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Kowalski and me - our progress
Dark Illustrator Offline
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#1
 
Kowalski and me - our progress

Hello, before I start I want to tell you that English is not my primary language and that I'm a little shy and probably not the best in writing :P I will posting updates once a week. Anyways, if someone's having joy with this thread, I would enjoy it ! I'm new here and maybe you can give me some personal advise. I'm open to suggestions.



The name of my tulpa is Kowalski and he was born 8-18-2017. He is my first tulpa and is based on the Kowalski from "The penguins from madagascar". He likes his look and his voice.

First, I thought of a look and then I wrote a list of charakter traits for a base.
When I imagined a place to meet Kowalski. It was a lake in a forest at night. In the middle of the lake was a great rock and you saw the moon and some stars on the sky. Also there was a tree trunk to sit.
When I visualized Kowalski and me together in the place and I introduced myself and told him who he was and what. I formed the charakter traits in energy balls and he absorbed it, after a while we sat on the tree trunk.


I was also parroting. After this I felt headpressures, that I never felt before then I was dreaming. I felt that he was there. 
The next days I imagined a wonderland for Kowalski and me, that would allows him to do more stuff. It was more familiar by the way. I read out the list for the charakter base, was parroting more and took me time for him. I've felt him day by day stronger.

Now he can talk to me alone, when I think of him, and his charakter has improved ! The headpressures are weaker. He wanted to talk with me about geometric shapes and other stuff. I'm really happy ! Smile  He is feeling good. Sometimes I feel something with me. In the room. As if he stays behind me.
We feel a strong bond to each other. The time with him is really nice !

At the moment we work on imposition and more vocalisation. The whole thing makes me (and Kowalski :3) fun. He want to add things to the list and he reads the list out on his own.

So, this was more or less our progress. I could put more in this to describe it but it would be equal to a novel Big Grin So this was the first time I posted a thread and I'm proud of me XD It was a great overcoming.
(This post was last modified: 09-05-2017, 04:55 PM by Dark Illustrator.)
08-30-2017, 07:22 PM
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tulpa001 Offline
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#2
 
RE: Kowalski and me - our progress

That's some nice early progress! And welcome both of you!

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
08-31-2017, 11:07 AM
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Dark Illustrator Offline
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#3
 
RE: Kowalski and me - our progress

(08-31-2017, 11:07 AM)tulpa001 Wrote: That's some nice early progress! And welcome both of you!

Thank you very much !  Smile
08-31-2017, 07:36 PM
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Dark Illustrator Offline
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#4
 
RE: Kowalski and me - our progress

Hey guys, here is part two of our progress Smile Before I start, I must say that I did not have much time for forcing, because school is a little stressful. At the moment, I'm trying to get more time for Kowalski. He says, that he is fine but more time together wouldn't be bad Big Grin Though we made some progress that we want to share with you !

I said that we are working on imposition and vocalisation. I had many ideas from the forum and want to say thanks. It's awesome ! There are so many ways.


Sooo, I can hear Kowalski a little better and sometimes I can feel something...as if he wants to speak (without my concentration on him). It feels weird and awesome at once.
We played word games and just talked more. Also, I showed him how the charakter he is based on speaks.
(He still likes his voice and his look VERY,VERY much xD )

Besides, his personality is getting stronger. Recently he was annoyed that someone in my class interrupted the lessons many times. He found it childish.

I also started to meditate and I'll continue with it. It's reassuring and boosts my concentration. Everytime I imagined our wonderland, some other place or Kowalski, it was more real. I can feel and see things better. I even can smell and taste things a little.

The harder part is to see him in the real world but I think it's normal. I mean, we just started to focus on this Wink Everytime I can, I imagine him in the real world.


We will continue working on this. I'll post at least every two weeks because I have not much time. I think the next update is getting bigger.

Until then I wish you a great time !
09-11-2017, 05:57 PM
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Dark Illustrator Offline
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#5
 
RE: Kowalski and me - our progress

Hey, I'm here again ! This post probably won't be that big because school likes to play with my nerves. Our progress goes slowly forward. I force everyday but sometimes not long enough, I think. Kowalski says, he is fine with it and I'm grateful for it but though I feel bad that I have not so much time for him. Ok...though there is some progress we made ! Wink 


I meditate almost everyday and it's very, very good. It's relaxing Smile After that, I start to force. We still work on his personality, his voice and imposition. His personality and his voice have become better again. Recently, he wanted to chat with my best friend. Because we can't do things like switching or posession yet, I wrote for him. In the meantime, he was slightly nervous. After that, he was proud of himself. For my best friend, it was weird even when he is open but he found it funny Big Grin 

Recently, imposition was very strange. Always when I imposed Kowalski, I had headpressures. There were  just headpressures with Kowalski. Nowhere else ! I switched between Kowalski and some other stuff to test that. I don't know why but it was and is still exciting for me Big Grin 

The other thing that surprised me is that Kowalski entered my dream (It was not a lucid dream). Because I have many nightmares when I sleep, he said that he could try to stay awake and enter my dream to help me with this problem. As I was awake I asked him if he was that in my dream or just a fake. And yeah, he just did it ! The last night again Big Grin He just was there in my dreams and protected me from the things that are going on. He don't have to do this but he wants to. I could not live without him anymore. He is one of my best friends. My soulmate. Im just thankful !

