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ClianthaMiura Offline
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#11
 
RE: Me and T'Vani

14.04.2015

Oh what the heck, I'll try imposition with Nevira. If it doesn't work out or I get scared I'll stop. I'm too intrigued by the thought to pass this now that I could start practicing it. I'll be honing my visualization skills a lot, and trying to learn to impose sounds. I once managed to listen to a song that was playing in my mind like it was coming from outside of my head, though it was really quiet and it only worked in a bus that made a lot of background noise. So I guess I'll be practicing sounds in a bus, then.

A really short update but I know nobody likes to read long texts Big Grin Maybe I should start updating everyday so there wouldn't be as much of it.

Desmond - 21st April 2014 (Also has his own account)
L - 5th May 2014
Nevira - 14th December 2014
Misa - 5th December 2015
Progress report
Art thread
04-14-2015, 07:13 PM
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ClianthaMiura Offline
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#12
 
RE: Me and T'Vani

16.04.2015

Listened to 'Run to the hills' by Iron Maiden on repeat trying to learn the song perfectly from beginning to the end of first chorus, so that I could try practice imposing sounds with it. Also I noticed I've learned to sing in wonderland, which is something I haven't done before. I can feel what the movements of my mouth would feel like in real when I sing or speak in wonderland, which is pretty awesome. Also noticed that I can sing in whatever voice I want to, so I sang 'Nashtock is born' from Aina with the voice of the man who sings it on the album and confused my tulpas Big Grin

The day after listening to the song about four to six times I tried to hear it while sitting in the bus on the way home. I tried it on the way to school, too, but the bus driver was playing music too loud and it kept distracting me.
It's nice how you can pretty much listen to songs you know in your head. I could hear all the guitars, bass guitar, the drums and vocals just fine as a whole and vividly (if you can use that word in this case), but I had trouble "pushing" it out so that I could hear it like it was coming outside of my head. I could hear it like it was coming from the edges of my mind (kind of, it's hard to explain Big Grin), so that's progress, right? Maybe when I see how it works it'll be easier to try to impose Nevira's voice. That's why I'm practicing with the song.

I've been visualizing Nevira as much as I can as often as I remember. I've had some trouble remembering to do that because school is suddenly taking up more time than earlier, although now I'm just sitting there with nothing to do because I've already returned all my exercises. We're doing animation and I can't even draw with vectors, lol.
I'm keeping her on a leash again, as that's a way to impose too. I'm mixing it together with several other imposition tricks and guides on here and also just making up my own.

I'm trying to just slightly change Nevira's voice into a voice I'm already familiar with, as I also mentioned before, Ysolda from Skyrim along with many other characters such as Hroki, Camilla Valerius, the dark elf mage Brelyna and more. If and when I get it to resemble a bit more of that voice, I can start just listening to it and trying to "install" it on her so that it will be easier to hear her speak in wonderland and in my mind, and it will make it easier to hear her voice imposed.

Desmond - 21st April 2014 (Also has his own account)
L - 5th May 2014
Nevira - 14th December 2014
Misa - 5th December 2015
Progress report
Art thread
04-16-2015, 06:46 PM
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ClianthaMiura Offline
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#13
 
RE: Me and T'Vani

29.04.2015 - Day 373

Wow, I've been really inactive...

Anyways! Desmond is now 1 year old! Yaay. I was going to buy a small cake or something, but we ended up with Pringles chips and coke, but that's fine. I was really busy that day too, but Desmond was being surprisingly selfless and just told me that I shouldn't give all my free-time to my tulpas as I have "more important things" to do as well. So that day wasn't anything too special, which is kinda lame. First year together and all that Smile

I'm also turning 18 tomorrow, and I feel like shit because of it. People will start expecting different things from me, I will have to start taking more responsibility. People will expect me to know things I've never been told about because I'm "an adult"... Driving lessons aren't helping. I'm just scared. Sad

Imposition with Nevira is progressing slowly. She's in a leash, but thanks to all the things I have to do now it's hard to concentrate on her.

So a really short update, but an update anyways. Just so that you (doubt nobody really reads this though) know they're not dead.

