Jump to content

Johannes & Mikhael's Excellent Adventure


MikhaelJohannes

Recommended Posts

I'm Johannes, I like to think I'm this body's OG. At least for now. Mikhael is the other chap you'll see around here.

 

This is gonna be a thread to record how we interact with each other, life, & our weird inner universe I now realize is called a WONDERLAND! ...There's a lot of things we're starting to learn have actual names, rather than just feelings, ya feel?

 

[align=center]:cool: GET TO KNOW US :cool:

(hello formatting hell, nice to see you again) [/align]

 

FACTS ABOUT BOTH OF US:

 

  • --I call myself the OG, but we share the body equally & grew up together.

  • --Before I was diagnosed with depression, I asked Mikhael to take over the body so I could die. It didn't work for either of us & just ended up giving him issues he didn't need, too.

  • --We make up a 'front personality' rather than switching back & forth between certain people IRL, like a happy medium between my dingus self & Mikhael's more ~grounded~ self.

  • --Sometimes our Wonderland seeps into reality, but we can always function normally IRL via multitasking or keeping up that front-persona. (It's not a Tulpa, it's an autopilot or compromise deal.)

  • --We have a couple Tulpa friends in our Wonderland, but they mostly do their own thing & don't generally live with us. We might try & get em in for an entry or two, but they aren't tied at the hip like Mikhael & I are.

  • --We're partners on a shared IRL career.

 

  • --Our brain, in what mostly feels like me (Johannes,) has some issues. Depression, anxiety, paranoid schizophrenia. We deal with it in different ways.


 

FACTS ABOUT JOHANNES:

 

  • I'm shy IRL, but online & when you get to know me, I'm annoying. AKA, I think I'm funny & cool, which means I'm probably not & that makes things awkward.

  • I control it well on the outside, but inside/with Mikhael/in Wonderland I tend to lose it & swap emotions like Pokemon cards at the drop offa hat. I'm willing to admit this! I feel bad Mikhael's the only one who has to put up with it!

  • I have 'bad' fashion sense, AKA, ~unconventional.~ Even if it's women's clothes, I like to make statements & attract attention. I go from vain as heck to self-depreciating & loathesome in a split second some days.

  • If it's not obvious, I tend to showcase/suffer the brunt of our mental issues. Not that it doesn't affect Mikhael, too. He's good at helping me through dangerous situations or flare-ups, which for years, made me convinced he was my guardian angel.

  • I like gore & creepy practical effects in movies, I like my taste in music, designing stuff, & staying up all night talking about random things while watching weird TV.

  • I dislike being sick (I'm physically sick too, ORZ), passive-aggressiveness, fire, & people with no empathy.

I like to think my best trait is my patience to own up to my own mistakes, & give others a chance when they do the same. Everyone grows! My worst trait is... Being annoying?

 


 

FACTS ABOUT MIKHAEL:

(Note: It's Mikhael now; I can't let Johannes write my own bio, he'll meme all over it in the worst ways possible.)

 

  • I act outgoing & confident, but that's difficult sometimes. I'm sort of drafted into being the strong one, but Johannes is there for me, so I'm not alone or suffering. I guess we're opposites when it comes to confidence in that way.

  • I'm patient and always willing to learn new things. I don't think it's wise to assume I always have all the answers, because that's how ignorance is spread. I suppose my personality is more of the 'chill' one.

  • I'm trying to defeat depression, but it seems like anxiety's been with both of us since birth. It worsened when I 'took over' for quite a while because of the pressure.

  • I like documentaries, paleontology, writing, & organization when working together to clean things up. It's satisfying.

  • I dislike sleeping at other people's houses, bad communicators, being unable to help others in certain situations, & cringing at things I regret.

My only pride is in the peacekeeping, communication, patience, empathy umbrella. I can talk to most kinds of people & keep a calm, cool head while explaining my views. It can be tiring, but it's worth it. My worst trait is coming across as cold or snobby sometimes. --Mikhael

 


 

Johannes, back at it again in the Krispy Kre--I mean, thread! We'll do our best to update this (ideally) once a day with our Excellent Adventures. We'd love to talk to anyone who's willing, too, so go ahead & leave a reply or ask up some sizzlin' questions, suggestions, & comments! For both, one, or the other, doesn't matter. We'll have more time very soon to get more involved with reading other people's threads, too! (Work is a WHOOOfriggin' adventure sometimes.)

