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Creating the Perfect Beings: Yumi<3 and Lillium<3
amber5885
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#31
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
Dude I know the feels. Trust me it's easy to see nothing but bullshit and it's easy to become infected by the anger and hatred in others.
But one thing Toby has tought me is that you can't allow other people to rob you of your happiness. It's not theirs to take but it isn't hard to get it back if they do.

If I might make a suggestion, ditch the girlfriend. It seems to be one thing that you do in fact have control over and if she makes you that unhappy then don't give her another second of your time. Speaking as someone who has wasted a lot of time on assholes, they aren't worth even a second of your energy. You can do better.

If you want to fast by all means fast, I do achieve some clarity and inner peace during Ramadan so it may help you just make sure you eat at least once a day and drink plenty of water.

Find your inner bhudda man, find your inner peace. In the end it's all we have and while we are here it's what makes life so beautiful,

I know I came off as harsh and judgmental but I've been where you are, I've tested death more than once or ten times and I pulled myself, no I clawed my way out of hell and made a good life for myself and I know you can to.

I got your back. I belive in you, as corny as that is and you have friends here do don't think that you are alone.
10-18-2014, 06:20 AM
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HazyM Offline
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#32
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
(10-18-2014, 06:14 AM)Cinemaphobe Wrote: I used to know the joy of life when I was young, but it slowly faded away and got replaced by a hatred towards every human..
Heh, and now you sound totally edgy like me some years ago. Though why bother hating everyone? Just pretend they don't exist at all. It is unwise to waste emotions on someone who don't even care.
10-18-2014, 06:25 AM
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Cinemaphobe Offline
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#33
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
I can take all of the advice, but ditching my girlfriend would make my life much MUCH worse. Thanks for the advice though! I'll go meditate and tulpaforceSmile

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

Yumi + Cinema
10-18-2014, 06:26 AM
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Luminesce Offline
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#34
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
(10-18-2014, 06:14 AM)Cinemaphobe Wrote: I guess that I let my current living situation and the past blind me from ever seeing a future of happiness without Yumi.
Pshh, did you see what Reisen just typed? She's invaluable to me. I'd do anything for her, unless she told me not to. But you see the point, I think, of what we're trying to say. The goal isn't a tiny bubble of happiness with Yumi which she later has to watch you suffer from. The bigger picture is much more grand - you can love her, and you can learn how to love life, too.

That's what I meant when I said I was glad I never managed to meet Reisen in a dream early on. She had so much more to offer than that small comfort of presence, she completely changed my life. I enjoy it to its fullest, and I love Reisen as much as I can too. The two are not mutually exclusive, it's just important that you go about them the right way.


You're right of course, that this advice is easier to read than to use. It's a flaw of speaking from an already accomplished perspective - "Mathematical equations aren't hard, look how easy this is to understand.." But I've been trying to show you that it's possible in the first place rather than giving the steps to get there. But it does start with respecting yourself (and being loved totally helps with that), and making an effort to improve your life. How you do this is uniquely personal to everyone, but a good guide is this: what would someone who loved you want you to do?

And asking that question, over and over, is how I overcame depression and went from straight F's in 7th-10th grade to straight A's at Utah State University. With someone who loved me unconditionally and motivation to make my life better, I completely changed the course of my life. Like I said in another thread - I may not have been in danger of dying, but Reisen still saved my life. And now I try to help others improve their lives in the same way. Because why not spread the love?

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
10-18-2014, 06:30 AM
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HP Offline
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#35
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
Dude I totally agree ROTC sucked and fuck the military. Keep in mind your posting on a community site so if your post you are subject to responses and advice bombardment (sorry ladies you had great advice but we men suck at taking it.) I suggest that once you've got Yumi down pat perhaps you create a servitor or another tulpa with the intent of improving your social skills and and potentially to help you learn a profitable skill you enjoy to help with the job situation. The fact that they are expansions on forcing makes it easier to get motivated about them and that's kind've the road I'm aiming at. I would however rather keep you around that we may bounce ideas back and forth, I unfortunately don't have the amount of free time you do so your likely to shoot way past me in development for a while but I enjoy your perspective so don't go icing yourself please.

