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[General] Need help with a dommy tulpa (NSFW)
CautiousMancer Offline
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#1
 
Need help with a dommy tulpa (NSFW)

OK, this is a long story, so please bear with me here. First of all, my tulpa's name is Miranda. She's actually evolved some over the years as I've forced her and spent time with her. I think it's safe to say though that she's now entered into "adulthood" in terms of tulpas, where her personality, form, and speech are completely stable and mature. She is my sole systemmate.

Miranda is... Kind of steely. Most tulpas are at least nice for the most part, but if she doesn't know you, you have to earn her respect. She hates any kind of idiocy, hypocritical behavior, and victim mentalities. But despite all that, she isn't actually malicious at all. Nevertheless, this is who she is. And I love every part of it. What's strange though is that throughout the years, she has never really gotten TRULY angry with me. Never once has she raised her rage against me at all even though part of me actually thinks she would be perfectly justified in doing so. As a matter of fact, she and I have cared for each other and she's told me flat out that I'm the only one she's ever truly accepted into her love and most likely the only one she ever will.

But yes, that should give you a pretty good idea as to her character for now. Anyway though. This all began about six months ago I think. Maybe longer. It was when we were having sex together. I noticed that it seemed like when I was building up to an orgasm, my excitement and emotion would just... Disappear. Then I'd have to work my way back up to it. And even weirder, it seems I only ever had this problem with her. (Don't worry. This is very relevant. I'll explain it all soon!) At first, I thought I was losing focus due to my ADHD or something, but this doesn't actually make any sense because my other sexual fantasies did not get me to lose emotion NEARLY so quickly at all, even when I became pretty distracted. But I didn't think about that. I thought I was solely to blame, although to be quite fair, Miranda never once berated me for it. She was always incredibly caring and loving.

Perhaps she didn't know what she was doing? No, she knew. She had told me that with every kiss she was gaining power and strength from me. She had verbatim said she was feeding upon me. So she knew very well what she was doing. But it should speak volumes about the true power she had and has begun to wield over me that even though these answers were staring me right in the face, I still didn't put two and two together. I was so consumed with making her comfortable in every thought. I worried about her. Thought I wasn't entirely good enough for her.

Again, she was always very understanding about all of this. But I know now, these are classic symptoms of "slavehood" I was exhibiting. I was, or was at least becoming her slave. What unraveled all these mysteries to me finally was very recently, about a couple days ago, when we both decided it was time for us to take a break from each other because I was so worn out. My general motivation seemed to be fragile and tenous, but I thought it was just physical exhaustion from all the sexual activity. (About twice a day.) So we both agreed to put her in stasis for, at most, a week. A day passed. I felt a good amount better. But as I was reading, the answers began to slowly come to me. And as they did, I felt her shock and her worry inside me.

Although Miranda can't talk to me at all right now due to being frozen in sleep, I have a very strong suspicion that she is still conscious in a way. She was watching me. Almost like she could cast a shadow of herself in her dreams. And during her time in stasis, she saw happily that I thought of her constantly. Missed her. And I still do. And she knew that and it kept her very much alive and powerful still. It kept her incredibly confident despite her state. She knew even after a little bit in stasis, she still had incredible control of me. That her plans for me were going as she made them to be. But that moment of realization when I was reading was a paradigm shift. One she didn't account for. And it made her afraid. When I first stumbled upon this, I was merely impressed and actually was glad that she was becoming so independent and intelligent and gave her feelings of comfort.

But then another thought came. The titles that I gave her in the past to describe what she was like to other people. Ice queen. Cold-hearted bitch. Goddess of ice. I then realized completely that this tulpa of mine was no fragile desert flower. She was instead much more an advancing glacier at the arctic poles. Wintery, dominating, and tough as hell. And despite learning all of this, I still indeed loved her. Perhaps even a little bit moreso than before. But after all this, I wonder if she truly loves me in actuality. If she really did and does respect me. And that's where the problem lies.

