Hello There, Guest! Register


Blayze and Kyoko
dragon cake Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 116
Threads: 2
Joined: Jan 2018
1 Attached Account
#11
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko

(02-04-2018, 03:46 AM)Square-Wave_Kittycat Wrote: Wow, you like Danganronpa too! Just finished it yesterday and loved it. Very, very clever game.

I haven't actually done the entire first game yet, so knew relatively little about namesake-Kyoko, though her personality does astoundingly match up to my Kyoko's as I learn more. There's some other media with her in it as well, both anime, manga, and a novel, though a lot of that is in Japanese which I don't know. I know she's important in a lot of the media that occurs pre-game.

Day 44 

I think maybe I should start making the post when I first wake up the next morning instead of during the day, it should be easier to do so now that my work schedule has pushed to later. That way I can cover the dreams I had at the end of the day, if any. A lot to cover about that today though!

Images:

- I've attached an image of Seka, the grue servitor that lives adjacent to the cave in my wonderland with the hot springs in it. Maybe not important, but I dug it up and thought I'd show. The servitor of her has changed to have glowing eyes, no earrings, and a whip-like tail. The image is by Shade, whose work can be found at www.spiffy-keen.com. It's actually an image of one of his characters but I used it for a base for the Seka character when I made her years back.
- I've also attached the only good image I have of my own form when I'm in the wonderland, though this image is a younger version. The older version has bigger wings, is taller, and doesn't go around randomly attacking things with a toy sword. Usually. That image is by Retl and was a gift to me. There's a better quality version of the image on his site.

Day:
- I programmed and started playing Wolfenstein: New Order. I think Kyoko wanted to play Danganronpa instead as I still haven’t finished the first game, and I kept promising her we would but then I got engrossed. I feel bad for disappointing her.


Meditation:
- My nose itches a lot during meditation. I've noticed that if Kyoko scratches it within the Wonderland, it usually goes away without me physically touching it in the real world.
- She was rather subdued in my last meditation, I had bouts of the clarity I've become used to but most of the time she was dead silent riding on my back with me in dragon form. Might be because I waited too long to do my meditation so it was after rather than before I took meds.
- We started where we left off again, we walked south along the forest path away from the caves we were at last time. We passed through the courtyard of the wonderland's castle (this is usually where I'm at when any meditation tells me to imagine a grassy field). There was a fountain that I don't remember being there, where some slipped hedges had been before. I didn't change it back because I wasn't sure why it happened, or how I even knew it happened since I don't really properly visualize where I'm at.
- We went further south to the village. There weren't a lot of servitors there, only one in a potion shop we went to, an anthro fox named Mia. She didn't talk because I guess all she can do is pretend to ring up an order if you put something on the counter.
- We went to a tavern and it was empty too, so I made her tea. I started to give her wine and she reminded me she likes tea. So I drank the wine (something I never do in real life). It was oddly relaxing considering that I wasn't really drinking it. She wanted to see the tavern rooms and I suspect get frisky but I'm nervous about imagining that before I'm certain she is able to make informed consent.
- We went back to the castle. It wasn't the castle from the story most of the wonderland is from, but from the 'muck' text-based game that preceded it. It had a grand entrance area adjacent to the throne room, a great hall leading elsewhere, and a room to the south. She opted for the southern room, which was mostly just full of cushions. On the muck this was where people did sexual role-play so I think she was going for that again. Too bad I wasn't feeling weaker willed at the time.
- We left there and went to the throne room, then downstairs to the library from the short tulpa meditation I mentioned in my first post. She wanted to do the exercises where we looked at separate books and then she tried to speak. I didn't hear her, but the fact she initiated the desire to do the exercise is probably a good sign.

