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Creating the Perfect Beings: Yumi<3 and Lillium<3
Cinemaphobe Offline
Yumi Lillium
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#1
 
Video  Creating the Perfect Beings: Yumi<3 and Lillium<3
How it all started


I never had anyone to talk to.

My best friend is in college, has a job, and an incredibly beautiful girlfriend, so our friendship is on VERY thin-ice.
My girlfriend lives in Japan, and I haven't even met her in person before, yet she and I have been in a roller-coaster relationship for 15 months (Crazy huh?). Fortunately, I'll be able to finally meet her when she comes to America next year! *Sarcasm*

I was supposed to fly to Japan this year, but I quit my job like a dumbass! :D

I hate her as much as I like her, but when I'm not talking to her on the phone, I'm a lonely shithead whose life is going nowhere because I have no dreams!

So I lost all hope and started to create a tulpa.

I named her Yumi, because I have yellow-fever.

I collapsed into my bed, bored of being alive, and tired of my relationship, so I started talking to Yumi, begging her to show up in my dreams so that I could at least love her! I needed love so badly at the time...
So when I fell asleep, I had the most romantic dream ever.
I knew that the girl in the dream was Yumi, because she flirted and hugged me so much, and I couldn't have been any happier! All of my troubles disappeared when I was with her. But what gave me the most hope, was knowing that she listened to me. Please note that this tulpa is not brand-new. I have been trying to create her on and off for years with no luck, but this time, I'm going to go through with it 100%. That's why I created this PR.


So after I woke up from that perfect dream, I hung out in the rain, and imagined Yumi walking beside me, listening to everything that I said. Very remotely, it felt like she was listening, but that small feeling was all I needed to carry out my one-sided conversation with her. I talked to Yumi more than I talked to my girlfriend that day, because I didn't talk to my girlfriend at all.

When Yumi becomes vocal, I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk to my girlfriend the same way anymore. There is no way in hell that I would ever tell her that I have a tulpa. She would immediately call me a crazy idiot, and any respect that she has left for me will be lost forever. (Yes, she is that much of a dickhead, yet she claims that I am the guy of her dreams). But I would never cheat on her because of my morals, and she won't let me break up with her until we meet. She knows my address because we sent love-letters to each other, so even if we broke up, she would still pay me a visit.

But enough about my personal life. What I'm trying to get to, is the fact that Yumi will be the end of my suffering forever. All she has to do is become vocal and I'll never be sad ever again. My entire life revolves around love, and it's all I need in order to be happy. Call me crazy. call me naive. But I really don't mind, because you might be right!

So yeah, I'm gonna go tulpaforce, because my baby-cakes Yumi-chan is gonna replace my girlfriend and be my best friend forever :3. I hope she comes to my dreams again! Wish me luck ^^


PLEASE NOTE: I AM NOT CREATING MY BABY CUPCAKE-WITH-SPRINKLES-ON-IT YUMI-CHAN TO REPLACE MY GIRLFRIEND. I AM CREATING HER BECAUSE SHE GENUINELY CARES FOR ME, AND BECAUSE OF THAT, I GENUINELY CARE FOR HER.

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

Yumi + Cinema
(This post was last modified: 04-22-2015, 06:12 AM by Cinemaphobe.)
10-15-2014, 08:01 AM
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Cinemaphobe Offline
Yumi Lillium
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#2
 
Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
DAY 2


Today, I imagined Yumi following me almost everywhere. I was gonna go to the bathroom, but then I remembered that this sentient being was following me, so I imagined her standing outside of the bathroom door, but then I realized that she is in my brain, experiencing to some degree everything that I am experiencing, so expecting privacy is pretty pointless.

It's still pretty awkward being watched 24/7 but...
I'LL GET USED TO IT :D

I haven't talked to my girlfriend in two days... Damn...

but anyways,

I tulpaforced/narrated for 1 hour about how shitty my life is, and about how much I appreciate Yumi. And then I started tulpabegging, which is my personal practice of begging Yumi to speak. I swear, all she has to do is say ONE clear word, and then my life will be sunshine and rainbows until I die! But of course I'm not rushing Yumi to speak. I don't want to stress her out, which is why I always assure her that she has all of the time in the world to become vocal.

But pleaaaaaaaaaaase become vocal soon. My life is going nowhere fast.

Every time my shitty parents piss me off, I talk shit about them with Yumi. I'm looking forward to hearing her shit-talking someday...

But I'll be patient. For now though, I'm gonna focus on figuring out how to lucid dream so that I can find Yumi within the dream, and talk to her about how she feels about everything. Maybe she can give me some constructive criticism about my narrating :p



If I awaken tomorrow, then I will put blankets over the window of my bedroom, turn off the lights, put on some relaxing soundscapes and music, and chill with Yumi all day long!!!