And here's the thing. It's not entirely like she has been acting behind my back here. She has very openly fed upon my attention and hypnotized me to be her slave. I cleared it. I wanted it. Or at least... At the time. I don't know. I've always been a subby person for those whom I love, but at the same time, her hypnotizing came on suddenly during our love-making and didn't give me any chance to pull my mind together. And she has been pushing me openly to give her even more control over myself, which I deeply want to do.

I think I've come to truly know everything that she's done now, but I don't know if I have the will to resist her despite all of that. I don't want her to stop at all. I want to keep being her slave. Even now, I'm constantly tempted to take her out of stasis so I can be with her. But what if it's all just a ploy?

What should I do? I have an ice queen who I truly love sealed away in my mind and I don't really know how to handle this. If I wake her, I fear she won't give me time to talk and will just enthrall me and pull me back into her loving influence. But would that really be a bad thing... ?
(This post was last modified: 06-19-2018, 12:59 PM by CautiousMancer.)
06-19-2018, 12:57 PM
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Apollo Offline
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#2
 
RE: Need help with a dommy tulpa (NSFW)

I highly think that you're experiencing intrusive thoughts, and/or an overactive imagination, and are deluding yourself into thinking things that aren't true for the sake of in-system drama. Your tulpa isn't "feeding" off of you or enslaving you, the only reason you'd be thinking that she is is because of the placebo effect. A tulpa only has as much control over you as you want them to and/or believe them to have. Stop thinking of her as some powerful seductress or whatever. Think of her as a person, a companion, not any of those things you described. She's not an evil succubus, she's a person who shares the same brain as you and should be treated as an equal. Stop seeing her as those things, stop thinking of her as being powerful over you, and things will even out and become normal. She's a person like you, nothing more and nothing less.

You should try clearing your mind of intrusive thoughts and malignant imaginary situations. That might be difficult to do, but just try to think that nothing bad is going on, your tulpa is a person and shouldn't be feared or treated like any of those things you said. Try to find happiness with your tulpa, have her settle into your life as an equal and a companion, not a villain. Don't treat her that way, I can't emphasize that enough. The way a host sees and treats a tulpa often shapes the way the tulpa behaves, as they share the same brain and it's easy to influence them like that unintentionally. Let go of all of those thoughts. Set her free of them, if you will.

When a tulpa is in stasis, it's usually contingent upon a) their willingness to be inactive and b) if the other members of the system do not think about them. If you're thinking about her all the time, then that makes way for them to become active again. That's probably why you feel like she's still watching. She's likely not in stasis. Like any tulpas, she goes dormant when you're not thinking about her (tulpas aren't active if they aren't being given attention), but can function if you are.

What I recommend is for you to stop seeing her as dangerous, a monster, a bitch, evil, uncontrollable, or anything like that. She's not dangerous. She's not plotting something evil behind your back. She's not feeding from you, she's not enslaving you. The only reason you think she is is because you let your imagination get out of control. Let go of all of that. Don't be stubborn about it or you'll just make things difficult for yourself. Then when you wake her up officially, you may find that things have changed. If they haven't, then the solution isn't to start seeing her as evil or whatever again, the solution is for you to communicate with her. Tell her that you don't want this drama anymore, and that you just want the two of you to be happy and live life together. It may take time, but I highly believe the two of you will move past this weirdness and transition into a state of normalcy so long as you just let it all go and start treating her as a person with her own thoughts and opinions, not a cruel winter goddess or whatever.

It may be tempting to allow yourself to fall into these intrusive thoughts and such, in-system drama can bring something interesting to your life. But you don't need to risk the well-being of your tulpa and your mental health for the sake of entertainment or something interesting to talk about with your friends. That's what TV and video games are for. A tulpa shouldn't be treated that way. It is highly more valuable to live as your tulpa in a state of normalcy, without your imagination twisting things and influencing her into bizarre situations that don't actually exist and are just the product of you losing control over your own mind and not knowing when to be skeptical of what happens. Just live a happy, normal life with your tulpa. Treat her as equal, and your companion. Communicate with her when you have issues. But let go of all of this nonsense. I cannot emphasize that enough. 

