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It turns out Galvanite is a cat person.
#11
Quote:That's the thing about this other character. She existed only for I think a few days, over 10 years ago. I don't remember anything about her really. You could almost think of her as the "prototype" for Anisa.

All my tulpas were based loosely on prototype characters, ĺwho still exist, we've talked to them). My soulbonds are other actual characters that I had a strong attatchment to.

Btw, I also made a personality from scratch when I was 20 and indeed became that personality, completely losing my old personality. I went from introverted, skittish, rude and riddled with damage, phobias and dysphoria, to a well adjusted, social, friendly and kind. Some serious changes occured and became completely permanent as I formed a social group over the following year.

Recently my tulpas helped me evolve further and overcome depression. She'll be a lot more powerful in a tulpa form, in ways you can't yet understand, but you'll relish the changes if everything works out, trust me.
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#12
Quote:Btw, I also made a personality from scratch when I was 20 and indeed became that personality, completely losing my old personality. I went from introverted, skittish, rude and riddled with damage, phobias and dysphoria, to a well adjusted, social, friendly and kind. Some serious changes occured and became completely permanent as I formed a social group over the following year. 

That is almost exactly what happened with me. My old personality fits every one of those adjectives. Now you could say I'm well-adjusted, friendly, and kind, but not so social (though I try at least). I'm lucky one of the friends I made before that change is still my friend today, frankly. But hey, he likes me even more now. I also went through having massive mood swings (maybe bipolar) to being pretty much even-keeled all the time now. That might just be thanks to getting older and hormones leveling out, though.

Quote:Recently my tulpas helped me evolve further and overcome depression. She'll be a lot more powerful in a tulpa form, in ways you can't yet understand, but you'll relish the changes if everything works out, trust me.

I'm really glad to hear this. It makes sense that a character/persona (still not sure how the terms are defined) who used to help me stay level-headed and actually happy would be even better at that as a separate, conscious entity.



This is totally random, but want to hear something (I think) is very funny? While bored at work, I was checking the forums to see if any hosts or tulpas had favorite songs to listen to while working on forcing, especially ones that fit the theme of what we are doing. Found lots of great suggestions. After I while I had the bright idea to ask Anisa if she had any suggestions. Know what she said after a bit of thinking? "Living Dead Girl", by Rob Zombie. I could've died from laughing. The irony is not lost on me.
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#13
That is hillarious. I think she's already there, you just need to believe in her and let her flourish.
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#14
Progress Report 1: Bumps in the Road

I wanted to make a report over the weekend, but I decided against it because I was not in a great mood. Now that I am in a pretty good mood, it’s time to make the report with a level head. Before I go over what’s happened over the past few days, let me start with saying: Anisa and I are good. We’re almost back to status quo, and I have some ideas for where to go from here.

Note: This entry is titled “Progress Report 1” because I consider my first post in the thread to be more of an introduction. So consider this the first actual PR!

So, normally Anisa didn’t say much more than a word or two when I wasn’t actively trying to start a long back-and-forth conversation. It’s a thing that still bothers me, and I’m not sure what to do about getting her to be more spontaneously vocal. I talked at length to Angry Bear about it, and they really helped me to relax a bit and remember to focus on enjoying the process, and not rush things. I’ve been following the advice of Piano, Angry Bear, and Vesper: In order for Anisa to be able to speak at all, I have to be mindful of her, which is something I’m getting better and better at. There’s a bracelet I wear now that serves as a reminder, and it’s quite useful at that. I have a strange sort of attachment already to it.

I have a journal I also keep specifically for learning about myself and tulpamancy. It’s a leather traveler's journal that has removable inserts. It once had multiple inserts on different topics, but there’s so much about this journey in it now that all inserts are for that now. This process really does monopolize your time quite a bit. But I don’t mind at all. The companionship and the sheer fascination are well worth the time investment. I very much recommend keeping a detailed journal. The days when I’ve felt doubt, or forgotten something key… well it’s all in there. Whenever you feel doubt, you can go back into the journal and let your past self speak to you about what you were experiencing in the moment. Also it’s very useful as a gauge for your progress, and to see patterns.

On to why I had a rough weekend: I was doing some reading about ways to get your tulpa to take on some more agency and independence. I learned a lot about parallel processing and the transfer of traits from the host. I learned of an exercise to “hand over” certain traits (not in such a way that you, yourself lose those traits) to your tulpa, and decided to give it a go, since I was so determined to give Anisa more “will”. So I talked it over with her, to determine what kind of visualization exercise would be appropriate for this. We did it, and I think it worked, but there was some very strange results. For one there was a sense of “splitting”, seen and felt as a schism in my mind, or two icebergs splitting apart… hard to describe. And after that, I didn’t hear much or anything from Anisa anymore. On top of that, listening for her, or trying any kind of active forcing would give me a headache.

