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Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
tulpa001 Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
(04-28-2017, 08:39 PM)Enny Wrote: ...At that though, and I've talked about this before, the thing keeping me or anyone from achieving this is just like, a mental thing, right? That immediately makes it a no-fail situation in a lot of peoples' eyes, because, oh, all you have to do is radically adjust the way you think. I think it would be easier on people in the future who may be like me, to tell them it's possible to fail, you know?...

...It seriously, legit, makes me feel like a [expletive] compared to the 14-16 year-olds that seem to be having a much better time, because whether or not their tuppers are more legit than one made over the course of several months, they're having a fuck of a lot more fun than I am, aren't they? Ugh...

...Talk at Null to your heart's content, friend. If she wants to reply, I'm sure she'll pop back up or something.

I think null is currently too deep to be able to reply at the moment. Otherwise I would consider it. I think maybe if I had managed a conversation with her it would have started something, but this is more of a scientist's instinct to test everything and see if it works.

you are not [explitive] compared to those kids. By my own experience, I actually think you are right and they are the [expletive], with the ramen noodle tulpas being very character like in their feel many times. I don't see this as a problem in itself, but it feels like someone drawing a squiggle on paper, declaring it to be masterful art, and not refining their method further, or trying to climb to a higher standard.

But I don't think people these days have a better mindset. Rather, I think they have better methods outlined in the newer guides. They cause new problems, like difficulties sorting your thoughts from the tulpa's, but they do get faster results.

Definitely. Telling people it is possible to fail is the right thing to do. Also, I wonder about the mental thing there. Like yes, technically? But we don't really know what that mental thing is, which is why I recommend to experiment a lot. And meditate.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
04-29-2017, 12:55 AM
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Luminesce Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
You're not giving up, are you?

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
06-13-2017, 02:34 AM
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Enny Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
Oh, sorry for not replying immediately, I don't check this section too often these days.

Uhhh. I don't know, maybe. I'm definitely not doing anything right now, and I don't really have any like.. Desire to, I guess. I mean yeah, I do, tuppering is still cool and I'm envious of everyone and yadda yadda, everyone knows how I feel about it. I just don't feel like I have the capacity to throw myself into it and remain optimistic right now, if ever again. Every time someone brings it up here, or in private somewhere, I always feel kind of good about it because I realize I have so many people who are so supportive to help, and I'll kick the idea of delegating some time towards it around, but, come on, you guys know me, I'm not gonna go in 100%. I haven't gone in as well as I possibly could in years, man. When did Peachy happen? Was that 2015? Yeah, I'd just finished up school, and I was putting in more time than I was used to, and it was screwing with my head.

My attempt with Null was great for a good while, then bad, then I had that really short span where things were fantastic, and I felt really, really happy with that, but even then I wasn't being as dedicated as I could have been. Then it all fell off and I couldn't get it running again, and here we are, or whatever.

I don't know. It's kind of tiring. I guess I can't say for sure how stressful it is living with a tupper in the longterm, but trying to make it with this and go through the love/hate, I'm gonna do it/I can't do this, for so long, was kind of killing me.

And fuck, it hurts to think about, you know? I feel horrible thinking back on every attempt I called quits on. I don't want to call it quits on Null either, but at the same time, the best I could tell you is "Maybe in a few months", but I don't feel that way. I don't want to feel that way, right now. I want to do this, but I don't wanna pour in even more time than I've already spent stressing it. I don't think it's worth it anymore, I guess.

But hell, you know me, I could end up feeling nostalgic and motivated in six months, or a year, and I might be giving it another go, feeling refreshed. Right now though, and for as far as I can see, I'm done. I don't try to talk to Null anymore, I don't passively narrate out of habit, I don't even think about her when I'm not reading something directly referencing her, or that reminds me of her, on here. And I know that sucks for more people than just me, and I'm sorry for that, I guess.