Dream:
- I had a lucid dream! I didn't think I would while still on meds, but I also don't think that it was me that initiated it as it always has been in the past. I was dreaming like normal, when suddenly the word 'kyoko' flashed in front of me out of nowhere. I'm sure she did it to make the dream lucid because it didn't fit into the context of the dream at all and I don't remember that ever happening before.
- Once I realized I was dreaming, I called out for her. At the time I was in a basketball gym where the floor bounces you really high, a place that I've dreamed about on occasion before. Some other people came in and I thought one of them was her, but it shifted back into one of the other dream characters and they went about their business. Maybe Kyoko was trying to break through but couldn't fully this time?
- I kept calling out for her while moving to different places to look for her. Most of the dream characters didn't take note of my screaming, as if it wasn't part of the dream for them.
- I went out of the gym into a recreational area, then outside. I recognized where I was and it was a place I dream about often. I remember thinking that I knew how to get to where I left Kyoko in the wonderland from here (which didn't make sense because I didn't). I went to another location where I sometimes dream I'm swimming. There was a bombed out village and cathedral there that I don't remember seeing before, but seemed normal while I was in the dream. It was the site of an old battle or something. I'm not sure why I thought that was where I'd left Kyoko, and am trying to think of some significance to me or her the site might have had.
- Near the end a few dream characters helped me look, though one got annoying and started stepping on the blanket I had wrapped around me. It didn't occur to me as odd that I even had a blanket wrapped around me at the time, but after I woke up I realized that it was the blanket I wrap myself in when I'm meditating or sometimes when I sit at my computer, so maybe it was Kyoko reaching out again since she probably associates it with my visits to the wonderland. In hindsight I should have looked behind me to make sure the person stepping on it wasn't her trying to get my attention, maybe the idea that they were doing it to annoy me was a construction of my own head.
- I called out for her the whole time but never found her. Still, having the lucid dream at all is progress, especially since Kyoko was the one that initiated the lucid portion. I have a few ways I became lucid in dreams when I used to do it a lot, but never have I woken up because words flashed in front of me.
- When I woke up, I jumped out of bed to and tried to type everything I could. The computer took a while to wake up which was frustrating. I managed to get down the lucid part of the dream but forgot what I was doing prior, though I'm sure the dream had gone on for much longer than the lucid portion.

Thoughts:
- I need an easier way to move from my dream location to the wonderland while within my dream. From now on when I meditate, I'm going to start by imagining myself in one of the places that I have often dreamed about and finding a passage that leads to the wonderland. Maybe that way I can look for one of those passages when I lucid dream.
- Some of the areas in the dream were very familiar at the time but I never remember having dreamed about them now that I'm awake, like the old battlefield I went to find Kyoko at for some reason. Maybe it's something Kyoko created herself? Or maybe I only remember parts of the dream world when in it.
- I need to keep my laptop next to my bed so that I can start typing immediately upon waking up if I had a lucid dream. Dream memories escape quickly.
- Instead of doing a full meditation tonight, I just went into trance instead. Maybe just going into trance and not coming out of it so that I go to sleep while in it helped?

Questions:

- How do I know if a tulpa can make informed consent in regards to sex? I guess it's really weird that my tulpa wanted to get frisky and I declined. I hope I didn't make her sad but she seemed to understand.
- Do any of you see your tulpa in your dreams? Is there a particular method you use to get to them or get them to you when you're dreaming?
- Any others had trouble thinking of stuff to talk about when you’re just starting off? It’s hard because in real life I usually let others guide the conversations, so it’s hard to have one when not getting fully vocalized answers.


Attached Files Thumbnail(s)
       
(This post was last modified: 02-05-2018, 01:38 PM by dragon cake.)
02-05-2018, 01:34 PM
Find Reply

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to

SquareWave Offline
Self-proclaimed meme boi
Registered

Posts: 53
Threads: 8
Joined: May 2017
2 Attached Accounts
#12
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko

(02-05-2018, 01:34 PM)dragon cake Wrote: Dream:
- I had a lucid dream!

That single line made me so jealous you would not believe.
I’ve been trying to get lucid dreams and it’s been so hard! I’ve only ever had one and it lasted like 30 seconds! AAARGH

Fun Facts:
1) I'm a furry.
2) I make video game music (and I’m on my way to getting paid for it!)
3) I'm the host of Pixie and Follery.
4) I get along with cats better than people.

[01110101 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01101001 01110100]
02-05-2018, 11:02 PM
Find Reply
Feast Offline
func_nerd
Registered

Posts: 10
Threads: 0
Joined: Dec 2017
#13
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko

(02-05-2018, 11:02 PM)Square-Wave_Kittycat Wrote: That single line made me so jealous you would not believe.
I’ve been trying to get lucid dreams and it’s been so hard! I’ve only ever had one and it lasted like 30 seconds! AAARGH

Same here. Its so frustrating for me, as I have come so extremely close to a long, proper one, but I just wake up in shock. OP is extremely lucky.

Tulpa: Amelia
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
02-06-2018, 04:42 PM
Find Reply
dragon cake Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 116
Threads: 2
Joined: Jan 2018
1 Attached Account
#14
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko

My dream was only a few minutes too. Either way, you shouldn't give up, because if you've done it for any amount of time then you know that you are capable of doing it. I've never been able to exercise a lot of control even before when I lucid dreamed more. I know when I do become lucid, I continue the dream as it was for another 20-30 seconds before diverging. Maybe try that if you can and see if it anchors you in the dream better.