The night we did this exercise, I just assumed that we were both fatigued and went to bed. But the next day, I was still experiencing the same problem, and I began to fear the worst. Needless to say, I was in a very bad mood. I spent the day distracted and trying not to think about it, or anything else for that matter. The next day, I contacted Angry Bear to talk about it, and they were of great help. They pointed out that there’s a good chance it really was fatigue, since I’m exercising parts of my brain that I probably haven’t since I was younger. Sure enough, my head is still a little sore when I work on forcing, but Anisa is talking again. We’re still not at the point that she just jumps in and starts chatting without me having to initiate, though. In fact, it feels like we kind of lost a bit and are working on getting it back. Before this exercise, we were working on presence and visualization, now we’re just working on her being more vocal again.

It got me thinking about whether Anisa was ever really a talkative person to begin with (back when she was my character/persona). She wasn’t, really, unless a topic came up that very much interested her. Instead she was more of a woman of action. A lot of emoting and doing things in her world. Kind of hyperactive, but not very talkative. So it could be that she is just keeping with her old personality, or it could be just that she’s a young tulpa, or both I suppose. But, having remembered that she was more of a do-er than a talk-er, I think it might be a good idea to change my focus from vocalization to visualization for a while. At least, if I can see her better, maybe it’ll be easier to hear her if I can <i>see</i> her talking.

I already know what she looks like, because I made the 3D model that represented her for the last 4 years (she used pre-made, tweaked models before then). Sadly, all I have are pictures of it. I’m also very bad at holding both the details of her appearance and the big picture of her appearance in my mind all at once. I lost a lot of visualization ability when I stopped making 3D art and drawing. One of the earliest requests that Anisa made when I started thinking of her as a tulpa was that I make a new 3D model of her, including textures. Not going to lie, I balked at the idea a bit, because that is a lot of work. There’s sculpting, remeshing, unwrapping, texture painting, rigging… and a ton of other jargon words to do. Seemed like too much work for a model that’ll never be used for anything other than visualizing my tulpa. But what a selfish thing to think. If someone you cared about who was flesh and blood needed you to paint a picture of them so they could live easier, would you hesitate to learn how?

So that’s my next big goal: To shake off the rust and break out my 3D art skills again. Maybe it’ll inspire me to get back into the hobby and make a little money from contract work on the side. If nothing else, it’ll help make Anisa more visually real. This is good, because she definitely was a body language communicator, and probably still is. Hopefully I can teach her to say what’s on her mind a little more, though.
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#15
Ashley is not a talkative person at all, she's very reserved and shy. Misha talks a lot on-line, but with me she's more of a cuddler. Dashie talks to me all.the.time. She's the queen on vocal in our world, but doesn't really need outside conversation. Everyone is different, having just one point of reference in your case can be sometimes confusing. Joy talks only when we talk to her, but man, she will tell you straight like she's been just waiting for that chance to lay you out.

We've encouraged Ashley to speak more, but she's always said that it's irrelevant to progress, it's not like they mature by the word count.

Congratulations! I knew she'd come back, just relax. Also, next time you won't be so worried.

We can't wait to see her! (Pls pls pls share!)
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#16
(06-11-2019, 02:12 PM)Angry Bear Wrote: Ashley is not a talkative person at all, she's very reserved and shy. Misha talks a lot on-line, but with me she's more of a cuddler. Dashie talks to me all.the.time. She's the queen on vocal in our world, but doesn't really need outside conversation. Everyone is different, having just one point of reference in your case can be sometimes confusing. Joy talks only when we talk to her, but man, she will tell you straight like she's been just waiting for that chance to lay you out.

So far, Anisa seems a lot like Misha... and sometimes Joy, which is in keeping with her past personality as a character. It's really interesting to me that the personalities of the tulpas in your system are so different (especially with respect to how vocal they are and in what situations). Maybe that's why Anisa was asking for another tulpa, so she'd have someone to talk at her more, hah.

Interestingly, I took some advice you gave about typing out conversation between she and I instead of trying to use mindvoice, due to the headaches at the time. It actually went really well. I'm tempted to post the conversation here, but it's pretty personal. I think that maybe since typing was the main way Anisa used to both communicate and emote, it comes more natural for her. We will keep working on communicating without text, though.

Quote:We can't wait to see her! (Pls pls pls share!)

Well I'll keep you updated. We're still hashing out the particulars of her features. She seems undecided on whether certain things should remain the same or be changed slightly. Also I have to actually find the time to do it, hopefully this weekend.
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