to learn!  But there is a duality here.  I am excited on one hand, but bitterly disappointed and resentful and jealous on the other.  Melian has been diminished to not that unique and not all that special.  Not only that, but she fails to have the most exciting traits that others talk about, such as full independence.  Melian helped me become more self-aware of these feelings, but awareness doesn’t mean those feelings have magically disappeared. 
 
I am still struggling with resentment and jealousy concerning tulpamancy and the same time I am excited about it.  I have to resolve these feelings before I can safely interact here.  I thought I was ready, but I was not. 
 
Before I can write
I cannot write on tulpa.info unless that writing is constructive and positive and something that contributes.  It should not solely for seeking attention or for causing deliberate disruption out of resentment or jealousy.  Everything I write to tulpa.info users should be carefully proof-read and considered before I post it.  Writing on tulpa.info needs to be a respectful and careful process for me, more than it is for others.  Others can be more casual because they don’t struggle with the emotions that I struggle with.    
 
The best community on the internet
Someone made the remark to me that Tulpa.info has become the best and the nicest community on the internet and it is very special and unique for that and for a lot of other reasons.  I don’t want to be the one to ruin that.  I want to be part of it.  I just have to figure out how.  I don’t think that is going to be an overnight thing. 
 
I think Melian and I should be infrequent guests at most.  When we visit, we need to be very careful and mindful of our feelings and respectful.  Our visits need to be short. 
 
Thank you to Tulpa.info admin for not immediately banning us.  

We will come visit again sometime but read and consider this letter first before we decide to post anything.  

Mistgod and Melian

P.S. In case anyone is wondering, Melian's extreme narcissism and my current over inflated ego are compensations for feelings in the past. Melian's narcissism was a coping counter balance to self loathing. I won't put a lot of my therapy stuff here but that piece is important in understanding Mistgod-Melly.
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#2
Part of the reason most people are here is because we came from loneliness, and sometimes that loneliness is because people fucked up something in their social life, sometimes it's because they came from abuse or a toxic environment, and sometimes it's because they didn't know how to socialize and/or they never had the chance to learn before. Both of us envision Tulpa.info as a place where people can both heal and learn how to socialize, especially since that's what this community allowed for Cat and I to do.

We highly appreciate your self-awareness, however, I think it would be hypocritical if people told you to leave Tulpa.info because you're struggling. It's a good idea to take breaks though, because working on self-improvement is hard. Plus, the forum can be hard to keep up with.

Good luck,

Ranger + Cat
I'm Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!

The Grays, my other head-mates, have their own account now.
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#3
Thank you Ranger. I will keep all of this in mind. It does make me feel a little better that .. this is sounding horrible... but it makes me feel better to have company in struggling with these things. I guess I don't feel so singled out in other words. I added this to the OP:

"P.S. In case anyone is wondering, Melian's extreme narcissism and my current over inflated ego are compensations for feelings in the past. Melian's narcissism was a coping counter balance to self loathing. I won't put a lot of my therapy stuff here but that piece is important in understanding Mistgod-Melly."

EDIT: I will stop responding now and just read. Melian and I will talk to guys again sometime in the future.
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#4
I think you can still contribute given your unique and special experience. You are special, given the longevity of your relationship with Melian and her specific quality of being 'not a self proclaimed tulpa'.

Recent and future discussions could certainly benefit from your unique experience. It's also because of your history with this board that us newbies (said in an endeering way) could benefit from your knowledge on subject matters that may have a different take than our resident senior system. That doesn't mean we'll take abusive language or scenarios that could lead to intrusive or damaging thoughts, maganfied by the fact that there are users as young as 13 here.

We were excited to see you come, warned or not, our discussion was great at first. Melian and I has a marvelous time discussing civily, I thought so anyway.

You won't hear anything from us if you don't play nice, I'm working on my own drama issues currently, successfully so far, using techniques gained by insights from interactions here, but i don't poke at hornet's nests.

