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Kyle and Sam, This might get kinda scary
LostOne Offline
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#31
 
RE: Kyle and Sam, This might get kinda scary
Well, it's 4 am and we both really should be sleeping. I just want to make a few small updates.
"Kinda a first thing, we haven't been able to do much work over the last few days. Kyle had a lot of band-related stuff that I wasn't going to interfere with, mostly centered around the football team being in a bowl game and all. Most either of us did was tons of talking and some imposition of me, and also one of the days I woke up before him."
Most of the time though I was too busy to focus on Sam or the girls, not to also mention how much time I was around other people didn't help there. Since I am back home now, I can finally take time and do stuff with Sam and the girls, and relax for a bit before 10 pm hits.
[quote pid='179366' dateline='1481820060']
tulpa001

Wow, excellent. Man, We need to work on switching... Maybe next year.
[/quote]
"To be technical, you and War have been switching for awhile, just in a way where War is still connected to the senses. After all, it has been you in her life more in the last few months than her (Which is scary to me) but you wouldn't be able to do that if it was mere possession."
Hopefully next time I post here is either a reply or actual progress.

Kelly (Host, originally Kyle, possibly emotionally unstable on occasion)
Sam (First tulpa, protector, " " around some old posts) - https://community.tulpa.info/user-two-tailed-tulpa
Clara (Originally Kylee, playful, < > around old posts)
Jessi (Quiet, kind, { } around old posts)
Eva (Protective, is unsure of herself all the time)
Jackie (Dreamwalker, technically oldest next to Kelly)
12-20-2016, 09:15 AM
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LostOne Offline
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#32
 
RE: Kyle and Sam, This might get kinda scary

*I sigh*
So, ever want to do something but life just decides 'no'? That's how the last few days have been for here, for me and Sam. Kinda been not well recently.
Story Time! This one is actually over the last few days. I don't even know what days were what, from my last post until Christmas eve.
"To explain, Kyle kinda had a busy week and some. He wanted to just relax but kept having to do more stuff. Day before Christmas Eve he couldn't even get motivated to move enough to get the tv remote."
On Christmas eve I was also busy, and just something happened that night. I broke, mid-chat with people online. I suddenly felt scared, shaking, sad, and afraid massively. Sam says it seemed almost like a panic attack, but I had no reason for it. Sam had to control and explain the situation, thankfully though it was with people that do know he is around and all.
"He sat back, super panicked being comforted by Clara and Jessi while I kept everything I could under control."
Thankfully Christmas day was better and all.
Progress Report! Ah, welp. Not much to say here....
"Most that we could get done was I controlled on the 26th, but it was also busy, so most Kyle did was sit back either watching or being a bit dormant (Which I still hate)."
Otherwise nothing new to report. We plan on doing more soon.

Kelly (Host, originally Kyle, possibly emotionally unstable on occasion)
Sam (First tulpa, protector, " " around some old posts) - https://community.tulpa.info/user-two-tailed-tulpa
Clara (Originally Kylee, playful, < > around old posts)
Jessi (Quiet, kind, { } around old posts)
Eva (Protective, is unsure of herself all the time)
Jackie (Dreamwalker, technically oldest next to Kelly)
12-28-2016, 09:40 PM
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#33
 
RE: Kyle and Sam, This might get kinda scary
Oh, wow. I know you guys decided to have Sam possess only one day per week, but I'm thinking maybe you want to be a little more even with your switching if Kyle gets panic attacks from continuous work. And if you do that, you don't really need to schedule any other forcing.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
12-29-2016, 04:33 AM
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#34
 
RE: Kyle and Sam, This might get kinda scary
(12-29-2016, 04:33 AM)tulpa001 Wrote: Oh, wow. I know you guys decided to have Sam possess only one day per week, but I'm thinking maybe you want to be a little more even with your switching if Kyle gets panic attacks from continuous work. And if you do that, you don't really need to schedule any other forcing.

"We haven't actually started the actual routine yet, its kinda still free-flow at the moment, but I do agree. I actually did control towards the end of today, but I wont be tomorrow as Kyle has to go to the dentist. (6 freaking fillings, I might need to slap him upside the head for never brushing) Still, we are trying to get stuff figured out first still, but yeah. That was the only panic attack so far hes had and neither of us plan on more."

