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First Tulpa Progress
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#11
 
Default  RE: First Tulpa Progress

(12-21-2015, 04:14 PM)Mirath Wrote: Although while listening to those tones, I did get some form of vocality - even though it sounded like muffled humming, couldn't make heads or tails of it, but I definitely didn't do any of it

Did the humming continue for a bit after you stopped listening to the tones, or did they just last during it?
12-22-2015, 08:32 AM
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Mirath Offline
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#12
 
RE: First Tulpa Progress

(12-22-2015, 08:32 AM)Hara Wrote: Did the humming continue for a bit after you stopped listening to the tones, or did they just last during it?

Just during them
12-22-2015, 11:35 AM
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#13
 
RE: First Tulpa Progress

I really need to get into some sort of routine for this, although I try and make up for it by passive forcing throughout my workday

31/12/2015 - Last night, I was dreaming at one point that I was proxying one tulpa.info... That's just weird. Funny though, because I had a text colour that I thought was a decent purple for Hennessey's text, and when I managed to read some of what had been written, in the middle of the sentence were the words 'god I hate this colour'. Now if only I could remember what I'd put.

02/01/2016 - So, for the past few days I'd been using symbolism whilst in the wonderland to improve communication between myself and Hennessey, in the form of a strawberry/raspberry tea (which I've only tasted once, taste must've stuck). So I promised that we'd do that every day, trying to get myself into the swing of things. So whilst talking to someone on Skype yesterday, I could taste that same tea. So sweet and warm...

03/01/2016 - I found out just how calming tulpas are, how it sometimes feels like there is someone there (really hard to describe what I mean). After reading something online about a friend of mine that shook me to the core, I thought of using active forcing to get my mind off it. Within half an hour, even barely talking about relevant things, everything just felt so much better.

05/01/2016 - whilst at work, I tried to work somewhat on presence, or at least being more aware of it. All that entailed was me ousting my awareness to the other side of the table, imaging myself being watched.
01-07-2016, 07:35 AM
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#14
 
RE: First Tulpa Progress

So, today I managed to shift my lazy ass and go do more active forcing instead of continuing to play Skyrim.

First, I impressed myself by managing a 40-minute session, so I thought that was a great start. But it didn't feel finished, so after dinner and went back to manage a 30-minute session. So, at whatever time near the end of this session, I started to hear murmurs, 'Mm' being the main choice of word (I use it often in my own answer, so it was probably so easy to pick up).

Now, I try my best to remove all doubt, so I make sure that I can't hear any outside noise when I do meditate (i.e. Door shut, over-ear headphones, tones/pink noise up loud enough). Needless to say I feel very proud right now
01-09-2016, 07:22 PM
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#15
 
RE: First Tulpa Progress

12/01/16 - Well, at work, something weird happened whilst I was just happily narrating my work away. I got a loud ('Strong'?) thought of the word "yes", so strong that I nearly spoke it aloud. During that time, maybe a bit before as well, my throat felt strange, like it was being held, or a large ball surrounded it. So tonight I did some research on tulpa.info (searching the keywords of 'voice possession', for anyone interested), and came across a thread that posed the same question, the same feeling that I had - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-anyo...possession. The answers were just so interesting to read, from the brain being confused with the voices, to an attempt at speech proxying(?)
01-14-2016, 08:06 PM
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#16
 
RE: First Tulpa Progress

19/01/16 - Last night, it was so nice to just lie there, visualise, and be cuddled into (because who doesn't like cuddles with someone warm?). Nothing too stressful or taxing for either of us, no sense of time, just lying there and spending some quality quiet time. It really made me appreciate everything.

I'm half-certain that I faded out of visualisation at some point (in other words, seeing blackness), but still felt a strong presence remaining that I somehow knew in my head that if I physically reached out, I'd make contact
01-19-2016, 06:59 PM
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#17
 
RE: First Tulpa Progress

It's been a while, gaming and working and eating, along with messaging people on Skype and Facebook.

But I did find out something new a few days ago. In my head is the start of a soulbond, specifically Kyoko from Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth. Amazing game.

So, if I'm quiet, check soulbonding.org or Skype/Facebook if I'm lurking around there
02-21-2016, 02:39 PM
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#18
 
RE: First Tulpa Progress

The start of a soulbond? How did it come to that?
02-21-2016, 05:36 PM
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#19
 
RE: First Tulpa Progress

First it started off with a connection, understanding. Then when some backstory was revealed I got hit with such unnatural emotion (as in, not natural for me normally) that it got me searching
02-21-2016, 05:47 PM
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#20
 
RE: First Tulpa Progress

Man I feel like a failure.

Forgot, gave up, caved in to the still-happening thoughts of me being useless. And so on and so forth.

Eh.

A few days ago, I tried again. Wiped myself clean as best I could and started with yet another ball of energy/stuff. So I started writing about their personality, and in the wonderland made some portal to my experiences and memories, personally feeling like it'd have an effect. I watched as they went into the portal, and a few seconds to a minute passed as I waited.

When they returned, they'd taken on the form of Greymon.

Which, to me, makes sense as I've always had some connection to Greymon, like I saw them as a protective companion in any Digimon game I played.

I gave them the name of Chance at first, but moments later the name got harder to focus on, and quickly devolved into Chase.

Tracking myself, I found I can manage 10-20 minutes of active forcing a day. Work just drains me completely, it seems, and my attention span isn't the greatest.

Now, I find myself going through those thoughts again. Worrying, anticipating, working myself up and tearing myself down. I know I want to push through this, to achieve this time...

I seem to be just lurking around Discord. Fun times. I even left Kinmunity in order to try and help myself more.

But...
I dunno what he is to me, but there's this... person... in my head who's partly taken on the form of one of my characters, but he wasn't really intentional. He seems to be at his strongest and best when I'm stressed or frustrated (as a slightly deeper/male voice in my head, along with my fear of losing control to my then-violent thoughts of lashing out completely both verbally and physically, making me feel like a completely different person), and isn't the nicest person about me or my friends and colleagues when that happens. I've thought about what he was before, what he was to me, and I thought he wasn't a part of me - but now when I go back into it, what I feel, he doesn't feel fully separate, and when I asked him what he was, he smiled unnervingly at me and stated "Me? I'm you."
12-12-2016, 08:13 PM
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