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In a bit of a road block


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Guest Anonymous

[/font]11-23-13, 3:45 PM, Saturday, Public Library

Hello, fellow users. Recently I’ve found myself in a bit of depressing confusion. For a couple of days (I believe it was last week) I was under the impression that my Tulpa had been vocal and that I had been having some decent conversations with her. For the last few days, despite everything seeming to turn up with her and I making exponential progress, it feels as though everything now is declining as a similar rate, not unlike a parabola (please excuse the algebraic analogies). I worry that I’m not handling things happening in the Physical World (as in my life not pertaining to my Tulpa, opposed to the Collaborative World [life here while talking with my Tulpa], and Wonderland) very well and that I’m focusing too much on that instead of my Tulpa. It all seems to be getting me worked up and unable to even Narrate with her, let alone Force. I tried to at the beginning of this week during most of my classes, and it just ended up in a disaster. While I was trying to focus, I kept getting intrusive thoughts

of me physically violating her

and couldn’t get them to stop. When I was doing my homework on Monday after school, I’m not even sure what happened. I can’t really tell whether or not I was Parroting, and I don’t think my Tulpa would like to discuss it with me (like I’d even know). What I thought happened was she flipped out and lashed at me. Whenever things happen where either of us get frustrated, I typically just ask for us not to talk because I absolutely loathe getting angry with my Tulpa. I’m not entirely sure this is a good solution, though. I mean, I hate lashing out at her, but I don’t want to neglect her. And I worry about our future. I’m turning sixteen, which means I’m getting dangerously close to having to move out of my parents’ house (two years, but still). I always slip up on the stupidest things and I worry that I might have to enlist in the military when I graduate, since I’m never going to afford college. If I have to resort to that, then that’s like saying farewell to her.

I need some advice. Any tips or pointers would be much appreciated.

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I would ignore them tbh, see them as null, and the deliberate ones strong. I hope that helps... don't slap me. ik "ignore them" might -sound- unhelpful but Im not saying to block them out, just keep going anyway, as if they are not an issue, and maybe they won't be.

My lip hurts.

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I understand how you feel. Intrusive thoughts can be quite jarring, and I too have encountered such involving a tulpa appearing angry. I was so depressed at one point, I thought my tulpa was hinting at wanting to assist me in committing hara-kiri.

 

I ask that you keep chugging along despite these developments - we can't just ask our anxiety and gloom to fade away like mist before a fresh wind, yet we can reorient ourselves and positively reinforce habits that allow us to become less anxious. What worked for me was having a "space out" session, where I just sit/lie down, close my eyes and let random things go off in my head. I find this leaves my mental state less cluttered and more intent on productive, focused meditation on my tulpa. As for your intrusive thoughts, remind yourself that it's just anxiety, or some other unresolved issue that displaces your cognitive habits, not what you actually think. You needn't apologise, but explain to your tulpa that it's something you can't help at this point and is a typical reaction the mind imposes when you're under pressure. Don't dally either: force actively in a routine and don't be afraid to just think about your tulpa. Tell her that you love her and want to take care of her. Share what you see with her and make the world that much more real to her.

 

I don't know the specifics regarding your financial and academic situation, yet if you live in a western, developed country you should be able to snoop around for a variety of scholarships, grants and subsidised loans to help you. I commend you for considering military service, and if you do happen to pursue this route, I am sure that some kind of academic compensation exists after your tour is finished.

 

I apologise if my text was too long. If anything, confront your issues directly and use good judgement to proceed carefully. Best wishes.

I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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