Desmond - 21st April 2014 (Also has his own account)
L - 5th May 2014
Nevira - 14th December 2014
Misa - 5th December 2015
Progress report
Art thread
04-29-2015, 07:20 PM
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ClianthaMiura Offline
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#14
 
RE: Me and T'Vani

08.07.2015 - Day 444

Even more inactivity Big Grin I suck, haha...

Tulpas are still with me, nothing has changed, despite not being really active with them. They talk with me and others in chat quite regularly, and I still learn more things about them all the time. Like now, I've recently discovered that L, always calm and sunny, likes Vodka. That, and he has the habit of stuffing all the candy he can fit in his mouth at once. Also that Nevira is disgusted by this.

Lots of things have kept me busy, moving out of my mom's house is one of the biggest things. If everything goes as planned, I'm moving 1st of August. I'm really excited, but a little scared too.

I got my driver's licence, and I'm getting glasses too, soon... Turns out I can't see the signs by the road very well. Good thing I noticed before crashing into anything, heh. Anyways...

I don't really have much to say, even with the huge time gap. I just thought I should let everyone know that I'm not dead.

Desmond - 21st April 2014 (Also has his own account)
L - 5th May 2014
Nevira - 14th December 2014
Misa - 5th December 2015
Progress report
Art thread
07-07-2015, 09:41 PM
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ClianthaMiura Offline
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#15
 
RE: Me and T'Vani

08.12.2015 - Day 597

Wooooah what is this time gap?? I completely forgot that this site even existed ^^" I've been gone for months, lots of stuff has happened and I'm too lazy to write everything down so I'll just get right to the point!

Desmond and L, also Nevira, are all pretty much stable now, despite my inability to bring myself to force any of them actively, they've stayed in their current state. I can talk to them just fine, more easily if it's one of them who initiates the conversation instead of me. I can access wonderland fairly easily too, and it has remained the same.

An accidental tulpa happened, partly my fault because I didn't chase her away when she first appeared, but allowed her to develop in the background and I now have a fourth tulpa, second female named Misa. Some time later after I had "officially" taken her in as my tulpa, she appeared to take a form of a dryad. So that's what she is, then.
I've done some forcing on her, appearance mostly. I like to see what I'm forcing before getting into personality and such... She's around 17 years old, short and slender. Her hair is messy and has small branches and leaves stuck in it. She has no actual clothes, her breasts are covered by her hair and the lower body is covered with vine-like material that appears to be part of her body, somewhat resembling pants. Her eyes glow yellow and she has no pupils. I don't know if she has ears or not, because they're hidden under her hair. Chances are she doesn't.

Well, that's what my fourth (and hopefully last) tulpa is like so far. Got an update on L, also:
He lacks a right eye completely. The missing eye is always hidden under his hair, but it was recently revealed that in its place there's just scar tissue that looks like it was burned. He also has long cut-like scars all over his torso, but he tells us not to worry; they're not caused by an injury. It appears that these scars just grow onto his body every now and then, or so he says. He can't explain why, but it just happens. Guess that's fine *shrug*.

Short update. Already wrote a novel on a different place about these guys before remembering this site, and I'm just simply too lazy to write it all again in a different language... So yeah, I apologize.

Desmond - 21st April 2014 (Also has his own account)
L - 5th May 2014
Nevira - 14th December 2014
Misa - 5th December 2015
Progress report
Art thread
12-08-2015, 12:58 AM
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ClianthaMiura Offline
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#16
 
RE: Me and T'Vani

13.5.2016 - Day 754

Time gap <3

Anyways I decided it was about time I finally wrote something on here, as I've been more active on the Finnish forums as of late. I don't know what to write, though. It feels dumb having to write the same things in two different languages and I'm not really excited about doing so :I So I'll keep this short again..