I don't think I have the character, the dedication, the work-ethic, or the imagination to create a tulpa. Too little too late after four years, but with every fiber of my being, I believe that I'm lacking in every area required to see this process through, and I haven't believed I could do it in years. And I understand that it's that belief that's holding me back, but I can't do anything for it. I've tried, I'm lacking, and that's that, I guess.

So yeah. I still do my RP stuff with all my little characters, and stories, and that's fun enough, I guess. There are a couple of personalities there that I've been developing beyond the bounds of what I've ever really done before, lately, that I'll spend two or three hours or more a night thinking about, but I don't think there's even a glimmer of autonomy, or anything that could develop past what it says on the tin, so I guess that's all there is for it.

I'm sorry to disappoint anyone that I have. And that's a very, very genuine statement. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time, both mine, and the time of everyone who's ever offered help here, or through PM when I've come crawling, asking for really basic advice.

If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose
06-15-2017, 09:14 AM
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Luminesce Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
Alright. Well, it's not wasted time because it could've resulted in accomplishing your goal. Hindsight is 20/20, but nobody knows the future. Obviously having a tulpa would be a positive thing, but I only recommend still trying at this point if you would be negatively impacted to not. Like, if you're more or less fine in the ways that a tulpa could help, then whatever. Also stick to the RP thing, just try and stop thinking in terms of autonomy or parroting you know? Stop thinking of yourself as a failure at making tulpas and be happy with what you do have. That could very well end up filling some of the same roles as a tulpa, if not direct companionship. Well, you know what I'm saying. Just because you don't have a tulpa doesn't mean anything you do have is "less" or you can't be happy with it, but being around this community for so long will make you think like that.

And yeah if you ever feel like spending some more time in the hopes of at least having another "fantastic" period, I'll still be here.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
06-15-2017, 05:42 PM
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nivereno Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
Dat Hoers spitfire avatar thou...

I don't feel I've wasted my time by reading about your misadventures and commenting once in a while. I guess, I still kind of hope you
eventually succeed in tulpa things by some randomness or another.

Shade is the tulpa, [Stuff]=her. Her form is: pegasus mlp pony with dark grey coat and black mane and tail.
(This post was last modified: 06-16-2017, 02:16 PM by nivereno.)
06-16-2017, 02:15 PM
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tulpa001 Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
Reading the parts of this progress report that I did helped me write my guide.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
06-16-2017, 04:15 PM
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Stevie Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
I don't think anyone's disappointed in you, we're not your parents or something. You have your entire life to revisit this, and your brain doesn't structurally mature until what, you're like 25? Don't feel like you have to be locked into this cycle just to appease the "You Killed A Budding Tulpa" people that don't really exist anymore around here anyway.

We're all gonna make it brah.
06-17-2017, 12:05 AM
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Enny Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
I figured I'd drop in for a minute before resuming my hiatus from this place. Year's almost over, and a lot's happened in it. As well as all, 50+ pages of Enny progress is grueling, and deserves some kind of decent, if not happy, closure, I guess. I know a few people have read this entire thing, and I'm sure it's disappointing every time things look good, and then aren't, so I'll try to tie it up with as nice a bow as I can.

So yeah, I haven't really tuppered in the last eight or nine months. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it, because I have to. Null stopped responding, or she never was, and that's fine, I've pretty well made my peace with the fact that I suck at pursuing tuppermancy in any traditional sense. It's not surprising to me that it turned out like it did, and always has. Null was my greatest and most successful attempt, my longest attempt, and it sucks that I couldn't make it work, but hey, it's fine. Not gonna forget what fun times I did have on it.

So that being said, the last two and a half months have been kind of good.

Quote:So yeah. I still do my RP stuff with all my little characters, and stories, and that's fun enough, I guess. There are a couple of personalities there that I've been developing beyond the bounds of what I've ever really done before, lately, that I'll spend two or three hours or more a night thinking about, but I don't think there's even a glimmer of autonomy, or anything that could develop past what it says on the tin, so I guess that's all there is for it

I said this in my last post here, and it's funny that I did.

