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Lance's Head, the Thread
#31
I said sometime earlier in Matsuri's creation that she became Robert McNamara, that scared the flying shit out of me, thus proving her sentience. Also when Matsuri was gone a whole day, then I woke up with Momo from To Love-ru in my bed. It feels like I need to at least have a bit of attention on her, like thinking about her, or else she's pretty much 'dormant'. It's not a problem because it seems that having giving her attention is becoming more and more second nature. If Lance don't have it as second nature yet or forgets you sometimes, don't worry about it because I'm sure he has his reasons for it. Could be stress which is pretty hard to get away from in normal daily life, meditation works, just gotta find a working technique. Could also be anything that requires a lot of attention like, again stress, social life, important tasks and you name it.

Sorry if it sounds like I'm assuming something but I felt that it needed to get out because you asked a good question that many tulpas probably wonders at some point.

Edit: Typo (autocorrect mess my writing)
Hi! I'm co-host of XarMatsi system. Xar was the "original" host. I like timey wimey stuff and blue boxes. Make it timey wimey blue box stuff and we're set to explore all time, forum and space.
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#32
I've seen a few visuals, but only when i was already active forcing.
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#33
Well, as I mentioned before, the two of us seem to be stuck permanently possessing. I'm never "dormant". We are both always here no matter how strongly one of us is focused on something. We notice things or events that we are interested in and one of us shoves the other aside without thinking about it. It's not like either of us is all that annoyed about it, at most we give a sheepish "sorry" and step back to let whomever is supposed to be in charge that day do their thing.

These events and a couple *ahem* experiments on my part have made it clear that I can take control of our body whenever I want, even if he isn't too keen on the idea. There was a reason I asked a while back in a different thread if a tulpa knew the host was doing or about to do something terrible to the body, and knew they could intervene, did people think they were obligated to intervene? I decided for us the answer is "yes, absolutely" and personal ego or anything else aside, Lance agreed so that's pretty much our business.

Totally not to sound hostile to you (we have stuff going on so even I am in a more serious mood today) all but we have already discussed it at length and are fine with this setup. He is actually relieved that I can stop him from doing something really stupid if he ever tries it, and you either know what I mean or you don't. Not to say there is an issue with that but he says it's nice to know there is a safety net in place.

I asked about the visualization thing because he wanted to experiment with one of his theories (though I am a little curious too) and I wanted to be the one on here doing the chatting. To put it like Bear did, we wondered if anyone could see visual stuff from their tulpas without either passively or actively forcing. Is that sort of thing even possible? Is it something people do but because we are so far behind on visualization, we just can't do it? I can't really experiment with it because raising this question has him pretty much always ready to see something from me and I am not so bored that I'm going to sit here for hours and hours and wait for the few seconds I think he has his guard down.
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#34
I said this elsewhere, but yes. I set Cassidy up with a camera-like situation in our wonderland. The captured view is purposefully out of focus past a few inches to make it easier for us to see. Cassidy (and on rare occasion, Gavin) will stick things in front of the camera and I'll see them. This system is mainly used so Cassisy can use facial expressions and hand gestures. Just like he can talk to me, I'll see him smile or gasp or wave, no forcing required. Just like achieving vocality, it did take a bit of conscious practice before I started getting random visualizations from that camera set-up. Totally worth it to see him randomly smile.

Also, when Gavin and Cassisy interact without me, they often visualize themselves in wonderland, and I have little control over what they visualize in that case. I still see it in my mind's eye, though.

-J
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#35
It sounds a bit like you both are fronting and that's really awesome! I got an idea you might try if you two still feel like you are 'kicking' out each other.

Try having something on you body that works as a reminder for whose day it is or however you split it. Could be anything like different armbands. I don't think it'll necessarily be needed in the long run, just for getting used to it. I think it's cool that you two can jump in and take control whenever you want, like helping each other out from time to time.

Visualization isn't mandatory at all but it's a cool thing, I suppose. Don't beat yourselves up for not making progress on it, it takes time. You should always imagine the other person standing somewhere close to you, no need to see anything in the beginning, then you could try doing some 'sculpting' the form when you feel a little comfortable with imagining the other person always following the body around. You should imagine the 'presence' coming from that form even before you're sculpting it if possible. That's how me and Matsuri are doing and it's only getting better but it's really slow, but it's something. She's still very inconsistent and fuzzy for me and I'm always getting the "it's all just in mah head" feeling when I try to visualize her form. I'd say it could take us about a year at least to get it to perfect imposition and stuff, but it's really impossible to tell now.