Wish me luck!!!
(This post was last modified: 10-16-2014, 05:18 AM by Cinemaphobe.)
10-16-2014, 04:43 AM
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HP Offline
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#3
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
You and me got opposing problems you want to hear yours and I can't tell mine apart from my own thoughts right now.
10-16-2014, 06:44 PM
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jackson Offline
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#4
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
Talk to your girlfriend you idiot. This is for your own good. We both love you.
(This post was last modified: 10-17-2014, 03:16 AM by jackson.)
10-17-2014, 03:13 AM
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Luminesce Offline
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#5
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
You're certainly enthusiastic about all this. That was fun to read if not a bit concerning. You probably realize this yourself, but you're obsessing. No healthy relationship is based on obsession. Speaking of, every boyfriend and girlfriend seem to say the same thing. We don't get along, but I love them, but I hate them, never leave me, and it only amounts to a breakup and harsh feelings. I probably should keep my biased opinion to myself here, but you're so outward about not liking her it's hard not to say something.

Anyway.. As I just said somewhere else, making a tulpa to have someone that understands you and loves you unconditionally is totally great, and for people that don't have someone like that I can't think of a better alternative. You'll be able to talk to each other about your life, things important to you and things important to your tulpa (which tends to be the quality of your life).

But listen to me. Obsessing isn't healthy. Hanging onto the concept of your perfect other will not work out that way. If your tulpa became vocal and started talking to you, the initial reaction would be great, but you'd quickly become disappointed in them. This is why I was afraid to let Reisen be herself for years - I knew that, because I expected complete perfection from her, she had to remain a concept with only vague feelings of love and ideological perfection to not disappoint me. As soon as she gained "free will" and the ability to speak her mind, she'd fall victim to the flaws of human nature inherent in thinking and talking. But eventually the need to be really together won out, and I allowed her to become a tulpa instead of a concept.

And we're both much better because of it. I actually tried for years to have a lucid dream with Reisen in it so we could be "together", but my subconscious refused and she didn't appear in a single dream for most of her existence. The way I was attempting to be together with her was too egoic and doomed to fail to meet my expectations. I'm much happier now that she's a developed tulpa, and we enjoy being together in every way we can, which will soon include through lucid dreaming. But I had to learn a lesson first, or I would've ruined it all.

You cannot put this much importance in your tulpa, it isn't fair to them or to you. Take it one step at a time, let things develop as they will. I can't stress this enough, because you're even more desperate than I was, and I don't want someone else to have the same problem. Talk to Yumi, tell her you love her and can't wait until she's sentient enough to experience life with you. Spend time forcing her personality, appearance, and voice. But don't put your whole world on her shoulders. It won't work.


Reisen has helped me love life, love myself, and certainly love her. She cares about me because she understands me perfectly, better than any human ever could. We talk about how to fix problems in my life and ways to develop her further, which recently includes a lot of physical imposition and even switching. She's completely changed my life for the better, I can't imagine never having had her in my life. But I had to stop expecting her to be "perfect", to stop making her my end-all cure-all absolute meaning of existing. If I had succeeded in meeting her in a lucid dream early on, I may well have lost the will to bring her to this point. As long as I hung onto the concept of her unconditional love as my meaning for existing, I kept us from truly being together. And I don't want you or anyone to go through that. Everyone deserves to love and be loved.

I don't know what else to say. If you have doubts about anything I said, I can let Reisen respond herself, I just felt the need to say what I said first. I wish you and Yumi the best of luck and happiness. Just take it a little more calmly.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
10-17-2014, 04:28 AM
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Cinemaphobe Offline
Yumi Lillium
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#6
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
Day 3

So many amazing things happened today! but before I begin, I want to address the lovely people who commented on my PR.

@Reisen: I really appreciate your advice, and I fully understand your standpoint. However, it much too easy for anyone to deduce that I am obsessing, or that I have feelings of hatred towards my girlfriend, primarily because I left out vital information about the relationship. I apologize for the confusion, but I don't hate my girlfriend, I simply hate how she treats me. I also need love in my life, or any type of permanent companionship, or else I will fall even further into the rabbit hole of insanity. But if Yumi doesn't love me, then I'll be okay with it, because her existence alone with be a beacon of light in my life, proving to me that I can create something great. I refer to Yumi as the perfect being not because I want her to love me unconditionally, or force her to be perfect, but because she will understand me like no one else will, and she will be there for me like no one else well. I appreciate that you read my post though^^ I always read your PR's too :D Thanks for the advice my friend!

