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I think I am the accidental product of a Tulpa merging with a host
Superryanguy1 Offline
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#1
 
I think I am the accidental product of a Tulpa merging with a host
So, this is gonna be a long story.
To start it off, I was kinda crazy as a kid, I often got into fights and never really had any friends. This is partially due to some early childhood trauma that gave me trust issues.
Mostly though, I was the kid to bully, and had a bad habit of standing up for myself with really bad timing.
By the second month of first grade I was expelled from my elementary school, and recommended a psychiatrist by the school. From there I was slowly put into a steady diet of antipsychotics antidepressants and ADHD medication to boot.
This left me in a zombie like state. Every memory I have from this period is distorted and doesn’t feel real. This continued until the 5th grade, when my mom had enough of the BS and pulled me off the meds slowly.
At this point I had a crisis of identity. I had never formed a proper identity before being put on meds due to the aforementioned trauma, and hadn’t during the meds because the meds made me a barely functional human being. Now I was 11 and had no idea what my personality or role were.
So, I made one up. I saw the way everyone looked at me, with fear and curiosity and disgust. I decided I wanted to be chill and fun. A happy go lucky person who everyone likes.
And in what in hind sight was a feat that Machiavelli himself would be in awe of, I completely turned my reputation around in the school in under a year.
This involved constant activity, conscious manipulation of classmates, and even getting a transfer student to leave the school because he was a danger to the order I was creating.
My 6th grade year was truely a thing of beauty. The class was in absolute harmony. It remains the greatest year of my life and my 3 best friends today I made that year. However, this wasn’t me, this was all an act. This was the person I created, the happy go lucky fun to be around guy.
I began to realise this around my softmore year of high school. The original me began to slowly emerge. I think about philosophy and history and fantasy, and he thinks about pop culture and sci fi. He is Machiavellian and does anything to get his way. I am straightforwars and honest and try to help everyone around me make decisions on their own. My interests emerged and his began to recede to the background.
It may sound silly, but this all came to a head when I accidentally kicked a hole in my houses wall, which reminded my of a hole my dad had accidentally made in a wall years ago, it connected me with him and who I was born as. But this new person, this social fun guy wasn’t going anywhere.
Both were incorporated and the me I am today was created.
I am new here, I don’t even yet have a Tulpa, though I have started doing some light meditating on it.
I am curious though, does what I described sound like a tulpa who was given full control for an extended period of time, or is it something else?
Also hello everyone, I’m happy to be joining this community, I find every part of tulpas and tulpamancy super interesting.
12-07-2017, 07:36 AM
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EDPVincent Offline
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#2
 
RE: I think I am the accidental product of a Tulpa merging with a host
I reckon that other "you" was not a tulpa, but a persona you consciously made up. However, I will leave the judgement of whether or not that other "you" was a thoughtform or an act to someone with more experience on the topic.

I am known as Vincent.
[Hi, I'm Tyler!]
Our progress report.
12-07-2017, 08:51 AM
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tulpa001 Offline
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#3
 
RE: I think I am the accidental product of a Tulpa merging with a host
Oh wow, that's way too early to be diagnosed with schizophrenia, and those meds make it sound like the doctor was a quack.

Hmm, that's a flavour of plurality. I hold back on judging thoughtforms as tulpa or not tulpa.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
12-07-2017, 05:29 PM
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Superryanguy1 Offline
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#4
 
RE: I think I am the accidental product of a Tulpa merging with a host
(12-07-2017, 08:51 AM)EDPVincent Wrote: I reckon that other "you" was not a tulpa, but a persona you consciously made up. However, I will leave the judgement of whether or not that other "you" was a thoughtform or an act to someone with more experience on the topic.

Ok thanks, as I said I am new here and don’t yet have a Tulpa, so I am still trying to figure out what is and isn’t a Tulpa.
12-07-2017, 07:59 PM
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trickjump19 Offline
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#5
 
RE: I think I am the accidental product of a Tulpa merging with a host
(12-07-2017, 07:59 PM)Superryanguy1 Wrote: Ok thanks, as I said I am new here and don’t yet have a Tulpa, so I am still trying to figure out what is and isn’t a Tulpa.

