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I No Longer Walk Alone.


Gryphon Flight

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I suppose it's about time I begin tracking what's going on before it all gets to confusing to keep in my mind, so I'm starting this blog. I suppose I'll put a description of my Tulpa and some generalized information about myself, and we'll proceed from there.

 

So, my name is Jessica, I'm 14 and Canadian. I started on my Tulpa due to my desire for a more understanding companion. I've got some pretty bad anxiety (no diagnosed disorder, never went to see a psychologist.) and I tend to avoid... Everything. I could be quite literal in my saying that I pretty much fear the world. I'm not proud of it, but I plan to keep it completely legitimate here. I'm nervous and jumpy, completely untrusting of every other inhabitant of the world, mostly those of the human race. I needed someone who could understand that, people tend to drift away when they realize that I'm no good at keeping in contact, so I needed someone who could comprehend Why I don't keep in contact. When I stumbled upon Tulpae, I pondered it all, read the guides, created my own opinions on the subject, and decided to begin my own.

 

Shira, I started her on the first of January this year (2014) and have yet to look back. We spent the entirety of January developing who she was and her personality, and throughout February we've been developing her form and working on parallel processing. Things have been going well, she's given me a few mindvoice responses, nothing big and the thoughts are generally pretty muffled and difficult to comprehend, but they're there, and I couldn't be happier. Her form is that of a Gryphon, I decided quickly against a human form due to my discomfort around most people, though if Shira desires a human form in the future, we'll work something out. Without going in to too much detail, Shira is a half lion, half red-tailed hawk with muddy brown feathers/fur, a lion tail with a half red, half black fluffy tip. She has large feathered wings and icy blue eyes. Her chest is white with an assortment of red feathers speckling it and her head is dotted with black feathers.

 

I don't have much to say about her personality yet as we've not had much time to communicate, nor have we broken that wall yet, but soon enough. From what I have noticed thought, she's witty and empathetic to the extreme, which is comforting.

 

These past few days have been lonely, her presence has been more difficult to acknowledge and her mindvoice less frequent. I'll keep positive, though, with knowledge that she'll never leave me completely. We'll just wait and keep looking to the future, there's nowhere for us to go but up.

 

I suppose I'll just update this thing whenever something's going on that's worth mentioning. That's all for now I suppose, time to end this post.

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If you don't mind me being nosy, how are you developing your personality? What was your take on it?

 

I don't mind at all.

 

Ahh yes, developing personality seems to be very controversial around here. I chose to do it vaguely, giving her traits and such, developing her 'soul' if that makes sense. I gave her 'suggestions' of traits that I liked, such as scholarly and humorous, and described them the best I could. I told her during the sessions that they were suggestions, I just wanted to know about traits, what they were and how they applied to different situations, in order to make it easier for her to choose what best applied to her likings and therefore make her development an easier task. I decided to force personality as something felt off about diving straight in to visualization, I wanted to have who she was developed before what she was. I hope this made sense, haha.

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February-24-2014

 

So, last night, Shira and I forced as usual. As I had mentioned above, she had been pretty absent from my mind, hard to find and acknowledge. Well, last night, I couldn't find her at all in my wonderland. She always worries about my health and safety, so I purposely tripped to see if she would notice. When I did so, she came running, gasping as she saw me on the ground, a little overreacting in my opinion, but hey.

 

As I got up, I smiled at this sign of sentience, and began to narrate further. She managed replies of "yes" and "no", though we mostly stuck to head pressure communication on her end. At one point, my thoughts accidentally drifted and I felt a pain as if someone cuffed me over the head. I expect that it was Shira who'd caused the pain, and despite the soreness for the next few minutes, I was happy as she was proving sentience further.

 

We spent the rest of the night communicating, her voice and laugh seemed to change often. Is it normal for a Tulpa to tend to change the sound of their voice often before settling on one? It was actually pretty humorous to watch her try out high and low voices, sometimes mimicking my friends, which was mildly uncomfortable, haha.

 

We plan to force again tomorrow night, hopefully more results to come!