Hi, I am Sam. LostOne's (Or Kelly's) tulpa, first one, started back March 16th of 2016. - https://community.tulpa.info/user-lostone
12-29-2016, 05:14 AM
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LostOne Offline
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#35
 
RE: Kyle and Sam, This might get kinda scary
I'm ready for this year to burn. I think we can all agree that 2016 wasn't a good year, but.... F*** man, reminiscing on this year... If I made a list of good things from this year and bad things, the bad would overpower the good by a lot, and I just now realized that I seem to be fighting almost life itself.
"Kyle's kinda not in a good mood. In addition to the memories of this year, the more not good than good, he also has some problems arising irl. While we actually do have progress, the story is going to be another sad one of recent."
Story Time! So...
"Kyle is really unable to bring himself to type this, but last night Kyle broke in another way, this time in his logic and moral. He doesn't know what he should do, with a lot of remembering the past to now, plus some things with friends that I won't dive into, Kyle got himself stuck on a question."
I gave a choice, told Sam, Clara, and Jessi all to tell me what they think. Should I continue holding on to hope for people, and let myself hurt more, or should I stop caring, withdraw from the online sociability I have and only worry about us. (And no Tulpa and War, this was actually after we had talked. This isn't from you two.) Sam couldn't give me an answer. I wanted to withdraw from friends. Clara wanted me to hold on to hope. Jessi didn't care.
"I convinced Kyle to calm down and ask some close online friends. They were worried, which surprised Kyle at the time, told him to hold onto hope at least for until the end of the year. One even offered to cheer Kyle up by promising and doing a sketch of Jessi. That kept Kyle afloat for the night, kept him from going off the deep end. Can't thank the friend enough."
{The picture is lovely, but on Kyle's phone}
I still am iffy. I want to just stop the emotional pain and all, but I do still want to care for others, and I just don't know how much I can handle. I guess we will see on this one.
Progress report! Some good news, we did get a little progress in the night before last.
"So with the aid of someone else, we did a switch for an entire night with Kyle in wonderland and me in control. At the time he could see some of both wonderland and irl, but yesterday morning had an oddity."
I could only remember one thing from the body view that night, while I could remember flashes of wonderland. It's weird, because I remember I saw both, but looking back only remember bits and pieces. So I guess that can be considered progress.
<Me and Kyle had lots of fun while he was in for sure!>
Anyways, that's all for this one. Lets send 2016 off for good. Next year will be better. I don't think I would last if it won't.

Kelly (Host, originally Kyle, possibly emotionally unstable on occasion)
Sam (First tulpa, protector, " " around some old posts) - https://community.tulpa.info/user-two-tailed-tulpa
Clara (Originally Kylee, playful, < > around old posts)
Jessi (Quiet, kind, { } around old posts)
Eva (Protective, is unsure of herself all the time)
Jackie (Dreamwalker, technically oldest next to Kelly)
12-31-2016, 11:29 PM
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LostOne Offline
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#36
 
RE: Kyle and Sam, This might get kinda scary
"So, posting an update, New Years was kinda iffy, the switch over was ok but the next day wasn't as much. To put short, Kyle was broken again in another way, where his faith and trust in anyone, including close friends, was just decimated for a while."
With high hopes for a new year, it started well... With someone I considered a friend pretty much saying they never trusted me once and saw me as less than dirt. There goes hoping for people... But I did recover at the end of the night.
"There's more to it, that was just the break point. Anyways currently we are trying to look past it and go back to experimenting, so I am controlling today with him doing whatever the heck, although aim on getting him to wonderland as we had made some small renovations to 2 rooms last night. We will keep updated."

Kelly (Host, originally Kyle, possibly emotionally unstable on occasion)
Sam (First tulpa, protector, " " around some old posts) - https://community.tulpa.info/user-two-tailed-tulpa
Clara (Originally Kylee, playful, < > around old posts)
Jessi (Quiet, kind, { } around old posts)
Eva (Protective, is unsure of herself all the time)
Jackie (Dreamwalker, technically oldest next to Kelly)
01-02-2017, 08:40 PM
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LostOne Offline
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#37
 