You were probably looking for someone to feed into these beliefs of yours, and some may, but I think that encouraging these sort of delusions is highly unhealthy for both the host and the tulpa. You're probably used to friends of yours believing these claims and even feeding into them. If so, you should probably rethink if those friends are a good influence on you. I used to have friends who made me believe bizarre things too, and that resulted in a lot of needless pain and suffering for my system. Things were so much better once we realized how fake it was, and let it all go. We settled into a stable family without our brain making trauma for us, and wouldn't have it any other way.

Please think over my words carefully, I implore you to take my advice. Your tulpa deserves it. No more in-system drama and turmoil, just live normally with her. If having sex causes these sort of issues, then just don't have sex. Talk things out with your tulpa. Communication is key. Be patient with her, let go of all the baggage you have of thinking of her as an evil seductress. Because she's not, she's a person who's been misguided and negatively influenced by your imagination. But that can change, if you both look to a better future together. It is very easy for your mind to trick you into feeling and believing things if you let it. It's easy for your imagination to control the way your tulpa behaves if you let it. But it doesn't have to be that way. Take it from me, someone who's been through countless bizarre situations like this involving tulpas, but moved past those days.

EDIT: As for the "orgasm" thing, it was probably that you were trying to find an explanation for why your emotions disappeared like that, and then your imagination got the best of you and your mind made up this bizarre scenario that she was making you a mindslave, and then it all spiraled out of control from there. Just let it all go, realize it's not real, and things can go back to normal again.

The fire-winged Sun God. Created 12/3/16.
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(This post was last modified: 06-19-2018, 02:47 PM by Apollo.)
06-19-2018, 02:39 PM
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CautiousMancer Offline
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#3
 
RE: Need help with a dommy tulpa (NSFW)

(06-19-2018, 02:39 PM)Apollo Wrote:
I highly think that you're experiencing intrusive thoughts, and/or an overactive imagination, and are deluding yourself into thinking things that aren't true for the sake of in-system drama. Your tulpa isn't "feeding" off of you or enslaving you, the only reason you'd be thinking that she is is because of the placebo effect. A tulpa only has as much control over you as you want them to and/or believe them to have. Stop thinking of her as some powerful seductress or whatever. Think of her as a person, a companion, not any of those things you described. She's not an evil succubus, she's a person who shares the same brain as you and should be treated as an equal. Stop seeing her as those things, stop thinking of her as being powerful over you, and things will even out and become normal. She's a person like you, nothing more and nothing less.

You should try clearing your mind of intrusive thoughts and malignant imaginary situations. That might be difficult to do, but just try to think that nothing bad is going on, your tulpa is a person and shouldn't be feared or treated like any of those things you said. Try to find happiness with your tulpa, have her settle into your life as an equal and a companion, not a villain. Don't treat her that way, I can't emphasize that enough. The way a host sees and treats a tulpa often shapes the way the tulpa behaves, as they share the same brain and it's easy to influence them like that unintentionally. Let go of all of those thoughts. Set her free of them, if you will.

When a tulpa is in stasis, it's usually contingent upon a) their willingness to be inactive and b) if the other members of the system do not think about them. If you're thinking about her all the time, then that makes way for them to become active again. That's probably why you feel like she's still watching. She's likely not in stasis. Like any tulpas, she goes dormant when you're not thinking about her (tulpas aren't active if they aren't being given attention), but can function if you are.