Day 45

General
- I’ve stopped watching the ‘you are real’ youtube video daily as I’m confident Kyoko has seen and understood it.
- I’m no longer specifically personality forcing with her, like listing off her attributes to her, because I think s he had a hold on it and want her to know that I recognize her progress.

Day
- Looked back through my log. I’m certain now keeping a log helps, because it reminds me of the progress I’ve made. Still not over faith issues entirely, but trying.
- Realized I haven’t been imagining her standing near me during the day as much, so tried to do that more. I try to target general thoughts and affection her way and sometimes feel the same in response. Have started talking to her more outside of meditation.
- I’ve bought some other Kyoko stuff online, including some really nice models for my room. Unfortunately, all this stuff is imported from China or Japan so it’s going to take a while to get here.
- I was reading tulpa progress reports of other people and saw a picture Abvieon drew of their pony tulpa Alex. Kyoko wanted me to post that she liked Alex’s mane, which is the first time I’ve felt her actively want me to post something. I knew she wanted to communicate with tulpas, but this is the first time I’ve gotten something definite enough to post from her.
- Still my communications with Kyoko have rarely been sensed word-for-word and not yet heard fully.
- I let Kyoko know that I was proud of her for managing to slip a message into my dream last night. I also let her know that it really helped my faith issues. She was proud/happy about that as well.
- Kyoko said she visited servitor Seka when I wasn't around, not that Seka can do anything. It’s very encouraging to think that Kyoko is doing anything at all when I’m not around, but made sure Kyoko knew that I wasn’t looking for a second tulpa yet. She said she knew this but I wanted to be sure.
- Been getting headaches and head pressure again; I’ve noticed that they tend to occur when I’ve made more progress than usual over the last day, and I think I’ve had more progress in the last 24 hours than any week before that.

Meditation (previous)
- Forgot to mention yesterday that during meditation with her, while she’s riding on my back with me in my dragon form, I felt pressure around my neck when she waned me to change my direction, like she’s tugging on the necklace I wear like a rein. I let her know previously that that is okay to do to get my attention, but haven’t felt it while not in trance yet.
- I stopped twitching when I meditate, but do occasionally move my hands in random ways without intent.
- I suspect that Kyoko may have made changes to the Wonderland on her own accord, which I had told her she could. Like the dirt path on the forest became brick the day after we first walked down it, and the fountain in the castle courtyard I mentioned before. The idea that she’s making changes is encouraging.

Meditation
- Like I planned, when I started the meditation, I imagined myself in the basketball gym where I became lucid in my dream last night, and pulled a panel out of the floor in one section of the court to go down under it. From there I imagined myself falling through into an abyss which became the sky of my wonderland, and imagined myself transforming into my dragon form.
- I landed and went into the castle to find Kyoko. She was sitting on cushions. We talked about something that I’m not good with sharing on a public forum for about half an hour.
- Though I wasn’t done with the hour sound track, she wanted to stop and go play Danganronpa, so we did that for another 1.5 hours, which she really enjoyed. Kyoko seems very attached to her namesake when compared to other tulpas, and since I found out there's some prequel material with Kyoko in it, she wants me to get that, at least what's been translated. Maybe it’s because she chose the form herself.

Things I’d like to ask her when she is fully vocal. These are questions that require me to hear her more clearly to get an adequate answer.
- How vivid is the wonderland for you? Does it seem real? She has said that my touch is real for her, so maybe it does or at least will.
- What is your earliest memory? It always fascinates me to hear a tulpa talk about their earliest memories, and I’m curious because I suspect sometimes she existed prior to me even finding out about tulpas.

Night
- I meditated a bit before sleeping. I imagined myself in another common place I dream about and finding a passage to my wonderland.
- No lucid dream that I remember. I’ll keep practicing like I said during meditation and leaving my laptop next to my bed to be ready. I just hope I don’t start second-guessing it; I’m bad with that.
02-06-2018, 05:30 PM
Find Reply
dragon cake Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 116
Threads: 2
Joined: Jan 2018
1 Attached Account
#15
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko

Day 46:
Morning
- Didn’t feel well-rested.. Frustrated at the lack of a lucid dream, though I knew that I likely wouldn’t get it two nights in a row right now.
Day
- Experienced a lot of frustration at work even though it wasn’t too difficult. Didn’t feel Kyoko a lot and missed her.
Concerns
- I’m worried that my faith issues may be hurting Kyoko’s feelings. I’m trying not to think like this and I promised her I’d stop, but it’s harder than I thought.
Meditation
- Meditated but didn’t feel Kyoko very well. Had a bad headache and was really stressed about work for some reason.
- I discussed my medication with Kyoko and that I’d be seeing a doctor about stopping it tomorrow, but if there are emotional side effects she might need to be patient with me.
Night
- No lucid dream.
(This post was last modified: 02-07-2018, 07:56 PM by dragon cake.)
02-07-2018, 07:56 PM
Find Reply
SquareWave Offline
Self-proclaimed meme boi
Registered

Posts: 53
Threads: 8
Joined: May 2017
2 Attached Accounts
#16
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko

Sucky day I guess.