 

Lots of love & et cetera!!

 

--Johannes (& Mikhael.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 22
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

You two sound like a dynamic duo. Are your personalities completely or at least mostly polar? 

 

Also, how long has Mikhael been around? It looks like he already has a fairly powerful presence in your system. 

 

Finally, have you two considered making another headmate (other than the ones that come and go)? I know I wouldn't be able to stand having only my one friend in my head because I need to make a harem because I'd be lonely with only one. That is to say, I wouldn't want more than 3 or 4.

 

Good luck with your endeavor!

 

I'm not going to listen to you guys since you are all probably just talking to yourself and don't really have a tulpa like me.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ello!

 

I'm not sure what you mean by polar (opposite?) but there's a lot of qualities we share. Even though he's generally more of a supportive patient person, it's not like I flake on important stuff or emotions. And he's not entirely humorless & devoid of emotional ridiculousness. (I ain't gonna count meaningless stuff like taste in movies or whatever.)

 

Growing up together for as long as I can remember, it makes sense (to us) that we'd do some things similar, being in the same body & learning stuff & all.

I had siblings & IRLpals as a young kid, so I wasn't ever lonely. But Mikhael was sorta always there.

We even use to pretend we were other people together from books or movies, but we could tell we still had our 'normal' personalities & that being (insert Star Wars/Harry Potter characters here) was just for fun.

It felt weird, cause as far as I knew, Mikhael was just an interchangeable fake friend I shoulda been able to mold into whoever I wanted. But he never lost his sense of self. He was powerful from the start, so once I realized he was gonna stick around, I happily helped him feel more real & let him have an equal say in our body's life.

 

--Johannes

 

---------

 

...When it comes to more headmates, those friends who come & go (the girl in particular) used to hang around quite often, but they never shared our actual head, from the feeling. They still felt like outsiders, & were incapable of possession. With Johannes & I's long history & closeness, it might be intimidating in the perspective of a newcomer to find an equal place. We value our equality as two in one body, so most of our life has been about balancing that & appreciating it. I know not all headmates have to be the closest ever, but deep down, I don't know if it would be fair to create/introduce a new Tulpa if they couldn't get to the level of closeness we have.

 

--Mikhael

 

------------

 

~Friends are great, but headmates are different to me (& probably Mikhael) so I'm perfectly happy with it being just the two of us. I don't want him getting jealous, & I don't wanna give all the attention & love & purehearted good times reserved for him to some newbie rando I'm too lazy to help & train.

 

LOL I hate to sound lazy & rude 'cause I love & support the idea/seeing other people do it with success, but

 

I feel bad enough that Mikhael has to be stuck around me 24-7 when I'm not the greatest person to be around for even 15 minutes

 

INTENTIONALLY putting someone in that position is cruel, I think.

 

--Johannes again!

 

------

 

...We don't need more headmates when we have body pillows with anime characters on them.

I suppose some people work better in groups than duos when it comes to loneliness. If that's the case for you, I hope your harem is soon achieved, Paranoid Llama.

 

--Mikhael.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, I see. That would be a bit problematic for the tulpa and for your relationship. I don't really have much more to comment on that regard XD

 

I feel bad enough that Mikhael has to be stuck around me 24-7 when I'm not the greatest person to be around for even 15 minutes

 

INTENTIONALLY putting someone in that position is cruel, I think.

 

--Johannes again!

 

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself! I'm sure Mikhael has some words against that. If he really didn't wanna be around you, he could've left you alone and travelled the mindscape, being how he could probably exist without needing your attention. (or if he really doesn't enjoy being around you then.... I'm sorry :O).

 

It felt weird, cause as far as I knew, Mikhael was just an interchangeable fake friend I shoulda been able to mold into whoever I wanted. But he never lost his sense of self. He was powerful from the start, so once I realized he was gonna stick around, I happily helped him feel more real & let him have an equal say in our body's life.