I've finally started to get more excited about tulpas and tulpaforcing again, and I'm currently actively practicing visualization for all tulpas and possession and possibly later switching for Desmond as well. I'd like to say it's going well but I'm not really sure. I am hopeful though and eager to see where it goes. Desmond has been begging for ages that I start with possession again so that he can play video games with another host that I play with sometimes. Big Grin

Nevira's appearance has been changing a lot recently but I think she's finally settling down. She started to resemble an Asari named Samara from Mass Effect 2 and 3, only younger and with more feminine features (I guess). I quickly edited a picture of Samara into Nevira earlier today, original vs Nevira:

[Image: 2q1t6ok.jpg] ------> [Image: 2w3t4xy.jpg]

So that's pretty much how she looks nowadays and I'll be using that picture for reference when I'm forcing her. The chin in the latter pic is slightly off, but it was a quick edit on a paint tool anyway, so.. Big Grin

Might as well post pictures of all of the tulpas' current looks. The "better" one I did of Desmond turned out to be worse, so I'm posting a sketchy one I drew to battle artblock:

[Image: 1yk45g.jpg]

And then, the newcomer dryad Misa in her summer appearance (it changes with seasons) and L with the same look he's had for the past 2 years :'D (except having changed wolf ears into elf ears at some point).

[Image: 4sy7og.png] [Image: 2zyxwts.png]

So I guess that's about all I have to say for now. Don't know when I'll be updating again but meh, anyways.

Desmond - 21st April 2014 (Also has his own account)
L - 5th May 2014
Nevira - 14th December 2014
Misa - 5th December 2015
Progress report
Art thread
05-13-2016, 07:49 PM
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ClianthaMiura Offline
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#17
 
RE: Me and T'Vani

6.10.2016 -  Day 900

Time gap... </3

I'm thinking that I should become more active on this forum since the Finnish one is quickly dying out with only few older tulpamancers popping by every now and then and otherwise it's dead silent. The thing is though, that the Finnish community seems to have a slightly different take on tulpae than this one, so I'm worried that how I feel about them might be strange to people on here and that I will be judged because of that. Or maybe it's not actually that different, but there are no scientific topics on the Finnish one at all, and people don't really wonder about how or why tulpas exist. The users there are all quite young, though, myself included (turning 20 next April and I'm one of the oldest there). But in any case, I hope that I can still fit in here even though I never think about my tulpa's existence any further than realizing that they do indeed exist in my brain.

I haven't been on here for so long that I feel the need to write a lot of stuff on this one post. It's been almost 5 months.

First of the things that I want to mention is that Desmond and L got married. I now have a married gay couple in my head and I couldn't be happier about it I swear to god xD I mean they've been together for over 2 years, almost all of their existence even. I don't think there's half a year of time that they both existed and weren't lovers. But it all feels so complete now that they've taken it further. At first Desmond was fighting it tooth and nail but eventually he became comfortable with the idea and now they have matching rings and it's adorable as hell. He's still reluctant to use the word 'husband' or anything related to the word 'love' in public because he finds it embarrassing. But L, being the big romantic softy he is, is more than happy to do so. I love them ♥

Desmond and I have finally managed to do a whole body possession. He can do pretty much anything with ease, but only when he's truly possessing everything. Just using my hand for example leaves him really clumsy. I mean he's not really great at drawing or writing even with full body possession, but it still works better that way Big Grin He talks through my body as well, but is way too shy to do that in public. I met with some other tulpamancers and had him possess my body, but he ended up staying mostly quiet and not revealing himself as Desmond instead of me, so that didn't really work xD He speaks with a much lower tone than I do, or at least it sounds much lower to my ears. After a while of speaking his voice makes my throat sore so there's definitely some difference. Once he managed to sing higher than my range usually goes and my voice was really hoarse for hours afterwards. I don't know why but it is easier for him to reach the higher notes than it is for me. He's been playing some Fallout 3 and Mass Effect (finally xD) through possession as well, but his attention span is really short and he usually just ends up messing around in the game shooting random objects or following random npc's around. 

I have finally found Desmond's and L's voices. Desmond's singing voice sounds like Caleb Hyles in some songs, such as his cover of Dragonborn Comes, and his speaking voice sounds like how he sings in his Portal - Still Alive cover.

L's voice is like a slightly higher and way way softer version of Markiplier's quiet voice.


I suddenly forgot the rest of what I was supposed to write here but I think I got the most important ones. I'll try be more active here from this day on!