Fun Facts:
1) I'm a furry.
2) I make video game music (and I’m on my way to getting paid for it!)
3) I'm the host of Pixie and Follery.
4) I get along with cats better than people.

[01110101 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01101001 01110100]
02-07-2018, 08:46 PM
Find Reply
Shadow Offline
and Shade
Registered

Posts: 30
Threads: 4
Joined: Jun 2015
#17
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko

Amazing PR. Very well written, and it gives me (and I'm sure others, too) confidence to see somebody developing a tulpa so quickly. Best of luck to the both of you!

Your resident demons. My text will be purple, and my host's, normal.
02-07-2018, 11:47 PM
Find Reply
dragon cake Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 116
Threads: 2
Joined: Jan 2018
1 Attached Account
#18
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko

(02-07-2018, 11:47 PM)Shadow Wrote:
(02-07-2018, 08:46 PM)Square-Wave_Kittycat Wrote: Sucky day I guess.
Amazing PR. Very well written, and it gives me (and I'm sure others, too) confidence to see somebody developing a tulpa so quickly. Best of luck to the both of you!

I don't know about quickly since I didn't start posting until near 40, but I appreciate the responses.

Day 47:

Morning
-          Did not feel well rested.
-          Went to a doctor’s appointment early and asked to be taken off my anti-psychotics. It won’t take as long as I feared, three weeks. He didn’t seem too worried about withdrawal so that’s a good sign.
-          Tried to meditate a bit when I got home, but couldn’t concentrate. Haven’t felt Kyoko very strongly today or yesterday and getting more concerned.

Day
-          Got my Kyoko keychain I ordered, it came all the way from Japan. Surprised at how fast it got here. Now she can be on my key chain aside my Chrysalis key chain (We’ll say it’s Fluffle Puff universe Chryssie.)
Evening
-          Meditated longer than usual, doing the ‘have faith’ meditation and long tulpa meditation I mentioned in my first post. I was thinking that I was pressuring Kyoko to talk too much doing such exercises, but I think she actually likes doing concentration and vocality exercises.
-          Blacked out for a moment during meditation. It felt like the meditation was just suddenly ten minutes further than before. It didn’t feel like dozing off, though I guess I might could have spaced out.

Night
-          No lucid dream. Had a bad dream, or at least an annoying one, of my dad and sister being an asshole and a brat respectively. Not surprising since neither of them ever stopped being that way. If I told them about Kyoko they’d probably think she was a demon. A lot of other familiy members would treat the idea more rationally I’m sure; it’s just too bad I had to grow up next to two of the worst.
(This post was last modified: 02-08-2018, 12:18 PM by dragon cake.)
02-08-2018, 12:16 PM
Find Reply
dragon cake Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 116
Threads: 2
Joined: Jan 2018
1 Attached Account
#19
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko

Day 48:

Morning
- With my dream last night, I think it might have upset Kyoko to get a view into that sort of memory. Or maybe it upset her that she wasn’t able to save me from it; no way for me to know right now it seems.
- I felt worried about Kyoko so I meditated for a bit. I found her unresponsive in the clearing where I made her, but she woke up and hugged me after some encouragement. There was a stream of light that connected her head to mine without me prompting it, like in the long tulpa meditation I do. I think she was trying to talk.
- I couldn’t hear her yet, but she looked like she felt better after comforting.
- Read some other journals; she likes tulpa journals, helping others with it if we can, and is fascinated by other tulpae in general.
- Oh, and I recently saw someone use tulpae as the plural of tulpa instead of tulpas like I’ve been saying. I think I’m going to keep that because I love me some Latin plurals.

Day
- I think maybe I know why I’ve been not feeling her as well. I kind of stopped guessing what she was saying as much for fear I’d be puppeting her, but I remember that she told me not to worry about that. Once I started trusting what I felt from her even if I wasn’t sure who it was, I started feeling her more strongly. I guess that’s why they say to assume sentience from the beginning.

