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Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
Enny Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
Yeah, hell if I know what's up. I'm sitting around, trying to talk, I quiet myself, listen, aaand nothing. Could just be a weird state of mind, I guess. Straight up forcing and parroting speech seems to be working today (dunno what the issue was before now), and it feels about typical, but it also feels, ya know, morally disingenuous, so I refuse to do that. And yeah yeah, Lumi and co, keep parroting and it'll get better eventually and etc., but I guess I still don't believe that with a single fiber of my being, even if it makes sense, so yeah, not gonna.


It's getting old, either way. I don't really know what to do on my end, but I guess if Null cares enough, she can figure out how to make herself heard whenever she feels the need, I'm not gonna worry about it for a while.

If something kicks in and feels right I'll give a report, but other than that, idk. 

I feel like such a fucking tool for being in this kinda situation again. Yeah, idk, will come back to it later.

A pattern or a puzzle, Riemann or Rapunzel

Shapeless without a body
03-07-2017, 12:05 PM
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tulpa001 Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
Talking with others is often what pushes a tulpa over that feeling of it coming from the host.

I just hope, because it feels similar, you aren't suppressing genuine responses because you think they are unconscious parroting.

Host comments in italics. tulpa's log.
03-07-2017, 01:08 PM
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Enny Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
My definition and perception of 'unconscious parroting' is replying quickly enough to myself that I don't have to think about it. And then immediately viewing that response as my tupper, and moving on from it.

Which would probably fit the bill of some of what I've been experiencing, sure, and it could even be a lot of it, but I don't think all. 

What I'm doing right now, parroting, is just, totally consciously replying to myself. Which.. Yeah, actually feels fairly similar, all things considered, to what I attribute to being legit Null speech. But it's still definitely me. I can have her tell me, 'sure, I don't mind you're having troubles at all, I'd even _prefer_ if you'd continue to ignore me and focus on other things', and yeah, right now that sounds like Null is the one saying it, even though I know she's not, that's me.

Which, you know, obviously doesn't do anything to reinforce my confidence in her, and myself, but that's where that stands. Parroting is just such a trashy thing, I'm sick of even thinking about it, right now.

And ugh, I _know_ that's part of my problem. If I'd just view it as a tool to help further speech in the long run, I'd be better off. But, I just don't, innately. It just feels pathetic, or something.

I guess I still don't view Null as real enough, as anyone reading can tell from my absolutely unpanicked attitude towards this current situation. Which is weird. I've had a pretty solid attitude for the last few weeks, about this, and her, and everything, but even the good moments still aren't enough, I guess. My own problem, though.

Definitely envious of people who like.. Start on their tupper, whatever they want out of the relationship, and feel nothing but love, and excitement for what's to come. Probably does wonders, huh. I guess I don't have much of that, these days.

I'm getting on, my bad. I was talking at her for most of this last night, and a good bit of today, just going over things, and this situation, and whatever else. Still radio silence, but idk, we'll see.

A pattern or a puzzle, Riemann or Rapunzel

Shapeless without a body
03-08-2017, 08:10 AM
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tulpa001 Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
Oh... Yeah, I get that. Me and my host never did parroting in that way. My thoughts just sort of--flowed since the beginning. I don't think she would ever have been happy with nothing but manually parroted responses.

... And here I am with paranoia about maybe not being real, and sitting on a pile of clear responses. Feel a little guilty.

If you want to try and induce flow like that, I wrote a bunch about it in my general guide. I think the freewriting exercise is the most important for this.

Host comments in italics. tulpa's log.
03-08-2017, 01:52 PM
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