Desmond - 21st April 2014 (Also has his own account)
L - 5th May 2014
Nevira - 14th December 2014
Misa - 5th December 2015
Progress report
Art thread
10-06-2016, 03:48 PM
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ClianthaMiura Offline
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#18
 
RE: Me and T'Vani

08.10.2016 - Day 902

I had this problem with Desmond for quite some time where he would just sleep all the time. It actually drove me to ask help for it on here because I didn't know what could be the cause and how I could make him back to himself. Thanks to the people who replied there I realized that it's got to do with depression and the fears and anxiety that my tulpa is going through, and I even received some tips on how to help him with it.
I talked to him about the subject a couple of times, going through all that's on his mind, and then just generally spent more time with him, taking naps together and letting him possess me while I was out getting groceries. He was miserable earlier today when I woke up, but his mood has improved a lot from there and he seems to be okay, at least for now. I can't say how it's going to be tomorrow but I'm hoping that by doing what I did to get him cheer up today I'll be able to help him get back to his normal self. He doesn't push me or L away when we go talk to him about things, which is good.

Feeling cheerful as he was this evening he decided to teach L to walz. Goddamn it I love those two.

Desmond - 21st April 2014 (Also has his own account)
L - 5th May 2014
Nevira - 14th December 2014
Misa - 5th December 2015
Progress report
Art thread
10-08-2016, 12:26 AM
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ClianthaMiura Offline
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#19
 
RE: Me and T'Vani

13.10.2016 - Day 907

I tried to get Desmond to write here today but I'm feeling really sick and he just outright refuses to experience that through my body. So yeah, apparently not happening.

I've been having moments of extreme loneliness and I keep realizing that the people I call friends are hardly friends at all, they do stuff together but they never ever even ask if I want to go somewhere with them. It's been that way for a year or so I think. I just accepted it, thinking that they were thinking about my best or some shit like that, since I don't like crowds and alcohol just absolutely disgusts me, and the places they went and stuff they did were usually including one or the other. I still saw them at school and talked to them there. Now I don't see them there anymore, hardly ever, because we're not in same classes. I haven't properly talked to any of them for months, and it appears that they've completely forgotten that I even exist. For a while they asked me to drive them to places but I wasn't involved or even asked to be a part of what they were doing. Nowadays I'm not even driving them anywhere. I'm not asked to. And probably the worst part is that I have no idea what I did wrong. Since they're staying together and I'm the only one pushed out of the crew and abandoned it must be my fault. The only people I have left are a handful online acquaintances, tulpas and hosts alike, from the Finnish tulpa community that I'm scared to call my friends because I doubt they feel the same. They and my tulpas are the only people I ever talk to.
When the realization hits I get absolutely numb... The translator only gives me numb so I'll use that. I feel so empty, I can't process any thoughts and it's really hard for me to even move a muscle for a while. I just sit and stare at nothing. L has been doing his best to help me. He keeps me company when I get feelings like that, like right now. He interrupts me when I start thinking about those kinds of things and gives me hugs and the feeling of closure that I'm missing, he makes sure I know he's there for me. I have no words to describe how much his calmness and comforting tone really help and how much I appreciate that he even bothers. He's assuring me it's obvious for him to act like he is in these situations because he cares about me. I'm not saying that the other tulpas don't try to help, though Misa is never around to see these moments and I doubt she's fully aware of them. Desmond gets upset and worried but he doesn't know what to do, so he either flees the scene and leaves it to L to make it better or stays around but doesn't move or speak. I understand both reactions perfectly, I don't feel bad if he chooses to hide instead of staying. Nevira acts in a way similar to L, but her comforting is more verbal; complimenting, reassuring and the like, while L clearly focuses more on the atmosphere and feelings, physical and mental. Even though the feeling of warmth I feel in my physical body when he hugs me is technically mental as well, but you get what I'm saying. Nevira is not around as often as L, which is also perfectly fine.

On the brighter side, being alone has made my forcing much more frequent given me quite the progress spike on tulpamancing. Which is amazing, to be honest. I wish that one day I could have all of them perfectly visualized in my head, and somewhat imposed.

Desmond - 21st April 2014 (Also has his own account)
L - 5th May 2014
Nevira - 14th December 2014
Misa - 5th December 2015
Progress report
Art thread
10-13-2016, 01:37 PM
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tulpa001 Offline
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#20
 
RE: Me and T'Vani

It is okay. You are a good person.

As my host would say, depression is characterised by unrealistic thoughts. What sort of thoughts are you thinking here? You cannot blame yourself for your friends' behaviour. They are just behaving like humans do.

You did nothing wrong.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
10-13-2016, 04:16 PM
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