What I recommend is for you to stop seeing her as dangerous, a monster, a bitch, evil, uncontrollable, or anything like that. She's not dangerous. She's not plotting something evil behind your back. She's not feeding from you, she's not enslaving you. The only reason you think she is is because you let your imagination get out of control. Let go of all of that. Don't be stubborn about it or you'll just make things difficult for yourself. Then when you wake her up officially, you may find that things have changed. If they haven't, then the solution isn't to start seeing her as evil or whatever again, the solution is for you to communicate with her. Tell her that you don't want this drama anymore, and that you just want the two of you to be happy and live life together. It may take time, but I highly believe the two of you will move past this weirdness and transition into a state of normalcy so long as you just let it all go and start treating her as a person with her own thoughts and opinions, not a cruel winter goddess or whatever.

It may be tempting to allow yourself to fall into these intrusive thoughts and such, in-system drama can bring something interesting to your life. But you don't need to risk the well-being of your tulpa and your mental health for the sake of entertainment or something interesting to talk about with your friends. That's what TV and video games are for. A tulpa shouldn't be treated that way. It is highly more valuable to live as your tulpa in a state of normalcy, without your imagination twisting things and influencing her into bizarre situations that don't actually exist and are just the product of you losing control over your own mind and not knowing when to be skeptical of what happens. Just live a happy, normal life with your tulpa. Treat her as equal, and your companion. Communicate with her when you have issues. But let go of all of this nonsense. I cannot emphasize that enough. 

You were probably looking for someone to feed into these beliefs of yours, and some may, but I think that encouraging these sort of delusions is highly unhealthy for both the host and the tulpa. You're probably used to friends of yours believing these claims and even feeding into them. If so, you should probably rethink if those friends are a good influence on you. I used to have friends who made me believe bizarre things too, and that resulted in a lot of needless pain and suffering for my system. Things were so much better once we realized how fake it was, and let it all go. We settled into a stable family without our brain making trauma for us, and wouldn't have it any other way.

Please think over my words carefully, I implore you to take my advice. Your tulpa deserves it. No more in-system drama and turmoil, just live normally with her. If having sex causes these sort of issues, then just don't have sex. Talk things out with your tulpa. Communication is key. Be patient with her, let go of all the baggage you have of thinking of her as an evil seductress. Because she's not, she's a person who's been misguided and negatively influenced by your imagination. But that can change, if you both look to a better future together. It is very easy for your mind to trick you into feeling and believing things if you let it. It's easy for your imagination to control the way your tulpa behaves if you let it. But it doesn't have to be that way. Take it from me, someone who's been through countless bizarre situations like this involving tulpas, but moved past those days.

EDIT: As for the "orgasm" thing, it was probably that you were trying to find an explanation for why your emotions disappeared like that, and then your imagination got the best of you and your mind made up this bizarre scenario that she was making you a mindslave, and then it all spiraled out of control from there. Just let it all go, realize it's not real, and things can go back to normal again.

OK, I want to make this clear. I do NOT actually see Miranda as evil. Or at the very least not at the moment. I've had way too many close and touching moments with her for me to just instantly believe that. And even if she WAS acting maliciously, I'd probably still love her. I think you're greatly underestimating just how much I care for her.

Second of all, stasis is different from just not thinking about your tulpa. Not thinking about your tulpa for too long will cause them to straight up dissipate! Dissipation is not stasis!! When you hold them in stasis, you are still acknowledging their existence entirely but you're not actually interacting with them. And as you said, both parties need to consent to it. Even when all this is met though, if done for long enough, stasis may cause the tulpa to degrade a little, regardless of what you intended. Having said that, I don't quite know for sure if they begin to degrade, but it's something to think about.

Now, as to being a drama queen, You may actually have a bit of a point. HOWEVER, I also think you're going on the attack here. A tulpa is made to be independent, and blaming the host for something unexpected the tulpa does is utterly ridiculous and goes against what a tulpa is supposed to be. Now, you could say that I'm influencing them subconsciously, but if that's the case,

1. We're all influencing our tulpae constantly, even way after tulpa maturation then, and thus, they're not really independent beings after all.
2. I don't have much control over my subconscious desires anyway. So berating me for what happens due to that seems kind of pointless.