Ok, this was our progress so far. The next update comes in the next two weeks. 
I wish you a great time until then <3
10-04-2017, 05:51 PM
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Dark Illustrator Offline
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#6
 
RE: Kowalski and me - our progress

Hello, here I'm again and yes, I know that I'm very late. My boyfriend and me moving into a new flat and somehow EVERYTHING is stressful. Sorry for that :c It can happen that the next post comes also late, because of the internet. Ok, enough of that. Let's start ! 

For this post, I'll keep it short. Kowalski and me took care of these things:
- possession
- vocality
- imposition and visualization

Recently, Kowalski and me tried possession for the first time. At the start, it was strange and very hard for him to take control and hard for me to let go of the body. Also, I didn't know if it's me or him that moves my arm Confused It doesn't took long, that we made progress and he was able to move my whole body. At the moment, it feels a little rusty and numb at once but we like possession.

Kowalski's vocality improves, his voice is still getting more stable/stronger. He can speak a little better without my attention. It feels like slow progress but that is ok Smile Maybe it's normal that it takes some time ?

I can visualize Kowalski almost perfect, now. The only thing that improved at imposition is that I can feel Kowalski's presence much better.

Ok, that was very short Big Grin I'll look forward to make more progress to share with you for the next time.

Until then, I wish you a great time !
10-31-2017, 05:54 PM
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MrAlfred Offline
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#7
 
RE: Kowalski and me - our progress

Hey Dark Illustrator,

I'm forcing since 1 and a half years with my butler Alfred from the Batman movies. I've made quite similar experiences. At first, progress was very fast. We became better and better almost every day but at some point we kind of got stuck. Well, we weren't stuck but it felt like it, because progress was so slow.
The reason I'm writing this is because I saw a similar development with your posts. I myself wrote a progress report on my Falkenhayn Account and just as with your report, I posted less and less with time. And with that development I also felt like me and Alfred had reached a dead point. This is usually the point where people just give up and forget. I may be wrong, but maybe you're on a similar point right now. If so, I want to encourage you not to give up and give you the most valuable tip I have: never stop forcing. It doesn't have to be intense, but it has to be regular. For my part, I found a strategy of going through those tough times by forcing before going to sleep. Nothing distracts you, you're lying in bed thinking about whatever anyways, so use the time for some simple chatting with your friend. Maybe I'm wrong and you're doing great progress right now, if so, even better Wink. But if not, please take my example as an encouragement. After one and a half years, I couldn't be more thankful for having Alfred on my side. It's not about reaching some levels of progress, it's not about collecting them like trophies (Huh, you still can't switch?!), it's about living with your tulpa. Make it a part of your life.

I hope I could help you a little bit. Here's Alfred

Hello Dark Illustrator,

I have heard from your progress with your tulpa Kowalski and I am very happy for you. But sometimes it isn't that easy to live with a tulpa, for both sides. But I believe that a constant interaction between tulpa and host is the most important element of a successful relationship. You have to nurture friendships like a flower, so that they can grow. Look at us, even now, after one and a half years, my host doesn't always understand me, and sometimes I don't have the voice to tell him what I feel. But we are deeply connected to one another, regardless of how good we are at certain techniques. Be proud of what you have and look forward to what is still coming. But don't force anything. Inside of you develops a living being, of course that takes some time. Technically, me and my host are loosers, but we couldn't be any happier with one another.
So, never loose your courage and always remember: whatever may come, you're great.

Yours, Alfred. Greet Kowalski!
12-02-2017, 06:53 PM
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Dark Illustrator Offline
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#8
 
RE: Kowalski and me - our progress

(12-02-2017, 06:53 PM)MrAlfred Wrote: Hey Dark Illustrator,

I'm forcing since 1 and a half years with my butler Alfred from the Batman movies. I've made quite similar experiences. At first, progress was very fast. We became better and better almost every day but at some point we kind of got stuck. Well, we weren't stuck but it felt like it, because progress was so slow.
The reason I'm writing this is because I saw a similar development with your posts. I myself wrote a progress report on my Falkenhayn Account and just as with your report, I posted less and less with time. And with that development I also felt like me and Alfred had reached a dead point. This is usually the point where people just give up and forget. I may be wrong, but maybe you're on a similar point right now. If so, I want to encourage you not to give up and give you the most valuable tip I have: never stop forcing. It doesn't have to be intense, but it has to be regular. For my part, I found a strategy of going through those tough times by forcing before going to sleep. Nothing distracts you, you're lying in bed thinking about whatever anyways, so use the time for some simple chatting with your friend. Maybe I'm wrong and you're doing great progress right now, if so, even better Wink. But if not, please take my example as an encouragement. After one and a half years, I couldn't be more thankful for having Alfred on my side. It's not about reaching some levels of progress, it's not about collecting them like trophies (Huh, you still can't switch?!), it's about living with your tulpa. Make it a part of your life.