Tulpae are usually capable of thinking for themselves, having a will of their own, and able to function autonomously to some degree.
For example I couldn't even write "in my experience" at the start of this post because unity was slowly getting triggered at my inability to "own" it

Unity: "I swear his inability to take responsibility for his views and shit makes this SO, SO MUCH more complicated than it should be, seriously."

If it were a tulpa, you would likely still have a mind-voice that functions like him in your mind somewhere. Like EDPVincent said, it's more likely that you managed to create a persona for yourself, a set of personality traits that you practiced displaying to the world. pretty much everyone has a persona.

Edit: sorry about that tulpa001... got my posts mixed up, fixed now.
(This post was last modified: 12-08-2017, 05:45 AM by trickjump19.)
12-07-2017, 10:36 PM
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Superryanguy1 Offline
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#6
 
RE: I think I am the accidental product of a Tulpa merging with a host
(12-07-2017, 10:36 PM)trickjump19 Wrote: tulpae are usually capable of thinking for themselves, having a will of their own, and able to function autonomously to some degree.
for example I couldn't even write "in my experience" at the start of this post because unity was slowly getting triggered at my inability to "own" it

unity: "i swear his inability to take responsibility for his views and shit makes this SO, SO MUCH more complicated than it should be, seriously."

if it were a tulpa, you would likely still have a mind-voice that functions like him in your mind somewhere. like tulpa001 said, it's more liely that you managed to create a persona for yourself, a set of personality traits that you practiced displaying to the world. pretty much everyone has a persona.

The strangest thing is though that my family were all actually creeped out while this happened. It wasn’t until the “merging” that they began to treat me normally. My mom told me that she was almost disturbed by it, and she is an incredibly accepting person.
I remember that during that time I looked back on early childhood memories (don’t remember almost anything 1-5 grade) and couldn’t relate to who I was back then. Now I completely relate to that child, and see myself as the extension of it.
I agree it probably wasn’t a Tulpa, but that consciousness was not my own or a persona, in fact, I am not even capable of reading people as well as it could, I’m not as smart as it was, I cannot even bring myself to reason the motivations behind much of what it did.
But I guess that’s a conversation best left to some other forum.
Thanks for responding to me about this, just having someone listen to me is helping me come to terms with all of it in my head.
12-08-2017, 01:17 AM
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TheBlackWizard Offline
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#7
 
RE: I think I am the accidental product of a Tulpa merging with a host
This is a totally normal and common occurrence. No tulpa's here. You created a mask like every human being does. But instead of viewing it only as a mask, you view it more as an alter-ego. Again, normal.

When you're incongruent with yourself this stuff happens
12-08-2017, 01:37 AM
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tulpa001 Offline
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#8
 
RE: I think I am the accidental product of a Tulpa merging with a host
It wasn't me who said they were a persona. Rather, there are lots of tulpa like thoughtforms out there. What you described is a lot like a tulpa. But you merged. So the evidence is sort of lost for now.

Some abilities are usually lost during a complete merge, so this is not unexpected.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
12-08-2017, 02:52 AM
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Superryanguy1 Offline
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#9
 
RE: I think I am the accidental product of a Tulpa merging with a host
(12-08-2017, 02:52 AM)tulpa001 Wrote: It wasn't me who said they were a persona. Rather, there are lots of tulpa like thoughtforms out there. What you described is a lot like a tulpa. But you merged. So the evidence is sort of lost for now.

Some abilities are usually lost during a complete merge, so this is not unexpected.

Thanks, I have read almost nothing about merging, so this was helpful.
I guess your right that the evidence is lost now, I’ve thought about this a lot, and they say every time you remember something it becomes a little different.
12-08-2017, 06:39 AM
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