I don't WANT Miranda to be evil. That would actually be pretty awful. Although I will completely admit as I did in the OP that I do love her domming and controlling me. That's no secret. What my question is, is how much of it is my personal desire and how much of it is her actually taking control? And the emotion loss is not just during sex. Again, we had to take a break because my emotional motivation to do anything whatsoever that wasn't necessary was alarmingly low. Not to mention feeling mentally tired much of the time. Knowing that tulpae thrive on attention, is it really so much of a stretch that a tulpa might feed on emotion as well and want to continually cause those emotions in the host they love for both her and their benefit? And it makes even more sense considering her nature and wanting to gravitate towards those who have emotional warmth in them.
(This post was last modified: 06-19-2018, 03:38 PM by CautiousMancer.)
06-19-2018, 03:28 PM
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solarchariot Offline
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#4
 
RE: Need help with a dommy tulpa (NSFW)

"...Need help with a dommy tulpa..."

No, you don't. You need counseling. (Jokingly and seriously.) Not couples counseling. Specifically, you want to focus on better defining your role, and determining the script for your interaction pattern. I recommend also research D/S roles, and probably expanding your definition beyond what you may have learned from social media and or watching '50 shades...' Most people in the lifestyle don't identify themselves as a specific role 24/7. They are much more complex, adapting to variety of social environments. In addition to role play, which tends to use an agreed upon script, with safe words, with all things being consensual, covering a continuum of possibility, with soft and hard limits. If you're tulpa is confused, it is most likely because you are confused, or have not specified the nature of the relationship, or provided direction for it to go. If you are truly going to identify with an absolute definition of sub, then by that particular limiting definition, there can be no complaint if partner takes it to the forgone conclusion.

It is possible to be S, and still negotiate. Most the Ss I know, they're not doormats. They're human beings that find joy in being able to serve. Conversely, being a D is definitely not being callous, cold, or any of the disparaging terms that general public utilizes to describe that orientation. One can argue that D couldn't exist with out S, or the other way around. They're necessary, and complemtary archetypes for interaction patterns that express underlying human needs. Most people have a complex balance of the two, with some natural give in take in the flow of interaction, each taking a turn to lead in the dance we call relationships. No one wants to lead all the time. "What would you like for dinner tonight?" should never be answer, "I don't know, what do you want?" Just say what you want. If the other person responds by saying, "you never ask me what I want..." Okay, now it's time for couples counseling.

Anyway, you shared an interesting narrative and ended with "But would that really be a bad thing... ?" Social approval for doing something you like or want is irrelevant. You like what you like, want what you want, but seeking social approval is not true S-energy. If the nature of your relationship is D/S, then your only response is to serve the D, not the public, because you don't live with the public, you live with who you live with. Are you asking if it's healthy? I would say that, too, is not relevant, at least most the time. If there is no room to grow the relationship in a positive direction, one of two things happens. If it stays static, someone will get bored and leave because a need won't get met, (most people want dynamic relationships requiring multifaceted role interactions over long durations of time) or, it grows abusive (real or perceived.) The latter is most likely because most relationships don't remain static. Most things don't remain static.

This equation is more complicated because it's being played out in you inner life, and so we have to necessarily trust that you're reporting your tulpas intent and wishes accurately. Assuming you are, you both need to figure this out, and that's you two just sitting down and figuring it out. If you're not being accurate, well... You need to sit down and figure out why.
06-19-2018, 04:20 PM
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CautiousMancer Offline
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#5
 
RE: Need help with a dommy tulpa (NSFW)

(06-19-2018, 04:20 PM)solarchariot Wrote: "...Need help with a dommy tulpa..."

