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[General] Help - School and bullying
Pn230xb1 Offline
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#1
 
Help - School and bullying
I created lily because I only have 1 real friend and I can’t get through school easily because of bullying. She hasn’t talked yet and tomorrow is the first day of school after the holidays. I’m really stressed out, any one have any tips that could help me in school or lily to start talking.

Thank you for your time

Edited the title to be less generic - vosaiu
(This post was last modified: 01-02-2018, 10:39 PM by Vos.)
01-01-2018, 11:18 PM
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solarchariot Offline
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#2
 
RE: Help
Pn230xb1, I am sorry to hear you are being bullied. It is never easy being the one outside the group, or more, when those in the group go out of their way to illuminate the ways we are different, and maliciously and aggressively disparage us. There are strategies for dealing with this, on a personal/internal level, which can be practiced in safety with a counselor, if you are comfortable going to a school counselor. The word 'bullying' itself is too vague in terms of understanding what you are experiencing; this 'thing' (word) doesn't describe the degree of maliciousness, the intent, and the forms it can take, IE physical versus emotional. My father was military and so I moved a lot, and being the new guy I got bullied frequently; sometimes I think it was just to test me, to determine my character. I share that only to show how 'bullying' can be perceived differently; we can internalize it differently, resulting in different emotional outcomes. That is why a counselor is so important, it helps you to determine what the best strategy for overcoming it, because it can be very individual and personal. Sometimes, people just suck, and they, and others around them, can be influenced by group or group leaders; sometimes, there are people in the group that have a strong enough sense of right to interrupt this. Sometimes not.

the important thing I take from your request is that you feel alone, and you need a friend(s). I hear you. If you continue to practice the tulpamancy guides here, you will get results. it is rarely instant. you're not picking up a cell phone and making a long distance call. it requires patience, but this could also be a thing that identifies you as unique and different, and different can also lead to bullying; it takes a great deal of personal fortitude to do things like these. I am not talking you out of tulpamancy. I think people get fortitude by pursuing activities that interest them (and I like thinking outside the box.) you're less likely to find a counselor to agree with 'making an invisible friend' as a viable option for life improvement, even if most of us here in this group think it is helpful. So, you're also having to practice discernment, something you are already practicing, because you're asking for help here, instead of your primary support group, which suggest to me your loneliness is pervasive.

Hang in there. Find someone, a school counselor, a cousin, friend, and reach out to them as well. I will chat to you when I can, from this forum. and I am sure others will, too. I think many of us have experienced bullying and loneliness to some profound degree. Be at peace, that helps with clarity in tulpa connection.
(This post was last modified: 01-03-2018, 06:58 PM by solarchariot.)
01-02-2018, 04:03 PM
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Pn230xb1 Offline
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#3
 
RE: Help
Wow. I don’t know what to say. This was so helpful. Thank you
01-02-2018, 09:18 PM
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Schnideways32 Offline
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#4
 
RE: Help - School and bullying
Hang in there trust me things will get better i also got bullied alot in high school. After i graduated i found that every thing i endured had only made me a stronger and more empathetic person. While you will always find some people who are going to give you a hard time and just be pricks for no apparent reason in the end you may just find yourself pittying them. For example my biggest bully buy far was a guy named Matt i wont go into to much detail but he physically and verbally assaulted me every day. In our senior year we were assigned to work together on a long term project. By working with him i found out that Matt struggled with reading and mathematics in fact he struggled so hard that his father would beat him on a regular basis for his pour grades. Matt took out his frustrations on me because i was a social outcast and much smarter than him. He never learned to control his emotional and physical outbursts this eventually lead to him physically assaulting a girl he was seeing sence he already had a long history with violence and knew he would be going to jail he attempted to take his life. He is now paralyzed from the neck down and resides in the same nursing home as my grandmother. I on the other hand have a loving wife and 2 terrific children. The point of my story is the things he did to me could have broken me but i chose to rise above them. And the things he chose to do to others destroyed him. In the end the universe has a way of balancing its self out. Call it god or karma or whatever you choose just don't give into darkness it only spreads to others around you. But the same can be said of goodness and light find someone else at school like yourself you may just find the support you need. I wish i could give you advise on your tulpa but im new to this too. My heart and prayers go out to you feel free to contact me through this page i will do my best to help
01-03-2018, 05:41 AM
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Heckhound Offline
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#5
 
RE: Help - School and bullying
Hey there. Very sorry to hear you're having these issues. Middle/high school is a tough period in many people's lives, but if you can endure it, one day it'll all be a small blip in your lifetime that you hardly think about. I agree you should seek out a counselor of some sort if you can. It can be very helpful to talk to someone sympathetic. Maybe find a teacher that you trust and let them know what's going on.