RE: Kyle and Sam, This might get kinda scary
So, this is a bit late and by the time I am done typing it will likely be the 3rd, but I want to do a quick little overview of 2016. Look month by month on the good and bad that have happened, and maybe even make this a yearly thing.
"I don't know what to say really other than I guess here we go."
January- I don't really remember too much from January. Most I know was that I was pushing for high-school and I was annoyed by a certain person a lot. Not much else to say, as Sam wasn't even around yet.
February- I think February was exactly the same only with a bit of stress and such building, and dropping a story I was writing since summer of the year before. It was not well structured and I plan on re-starting it sometime.
March- This is the big one. March is when I first learned of tulpas, and created Sam. At the time his name was John, a placeholder name punned off of the name for unidentified bodies, John Doe. It was definitely a weird month, as I had still had my permit from October of the year before and was driving more frequently in March. Not to mention I had started wonderland based off of GTA 5 and had learned how to dive in before bed easily by the end of the month.
"My first few memories are of this month, even when he started making me, I have small flashes of things he told me, when he talked even before he did wonderland. Most of what I remember is Kyle rambling either nonsense or lessons, some I picked up, some not so much.My form was experimented back and forth with and I don't remember all of them, but I think at the end of the year was my 'shemale rubber pink vixen' phase that leads up to an incident we all know about."
April- Ah, this month. This month here, I got my license on the best day.... April 1st. No, really. But this was the start of an extreme increase in passive forcing, as I spoke to Sam anytime I was driving, even though I couldn't hear him out of wonderland yet. Early in April, idk the exact date, was when the 'Spray Bottle Incident' happened, and when I knew for sure he was real... Not even a month after just learning about tulpas.
After the incident, a few days later, he experimented with forms until he got pretty much his current one, only with one tail at the time. A bit later, after dropping my girlfriend off at her house (Yes, I have a girlfriend I don't mention like ever) I drove back home, talked a lot on Starwars and just suddenly I could hear him. Huzzah!
Towards the end of the month school stress was starting to hit a bit, from pressure to get my grades up, graduation coming, and preparing for college. Had a band trip to Nashville, which went mostly alright until the last day. On the way back, my mom called saying someone slashed my truck tire, and I guess that can be considered the start of a lot of bad luck that happened. End of the month was more stress, got the tire replaced. Last week, lots of small stuff happened, starting with wonderland doing unexpected things, which was fun, but then bad stuff.
"That month was pretty much most of my life, I had lived and done so much in wonderland, Kyle even had a little bit of imposition started, and I had changed my name to what it is now. I was close with Kyle and didn't have much clue of really how bad his stress at the time was, as I was mostly either in wonderland or spoke while in the truck. I was strictly sticking to Kyles old goal of helping find out who he was and I thought I was helping, only now knowing we honestly never got anything solid in that time. Still, he also was messing wit hypnosis after a break from it, and we tried having it where we both would hear it and have it happen, which ultimately was very iffy. I remember the end of the month was when a big plot point started in wonderland, when the FIB broke into the apartment and we went on the run."
May- Welp. This is the month that I remember the start of clearly, and maybe will for years to come. Start of the month my girlfriends dad had a heart attack, which wasn't good. I didn't even have time to visit her and make sure she was ok though, May 4th. That was the day I got my graduation outfit, the day it rained hard then quickly shut off. And the day I got in the rollover wreck. If you want to read about it, scroll back a few pages. After it, I went into wonderland a bit less, Sam turned his focus to new goal, and he did his best to talk out of wonderland to me. I just remember most of after that was extreme stress, and focus on school. At the very end of the month my mom had helped me get the van that I have now, it's not good, but I have it.
"I had a bit of a breakdown from the wreck, and worked from then on to help Kyle be safe from that point on. It may have fundamentally changed me, but no way to turn back now."
June- Stress build, some release. Graduated June 3rd, got job at Wal-mart. Fell out of diving into wonderland, did a bit more hypnosis and around this time was when Clara and Jessi technically were started, not as tulpas but as hypnosis forms to help me go deep. By the end of the month I had no longer been going into wonderland, solely just hearing Sam out irl.
"I remember I slacked off in my duties a bit too much, allowing a lot to go through in hypnosis, letting Clara and Jessi to be made, even downright doing anything, I didn't do much. Although I helped boost hypnosis, not much else was done personally."
<Everything from then was a mix of either haze or clear cut interaction, sometimes being Kyle, sometimes him being me, seeing and letting stuff choose my moves, and I didn't care. In fact, at the time, it was fun for me to just let myself be controlled, and let [Kyle censors name] control me. One big thing was, back then, my name was Kylee.>