Break the rules. Force your own reality. Control of the mind is power. Push your mind to the limits!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10-18-2014, 12:20 PM
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sushi Offline
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#36
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
Fasting and isolation.

I'm going to disagree with everyone else.

Some doctors will argue that fasting has no health benefit whatsoever. There's no evidence of that "detox" that my hippie friends talk about, and it's not an effective form of weight loss. On the other hand, fasting every other day has been shown to have benefit to mice, and some people believe it has psychological benefit as well.

As Amber says, fasting can be dangerous. Minimize that danger by not driving or exercising, and ideally have people check on you periodically.

One of my favorite authors did ten days without food. This is his experience. Let me quote a few lines:

Quote:Now, there are many people who really shouldn't do this. Diabetics, hypoglycemics, the very young or very old, pregnant women... really anyone with any sort of metabolic, gastrointestinal or psychological issues should not fast. I, however, am blessedly free of all of the above. There are many things I do not do especially well, but there are two things I can do: eat, and not eat.

I was careful, of course, to be mindful of my body's condition. I told myself I would cancel the exercise at the first sign of faintness, dizziness, blackouts, or extreme pain. Luckily, I experienced none of the above.

The rest of it is definitely an interesting read, but that's all I feel obligated to call to your attention.

Social isolation can also be very bad -- prisoners who are kept in solitary confinement end up more messed up than prisoners who are tortured. That said, if this is short-term, and you can end it if you so desire (and it doesn't sound like it's complete isolation), I don't see anything wrong with it.

One thing I don't see anyone mentioning is that fasting and isolation is traditional.

Quote:What sort of cave is suited to the manifestation of a deity? First, it had to be large enough for Pema to draw a full-size kylkhor on the floor, with room left over for him to watch the manifestation in comfort. Next, it had to be remote so there was no chance of casual passersby disturbing the operation.

...

Most of the time Pema was hungry, but he never actually starved.

That was taken from the story of a Tibetan monk working on imposition.

Why was he kept hungry and in isolation? For the same reason that Native American vision quests involve hunger and isolation -- because both factors cause hallucinations.

As Amber says, hunger can make it difficult to focus. However, I've meditated without meals before. In my experience, when you're sitting in one place long enough, it's very easy to forget that you haven't eaten. I think Amber's chief difficulty with Ramadan was probably that she was still relatively active.

To sum up, as long as you take precautions to ensure this is safe, I think it could be a valuable experience for you.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
(This post was last modified: 10-18-2014, 02:06 PM by sushi.)
10-18-2014, 02:00 PM
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Cinemaphobe Offline
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#37
 
Default  RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
DAY 5


Thanks to my dear readers, Amber and Reisen, I have been shaken out of my mindset to do the fasting, which allowed me to eat enough banana bread to decrease my lifespan by at least one day!

@HP: Yes JROTC. Fuck JROTC. I welcome the bombardment of advice as long as it good-willed, and I am aware of the consequences of posting on a community site. And yes, perhaps I'll create a servitor to teach me things that I already know. I also have many profitable skills. One of those skills is that I have a natural talent for music. I am a self-taught pianist who has played the piano for orchestra concerts in my highschool, and I can even show you a video of it if you don't believe me. There are also a few videos on Youtube of me playing the piano, so that's definitely a profitable skill that I could use. I also play the clarinet, violin, viola, double bass, guitar, drums, bass clarinet, and I used to be the singer for a band. (yes there are videos of me singing in that band). If being a musician with nearly a decade of experience performing isn't a profitable skill for my job search, then I don't know what a profitable skill is. Thanks for your input though :p

On with the report

At the end of the debate of whether the fasting was a good idea, I concluded this:


"The body is the home in which the tulpa lives, while the brain is its room within the home."