As for your tulpa, just think about her when you have free time during school hours. Teach her about what you're learning. Teaching someone something is actually a great way to learn it yourself, so it could even help with your studies. She will be able to respond eventually, so don't rush it and just enjoy the relationship that you have right now.

pr // discord: Heckhound#6112
01-03-2018, 08:02 AM
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solarchariot Offline
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#6
 
RE: Help
(01-02-2018, 09:18 PM)Pn230xb1 Wrote: Wow. I don’t know what to say. This was so helpful. Thank you

You didn't have to say anything. 'thank you' is perfect. 'wow' was fantastic. (Wow was exactly what I thought as i reread my post and found it almost indecipherable, and yet, you got something out of it. yay. Smile ) What I saw needed a lot of grammatical and clarifying edits, and so, I have adjusted it. I think my original response's original message is still there.

We all need to be heard, Pn230xb1. By the way, may I shorten your title to B1?  Smile
01-03-2018, 07:02 PM
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TheBlackWizard Offline
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#7
 
RE: Help - School and bullying
Ah bullying, takes me back to my school days. We always solved bullying by beating the everlasting shit out of each other until we eventually simmered down. Good times, good times.

For stress management, mindfulness meditation. For emotional management, mindfulness meditation and state control by tony robbins. For mental management, mindfulness meditation.

While you're at school, active mindfulness + tony robbins state control.

If you put in the effort (which isn't much at all) you'll be fine with these techniques.

Good luck
01-03-2018, 09:16 PM
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Pn230xb1 Offline
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#8
 
RE: Help - School and bullying
This is incredible guys. I didn’t think this was going to get so much support. All your awnsers have helped immensely. Thank you all.
Oh and by the way, it’s verbal and emotional bullying.
01-03-2018, 10:23 PM
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Schnideways32 Offline
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#9
 
RE: Help - School and bullying
I'm glad to help in any way i can take care and hold fast
01-04-2018, 03:31 AM
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solarchariot Offline
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#10
 
RE: Help - School and bullying
B1, I find this to be the easiest mindfulness technique to practice:

http://mindfulnessforstudents.co.uk/reso...uppy-mind/

I teach it. I also don't make a distinction between mindfulness exercises and meditation, it boils out the same, as you have to be mindful to begin meditating. meditating is not the absence of thought; it's increased clarity. It won't stop bullying, but if you are in a calm state of mind, you're likely to respond differently, and a unique and witty response has been known to short circuit bullying. Offensive and defensive responses can both escalate the situation. Sometimes just showing it affects you can perpetuate future incidents, whereas not responding, people tend to loose interest. Even knowing what you are experiencing is limited to verbal and emotional doesn't fully illuminate your experience, and you don't have to discuss it here. Almost all the research shows bullying to be a complex interactive pattern which requires insight into the multiple agents involved, but it only takes one person to short circuit it and end it.

so, for example, some things start as simple teasing. it wasn't meant malicious, but because there was some humor, maybe situational truth, not absolute truth, and there was a reaction, these things kind of stick with us and follow us, and the more we react, the more it gets activated. if you push a button on a coke machine and get a coke, you tend to keep pushing that button. no more coke, or suddenly its bottled water, that button doesn't get pushed as much, at least not by the person looking for the coke. how mindfulness and meditation works is by purging pent up emotions so you have greater tolerance. not to tolerate more bullying, but so that you're indifferent to the stupid-ness of it, and the 'game' of it tends to go away. As an outsider it's really difficult to short circuit it, because I don't fully understand all the nuances involved, and again, that's why I recommend the school counselor. But here is the analogy for purging emotions through mindfulness meditation:

you're carrying a bucket. the bucket is full of water. just one more drop of water causes the bucket to overflow. now you're getting wet and those around you are getting wet. Substitute water with emotions. One more drop of emotions equals getting wet. It doesn't matter if its happy, sad, anger, any emotions put into a full bucket results in spillage, and spillage translates into behaviors and feelings. when a bucket a full, small things seem really big. we're not really over-reacting to the small thing, we're reacting to a full bucket of water. had the bucket been empty and this small thing occurred, well, we'd probably go, 'oh, small thing, meh,' and go about our day. if your bucket is full and someone bullies you, it doesn't matter how big or small the event is, it feels like a lot to carry when your bucket is full. empty your bucket, and if they say something mean, well, 'you really don't know me, meh...'and you go about your day.

bullying sucks. it's been around forever. just look at any drama on television and you can see many forms. (dont watch Games of Thrones, serious bullying in that world.) unfortunately, the world sucks and sometimes we have to know more about the 'thing' that is affecting us than those around us. read everything you can about bullying. lots of info out there. talk to your friend or counselor. If someone tells you to toughen up, reject that, and go talk to someone else. It is okay to be sensitive, empathic, and kindly. that said, we sensitive folks sometimes feel things more than others, and we can't expect others to share our level of empathy. Empathic people tend to feel more, our buckets fill up faster than others, and it's our job to empty the bucket in healthy ways. consequently, we also tend to have higher rates of loneliness and depression because we feel things so deeply, and we perceived that others are less likely to relate to our degree and misinterpret that to not being on the same page. they're on the same page, just not the same paragraph and sentence.

anyway, the game is on: your turn to do some homework. make it your goal to know more about it than it does about you.
01-04-2018, 06:27 PM
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