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February-26-2014

 

Mindvoice is coming along rather well in Shira, I suppose. I no longer have to be actively forcing to hear it, though it's quiet if I'm passively forcing. Her voice is incredibly quiet as of right now, but I suppose that should be assumed as she's only recently begun speaking consistently. Though she says few words as of right now, mainly "yes" or "no" and requesting certain songs *cough*Dark Horse*cough*. She appears to enjoy speaking with people other than myself, though only one of my close companions knows of her existence... And I'll probably be keeping it that way.

 

Forcing's a pain when it can only be done late at night and you're exhausted. I'm always falling asleep, Any tips on staying awake during forcing? Anything helps, and I can tell that Shira gets annoyed when I fall asleep.

 

Visualization's tough. It's incredibly difficult for me to feel like I'm actually in my wonderland with Shira, I feel like I'm just seeing it from the third person, I'm not sure how to make it so that I can truly feel like I'm there. For now, I just keep visualizing things over and over, progress with that has been slow.

 

Any advice helps!

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Tulpas often do change their voice and form before finally settling on something. Not all of them do it, but many do.

 

Staying awake during forcing? Try sitting in a meditation posture, or in a hard chair. It's a lot harder than you'd think to sit up straight for an entire hour, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. And it will keep you awake.

 

As for making it like you're really in the wonderland, I wrote a little about it here.

 

Hope this helps.

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February-24-2014

. She always worries about my health and safety, so I purposely tripped to see if she would notice. When I did so, she came running, gasping as she saw me on the ground, a little overreacting in my opinion, but hey.

 

 

We plan to force again tomorrow night, hopefully more results to come!

 

 

Cool, clever idea to trip xD

My lip hurts.

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Cool, clever idea to trip xD

 

Haha, thanks!


Tulpas often do change their voice and form before finally settling on something. Not all of them do it, but many do.

 

Staying awake during forcing? Try sitting in a meditation posture, or in a hard chair. It's a lot harder than you'd think to sit up straight for an entire hour, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. And it will keep you awake.

 

As for making it like you're really in the wonderland, I wrote a little about it here.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Thank you, I'll try your suggestions tonight!

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February-28-2014

 

Not much has honestly happened lately. We still force every night, and I'm seemingly getting better at keeping awake so we can actually get through the sessions. Shira's kept to communicating with one or two words, generally just a yes or a no, but hey, it's something.

 

We tried out that parallel processing game, she didn't do too well, but the one time she guessed right... I got it incorrect. She had some fun with that. We enjoyed the game, however, and plan to play it more so that we can improved.

 

Shira and I have spent a lot of time consoling a friend who's been pretty depressed, and Shira's shown a lot of compassion for her. I'm incredibly proud of her for that.

 

S'pose that's all for now, more forcing to come.

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March-1-2014

 

So, it's officially been two months since we began Shira's creation... Wow. It feels like just yesterday, and yet, it also feels as if she's been by my side for years. Looking back, despite stupid things I've done and mistakes we've made (*cough*Hour counts*cough*), we've made a lot of progress and continue to move forward. I hope to have at least begun imposition and possession by the end of the year, but we'll see how it all goes.

 

We made a house today. Our wonderland didn't have one before, as It'd really just been more of a forest, and I had a preference for caves and shelters over houses. Shira, on the other hand, desired a house, so we settled on a small wooden cabin, splitting the interior design between ourselves. We're both happy with it for the time being, and Shira was glad to have a new book to read. The house was complicated for me to visualize, and still is, but I'm not too great at visualizing yet anyways, so we'll have to work on it. I also enlarged the clearing in our jungleish wonderland to fit both a house and a cave (quite the nice cave I might add.)

 

Shira still sticks to mostly "yes" and "no" responses, she hasn't really taken a liking to head pressure communication, so we dropped that for the time being, she seems to prefer just speaking to me. I am slightly parrotnoid when she speaks, but I have decided to, for the most part, just assume that it is her speaking even if I may have accidentally said it. I have an issue of accidentally covering/quieting her voice with my own mindvoice, so I have recognized hers as the more quiet one, as her mindvoice is still pretty weak. I almost always respond alongside her, accidentally, of course, and I'm really struggling to silence my own responses and just allow hers to come through. Guess we'll have to work on that.

 

Shira's been complaining of boredom lately, so I hope the new book will help her out, I'm not sure what else to do to entertain her right now, as I try to narrate as much as possible and give her books and such, but there's not much else I can do for her. Ahh well, we'll work something out, it's only going up from here!

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