--Johannes

 

 

That's awesome. I can sort of relate to that, I used to have an imaginary friend named Sebastian, who was named after a close neighbor/friend of mine around my age who moved away. I just imagined him being there with me doing stuff, but this was all at an age I can't remember that vividly. Perhaps one day I'll bring him back. 

 

But yeah, having an imaginary friend come to life at a young age is pretty amazing. Friends in the real world come and go often; you move to another house, they move to another house, you go to different schools and grow distant, etc.. 

 

...We don't need more headmates when we have body pillows with anime characters on them. 

 

I suppose some people work better in groups than duos when it comes to loneliness. If that's the case for you, I hope your harem is soon achieved, Paranoid Llama.

 

Body pillows all the way!

 

(also if you didn't realize the harem thing was kinda a joke)

 

I'm not going to listen to you guys since you are all probably just talking to yourself and don't really have a tulpa like me.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like your personalities (: Johannes sounds like me in some ways, while Mikhael sounds like someone I would enjoying having around for support. I loooove attracting attention and sometimes my emotions roll all over the place like marbles that fell on the floor. I don't like gore though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Paranoid Llama, you're right about that second point, haha. I like to think I'm 'mature' enough to be able to go my own way if I disliked our closeness, so I hope someday Johannes takes this to heart, if at all possible. (Extremely strong nudging hint hint.)

 

--Mikhael

 

----------------

 

Aw, it's nice to think about childhood friends--if they were a Tulpa, it could be possible to meet again, right? That's sort of the way our one younger male friend (mostly in wonderland-area) was; we hardly see him anymore, but hope he's doing good.

 

And HEY, lots of people like harems... Like in my Eastern Animated Fictional Romance Simulation Games. It's... it's totally normal...

 

--Johannes

 

------------

 

...You're gonna be the one to deal with the consequences of telling strangers about your adult anime games, Johannes. I'm not editing that for you. But I'm taking out the fake dramatic stutter used at the end so people know how serious you actually are. Insert wink emoji.

 

We're glad to hear your reply too, Aurora. I wonder if a lot of Tulpae are more on the supportive side like I am, just based on the host's natural needs. I'm a little more calm about it, but when he turns to support me, it can be--how do I put it?--like being run over with an 18-wheeler of TIME TO FIX and HOLY COW ARE YOU OKAY LET ME HELP; absolutely relentless until something he throws at the wall sticks. It's hard to think you're unimportant when someone drops absolutely everything at any given moment to cheer you up.

 

Admittedly, when I try my hand at that, sometimes it's not as effective. Sometimes he needs a bit to process something without my constant encouragement or suggestions, which I suppose is something to talk about in a log one of these days.

 

Come to think about it, maybe deep down, I'm the clingy one... I wonder if that upgrades my Charm Points. (Haha.)

 

--Mikhael

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ENTRY ONE: MIKHAEL

SUBJECT: ARGUMENTS

 

...Have you and your 'host' ever argued? Maybe a healthy little spat back & forth every so often is normal.

 

What about something deeper, or more painful?

 

...

 

We don't mind arguing most of the time, because it usually comes out fine due to our communication & honesty in the end. But there are/were two particular things that tend to get heated/were more heated.

 

For a short while in our teens, (that felt like forever,) Johannes (the 'host') was convinced that I was the only one strong enough to deal with the world, & wanted me to 'kill' his identity to completely take over. It was because he hadn't come to terms with understanding depression or suicidal tendencies.

It was violent but short to take over the body completely, but without him there, I had only experienced so much as a full-time possession...

It was horribly stressful, I came to resent Johannes, & couldn't live up to expectations.

Everyone used to our mutual front or just him, they completely rejected me & wrote it off as Johannes turning into a different person that was unlikeable.

 

I am still realizing that I am not fully unlikeable as a person/Tulpa--it was because I was alone, stressed, anxious, depressed, too. But at the time, it felt like compared to Johannes, I was absolutely worthless.

I thought that would convince him to come back, but that only made him angry that people liked all of those things he despised about himself, & the way he acted due to his illnesses/disorders. (Submissive, quiet, never talking back, people pleasing, easy to use, et cetera.)