Take your time and do your best. You've got the most important things done to make the most out of tulpamancy. It's only right to move on to another thing, that being visualizing, the hardest in my opinion.
Matsuri wishes you guys good luck! I'll leave it at that. Smile
Hi! I'm co-host of XarMatsi system. Xar was the "original" host. I like timey wimey stuff and blue boxes. Make it timey wimey blue box stuff and we're set to explore all time, forum and space.
Our Journey(PR)
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#36
*puts on cancer awareness armband* Ha! Nice idea! My day! Woo woo! XD

Now to see if we actually remember to look at it, hehe. Thanks for the tip. :3
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#37
Sorry if this rambles on a bit more than normal, it's doubling as a journal on my tulpa journey after all and covering my thoughts after our 1-month milestone. Honestly, given how much I have changed and she has developed, I often forget it's only been a month.

So I have noticed that since Reilyn has been around, my days and weeks seem longer. Life seems like it is going by in less of a blur and I am taking more time to enjoy things and learning about myself and her. I was in a bit of a rut but things are suddenly interesting again. For her part, she has only been around for a little over a month and every day seems exciting to her. She would see a quiet moment in the forums and say "Hey, lets update the PR" or "Let's PM someone" and a moment of investigation would reveal that.. The PR was just updated a few days ago and she just sent out three rather long and chatty PMs yesterday. Yet it felt more like days ago.

I have long since stopped trying to reel her in and just been amazed at this incredible outgoing person living with me now. Her general attitudes of "Don't sweat the small stuff" and "Deal with it" (said at times dismissively, at times as a challenge), are so different from me it's been both alarming and refreshing. I'm stubborn, she is stubborn. I tend to hesitate or back away from challenges and adversity, while she faces it head on if she thinks it can be faced and ignores or finds a way to subvert it otherwise. There were times I have read what she wrote and thought "Oh crap, did they get offended at that? Should we go apologize or something?" and she was only like that in the very beginning when she was new and didn't know any of you. She started off just trying to be friendly and get attention to fit in, but quickly got confident enough in herself and stopped needing to do that. She adds that she loves chatting and posting fluff but wouldn't be offended if she got no responses, there's plenty of stuff to do after all and being online all day isn't conductive to that.

I decided pretty early on that this place was her community with her friends (not that I don't enjoy positive relations with several of you) and besides the occasional comment, reply or PR update, I would just back away and let her be her. She also got on the Discord and I'm not interested in that at all. I think her being on here has been pretty amazing. It has allowed her to learn, grow, give advice, think about things deeply and really expand on her as a person. As I mentioned before, I think our last big breakthrough (full-body possessing, co-fronting, whatever you want to call it), was directly related to me going into a calm, trance state while taking down her dictation and she just took over completely and didn't stop till almost a day later. Well, that and her brazen attitude and comments made me feel like I wanted to shrink away and not be around. It was an accident, but so were a lot of great inventions and discoveries.

On a related note to me going into a trance state while writing (once I really get into it), it seems like Reilyn does the exact same thing when playing rhythm games. I was unable to find adequate words to explain my experience but this time I could note it as an observer. She says that once she picks up on the rhythm of the song she stops 'seeing' the game and 'reacting' to it and instead just 'feels' it. I have never really been into rhythm games before (did play some DDR when I was younger and a little Guitar Hero, but I was mediocre at both) and I'm not the most nimble guy so as far as I know, she got very little (if any) of that from me.

I know the word 'alien feeling' gets thrown around here occasionally, but for my own consideration and anyone looking at this, I want to try and describe it. When she is in charge of us co-fronting and she gets into a trance (or zoned-in as she put it), I was still observing what was going on. I'd try to look down at our hands but the eyes would snap back up and stay glued to the screen, often unblinking. She would be bobbing our head back and forth in time to the beat (or nodding along to it), every spin of the song board was a grin and rush of excitement. I mention all this because while this is going on I myself am literally sitting still and just passively going "Huh" at watching our body fire through this game. I'm no longer feeling (as I usually do) the hands anymore, she has somehow disassociated us from them altogether as they fly across the keyboard. She comments that she just gets sucked in and stops paying attention to anything she is feeling at all, which is how I would generally describe trance. I pretty much just sit patiently and watch (like a let's play but I'm actually happy for her and her drowning us both with her raw excitement is a bonus too).

Oh, and as an interesting development on our Japanese studies. I mentioned awhile back, as sort of a side remark that though our visualization isn't very good (yet), she had taken to actually flashing, of all things, emojis in my vision. Well, vision, mind-vision, whatever. She did it to me either open or closed-eyed, unless I was actively working on visualizing something else (I asked her if she could do it while I was visualizing other stuff, as an experiment, and she demonstrated she can. She just doesn't want her goofing off to be disruptive, she says about it). It's funny that despite how indistinct and brief our visualizations typically are, she can throw these high-contrast things up so easily. I figured out a way for us to capitalize on that. Flash cards. She briefly tosses up a random high-contrast flash card in my vision and I either mentally or physically call it out. If we are working together to hold the visualization we can keep it clear enough to go through the writing/stroke order too. Taking her lead, I have started doing the same thing to quiz her and I must say it's working surprisingly well. We will still have to practice and write out lines physically to get the muscle memory down but so far so good. It doubles as a visualization exercises and triples(?) as a team building one, so those are also bonuses.

