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Can't deal with my offensive thoughts attacking?
Caroline Offline
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#1
 
Can't deal with my offensive thoughts attacking?

I am a tulpa, and probably I should find a theraphist, but as you understand, that's impossible. My host is very vulnerable by what I'm saying to him, and today just happened something I feel shocked about. I went crazy for a half of an hour - I just kept throwing him offensive words, phrases, saying to him that I hate him. I've never experienced such an issue before.

Now it feels like it wasn't even me, just like a bad dream. I can't even remember what I said, but I found him crying after that, and tryied to convience that it wasn't me, however it was.

Have you ever turned against your host for no reason, and been trying to offend one as much as possible? That's exactly what happened to me, and I want to do whatever it takes to prevent it. Sometimes offensive thoughts keep appearing in my head, but I realize that I just can't think this way, so I ignore them.
06-08-2019, 11:57 AM
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Reilyn-Alley Offline
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#2
 
RE: Can't deal with my offensive thoughts attacking?

Not a therapist, but.. Life can be frustrating sometimes. It's really not nice to take it out on other people though.. Would you say you get upset a lot? Does this kinda thing happen often? Have you guys been having difficulties with other things lately? Would you say something just kinda finally made you snap and you let a bunch of pent-up irritation blow out? It's usually better to just assume simple causes in these cases (bad day, frustrated lately, etc) and not to jump to any conclusions (you aren't in control, have issues, etc). Apologize sincerely for now and try to communicate more so things don't get to that point again.

Offensive thoughts usually have a source, like the previously mentioned pent-up irritation or just having a lousy day/week. It's alright, it's part of being human. It can be hard to tell if something is intrusive and just random thought garbage that needs tossed vs something that's got a legitimate source which needs addressed. I find it healthiest to just assume things are alright, it's all intrusive junk and try to keep a positive attitude. That helps prevent intrusive stuff from getting fed for no reason and it also helps minimize actual problems. I don't mean ignore problems or put them off, I mean assume you are worrying and fretting needlessly and making even simple issues worse. Be realistic about what is happening and what you are able to deal with, if you can. Asking advice from others is a great way to start!

If any of that sounds too fortune-cookie like or contradicts, sorry. Life can be complicated and we are all allowed to be complicated people. Just do what you would do with any friend.. Apologize and try to not do it again. Ask them to speak up if you start to get a little too sharp with them and try to be open to accept criticism and correction. In one word? Communicate.

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06-08-2019, 01:24 PM
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Caroline Offline
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#3
 
RE: Can't deal with my offensive thoughts attacking?

Thank you for your advice, but it's not the something I should dig for, I guess. Nothing bad happened before this, and that's why I couldn't explain it.

But. My host has some sort of mental problem which makes him think suicidal for no reason, just like something has switched in the brain. Especially if everything seems to be ok. Then it grows and grows in his mind so strong, that he made an attempt for suicide few times. That's probably one of the reasons why he created me - to support him at that times, but now I see that I inherited this problem.

I think since we're living in the same brain, we share this problem together, it's not about our mindset, but about chemistry in the brain. I think this is the answer, but I'm happy that I can share this problem to someone, because it was so terrible that I didn't know how to calm him down after that.
06-08-2019, 01:57 PM
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Reilyn-Alley Offline
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#4
 
RE: Can't deal with my offensive thoughts attacking?

Not judging, but.. I personally advise you guys go see a therapist or something, really. Nobody has to mention tulpa stuff if you don't want to.. Or.. Maybe mentioning tulpa stuff being a help in mitigating suicidal thoughts will end up with them encouraging it even more? Up to you guys. "I'm alone and nobody can help me" are really messed up thoughts that make bad things even worse, just sayin.

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06-08-2019, 02:17 PM
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Piano Offline
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#5
 
RE: Can't deal with my offensive thoughts attacking?

