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Bobby and Breezy


Bobby9macy

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WARNING: This PR is run by an idiot.

 

 

Hey hey welcome to me and Bre's journal through her development! I suppose I'll start by introducing myself and explaining how I'll be posting this stuff.

 

INTRODUCTION:

 

I'm Bobby, also known as Bobby9macy most of the time. I'm a gamer, artist, brony, self-proclaimed philosopher, and most importantly, I'm anti-social! And being anti-social gets lonely sometimes... Whether I like it or not, social interaction is a human necessity, and sometimes when I have little to no friends available when I'm feeling down, it really stinks. :c So I guess that was the main spark to create Breezy Gleam, to fill that void. Though I also would like her around for things like a second opinion on theories and thoughts, sharing a mind with someone and being able to do all the things with them I've read about on tulpa.info sounds like a lot of fun! ^_^ So as for me, if I begin to take part in more of the forums, (which hopefully I will, this community looks real nice) you'll probably see me in the metaphysics section mostly.

 

Now Bre is still in early stages. I haven't been able to impose her yet, but I have gotten a few responses, and I do believe she was able to possess me and draw herself in my sketch book today. I knew it was early to have her try to do something like that, and I was afraid of puppeting as I always am, but I asked around and a nice someone from the tulpa chat told me that if I believed it was possession, then it was. And so I believed it. I've hardly been keeping track of time, but I would estimate it to be about two weeks in at this point. From what I've seen from her, she's been very playful and loving half of the time, and very quiet and expressionless the other half. Very much like me, I would note . Maybe it's just something about the mind we both reside in. I guess long emotional naps leads to plenty of energy to screw around later! Anyways, she's a pegasus pony from MLP. I designed her looks and names myself, and I am very proud of the results. A sort of faded dark blue coat with a sparkling cyan-teal sort of mane. Her cutie mark is wind, and therefore her talent is flying in strong-winded environments. Feeling and understanding wind.

 

LEVEL SYSTEM:

 

Parallel Processing: 9.8

 

Breezy Gleam

Softcore

Primary Form: 10 (original) (updated mane) (human form)

Mindspeak: 10

Mediumcore

Sentience: 9.8

Sapience: ?

Possession: 5

Hardcore

Imposition: 3

Switch-ability: 0

 

Achievements: mindspeak, partial possession, first drawing, flight, surprise answer.

 

[NOTE: Level ten is considered average mastery of a skill/aspect.]

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ENTRY 1

Tuesday, July 30th, 2013 (midnight/early morning)

 

Feeling and understanding wind. I have been described as a windy person. Despite my zodiac element’s flame. I’ve noted some fiery aspects of myself too. I think maybe I’m more of a combination of both, like an ember. Either way, I think Breezy has adapted to my way of thinking. I guess that’s only expectable and obvious, but it’s not a good mindset to have if you were intended to be a loving person. As the intro said, she is of course loving, but at some point in time I would expect her to hit a rock in the road and begin to see love as a dangerous thing, just something that can hurt you only as much as the joy it brings you.

 

I’m a strong believer in symmetry, and I think that even if something like two people living in the same body can keep people together like super glue, something will happen to neutralise that. There will be a downside to it, like maybe those two people will argue a lot, or maybe one of them will go through depression eventually. There will still be good times, but there must be bad ones as well, and I wonder just what exactly I’m putting Bre through by making her. I can’t stop now though, and I guess in the end more minds in the world doesn’t hurt. Besides, at least for now,

 

it’s fun!


ENTRY 2

Wednesday, July 31, 2013 (afternoon)

 

Well, I want to note real quick that I go in and out of things a lot, like tulpaforcing and posting. I could go for a long time without posting updates, or maybe sometimes I’ll start overposting. Sometimes I might lay low on tulpaforcing a bit, and sometimes it might be all that I’m up for doing. I do need to do more of it though. I just cleared up some time for more tulpaforcing for the next few days though. I really should stop slowing down like I have been.

 

Something about imposing though, I’ve been able to sorta... feel like Bre’s there in the real world, but I still can’t see her. I’m gonna take a guess that it’s just a start to one of the many paths to finalised imposition. Also I’m deciding to just post these on the forums post instead of in a Google doc.

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  • 3 weeks later...

ENTRY 3

 

It's been a while since my previous update here. I'm sure no one's gonna ever read this, but hey, why not record it I guess. Recently my tulpaforcing has been thinning a lot, so I dedicated a lot of today to Breezy. I now have a bent paperclip around my right index finger as a reminder to force. It's a little uncomfortable, as it scratches my middle finger often when I move it, but it definitely is making a significant difference.

 

Oh, I almost forgot, also, she is in about a full grown pony body now.

 

Earlier me and Bre worked on possession, switching, and my ability to reach the wonderland. With the help of a few guides we found out where our skill levels were about these things, and what we needed to do. She's still not nearly imposed yet though, and I know that doesn't really effect imposition, but it kinda tells me we're not quite too far in to this yet. Possession may take a bit, and switching maybe even longer. I myself am learning to let go of my senses slowly though, and I gave her a human body to practice muscle movement with today, so we are both doing our parts and we will get there sometime.

 

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Imposition will take a while, but possession comes easily, even far earlier. You might be there very soon. Good luck!