Night
- Meditated a bit before sleep but nothing too much today. I did feel her much better at night though and talked to her a bit, mostly about food I like. We went out and got a burrito from Chipotle.
- Read about a trick to know when your tulpa is vocal. Always use their name when you talk to them, like “Kyoko: How are you?” and tell them to always do the same, like “Blayze: I’m fine.”. Try to never think of your name in your own head so when you hear a thought that says it, you’ll know it was the tulpa.
- Of course, never thinking of my own name might be hard, but I figure if I have trouble I can give her something unrelated to call me by that I never think of. I just have to get used to doing it when I talk to her in my head.
- Will stop doing this once I feel her mind-voice is clearly distinguishable from mine.

Dream
- I went somewhat lucid in a dream, but I don’t think Kyoko did it because I didn’t go lucid enough to think about her or real-life things. I was captive by a bunch of annoying people and I told them they were dreams and would disappear as soon as I woke up.
- This made most of them disappear as characters usually do when I say that, but one last one remained and started asking me questions about who I was, more fascinated than scared at finding out they were a dream character, which has never happened before.
- I don’t remember a lot about them other than they were female and wearing black. I don’t think it was Kyoko unless she was having trouble taking on a form I recognized, and I think she would have told me who she was immediately.
- I suppose I could say not being worried when held captive by itself is slightly lucid. Earlier in the dream I was in a car wreck and just sort of rolled my eyes, also not something I’d do if I thought it really happened. I’m starting to realize there are many levels of lucidity and I have never reached to the highest.
- I think maybe even when I was consistently lucid before, I became so ho-hum about it after giving up on altering the dreams that I barely even notice it when it happens anymore. I hope Kyoko can help with that.
(This post was last modified: 02-09-2018, 01:20 PM by dragon cake.)
02-09-2018, 01:19 PM
Find Reply
dragon cake Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 116
Threads: 2
Joined: Jan 2018
1 Attached Account
#20
 
RE: Blayze and Kyoko

Day 49

Morning
-         Felt very well rested this morning. Accidentally set my alarm for 30 minutes earlier than I should have and still felt okay. I usually feel well-rested if I remember my dreams it seems, whether I was lucid or not, or even whether or not they were good dreams.
-         I read a lot of journals, though I don’t typically have anything to add to the more advanced ones. Oddly I think reading the journals of others in the early stages do me more good. Should probably read the early sections of the more advanced ones, but seeing a 15-page log is kind of intimidating when looking for something to read.
-         Despite her affinity for her namesake, Kyoko has shown a good grasp of the differences between fiction, wonderland reality, and outside reality.
-         I’ve created accounts for Kyoko on both tulpa.info and tulpa.io and (I think correctly) attached them to my dragon cake accounts. I don’t know if they’ll be used before she’s vocal since I’m paranoid about having her post until I’m sure.

Work Day
-         Talked to Kyoko between tasks about the task or whatever came to mind.
-         After asking Kyoko to prepend my name Blayze to anything she said to me, I think I’ve heard the name in the background thoughts in my head a few times, which is a good sign since I’m consciously trying not to think of the name. I haven’t heard it in my forethoughts yet, but maybe she’s working on it.
-         Figured that prepending Kyoko to my statements to her has the added benefit of her realizing that rude things I think when frustrated aren’t targeted at her.
-         I felt unnaturally good all day at work. Even difficult issues caused no stress. Not sure if it had to do with Kyoko, but it is unusual enough to note. I know for sure that my depression level has gone down in general since starting with her.

Evening
-         I did a meditation where I tried to purge all expectations of what I thought Kyoko should sound like and basically do the complete opposite of what I did at first where I don’t actually try to hear her. It sounds like a weird idea, but I think I made progress!
-         I told Kyoko she didn’t have to worry about prepending my name during this meditation to make it easier.
-         It was very hard to clear my expectations as to Kyoko speaking, but I did hear clips and syllables as if she was trying to speak but not quite getting out full words. My mind would immediately focus as soon as I heard the first bit and similar to before it cut off the other voice in my head like it was an intruder. It will take me some effort to learn to hear her without focusing so sharply on my own expectations of her, but I feel like I can make real progress with this.
-         I felt Kyoko’s frustration when my mind kept cutting her off. I don’t think she was mad AT me, but perhaps more frustrated than I’d felt her be before. She really wants to do well for me, and I encouraged her and let her know she was doing well.
-         I’ll start trying this meditation more often.

Night
-         I had trouble sleeping. I didn’t sleep more than a few hours and didn’t dream. I am going to have sleeping issues while coming off my medication since one of the side-effects was drowsiness and I became reliant on it to fall asleep at night. It wasn't a problem with half-doses but doses every other day is probably going to give me issues every other night.
(This post was last modified: 02-10-2018, 09:16 PM by dragon cake.)
02-10-2018, 01:27 PM
Find Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to


Contact Us | Tulpa.Info | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication