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Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
Enny Offline
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#21
 
RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy

Aha, forcing.

Speaking of, I should probably start here in a bit. Probably give it til midnight.

Blegh

Cut it off at twenty minutes. Can't think up any more traits I like right now, and I just don't have much to say. It just feels tiresome, speaking to her right now. No clue why, but it is. Hope it feels better tomorrow night.

If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose
(This post was last modified: 07-09-2014, 05:43 AM by Enny.)
07-09-2014, 04:44 AM
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Enny Offline
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#22
 
RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy

After three nights of nothing (Weekend excluded), just finished a fifteen minute session

Started with a pretty optimistic "I'm gonna get some stuff done tonight!" Outlook, but the more I narrated, the more depressive I started feeling. Even touching base on personality just made me feel like trash, so fuck.

Looks as though my mindset doesn't actually matter here, gonna keep ending up like this either way.

If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose
07-11-2014, 04:44 AM
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Jay Offline
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#23
 
RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy

A self-defeating mindset is something I've battled with since I started my first tulpa ~1.5 years ago. It sucks, because it nullified any reason I had to work on a tulpa. And then I'd beat myself up over not spending time with them.

If you're having trouble believing in the validity of your tulpa, I think there comes a point when you have to stop giving a fuck about whether it's real or not, and just take things in stride, just do. If you think your tulpa did or said something, take it at face value knowing that you at least didn't consciously parrot him/her, and then move on. What more can you do?
(This post was last modified: 07-11-2014, 12:09 PM by Jay.)
07-11-2014, 12:06 PM
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Enny Offline
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#24
 
RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy

Well, starting over was supposed to mark a new outlook, and ethic for me. As you can probably see, it went fairly well for about three days. Now I'm back into the old habit (I'm actually somewhere around a year and three months in) of getting really depressed. Or tendency. Whatever.

Last time, I had no faith whatsoever, due to some irritable parroting I found myself doing in desperation.. A little over half a year ago. If she ever even does speak, I'm not gonna be /so/ hardassed about it, but screw just "believing". Parroting was the most dull, shallow, "Wow I don't feel any joy, or compulsion to give this voice the time of the day" feeling ever. Terrible, terrible stuff.

So this time around I do plan on working for that, but I'm trying to be sliiightly less paranoid. If it takes just taking whatever she (or maybe I) say(s) with no grain of salt whatsoever, I'd probably rather give up. Cause why even do this if it doesn't feel real in the slightest? Whatever real is, anyway. It just can't feel fake, like it did for.. What was it, two months? Maybe longer. That's all I'd like.

If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose
(This post was last modified: 07-11-2014, 04:36 PM by Enny.)
07-11-2014, 04:34 PM
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Enny Offline
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#25
 
RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy

Oh, site's back up. Was gonna have Shui do this, but eh.

Taking a break or something. Quitting maybe. Idunno. Gimme a month or two to just not give a fuck about tuppers. Work starts up tomorrow (Three in the morning, technically - woo..), so I wanna worry about that for a little while. Might practice something or other once every week or so. Pretty much like I've been doing, except no pressure on not working, and no updates on progress. So yeah.

Might help, might make me go all the way in quitting. Idunno. Guess I should set myself as "Away", or something now.

If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose
07-15-2014, 10:35 PM
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Enny Offline
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#26
 
RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy

Well effing eff. I can't even give myself time off, can I? Been stressing about vacation time from tuppers now, so what even the fuck.

Whatever, I'll try and pick up. At worst, I'll just be some guy who complains all the time that nobody pays any mind.

Uggghhhhhhhhhhh fucking tuppermancy I can't quit but I can't do it ugggghhhhh

Whatever. Will TRY to work tonight. Or whenever the heck.

If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose
07-26-2014, 05:11 PM
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Enny Offline
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#27
 
RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy

Oh yeah.

Disappeared again, if anyone noticed. Don't really intend to come back this time. Not for a long while, at any rate. Summer sucks, school is gonna suck, everything just sucks, and I honestly don't think I could care any less about tuppers than I do right now. I've fought the urge to turn up and say I'm going to do something, or that I'm gonna try harder, blah blah blah a few times now, and it's taken more effort than it should have, but I haven't. Think I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I just really don't have it in me to do this. I don't know why. I've followed through on projects that seem much larger with ease, and I always spent a lot of personal time fretting about forcing, but I could never find it in me to just work.

Sigh.

But whatever. Stuff happens. I've done nothing but read (oh god so much reading I can't even properly surmise) and think about stuff for the past little bit, and it's been nice. Nice not worrying about tuppers. Yeah, I guess I still get kinda worked up over it, but I'll just have to get over that. Guess it's hard not to be angry with myself and wish I could just finish up, but I'm not going to. I know I'm not. Maybe someday when I'm a little more content with my place in life, and life in general, but for now I just don't have the energy and I'll have to get over that. Sigh.

Yeah. Guess I should just count my losses and move on by this point.

It's been the exact opposite of fun for the most part, and I think after the nausea wears off in a little bit, I'll feel a lot better about formally deciding. For my sake as much as anything, actually making a post for it is something I needed to do to move on.

So yeah. Woo, go team Enny!

If I ever do decide to pick back up, I'm not posting about it. No need to feel even more shame for what would likely be even more uneventful work, but who knows. Maybe it's just because I'd feel a lot better if I showed up at some point with a Tupper and a lot of confidence in it. Dunno.

Dragged this out long enough.

Byesies for the foreseeable future. Will formally leave within the next day or so, probably.

If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose
08-10-2014, 02:37 PM
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sushi Offline
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#28
 
RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy

Well, I definitely noticed you were gone.

I don't know, it's weird. I've always felt like we were so similar in background, but when it comes to tulpas, we're the complete opposite. I have trouble sticking with projects for any length of time. I almost never finish anything. And yet this is easy for me to stick with. I've been here for over a year, and I've been researching tulpas for around a decade. It's the one thing I haven't stopped.

But yeah, don't force yourself to do it. It really sounds like it's just not for you.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
08-10-2014, 02:49 PM
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Enny Offline
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#29
 
RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy

I'm having serious issues letting this go.

Still talk to Tupper (decided "Why not?", and just started using 'Miri' again), and avidly browse these forums. Imean, I still get all mopey and tell myself I'm never gonna make it anywhere, but I guess that doesn't seem to matter to my brain.

So what even the heck. Guess I'll post any time I do stuff, since I can't stay the hell away anyway.

If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose
09-15-2014, 05:36 AM
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sushi Offline
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#30
 
RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy

That's interesting. Well, if it's what you want, by all means stick with it. Maybe at some point it will start working for you.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
09-15-2014, 08:16 PM
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