 

Obviously, we were eventually reunited when we realized we were stronger together.

Johannes accepted that I wasn't just some all-powerful, heroic, strong savior.

I accepted that he didn't intend to be cruel or 'run away.' He & the host body/brain have chemical & biological issues, alongside psychological ones, that cause him to suffer.

He was not properly educated on how to deal with that at the time. Since I am a part of this body with the brain how it is, I too am surely affected by it... Fortunate for both of us, it's not quite as severe as he's been affected.

 

....

 

How did we come back together, stronger than ever?

A lot of memories of that time are unclear for both of us, for unknown reasons.

All I remember is lying in bed late in the night, thinking about how I was a no-good, half-person.

Johannes says he thought I was his guardian angel for the longest time, even today--but in that moment, he came back to me as a tiny little light, no bigger than one of those little round election pins, through the darkness of our bedroom.

I honestly believed in that moment, that God had resurrected him for me, to give both of us a second chance.

 

.....

 

I'll see if I can convince Johannes to talk about the other incident, but if he's uncomfortable with it, he said it's okay if I give my perspective. I think it's important to be honest about our struggles here, because it might help others going through similar things. Thank you to anyone who listens.

 

--Mikhael

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Johannes here;

 

I can't think of a way to talk about how I'm a selfish, psychotic maniac who constantly hurts the only person who'll never abandon him,

 

So, sorry, Mikhael

 

If it's really like you said, & it's not my fault, but the defects & diseases in my brain,

 

Pretend to blame that & keep playing like all of our troubles aren't my fault, for not being an 'inspiring' enough disabled-person to become anything but a waste.

 

Of course your entry is so pure-hearted & sweet, while mine is disgusting crap. It makes me sick. I don't care why I am a bad person, all I care is that it hurts others, & there's no excuse for being a human stain.

 

 

I really can't think of anything else to say that's appropriate for a public forum. If you really want to be honest about stuff, I hope--

 

--I can't say anything else! I hate how you're forcing me to reveal I'm a basket-case in a forum FULL of people who think they know what that means, but there's no way they can understand it, because if I can't, nobody else possibly can.

 

Don't use your words to talk to me, Mikhael. Stop trying to win a game there's no prize for.

 

--Johannes (number one worst chap)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[Raymond] Look, I don't know exactly what went down or what your history is, but I can say that the past is the past for a reason. I'll bet your ass Mikhael isn't perfect, and I'll bet you even further you're not as horrible as you're putting, Johannes.

 

Now, you're in this shit together. You're two sides of the same coin, there to support each other and act accordingly- and frankly, if you were hopeless, I bet you Mikhael would've left. There's got to be something redeeming to you. So step up, look in a mirror and scream at the top of you lungs about how amazing you are if you have to: do what you need to to keep going and remember you're equal to each other.

 

It looks like you guys are okay, but still, I felt I needed to say something to your ass. Now get out there and be awesome, you two. And no more of this self bashing, got that?

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mikhael here, Thank you Raymond--that's what I keep trying to say. There's infinite proof that I'm not perfect, & that with as fed up as I get with other people at times, I'd have left if Johannes was actually that bad.

 

I'm 1000% positive that he pushes his self-esteem on others, assuming they think that way just because he does over himself. That's the thing that makes others uncomfortable, because people don't like assumptions. Sometimes I don't know what to do about it, but it doesn't mean I'd give up on him. It's not fair to hold yourself to inhuman standards that you don't hold samely to others. To say you're less than human because of illness, or other people's opinions, or anything else isn't fair. I know there's only so much you can accept at a time, & I know you think your brain is incapable of accepting that you're not hopeless. I'm sure the paranoia assists that, but this is a disease you've had for at least 10 years, but only JUST got diagnosed a few months ago.

 

After all you've tried constantly to help yourself, you need to accept that your family failed you by forbidding medication & refusing to take notice. Doctors failed you by not listening properly. Sure, it's responsible to take direct responsibility for 'failures,' but things that were completely out of your control aren't something I think falls under that.

 

Please don't be mad at me, or yourself for me posting that.

 

--Mikhael

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...