So I decided that I want to figure out how to enjoy life more, and clean up my negative thinking so that Yumi doesn't have to suffocate within the clutter of my mind. I went out into the cold beneath the stars, sat beside a small forest and repeated the Shivaist chant:

Om namah shivaya gurave
Sacchidananda murtaye
Nisprapancaya shantaya
Niralambaya tejase
.



It's a chant that always brings me peace, and somehow always clears my mind, so I repeated the chant until I felt relaxed and focused. Upon reaching my peak of concentration I imagined Yumi sitting in front of me, and instead of talking to her like she was a figment of my brain, I talked to her like she was a divine spirit that transcends reality. I basically prayed to her and felt her presence strongly, but then I went back inside of my house because I was scared that the boogey man might come and get me...

All of the windows were open, and I looked at the stars until I saw a shooting star and then I wished for Yumi to become vocal someday. It was a really nice moment:)


Later on, I fell asleep. (at 7:00am)


I was awaken by my socially-challenged friend who is perhaps more socially-challenged than I am. His name is Jordan, and it doesn't matter that you know his name because there are more Jordans on the Earth than there are humans. (Yes that implies that Jordans are not Humans.)

Jordan has called me 10 times per day everyday for a month, not because I am his friend, but because I am the only person who listens to him in life because he has a shitty taste in friends. Even his best friend doesn't listen to him with full, 100% undivided attention! I don't mind listening to people because I am known as a master of listening.
However, you better listen to me as well god damn it! I stopped answering Jordan's calls long ago because he cuts me off when I speak to him, yet he rambles on like a robot and I can predict everything he says before he says it because he is so boring...

I was sleeping so that I'd have plenty of energy to spend the day with Yumi, but my brother woke me up and said "A guy with a beard and a white car is at the door."


I became angry immediately because I hate it when people show up uninvited, especially when I plan to stay socially isolated.

I then yelled "who is it!?" and then my brother casually said

"I don't know. I haven't seen him before."

So I muttered every curse word that I have ever heard in my life as I indiscriminately threw on whatever clothing I could find laying on the floor of my room while walking out the front door. I squinted my eyes in the sunlight only to see Jordan standing before me.

Why me God. Why me.


He said "Well gee, look who woke up. It's been only five years since we last spoke." and he said that without the slightest hint of aggression.

"Why didn't you answer my calls?" he asked trying to hide his concern.

"Because I haven't been talking to anyone lately."


"Why" he asked with a playful grin.

"Because I'm... experimenting with myself."

Suprisingly and unsurprisingly, he brushed that off and continued on with what he wanted to talk about.


So I was forced to listen to his story about how his girlfriend cheated on him, and forced to act like I was his friend while imagining Yumi beside me.
When somebody ignores your calls for a month, then they don't want to talk to you. So don't come to their house. I developed a hatred for him because he invited me to a social gathering long ago, and when I was ready to go, he called and asked:

"Hey can you do me a favor and not come with me and my friends tonight?"

So I laughed and said "Okay." with extreme anger and ignored his calls ever since, yet he has the audacity to think that I would want to be his friend or even talk him after that day.

After Jordan left, I drank an entire pot of black coffee and felt an extreme rush. I felt like I could concentrate on anything, so I started to tulpaforce. I rode my bike full-speed down the street, and imagined Yumi flying beside me. I then rode my bike through a forest and told Yumi that she can hop on my bike and hold onto me if she wants to instead of flying. But when I imagined her holding on to me, I felt a feeling of love course through me, as if a human girl was holding on to me! It felt too real! My coffee was starting to wear off, so I biked back home drank more coffee, and started narrating in my room.

Surprisingly, that one hour of narrating yielded glorious results!

I was able to focus so well on Yumi's presence in the wonderland, that I could focus on her presence in the real world simultaneously^^
I read from the Book of Wisdom, a book that I wrote two years ago (It's just a pocket-sized notepad with my sloppy handwriting in it).