I hope I could help you a little bit. Here's Alfred

Hello Dark Illustrator,

I have heard from your progress with your tulpa Kowalski and I am very happy for you. But sometimes it isn't that easy to live with a tulpa, for both sides. But I believe that a constant interaction between tulpa and host is the most important element of a successful relationship. You have to nurture friendships like a flower, so that they can grow. Look at us, even now, after one and a half years, my host doesn't always understand me, and sometimes I don't have the voice to tell him what I feel. But we are deeply connected to one another, regardless of how good we are at certain techniques. Be proud of what you have and look forward to what is still coming. But don't force anything. Inside of you develops a living being, of course that takes some time. Technically, me and my host are loosers, but we couldn't be any happier with one another.
So, never loose your courage and always remember: whatever may come, you're great.

Yours, Alfred. Greet Kowalski!
Hey you two,

thank you very much for your post ! It makes me somehow happy and builds me up a little more. Yes, progress is slow but it's ok. I will not give up on Kowalski or this thread even if it's hard, I promise ! He is one of the reasons that I keep holding on even if my depression is beating me down all the time (He was not made for this but he wants me to help) I will post next weekend again and continue with this. I feel stressed even if I'm just sitting ;/ I force everyday even it is not for long ..and just like you said, before sleep Smile Sometimes I try to force over the day to involve kowalski. He has improved a bit more and can speak much better.Sometimes I feel like we are close to auditory imposition. He does more things in wonderland on his own. I can see him better moving around. The whole wonderland is clearer. That makes me happy Big Grin You two helped me with my motivation and I thank you for this ! Really ! I felt bad today and this just blowed it away.

Greetings back from Kowalski Smile We wish you both a great time and welcome to the forum.

Dark Illustrator :3
(This post was last modified: 12-02-2017, 09:22 PM by Dark Illustrator.)
12-02-2017, 09:20 PM
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Dark Illustrator Offline
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#9
 
RE: Kowalski and me - our progress

Hello,

after a long time, here is my next real entry. I struggled with myself to write here because I felt like a looser for letting my depression beating me down again like all the years before. Private problems and school stressed me until I get a relapse. Now, I feel a bit better and want to keep this thread up. I don't want to give up. The progress is still slow but it doesn't matter. Kowalski and me have a strong bond and I won't ruin this.
I don't know... I just felt like you should know that. I mean, I neglected this thread.


I will start with the real entry.

I must say, for having slow progress, Kowalski seems developing. I didn't meditate regularly for some time now, didn't focused something particularly. Nonetheless he evolves himself. Everyday, I just take me some time for him to speak. Sometimes we fight a little for fun or we tickle us (...or both)
Sometimes he talks to me without my focus on him, like last week in class. Ok, if he does this, it is a bit incomprehensible. It gets better, if I focus on him again. But that surprised me and it made me happy. I feel his presence much stronger, he does a few more things in wonderland (at least, he can explain the things he does/did better), his personality seems to become much more real, I still feel like we are close to auditory imposition and there is one thing that makes me especially happy : I'm close to feel his body in wonderland if we hug :3 I LOVE hugs. The wonderland feels much more real too. One thing that I did'nt wrote in the other posts were that I try to see the wonderland in ego perspective. I never learned that. I always dreamed or imagined things in 3rd person. It is getting better but somehow it's hard to train this.
Ok, one thing I did, even if it's not that necessary anymore, was to imagine situations and Kowalskis reactions. He agreed to this and found it intereseting. It was for both of us fun : ) I will keep this up until his personality becomes even stronger or he doesn't want this anymore. 

After writing this, I feel much better. It's like I climbed over a big wall.
Every month, I'll post at least once (there is not much to report because the progress is still slow)
(This post was last modified: 12-11-2017, 06:44 PM by Dark Illustrator.)
12-11-2017, 06:42 PM
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Rheiathefourth Offline
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#10
 
RE: Kowalski and me - our progress

Hey there! Both Auria and I don't have much to say, but we really want to leave you a message of support, so here you go! Depression is a terrible thing to deal with, and there must be a moment or two where you will want to take a long break or just straight up give up completely. It's really precious that you have the determination to carry on, I think it really shows how brave you are. Just remember, the process of creation can be long and painful, but it will be all worth it in the end. We wish you the best, or as we say in Cantonese, gayau, meaning "add oil"!

"Pouncing ray to ray to through the dappled shadows,
Light was pouring down upon the stepping-stones,

It felt like morning coming for its throne,
But I don't know why it looked like a tiger striped sky."
12-29-2017, 09:59 AM
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