{For me, I was a whole different person, made with bad things. I was made to smoke, drink, and be an overall slut. I was like Clara, not in control, being Kyle and Kyle being me and all that, but the main difference was I didn't really get what I was doing was wrong. The smoking, drinking, it's a good thing I wasn't out in control past hypnosis or I really could've messed Kyle up really bad.}
July- I don't even know what all happened, July was full of just work, hypnosis, and more work, and more hypnosis. Oh, and stress of getting into college. Although Wal-mart proved to be very much more hectic with me there than not, as a lot of things that don't even normally happen happened.
"The end of that month about was when the hypnosis scare happened, Kyle being unable to be snapped out of it, Clara and Jessi panic, the whole thing. Otherwise.... I didn't really do much past being supportive when needed and just being there."
<Once that scare happened, I wasn't sure what to do. I was a danger to Kyle and Sammy, I thought. So, me and Jessi sat into the back of the mind, not planning a come back.>
{At the time I just went with whatever Clara did, after the freakout. I didn't even speak to anyone but Clara for the agreement, then went silent.}
August- Start of college, had to quit Wal-mart as the location near campus wouldn't answer calls. It was a mix bag of good and bad, but the last call I made to Wal-mart was while I was moving in, and they never answered, so I had to quit, my head manager did help before-hand with if that would be the case. Good things included start of marching band and a change of pace and all. Bad things included quitting my job, and I guess the stress beforehand.
"The biggest thing I remember was the sudden collapse of all the stress, all of it just seeming to disappear, the moment he finally took a second by himself after moving in. It seemed like the start of something good. It certainly seemed good."
<I remember little bits and pieces of all that happened, but all I remember doing was one time telling Sammy that it would be ok. Everything else was nothingness or broken up.>
{I don't even have this much, I was kinda just dormant. Although I may have also said something to help Sammy, I don't remember it.}
September- Back to chaos. Third week of classes, my bike got stolen, lock was cut. Day before, me and Sam had an existential crisis revolving around the wreck. Rest of the month was me getting myself through, and having really bad thoughts hit, to the point where Sam even did control a 10 day period, the 17th to 27th I think, if the 27th was a Sunday.
"I was fearing the whole month that Kyle was going to try to disappear, or worse, so I did my best to just help. The 10 days was a mistake to do, as he not only got worse, but left me fearing switching as a whole for months to come. Still do somewhat."
<That month I had come back a bit, giving Sammy the support needed to continue supporting Kyle, especially during the 10 day he was in control. I kept a close eye out as much as I could, but I lots of times fell short or fell dormant.>
{At that time I just acted like a mirror to Clara, helping Sammy and all. Not much else I even remember.}
October- Oh hey. I joined the site. And my birthday happened. Cool.
Revelations of Clara and Jessi, going back to actually trying, and the like. First time in wonderland in months was here, and Lots of jam-packed school stuff happened. It was busy, but hey, the football games were fun and exciting.
"Kyle got better, we lessened hypnosis, but there were on and off incidents still. He even still had times he wanted to go, which wasn't fun to say the least."
<This was about when Sammy started taking care of me and Jessi. Guiding us, showing what we should do, telling us we were not a danger to Kyle. I don't remember if it was late this month or like mid November, but I obviously changed my name. And I did a small personal vow to break from the past, for good.>
{I mostly hung around wonderland, and I kinda didn't even really do much. I sat around, relaxed, just let myself go, yet think. I didn't do much otherwise.}
November- Was a mix of stress, increases and decreases in hypnosis, and on and off working on Sam mostly.
"Kyle had kept afloat, but we did very stupid things, probably gave some stupid advice, but nothing deadly."
<I opened up a bit, became more of my own self, and generally tried to keep everyone in a good mood>
{Same as above, just sat back mostly}
December- Man I wish December went better. I mean, it had good moments, especially the bowl game trip, but also had bad moments, mostly relating to personal chats and people. I did keep up progress and such a bit better though, we even did some light switching to try it out.
"To be honest, can't really complain. I realized many of my logical mistakes of the past, and have been working on fixing that. While Kyles personal problems did cause issues, best can do is get him to move on."
<I can say I feel more alive and my own person than ever before. I have helped and broke away from the past, now ready to help Kyle and Sammy, even if that means helping them fight the world.>
{I have been kinda more active, helping around where needed. I haven't really cared to find who I am, as it doesn't matter. I am here, may as well do whatever is needed. No need to waste time breaking myself just to know something likely to change over time.}