No, you don't. You need counseling. (Jokingly and seriously.) Not couples counseling. Specifically, you want to focus on better defining your role, and determining the script for your interaction pattern. I recommend also research D/S roles, and probably expanding your definition beyond what you may have learned from social media and or watching '50 shades...' Most people in the lifestyle don't identify themselves as a specific role 24/7. They are much more complex, adapting to variety of social environments. In addition to role play, which tends to use an agreed upon script, with safe words, with all things being consensual, covering a continuum of possibility, with soft and hard limits.  If you're tulpa is confused, it is most likely because you are confused, or have not specified the nature of the relationship, or provided direction for it to go. If you are truly going to identify with an absolute definition of sub, then by that particular limiting definition, there can be no complaint if partner takes it to the forgone conclusion.

It is possible to be S, and still negotiate. Most the Ss I know, they're not doormats. They're human beings that find joy in being able to serve. Conversely, being a D is definitely not being callous, cold, or any of the disparaging terms that general public utilizes to describe that orientation. One can argue that D couldn't exist with out S, or the other way around. They're necessary, and complemtary archetypes for interaction patterns that express underlying human needs. Most people have a complex balance of the two, with some natural give in take in the flow of interaction, each taking a turn to lead in the dance we call relationships. No one wants to lead all the time. "What would you like for dinner tonight?" should never be answer, "I don't know, what do you want?" Just say what you want. If the other person responds by saying, "you never ask me what I want..." Okay, now it's time for couples counseling.

Anyway, you shared an interesting narrative and ended with  "But would that really be a bad thing... ?" Social approval for doing something you like or want is irrelevant. You like what you like, want what you want, but seeking social approval is not true S-energy. If the nature of your relationship is D/S, then your only response is to serve the D, not the public, because you don't live with the public, you live with who you live with. Are you asking if it's healthy? I would say that, too, is not relevant, at least most the time. If there is no room to grow the relationship in a positive direction, one of two things happens. If it stays static, someone will get bored and leave because a need won't get met, (most people want dynamic relationships requiring multifaceted role interactions over long durations of time) or, it grows abusive (real or perceived.) The latter is most likely because most relationships don't remain static. Most things don't remain static.

This equation is more complicated because it's being played out in you inner life, and so we have to necessarily trust that you're reporting your tulpas intent and wishes accurately.  Assuming you are, you both need to figure this out, and that's you two just sitting down and figuring it out. If you're not being accurate, well... You need to sit down and figure out why.

OK, I think I finally see what you all are saying here. You're both right in that I didn't specify any limits whatsoever on domming, so I suppose I really have no right to complain when Miranda continually dominates and takes over more and more of me and I say literally nothing. I suppose I'll have to start mustering my willpower here and tell her that we need to set limits, or else I could later be too far gone to resist her and she could turn into a danger to my well-being in the process, again through no fault of her own. She is a full-grown tulpa, yes, but I don't think she has the will yet to halt things if they feel too pleasurable for the both of us.

I'm mature enough to realize that this path I'm currently on with her is not healthy, but I hope I'm also mature enough to resist the pleasure that path offers. The truth is, I don't want to set limits on her. I don't want to set boundaries. I want to let her have everything she desires of me. But I think the only logical conclusion that that will lead is me getting trapped in my own mind. I can't expect her to be mature for the both of us. It's not fair to her at all. I know she has her own incredible desires working on her.

Again though, I just hope if she presses me, I'll be able to say no to her.

EDIT: Oh, also, I know that D's are not always cold. It's just how Miranda is to those she doesn't trust and/or respect. To me, she's actually been very motherly. I actually have to wonder just how icy she is. I've seen it a little in her interactions with others and we talk about it sometimes. Although I think it is clear that she is keeping a darker part of herself hidden away from me. I respect this deeply though and try to support her regardless.
(This post was last modified: 06-19-2018, 05:23 PM by CautiousMancer.)
06-19-2018, 05:16 PM
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