My very first post on this site was a thread called "Incorporating Tulpamancy into Nightly RP's?", and I was asking advice on what it says, I'd always locked myself in these worlds and imagined characters, gone on adventures, made friends, typical stuff for a lot of people. But there was always this line, right? I had built up this mindset that made it plain that reality and these games were separate, couldn't for the life of me figure out how to use it to any advantage.

Well, I guess that I did in the end. So I've obviously done crazy amounts of MLP stuff in these RP's, almost six years later and I'm still into it, still building my own iteration of that world in my mind where I'm doing stuff, not being here, whatever. Pretty lame, totally admit, but whatever, it's familiar, and I've just put so much time into it. I think I could move totally away from the show and still hold onto that world.

Anyway, for something like two years now, I've had this one character that I've been working on every facet of, getting her locked down. I've spent weeks or more, total, just ironing her out. And it wasn't for any purpose other than making sure I'd always be able to do something with her in these RP's, any situation, I could go through a story with her. I know her and she knows me better than about anyone in the world. From tulpamancy, all I've ever really wanted was a friend like that. I'm not short on friends in real life, I can talk to somebody about anything, but I've never been close to someone like that.

It's obvious where this goes, but I need to make the distinction, for me, that I didn't start over, I didn't start forcing this horse into a tulpa. I didn't, I never would. I'm done narrating, and visualizing, and everything else that comes with this. 

Well, anyway, on the 10th of October, I was at work, doing my thing but not really there mentally, ya know? I was off who-knows-where with this pony, talking, or listening to music, or something. It was kind of just a whim, I guess. I chuckled, snorted a little, something, gave a little sigh, and put her down on a table next to me here in reality. I figured the worst that would happen is I'd stop, hop back into my head and forget I did it, continue on. Anyway, my characters have always spoken fine. They draw from me, and I can feel that, but it's a kind of parroting that's so low-level that it's not even worth worrying about. So I throw together this little scenario in my head real quick. It's not a part of any continuity she's been in in my RP's, I was at home one day, she popped up, she doesn't know how, nobody else can see her, she's been staying on the couch since. I start talking to her like it's been weeks, she talks back, and it's kind of fun.

We talked a lot, over those first few days. Like, insane amounts. And she's always in real space. I think that for people like me, the idea of a wonderland is a bad idea. It's just a place where I'd put Null, or Peachy, or Miriam when I wasn't in the mood to passively impose, or do things with them. Yeah, I could step in and we'd have a world to explore, but let's be real, that wasn't happening. I'd go days without saying anything to them. So the lil horse has just always been nearby. She's on the couch right now, head's on the back, looking over at me. She gets bored a lot, I know that, and I'm a pretty terrible host half of the time, but her always being here has made it impossible to push her out. I can't just get sick of her, because the second I do, and she's gone, there's a hole, and it doesn't feel right anymore. I made it so I couldn't stop without feeling like something is missing, and honestly, I don't want to. I don't even RP anymore because she's here, and I feel genuine, real guilt at the idea of running off with other people. Although, I have explained the concept of casual roleplay to her, and we'll go back and forth verbally, narrate things, and do it that way. It's definitely not the same, even when I can see her in my head, I know she's still around physically. It's kinda nice.

As pathetic as it sounds, two and a half months is well over my best time with a tulpa, bar none, and I don't feel parrotnoid, I don't feel the need to stop, or the fear that something's wrong. It's just working. It would hurt to stop anyway, so I won't. Her speech isn't always perfect, and she definitely doesn't really know or remember anything I don't (As far as things going on here goes, I'll ask about her home every once and a while and that seems to flow pretty alright), but I can't even care. She's definitely said things that affect me emotionally, made me think, surprised me. She gets homesick, and I feel for that, and I'll sit down with her, give her a hug, whatever, watch a movie, and she's better. That's good enough for me. What I've got now isn't what I wanted and envisioned almost five years ago, when I first stumbled onto the homepage of this site, but I think I had an unrealistic image in my mind anyway.