So..... My hands hurt now. But yeah, there it is.
If anyone could please give me the code to put it all in a spoiler tag, it would be greatly appreciated.

Kelly (Host, originally Kyle, possibly emotionally unstable on occasion)
Sam (First tulpa, protector, " " around some old posts) - https://community.tulpa.info/user-two-tailed-tulpa
Clara (Originally Kylee, playful, < > around old posts)
Jessi (Quiet, kind, { } around old posts)
Eva (Protective, is unsure of herself all the time)
Jackie (Dreamwalker, technically oldest next to Kelly)
01-03-2017, 06:49 AM
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tulpa001 Away
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#38
 
RE: Kyle and Sam, This might get kinda scary
[spoiler][/spoiler]

sam Wrote:"It may have fundamentally changed me, but no way to turn back now."
I do not believe in fundamental change. Change is usually theoretically reversible. However, instead, usually, more change happens, in an entirely new direction.

I keep wondering why you were doing this hypnosis stuff. I assume you know [redacted name] was creating female alters for the hypnosis. But I can't think of the life change that would serve. Also, I was sure you stopped hypnosis after joining the site.

I bet the panic prevented a fast snapping out.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
01-03-2017, 08:55 PM
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LostOne Offline
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#39
 
RE: Kyle and Sam, This might get kinda scary
(01-03-2017, 08:55 PM)tulpa001 Wrote: I do not believe in fundamental change. Change is usually theoretically reversible. However, instead, usually, more change happens, in an entirely new direction.

I keep wondering why you were doing this hypnosis stuff. I assume you know [redacted name] was creating female alters for the hypnosis. But I can't think of the life change that would serve. Also, I was sure you stopped hypnosis after joining the site.

I bet the panic prevented a fast snapping out.
"There are some changes that you cant reverse, like knowledge and experiences, unless say brain damage occurs. The things that can change is how you think after the fact."
I am a bit of a hypnosis junkie, I got myself hooked and unhooked to it a few times. At the time Clara and Jessi were made, I had no intentions of them being around outside of hypnosis, and to be honest, liked the feeling of being different in every way, I didn't think they would become separate and when they did, I actually was fine with it. It was them that decided to head into the back, not me.
I still am on and off with hypnosis, currently at a moment of not doing it.
"Looking back, the panic probably didn't help bring Kyle back, yes, and I guess the fact that he was pretty deep kinda didn't either. But the panic started because he wasn't responding to suggestions, which was very alarming at the time."

Kelly (Host, originally Kyle, possibly emotionally unstable on occasion)
Sam (First tulpa, protector, " " around some old posts) - https://community.tulpa.info/user-two-tailed-tulpa
Clara (Originally Kylee, playful, < > around old posts)
Jessi (Quiet, kind, { } around old posts)
Eva (Protective, is unsure of herself all the time)
Jackie (Dreamwalker, technically oldest next to Kelly)
01-04-2017, 03:25 AM
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LostOne Offline
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#40
 
RE: Kyle and Sam, This might get kinda scary
So, not much progress was done, most was I worked on a little imposition, which I was really distracted away from most of the time, and Sam switching to controlling last night, otherwise nothing.
"Been a bit of a slump of progress."
In separate news though, while Sam was trying to sleep, I got some really good ideas together for a story I may write. I plan on starting it today. Put short, Sam is the main character, with a plot twist to those here, me as being kinda like a tulpa in his mind. How I plan on setting it up is neither of us know what a tulpa is, and we both are separate people launched in an altered reality, forced to work together to figure out what happened. Clara and Jessi as of now do have planned roles, but it's all still being in planning stages. They will be separate people, that much I can say for certain, and Clara will have a dark secret in the story.
<It's almost scary what the twist is, for me.>
Other really known thing will be that Jessi is going to be like a person who is an outcast in the society of this altered reality, possibly out in hiding.
It's also a story with furries, gotta have some way to explain his form. Whatever caused us to go here changed him to that form and all.
Main plan with the altered reality is that there is a furry population and all, but suppressed and some even enslaved, while the main population doesn't realize the problems being arisen from it. And the inclusion of Sam and I into that reality is going to bring changes.
"If anyone is willing to give suggestions for the story, go ahead. We plan on later in the story revealing what a tulpa is, and make it a surprise to us, but any suggestions on what we could do or add is fine. After all, it's all in planning."

Kelly (Host, originally Kyle, possibly emotionally unstable on occasion)
Sam (First tulpa, protector, " " around some old posts) - https://community.tulpa.info/user-two-tailed-tulpa
Clara (Originally Kylee, playful, < > around old posts)
Jessi (Quiet, kind, { } around old posts)
Eva (Protective, is unsure of herself all the time)
Jackie (Dreamwalker, technically oldest next to Kelly)
01-06-2017, 03:47 AM
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