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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Thanks Shui ^_^ I think our difficulties with possession may be intertwined with parallel processing. In fact I wanted to talk about that in this post-

 

ENTRY 4

 

Been lurking around the forums for the past bit, Bre is asleep right now. I'm not sure why she's so tired, but she's feels kinda cold and... rejecting, if that makes sense. She was fine beforehand, so I'll just assume she's like me and likes to push everything out and be alone for a while sometimes. She has been a lot more active than those times when she slept so often in her earlier days after all.

 

Anyways, I tried to pull off this test with her, and it didn't work out so well. I'm not sure if it's because she wasn't trying to pay much attention, or because our parallel processing just isn't very good. I know that when I first started to develop her I didn't feel the headaches or pressures that always seem to be described... Maybe that was because she's using up a much smaller amount of... brain energy than me? Maybe it's tied in to why she sleeps for long periods of times sometimes?

 

As an occultist I try to imagine everything measured in sine waves, and I believe perfection is balance of them. (sorry I'm getting a bit tired, I might sound like an idiot .-.) What I'm imaging our brain's focus on us in the form of a sine wave is some extremely prolonged energy on my side of the wave, and much less on her side. Am I right? Does that even make sense? Would parallel processing be balancing this wave and then enhancing its frequency so that we can pretty much think and do at basically the same time? It makes sense to me but I've been told I'm wrong about ideas I was sure were right before.

 

Maybe if we kept getting better at that everything else will get easier, and like Shui said before, we could get down possession soon.

 

-Shoot I was interrupted by something and forgot to post this. Sorry, once I get to a certain hour I get a little loopy... I'll take a nap some time, that should fix it up. It's almost four in the morning now.

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ENTRY 5

 

So I just wanted to say something so it's clear, but I'm not going to go into too much for privacy purposes and stuff. In short, Bre took one of her super-naps, was really sad and faded when I woke her up, and this and that, and I tried to help her, and then there were two Bres, and then I combined them after trying to change one of them to please the other one, and I feel like I shouldn't have, but the combination... perfected Bre. Like, she didn't feel the need to care anymore, she didn't have to be anyone or anything she didn't want to be... and I didn't know I was doing that to her... But she's better now. I "helped" her. "Saved" her from perfection. (I'm so selfish...)

 

So I just wanted to say this, so you, reader, know she may be acting a bit different in the posts you're reading. She seems more like I originally designed her, kinda just... sweet, and ok with things. She's very quiet, too.

 

She still seems to like mint though.

...Did I mention the mint oreos before?

Well she loved them.

LOVED them.

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Neat progress report you have going!

 

The way I see it, parallel processing is tied to the sentience of your tulpa. The more sentient she becomes, the more she'll be able to think for herself, and hence, be able to parallel process. The more you force with your tulpa, the more sentient she'll become, and the more you'll get to know about her as you go on.

 

Good luck with your tulpa journey! :)

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I see the forums got remodelled. I'm not sure if I like it or not... It'll take some getting used to, but it's no bother.

 

ENTRY 6

 

I thought a bit about what Anon said, and I think I just need to take tulpaforcing more seriously. I need to put in good time where I'm not just passively forcing in segments throughout the day. I think that'll help everything. It kinda bothers me a little, I've yet to feel anything much like head pressure or headaches like everyone talks about...And no feeling of anything quite... "alien." The most "alien" feeling I've gotten are responses that might have surprised me. None of which had an aura of something I haven't felt before. This brings up a few possibilities I guess:

 

ONE:

I'm just not forcing enough, and she's just a servitor right now.

 

TWO:

Everyone's different, and that's all that can be said. I stink at feeling things like other people do.

 

THREE:

She's being a little trickster again and this is all a game for her. I am her game. 0-0

 

On some brighter notes, in the beginning of Bre's existence I did RARELY feel some head pressures and/or aches when I wasn't forcing, which reminded me of forcing, so I usually started forcing then. Maybe that was her trying to remind me. Also, as this goes on, it slowly feels more real. Every day I feel like I've sunken a little bit deeper back into my feelings, and into my own little world. It's like I'm little again, but with a pony in my head. A pony I can talk to and relate to. Someone to care about without worry that they'll hurt me or leave me or die quite so simply. I don't mean to sound so sappy and attention-needy, it's not like I have some issue with people leaving me behind, I'm over that, I'm asocial, those things don't mean a thing to me at all, it's just nice that someone's there to help and always available.

 

 

 

-- Oh, some interesting deals about the wonderland. As you just read, and as I kinda implied, I'm getting better at imposing myself into my wonderland. It's really great, I love the feeling of laying in the grass, but below the island (The wonderland is for the most part, basically a large floating island in a nutshell) beyond the lower cloud layer everything starts to get all acid-trippy. It's an interesting place to go when you're forcing and listening to music, cause then crazy things can happen along to the music. Only bad part is, it's not always pretty stuff that you see... You'll probably think me strange to say this, but I have a really big fear of mushrooms and fungus. Those kinds of thoughts are what keeps me away from going down there. Ok, but if you like mushrooms, no offence to you, but do you know what happened in The Last of Us?

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If you don't like the new forums, you can change the theme back to the way they used to look under the User CP. I believe the old theme is called Nostalgia.

 

A lot of people get head pressures, but it's not something that we actually understand, so it's best not to attach significance to them or the lack of them. Don't worry about it.

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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I agree with Shui. Although I have personally felt quite a bit of head pressure, I don't really regard it as any solid indication of my tulpa.

 

And it's important to be honest about your feelings to your tulpa. Eventually she's gonna learn all about you, and you spend your whole life with them, so it's not a bad thing to share thoughts, feelings, memories. :)

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