Jump to content

Hesher's Forcing Foray


Hesher

Recommended Posts

After some major lurking, I finally decided to join the forums and start tulpaforcing early this morning. Hoping that writing a log will keep me motivated to continue even when the forming is slow.

 

So today was my first session with my currently nameless tulpa. I already had a form in mind before starting, one of a human adult male, but I'm not thinking much about that yet. I just wanted something to put these traits to, so I'm definitely allowing deviation from what I'm thinking of. It may end up being the final form or it may become something completely different, It's way too early to tell.

 

I forced his personality for about 45 minutes to an hour. I don't know the exact time, because idiot me forgot to look at the clock right beforehand, but I know it was around 7:30 or so, and I ended at 8:30. It was a strange experience, but not because I felt awkward talking to someone who wasn't in the room with me, but because I was nervous to start. It was like going up to a stranger on the street and asking them out on a date, that sort of feeling. I talked out loud the whole time, finding it easier to act like he was there physically that way. I tried to go down a list of traits I had written down and go into detail about each one individually, but that didn't feel natural. Rather, I felt like I was having a conversation with him, like he asked me how I would describe him and I answered. I ended up starting with one trait and letting connections between that and other traits of his just naturally progress into each other. I was pretty in depth, but I was just not using a linear thought process. I don't know if this is a good way of going about things, but it felt right.

 

At certain points, I was laughing or smiling like I was talking to an established friend. Overall, it felt like I was getting to know him, which is a positive sign I hope.

 

Afterwards, I became very sleepy, and there was a dull ache behind my eyes. I don't know if this actually came from concentrating, or if it was some sort of placebo effect. I'm not going to worry about it.

 

I'm just taking a very natural approach to everything, keeping traits and a form in mind, but letting him ultimately figure out who he is himself. I feel good about doing it this way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's the second day of tulpaforcing, and already I'm faced with some strange happenings.

 

As long as I've been awake, I've been narrating to my tulpa (who I have given the name Shiloh for now, just so it's easier for me to connect to him) out loud when I'm alone. I know that some people don't recommend narrating this early, but I feel like by not doing so, I'm not giving him enough attention. It wasn't anything terribly significant. I was explaining the backstory of an an rp I was doing with a friend, giving some insight into the world of Skyrim while we played, stuff like that. I also told him that I was glad that he was going to be around, and that I was happy with him being whoever he wanted to be. That went by without incident, other than the fact that it seemed completely natural to talk with no one physical around, which was a bit odd.

 

Just a little bit ago, I did some personality forcing for 40 minutes. I tried a different way of doing it this time, since yesterday I did it sitting up with just my eyes closed, while today I did it laying down (which I know isn't recommended, but I wasn't at all tired, and would've quit at the first sign that I was) with a pillow covering my eyes. This really helped with concentration I found. I will probably be doing it this way from now on.

 

I intended to force for a full hour, but I was forced to take a break. When I personality forced, I started out picturing a ball made of layers of newspaper, imagining that each strip of newspaper wrapping around it had the words I was saying to him. This was kind of strange imagery, but it happened naturally, so I went with it. And that's what I started out picturing today, but when I started going over how he was good with words, the newspaper ball was instantly replaced with a book without me thinking about it. That made me pause for a second since it threw me off guard, but I kept going. Then I went over how he was creative, and suddenly it wasn't just a book, but a hand holding a quill started scrawling on it. I had to stop again for a second, and the first thing I said was "Is that you?" Obviously, I knew I wouldn't get a response, but I was a little shocked about this going on. But I was comforted by the fact that maybe it was him, like my words were actually being heard.

 

The part that made me stop though, was when I started talking to him about his enthusiasm for life. I was saying things like "It makes you proud and happiest when you can create something out of nothing," and "It amazes you that you exist, that anyone exists, and that they create and think on their own." I went on about this for a while, when all of a sudden I felt light-headed and...well, the only word I can think of for it is "free." I have no idea where it came from, but it definitely wasn't a feeling I imagined. I was so overwhelmed by that I had to ask again if it was him. Once again, no response, but I told him that if it was him, I was happy to have him with me, and glad that there was already a connection forming. I then had to apologize that I had to end it early, but the feeling I got was just too powerful, and that I would come back later today to do a little bit more with him. I visualized the book closing and opened my eyes. Instantly, I noticed the dull pain again, so I don't think that was just me imagining things last time. in fact, my eyes are still sore as I'm typing this.

 

It seems impossible that I would already be getting such strong waves of emotion from Shiloh, being that I haven't even done two hours of forcing (not including narrating, which would make it several more hours), but it's undeniable that I felt something strange. It wasn't a bad strange, but strange nonetheless.

 

TL;DR: I had to stop a forcing session in the middle because of an overwhelming emotion that I had no reason to feel myself.

 

Could I be feeling his emotions this early on? My logical mind says it couldn't have been him, but I don't know where else it could have come from.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest

Some people are faster than others. Simple as that.

 

Regarding the placebo shit, it's just you overworking your frontal lobe; it's where you make decisions between good and bad, override and suppress unacceptable social responses, determine similarities and differences, and other high-level brain functions. In short: it's where your mind, and thus the tupper's mind, is. Overworking of this area is always how we get our pressure responses from our tuppers, but this is common knowledge for non-retards.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, and I knew all that, and I only thought it might've been a placebo effect because I didn't feel like I was overworking anything. It felt natural and pretty easy, and I didn't feel like I was concentrating hard enough.

But as I just posted, I've experienced it twice now and know it's an actual effect rather than something I'm imagining.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You use a blindfold too ? i find i can't concentrate on anything not even an orb of my tulpa without something covering my eyes its really strange. i find it hard to visualise without a blindfold also i tray getting intoa relaxed state where i can't feel my body it really helps. i find guided meditation songs on youtube that help but some paranoi me. anyways good luck i can't wait to see how your tulpa developes

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, I think the idea that if I were to open my eyes I still wouldn't be able to see helps. My mind also doesn't jump around a lot, so it's pretty easy for me to get focused. I think it's probably because I used to dabble in meditation in early high school.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I wasn't able to do any personality forming today. I was with friends literally all day for 4th of July, and by the time they left my house, I was exhausted. Only had enough time to go online for about 10 minutes before I was nodding off at the keyboard.

 

I was able to narrate to him throughout the day. Of course, I had to do it internally, since my friends don't know I'm doing this (and probably never will unless Shiloh has a strong conviction for otherwise). I knew it was going to be significantly harder than talking out loud, because for some reason I never think in voices, but I managed to force myself to think that way when there was some downtime to do so. I hope this doesn't affect any voice forming for him when I get to that step.

 

I try to keep him on my mind as much as possible so he gets the proper attention. I've been reading on the forums about imposition a lot, which leads to the pain behind my eyes that I get from forcing. I'm taking it as a sign that he's excited to get to that point. I am too, even though it might be far off. Even typing about it now is making it throb a bit.

 

I'm off to work in about an hour. It's usually pretty quiet for part of the time I'm there, so I'm gonna try to focus on Shiloh while I'm there, maybe even try to make up for the personality forming I missed yesterday. It'll probably be difficult, but work is pretty mindless, so maybe it'll be easier than I expect.

 

I'm gonna post a running count of hours every time now. I like being able to keep track of things like this.

 

Combined hours: 2

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...