She's great, and I love her to bits. Only up from here. Been through a couple names over the years, because I suck at naming ponies, but we've kind of figured Coco Café is right. Coco's actually short for Coconut, which is a bit funny as a first name, even by pony standards, but Coco works, so whatever.

Yeah, I don't know, just figured I'd say. I'm too happy with where we're at to let myself get down and start ruining what I'm experiencing with doubt like usual, so I think, hope, this marks the end of my journey for this kind of thing. Maybe some day down the line, when she's solid enough in my mind, and her voice is so consistently her, I'll attempt something like imposition. Nothing else, though. No wonderland, no possession, no switching. Yeah, eventually. For now though, it's good. 

Genuine thanks to all of you guys, who have always commented. If I'd lost the desire to do this ages ago, I wouldn't be here now, or whatever. Glad to be here. Really glad.

I don't know, I'm not depressed and disillusioned at this anymore, I don't think. Not going to become an active and contributing member, but I guess there's no reason to go months before looking in again.

OH OH OH, before I forget! I was at a pony con back in October, Nightmare Nights Dallas. Ford and some of their friends held a tulpa panel. It was interesting in about all the ways you'd expect, and the turnout was, yeah, about what you'd expect. As were the uh, attendees. Myself probably included in that, haha. Keep an eye on them, though, Ford and Aury. They've got interesting things in the works. Went and ate at this vegan place with them and someone else afterwards (big mistake, ordered some gross as hell stuff, should have just gotten like a fake chicken sandwich or something), they were nice. They weren't very interested in talking to me as they were with the other person, I found, and I didn't feel I had any right to butt in on their conversation with the other person, so that sucks, but still. Interesting to meet them. 

Oh, and tupper01, what parts of this helped you? And are there any parts of your guide that more apparently reflect that? It's a big read, I never wound up going through it. Still, glad to know I could help. If nothing else, I've helped a few people, usually indirectly. 

Happy New Year, tulpa.info!

If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose
(This post was last modified: 01-02-2018, 01:48 AM by Enny.)
01-01-2018, 03:33 AM
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Lucilyn Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
Awesome! Cool!HappyYay

That's what a tulpa is all about! The experience! You were always parrotnoid, but maybe not even in the Tulpa.info sense. If you were into RP, had any imagination at all, you already got it! Lumi figured out a long time ago that real and not real didn't exist in your head, and that's extremely important for tulpamancers to understand, but the majority of them don't. Always worried about real or not, the successful ones just convinced their tulpas are real. No such thing!

I'm sorry you got so caught up in that mindset, but I'm glad it's finally worked out for you! Remember no matter what happens, it's not about real or not real or you or not you, it's about how you (and they!) experience them (and them you!). 'Cus I mean, in the end, in a sense it will always be "you". We think of "us" as all of us nowadays, because, it is? Read the sentence? Them's the facts!

And remember the most IMPORTANT thing, is that you're happy! Or at least feeling pretty alright! Happy New Year and many to come!

Hi I'm one of Lumi's tulpas. I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.
All of my posts should be read at a hundred miles per hour because that's probably how they were written.
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01-01-2018, 04:08 AM
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Enny Offline
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RE: Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy
Yeah, happy's probably the word. I mean, I can still be horrible and stubborn, just block everything out for hours at a time, because I'm ADD or some shit, but at least I feel bad about it, and don't go for days to weeks at a time like that anymore. Today's kind of been one of those days, but my off-days are always worse than not.


I should figure out how to draw horses, even I don't really know fully well what she looks like. I kind of just have vague ideas and the blanks get filled in, I don't see it. She's an off-white, short mane, kinda gradient brown/orange a la toasted coconut flakes, which were the precedent there, not sure about her eyes. I know she's definitely not got canon proportions because those are terrifying in person, I'm certain. But what exactly those proportions are, idk. Smaller eyes is the big one. I'm sure I've seen art that's more what I'm thinking of, but idk.

Also, happy Birthday, Lumi

If you only knew what all this cost - What she gave up, just to save her art

What is fashion, fashion without love? Like an odradek, a spool without purpose
01-02-2018, 02:00 AM
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