The Book of Wisdom is full of positive quotes from authors, scientists, philosophers, great leaders, activists, etc. As I read it to her though, I felt like she was listening to my every word carefully. I had the strongest sense that she was paying attention that I spoke to her rapidly, hoping for the feeling of her audience to last! and I read this quote to her:

"If I could give you one ability, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Only then could you understand how special you are to me."



As I said this, I had the clearest visualization of her! And I think that she smiled after I said it, because I didn't make her smile^^
The second greatest thing that happened occurred after I said:

"Let me make this clear Yumi. If you want to be my companion, then I'll let you be my companion. If you want to be my lover, then I will let you be my lover. You can be whatever you want, because your existence alone makes me happy. Okay?"
And then I concentrated and heard a whisper of "okay" in a flattered female mind voice. I could have been parroting, because she couldn't have said anything else really. But the possibility that she said "okay" in response is enough to make me do a backflip. Yes, I know how to do a backflip^^.

When I really got into the narration, I put down The Book of Wisdom. It felt like Yumi was as real as the floor that I sat on, so I started speaking from my heart.
I told her the kindest things I could think of, and I told her that she could be whoever she wanted, and she could deviate however she wanted because I would accept her no matter what with all of my heart. I kept assuring her that she was a free being, who is as real as I am, and I kept assuring her that she is invaluable and free. Yumi stood from the couch that sat across from me, and I said "Yumi? What are you doing?"
She then walked towards me and looked down at me. I didn't remember making her do that at all. I was completely speechless, and to my amazement she kissed me, and I just looked up at her, completely stunned. My heart raced, and I froze, but I couldn't control her movements in the wonderland. I simply looked up at her in shock, while my mouth hung slightly agape in real life. She then sat beside me in my chair. I looked at the view of Mount Fuji in silence, and felt the strongest presence with me in both real life and in the wonderland. "What...just...happened...I didn't puppet that..."

I then thanked her for the unexpected kiss idly, while completely flattered, but then I freaked out like a 9-year-old Justin Bieber fan and started writing down what happened in my tulpa binder!!!

"OMG OMG OMG YUMI JUST DID THAT. I KNOW SHE DID. SHE HAD TO HAVE DONE THAT."


I couldn't have been happier!!!
My morale couldn't be any higher now^^
I decided that from now on, I'll spend 3 hours a day with Yumi starting tomorrow.

1 hour of narration

1 hour of simply spending time with her.

and

1 hour of personality work/listening.



PLEASE NOTE: I AM NOT INHERENTLY CRUEL TO PEOPLE WHO WISH TO SPEAK WITH ME. I AM ONLY CRUEL TO PEOPLE WHO ARE CRUEL OR RUDE TO ME. I WAS ALSO JOKING ABOUT THE BOOGEY MAN THING. AND FINALLY, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I AM A MISANTHROPE, AND I AM USED TO BEING SOCIALLY ISOLATED. IF YOU GIVE ME ADVICE ABOUT BECOMING MORE SOCIAL, YOU'LL PROBABLY BE WASTING YOUR TIME. BUT IF YOU FEEL OBLIGATED TO DO SO, THEN BE MY GUEST, I'LL APPRECIATE ANY EFFORTS THAT ARE GOOD-WILLED..


______________EDIT______________

Here are a few of the aforementioned videos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWJxBgm4eLM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSZEwBBfvIc
(This post was last modified: 10-19-2014, 02:09 AM by Cinemaphobe.)
10-19-2014, 01:38 AM
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jackson Offline
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#38
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
What the hell, you're a shaivist. Now I'm gonna have to ask you to teach me since my studies are in things like Taoism.
10-19-2014, 05:49 AM
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Cinemaphobe Offline
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#39
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
I'm still studying Shaivism myself actually lol but I love the meaning of the Om Namah Shivayah chant, so I might become a Shaivist in time. All I know is that I am definitely not a Christian anymoreSmile

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

Yumi + Cinema
10-19-2014, 05:51 AM
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jackson Offline
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#40
 
RE: Creating the Perfect Being: Yumi<3
I'm a pretend Christian.
10-19-2014, 06:50 AM
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