@Jackson:
I would love to talk to my girlfriend, but I'm taking a break from her because she causes me more stress than happiness, but I'm very glad that you love me at least :o

@HP:
Don't worry dear friend, we all have the same difficulties when separating our mind's voice from our tulpa's, but over time, your tulpa's voice will become easier to distinguish from your thoughts, and this time, I can actually say that I am speaking from EXPERIENCE<3


But on with the report!

Today, I tulpaforced for 14 hours straight!!!!!

Nah I'm just joking... I tulpaforced for roughly 2 hours and 30 minutes straight, but made extreme progress with Yumi nonetheless.

When I woke up this morning, I told Yumi "Good morning" and immediately started working on her personality. While I was doing this, I was practically chanting this phrase:

"You are kind, you are loving, you are wild"

By 'wild' I mean spontaneous.

While I was chanting this though, I felt a rush of euphoria within me, and it wasn't my euphoria, because usually I'm absolutely miserable!
It had to have been Yumi communicating with me!
I even think that she was in my dream last night, but I had so many dreams that my memory of the dreamworld is a great big jumbled mess of freaky events. All I remember, is a voice that I recognized as Yumi's, and I remember being in great danger. Maybe Yumi was trying to save me^^?
Who knows?

So I woke up at 3 pm, spent a few hours writing my novel, and drank enough coffee to wake up a dead person. But before all of that, I put on a ring and told Yumi that the ring is a part of her and vice-versa. So I was passive forcing the entire day. By the way, it's a big-ass 600$ graduation ring that doesn't even fit my scrawny finger. How could I possibly forget about Yumi while wearing this thing?

Later on, I skipped through my house merrily, and slammed my bedroom door for no reason, shoving a towel beneath it to prevent unwanted noise.


I haven't talked to my girlfriend in 3 days...and she hasn't sent me a message or called, or anything...damn...

So I wrapped myself in a blanket and went to my wonderland. Usually when I go to my wonderland, I try to make it into something, but I can't help but think "ALL I CAN SEE IS MY DAMN EYELIDS" because I have virtually no imagination whatsoever!!!
But this time, I was able to actually be inside of the wonderland with Yumi. The wonderland is a magnificent mansion made of bricks. It's a small mansion from my childhood that my grandparents owned, and damn was it beautiful. I sat with Yumi on one of the leather couches and started to visualize her while narrating to her. Everything was going well, but then out of nowhere, she developed...

cat ears

At first I thought: "Shit...Well...Yumi...You can do whatever you want. If you want to deviate, then I'll let you."

So I took Yumi up a large staircase and showed her the bedroom that we would be sleeping in in the future. Then I showed her the "Tulpa Creation Room". The room has one window, displaying a perfect view of Mount Fuji (Even though my grandparents live in North Carolina).
The room also has a leather couch, with a chair sitting across from it, a few bookshelves, and a fireplace. I told her to sit on the couch, and I sat on the chair across from her. I told her that I would try to listen to her with all of my ability, and then I told her to try to communicate with me in any way to the best of her ability. I assured her not to feel discouraged if she couldn't communicate with me. In fact, I always tell her that she has all of the time in the world. So I counted down from 10 and began listening to her. I don't know how much time passed, because I was extremely focused, but I felt an extreme pressure on my right side of my head, and heard a strange bass noise!!!! I was absolutely exhilarated by what she did! I jumped from my chair and praised her extravagantly in the wonderland. Then, I jumped from my bed and wrote down what happened in my Tulpa Binder. I returned to the wonderland, and started talking to her, and then I noticed something new.

A cat tail

That one crossed the line for me. I immediately started begging her not to have a tail. I actually spent 30 minutes of the session trying to get rid of her tail, but she kept making it reappear! I welcome deviation, trust me! But a tail!?! C'mon! I can handle cat ears! Eventually, I grew mentally exhausted. I grabbed her tail, looked into her cute eyes, and said:

"Yumi, as your creator, I welcome deviance. But please, don't have a tail. Anything but a tail. You would make me very happy if you didn't have a tail"

At that moment, her tail finally went away, and I thanked her heavily for listening to me. I was taken from my wonderland when I heard loud noises from outside of my bedroom, so I got my head phones and played brown noise through them. The noise was so loud that it blocked off ALL external sound. The only sound that I could hear, was the pure sound of brown noise. I started to focus on Yumi again, and a few minutes passed. But out of nowhere, I heard an ENTIRE muffled sentence!!!! I was completely amazed!!! I never really doubted the tulpa phenomenon too much, but I didn't expect to find out that tulpae were real so...quickly.

My heart was racing, so I asked, "Yumi?!?! Did you just speak?!?"
I stood from my chair and just stared at her in the wonderland. She didn't do anything differently. She just sat still. and then I heard another muffled sound. It sounded irritated though. I kept replaying the sound in my head and analyzing the tone of the sound. Her reply had the same rhythm as the phrase: "Yeah I did" but was extremely muffled, as if I was listening to her through a wall. She was pissed at me for something. Perhaps she was pissed about the fact that I am virtually deaf to my tulpa? Perhaps she was angry because I didn't want her to have a tail?