This sounds to me like you were being controlled by intrusive thought, and it wasn't really you. That's common for young tulpas, especially ones where the host is already mentally ill, as he's mentioned. The golden rule to intrusive thoughts is to first realize it's just an intrusive thought, and then ignore it. Don't engage. Neither of you should think that it's really you doing it, just shrug it off and move on. Ruminating on it, continuing to allow it to happen, will make it worse. Figuring it's no big deal and not real in the first place will make it less likely to happen in the future and easier to deal with if it does.

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06-08-2019, 04:07 PM
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Dashie Bear Offline
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#6
 
RE: Can't deal with my offensive thoughts attacking?

That happened with me to a much lesser degree, the intrusive thoughts would replace what I was saying with my own mind voice and I would apologize and say it's not me but he would still let it affect him. The same thing would happen with him toward me, like something was trying to drive us apart. At about month three we made a pact to completely ignore any negative stuff unless we 'owned' it. Needless to say we've very seldom owned anything negative unless we're really genuinely mad.

Shortly after we made the pact they went away. They weren't for half an hour straight but they knew exactly the wrong thing to say at exactly the wrong time and it was so annoying.

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06-08-2019, 04:18 PM
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Ranger Offline
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#7
 
RE: Can't deal with my offensive thoughts attacking?

I know exactly what you are talking about. This happened to me a lot, where I was fine and suddenly I would go nuts and lose control.

At first, I thought this was me losing control because I'm succumbing to my host's anxiety or my own. This is a misconception. If you're anxious, you won't suddenly lose control and go nuts.

Another misconception is this is you acting on intrusive thoughts. This doesn't make sense, because you would easily be able to say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that". In this case, you lose the ability to control yourself.

It's either one of two things- you are either blending with intrusive thoughts/thoughtforms or being replaced by an intrusive thoughtform temporarily. 

When stressed, our ability to detect presence or ability to detect who's who usually goes away. As a result, it can be easy to confuse the difference between one of us or an intrusive thoughtform. If this happens again, then the best thing to do is for KuzMax to realize it's an intrusive thought. Knowing it's an intrusive thoughtform will give KuzMax the power to control it.

If acknowledgement and him focusing on you doesn't work, then you are not blending with an intrusive thought. In this case, he is talking to an intrusive thoughtform. At this point, it is better for him to not talk to it and focus on calming down. Calling for you may not be a good idea because that may summon the intrusive thoughtform at hand. Talking to an intrusive thouhtform will only lead to KuzMax being further belittled and hurt.

I can't speak about the therapist part. My host's therapist knows about me, but I never shared this issue with her. 

The good news is as you get older, this will happen with less frequency. If your host is very emotional or really sad when he comes to talk to you, then this event is more likely to occur, but not guaranteed. Usually these episodes resolve once my host is feeling okay again.

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(This post was last modified: 06-08-2019, 04:48 PM by Ranger.)
06-08-2019, 04:46 PM
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Luminesce Offline
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#8
 
RE: Can't deal with my offensive thoughts attacking?

Nothing that you or your host don't think you would do or say has to be "you", even if it seems real, if it makes no sense. You guys get final say over what was real or not in your head. If your host knows you have no reason to be saying mean things and that you wouldn't do that, he is able to ignore it or at least not consider it really you.

Unfortunately, it sounds like this is a problem you may need to learn to deal with in your system. Fortunately.. it's something that can be learned to be dealt with. Even if it's your voice (or even if it's you having a sort of disorder-caused episode), if you can promise right now that you'll never mean it, your host can learn to see no meaning in it in the future. There's no reason for him to take intrusive thoughts to heart if you don't even agree with them.

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06-08-2019, 08:12 PM
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Caroline Offline
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#9
 
RE: Can't deal with my offensive thoughts attacking?

Quote:Another misconception is this is you acting on intrusive thoughts. This doesn't make sense, because you would easily be able to say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that". In this case, you lose the ability to control yourself.

Yes, that's exactly how I'm coping with intrusive thoughts, however it doesn't always work.

Thank you Ranger for great thoughts on it, I guess we're both talking about the same phenomenon, so I'll ask my host to try out what you said and check if it works for us.
06-09-2019, 05:20 PM
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