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Dealing with unwanted attraction
K-Man Offline
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#1
 
Sad  Dealing with unwanted attraction
Jesus Christ, this is turning into a romantic comedy.

So, after a long period of deliberation and planning, I decided to make a tulpa. I was in it for the long haul, ready for months of fruitless forcing, but I was pleasantly surprised to find sentience after only a few days of an hour or two each. Probably a result of my experiences with professional writing and dialog generation, whatever. That's not the issue. The issue is that she is attracted to me - aggressively so.

I guess my mistake lies in creating a tulpa for the purposes of friendship and companionship in the form of a waifu. I probably should have seen this coming. Yes, she knows she's not the real character and all that jazz. Regardless, I don't really want this. I don't want to have a part of my head attracted to myself, and I certainly don't want a relationship with it. I'm sorry but I'm just not ready for that yet. She pops into existence, takes all of a few hours to develop feelings for me, and now will not let up.

How do I fix this? I don't necessarily want to change her - as far as I'm concerned, she's perfect. But to just make her understand that I'm not comfortable with this?
10-10-2017, 07:12 AM
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Vos Offline
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#2
 
RE: Dealing with unwanted attraction
Talk to your tulpa.
10-10-2017, 07:13 AM
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K-Man Offline
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#3
 
RE: Dealing with unwanted attraction
(10-10-2017, 07:13 AM)Vos Wrote: Talk to your tulpa.

I did, but she seems to think that if she's persistent enough, I'll capitulate. In effect, refusing to stop flirtation.
My concern is if she's right. But I don't want to be persuaded - I want to stop this. Are there any others with similar problems that found a solution?
10-10-2017, 07:35 AM
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Lucilyn Online
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#4
 
RE: Dealing with unwanted attraction
Well for starters, your mind made her like that... I guess since you're a writer you're used to making characters with their own mindsets and stuff, so you should have some say in what your tup's like. Maaaaybe slightly more complicated once they're already made and like that, it can seem a little rude to change them at that point. You still can, and I'd say that's the best way since she's still so new as a tulpa, she might be more character-you-can-talk-to than tulpa so far. The most important part of a tulpa, the part that makes them a real person and not an imaginary friend, is they have their own experiences that shape them into unique individuals. But anyway.. You're basically saying "She won't change and I don't want to make her change", so what answer do you really expect from us?

Your best bet's just to be really clear about intending to remain platonic, or.. at least whatever level you're comfortable with. Ya don't gotta be straight up lovers but if you made a tulpa you surely intended on spending time with her right? So you tell her you're not interested in a relationship of that level and you'll keep it strictly friendly, but then you spend time with her anyway so you're both happy.

Okay well I guess I did give you an answer that could work...

Hi I'm one of Lumi's tulpas. I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.
All of my posts should be read at a hundred miles per hour because that's probably how they were written.
Please talk to me https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
10-10-2017, 08:36 AM
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solarchariot Offline
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#5
 
RE: Dealing with unwanted attraction
K-Man, have you ever heard of the distance pursuer relationship dynamic? With out sorting a whole bunch of your personal history, which isn't relevant, you can google the concept and see if it's applicable, it's really difficult to tell you how to respond. You wanted something so badly that you got it. I am not berating you, this point may lead to a solutions. You invested in time here, learning. You probably even read a guide warning you to think and think again because, 'this is serious.' Now you're here, you did it, which in itself is amazing. You learned something incredible about yourself that 99 percent world doesn't even have a clue it's even possible. Yay you.

Your solution set comes with acknowledgement of the above. You had the power to do it. You had the desire. I personally believe one doesn't have the power to un-create something. Like your memory of this, it's there, that's a done deal, minus certain brain injuries, right? If you had had a child, a real life physical child, you wouldn't abandon it. You'd nurture it. Part of learning and growing is acceptance. I agree with Vos, talk to it. Don't just say, 'go away you bother me.' that kind of rejection, when it was called into being under the promise of love, is confusing and hurtful. It may make it more clingy. Look up border line personality. People who don't get appropriate nurture in the beginning can have some serious emotional issues, and if your tulpa is wanting your attention now, pushing it away is just going to increase the likelihood of future conflict. the dynamic can actually feed it and cause it to grow. Many people just stop interacting and their tulpas seem to fade, but if you're actively trying to disengage, well, it's probably feeding it. (what's the story of the native American with the good dog and the bad dog? Which one lives? the ones he feeds."

part of you wanted it enough that were you successful. I vote interact with it, be as compassionate and loving as you can, give it time to grow, deviate if its going to, create a bigger landscape and when it's ready to roam or interact with background NPC like characters, it will go. Honestly, most people don't want to be where they're not wanted, and which she is sufficient matured, given the appropriate nurture, she will go on our own. Tell her why you're afraid of intimacy. Explore that with her, cultivate a friendship that helps her see you are just as complex as she, and you had no idea that you would feel this way, but you can't start a relationship and just walk away. Seriously, even in real life, most people continue to date the same kinds of people until they figure out why they date those kids of people. Not a bad thing, it's just a thing. Only difference here, upi can't really get divorce. For your sanity, talk therapy.

Loxy is really annoyed, and wishing we could adopt her into our community. I said, yeah, not enough magic in the world, but she's like, no it's because there is unresolved conflict. We wish you both well.
(This post was last modified: 10-10-2017, 08:59 PM by solarchariot.)
10-10-2017, 08:54 PM
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