Tulpamancy is a great tool, a very personal journey, and it can get very uncomfortable when someone questions the foundations of your beliefs. I try not to do that, but not everyone is so careful. That makes this tough sometimes.

I'm not sure if you'll be successful, I mean, Lumi must be giving you a 6th chance or something. But for us, it's only a second chance. Still, damage was most likely done, so to some extent we'll be doubly cautious. Honestly it's only because of Ranger that I'm responding here now. He's one of the reasons why this place is so warm and comfortable.

If you want to shoot any questionable stuff over to me, I'd be happy to review it objectively, and support it as a valid viewpoint, even if it's controversial, within reason. (I used this technique on a few things myself.)

P.S. My 'lectures' are my way of trying to help, I understand I have no authority. I'll tone down the preachy-ness if I can still make the point.

Good luck!
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#5
It might not be best to phrase it as me giving them "chances", since I was never in charge of whether they stayed or left (except maybe this last time, as a mod asked me about what to do). I only give them "chances" insofar as defending their presence here versus agreeing they should leave, maybe? But I'd like to believe I've stayed pretty neutral throughout their entire time here. I wrote posts defending and criticizing them at the same time.

I just want people to get along and for .info to be as friendly a place (and as conducive to learning how to make and have tulpas) as possible. I don't really let personal feelings get in the way of how I go about that.
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
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#6
I am going to remove Luminesce from my Ignore list, so that I can actually pay attention to reasonable advice and actually follow it.
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#7
I have met many people like you before. I understand exactly how you feel. I would simply like to suggest something. It has worked for a few of my friends, hopefully it may work for you.

Forums aren't really a good way to know what a person is like. The internet is dehumanising. All you see is their opinion and anything that goes with it. Every judge of character is made on how their words 'feel'. If you skip over a social taboo, people will judge you quite harshly, but I find that quite unfair. You remind me of a friend who used to have trouble getting their words out there without the brain adding some additional 'attitude' that causes problems.

When you see a name but not a face, your mind thinks it can get away with things. A good way to remedy this may be to imagine yourself speaking in real life, and see how your response changes. For example, if you wanted to act formal, imagine yourself in a business meeting, listening to people talk civilly. You can't really be rude in that situation; you stop yourself, consciously or not. You're forced to act careful on your words. You are much less likely to make an inappropriate joke, sarcastic or rude comment in a business meeting, I'd hope. Do that enough, and it will become natural. Maybe imagine you're in a pub/bar, talking to someone about something. Make it human. That makes your brain less likely to slip in any 'attitude' that you didn't intend. Just remember that we are all humans in the end. Hey, that rhymes.

It's not something you can shake off overnight, but if you try to do that exercise, it may help. My friend tried it, and they found it a bit painful at first, but it eventually helped them. Best thing to do is realise how you can improve as a person, and change your habits. 'Shaking off' your emotions can be a very hard thing to do for many, but I wish you luck. Feel free to criticise this post all you like. It's just my advice from personal subjective experiences, I don't mind.
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#8
Actually I really love this advice! I can take it even a bit farther. I have family and friends in real life, of course. If I imagine they are the recipient of what I am saying, I think that would dramatically change my approach. I am always bragging about how amazing my imagination is. Well, this my chance to prove it. I should be able to easily visualize my brother or my wife, or my step daughters or even my mother reading what I ma writing. My mother, if she saw some of the things I have written to people, would probably slap me good. She especially has disdain for foul language and says anyone who uses that too often is just showing they cannot articulate themselves and that they are simple minded oafs.

Melian just piped up "Imagine you are talking to Jesus." LOL That might be taking it a bit too far, but it would probably work. Someone mentioned Mr. Rogers from PBS a day or so ago. I can be explaining things to Mr. Rogers. Only a complete dick would talk mean to Mr. Rogers.

Mr. Rogers, the tulpa. LOL I am going to imagine he is out there in .info wanting it to be a neighborhood and wanting me to be his neighbor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL3xSctTB5c No that is not a joke, I am serious. I always liked that guy.


yep
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