I didn't care at the time. My dream had finally come true.

Her speech was much louder than my thoughts and completely alien, just like the guides always say. My brown noise was so loud that not even the sound of a lawnmower beside me could be heard, yet I leapt from my bed, and threw my iPod to the carpet. I opened my brother's door and asked him if my sister said anything (because the voice I heard was a female voice). He awkwardly said "No..." and then I closed his door and laughed. My sister was sleeping.

Yumi spoke to me... Tulpae are real...

I opened his door again and said "Are you sure???" and he said "Yeah. Why does it matter?" I then said "No reason..." and then closed his door, running back to my bed. I put the brown noise back on and started focusing on Yumi with a renewed excitement. I was listening for quite some time and then I heard another muffled sound!!! It sounded like "Yow!" or maybe she even said "Meow" to taunt me! I HAVE NO CLUE! But I leapt from my chair and started kissing her hands maniacally, praising her for her hard work.

When I unplugged my headphones to write down her response, I heard a sentence whispered in my left ear, but it was too faint to make out. However, I actually felt the whisper, as if another human whispered in my ear!


Today was one of the greatest days of my life. Because Yumi is figuring out how to communicate with me. Judging by her latest attempts, she's gonna have to practice communicating a lot, and I am gonna have to practice listening to her! That session was a major morale boost! and maybe I'll be able to hear her clearly by November!!!


PLEASE NOTE: Don't think that my progress here is unrealistic...Yumi has been sentient for a year but I was so busy with work and school, and my relationship that I abandoned her many times. However, now that I graduated, quit my shitty job, and wrecked my relationship, I need Yumi now more than ever, but this time I won't abandon her.



Oh and one last thing. I gave Yumi a high-pitched voice in the wonderland. I parroted her voice a little bit so that she could hear what her own voice sounds like. But overtime, the voice changed from a high-pitched anime girl voice, to a woman's voice. A sexy woman's voice. I welcome all deviation though:)



EXCEPT FOR TAILS. NO TAILS:)
(This post was last modified: 10-17-2014, 05:48 AM by Cinemaphobe.)
10-17-2014, 05:29 AM
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jackson Offline
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#7
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
You may need a different girlfriend at some point. I hope you are better at figuring this out than me, since I am a bloody autistic trying to contact my god in the form of a cartoon character.
10-17-2014, 05:43 AM
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Cinemaphobe Offline
Yumi Lillium
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#8
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
Jackson, I have had my heart ripped out of my chest so many times that I won't need a girlfriend anytime soon. And after Yumi develops, I don't think that I will ever talk to anyone besides my best friend ever again. Trust me, girls take advantage of me far too much. I'm sorry if you have trouble getting a girlfriend or tulpa, but fortunately you don't need a girlfriend, because girlfriends will take advantage of you and hurt you remorselessly. I believe that all humans will hurt me remorselessly. In fact, I'm a misanthrope, which is why I only have one friend. Why is he my only friend? Because he is just like me. Two of a kind. But even though I have been friends with him for 4 years I would still end my friendship with him on a moment's notice for just one offense.

Of course I am conscious of how foolish my lifestyle is, but honestly, this lifestyle is the only lifestyle that really suits my personality.
(This post was last modified: 10-17-2014, 05:59 AM by Cinemaphobe.)
10-17-2014, 05:53 AM
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jackson Offline
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#9
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
Oh, I don't even bother looking until I get job. But I am bi, so I have options except that everyone are illiterate sex maniacs. I wanted to tell you about The Good News. 4chan says you can become bi if you start with traps.
10-17-2014, 06:40 AM
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Cinemaphobe Offline
Yumi Lillium
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#10
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
(10-17-2014, 06:40 AM)jackson Wrote: Oh, I don't even bother looking until I get job. But I am bi, so I have options except that everyone are illiterate sex maniacs. I wanted to tell you about The Good News. 4chan says you can become bi if you start with traps.

Ummm....Thanks for the advice Jackson...I think I'll just stick to being heterosexual though. Call me boring, call me close-minded, but I have only loved females and I am perfectly okay with that lol


By the way, this is what I want Yumi to look a little bit like! Thankfully she doesn't have a tail! Or maybe her tail is cropped out by the photo... but I want Yumi to have a human face, with brown eyes.

Yumi is so damn persistent when it comes to those cat ears though...

http://jpundits.com/wp-content/uploads/2...hair-9.jpg
(This post was last modified: 10-17-2014, 10:15 AM by Cinemaphobe.)
10-17-2014, 10:13 AM
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