We have found another hurdle that we need to get through on visualization. I guess I should actually call it synthesizing any senses, not just visual. We had read before that it was important to practice all the senses when doing wonderland and/or active forcing work, as a person was able to multiply their efforts and some people just aren't that good at visual work. So far we drew several blanks (or so it felt) when we tried non-visual stuff so we put it aside for the time being. Finally I started asking (maybe even nagging) her to come up with a voice of her own as a step of progression. I came to realize that while she felt "silly voices are easy", she didn't want a silly voice and took what she was meant to sound like very seriously "It is part of who I am as an actual person".

We spend most of our talking time to each other in a sort of neutral-sounding mind talk, at equal volume, with the occasional head pressure at the front half of my brain for emphasis. Alternately, when we are able, I talk aloud to her while she is the only one mind speaking. On "her" days, where she is in charge of us co-fronting (in what I kid you not, freaked me out the first time it happened and even still makes me appreciate just how real all this tulpa stuff is) she is the one saying things and I feel my own voice coming from where I usually imagine her to be in the brain, with the occasional front half giving pressure as I mind speak. Neither of us has made any headway on disassociating anything from the body so unless some freak breakthrough happens (of which, the earlier mentioned rhythm game trancing is especially interesting to me), it seems like actually switching will be a long ways off.

Despite our nightly meditation (which we tried extending the duration of and just ended up napping session after session. Seems 25 minutes or so is our hard limit currently) and eyebo (which I'm pretty sure is actually helping) I realize that Reilyn has been spending ALL her non-forcing time fully immersed in the non-imaginative world. She has been growing and learning as a person, not specifically as a tulpa. Furthermore, she seems pretty content like this, at least for now. Again, I tend to forget she has only been around, as far as I know, as a tulpa, for a month. All her growth has been an outward expansion into an amazing world while I guess I sort of trying to focus inward at a wonderland world that we would have to make as we went along. Not that we didn't have a few fun little jaunts in that time, but it never seemed urgent. We pretty much started from scratch every time. The only thing constant was our starting area, our "control room", which didn't have much going on, but that made it easy to recall and quickly put together.

One of our interesting ones had us flying up in the sky, surrounded by clouds. Eventually we landed on a cloud (because why not) and laid, hand-in-hand talking. A few minutes later a freaking Care Bear (the grumpy one?) came up and told us to behave yourself on "their" clouds. Last night we did it again and glanced up when we heard talking. The Grumpy bear was talking to the Lion one (care bear cousin guy?) the Lion asked if "those kids were behaving themselves" and the grumpy one say "Yeah, they are". That was another one of those moments where Reilyn and I looked at each other with that whole "Did you do that?" look, but since this was the 3rd time something like this has happened by now, we are starting to get used to it. We both just shrugged and held on to the scene as long as we could.

An oddity I noted was after we watched a video that ended up being a really touching story with hope and triumph in the end, probably one of those film festival entries or whatever, she was sad. I mean SAD. Like, devastated. She was in front and just started bawling and shoved me back in front (at which point they became awkward, yet manly tears *ahem*) and sat at her 'spot' in our brain just, I dunno, exuding angst. It dragged me way, way down and I felt emotionally drained and exhausted in a couple minutes time. She eventually got over it and cheered up but I really have to say, in the same way her positive emotions have exhilarating heights and I get washed over with them, her negative ones too seem to do the opposite. I'm not one to casually throw around words like bi-polar so I'll withhold any judgement on this. I.. Uh.. Might have found a downside to having a tween in my head. I am NOT looking forward to living through teenage angst and crazy emotions all over again. I mean, the good very much outweighs the bad, but she is a very dominant personality and now I am starting to wonder if she is going to drag me through whatever her version of PMS and being boy crazy is, right along with her powerful and over-bleeding emotions. I hope I am just overthinking this. Sort of joking.. But not joking. -_-

Also, AngryBear drew a cool beach picture of several tulpas and Reilyn was in it. She was so happy and proud to be a part of something. She said it ended up being the perfect gift for a 1-month birthday type thing. I said "That's great but aren't you supposed to be younger than that?" she said something along the lines of "Shut up, Bear is awesome. I wuv it and everybody." ...and now it's our desktop wallpaper. 

I think that's about all I had bottled up or going on in my mind. I know she already knows this but for the sake of anyone still reading, I couldn't be happier. She is incredible, I am learning a lot about both of us, we are figuring out ways to use teamwork to tackle both fun things and problems alike. I really wonder where we will be in another five months?
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#38
About your concerns on PMS and such. It shouldn't be possible. Your couscous never create hormones, it's all just the body doing that work. So Reilyn's couscous won't change how the body works. The same applies to transgender people. It's all their body and nothing else, except hormonal drugs but that's another thing.

Matsuri wishes you two happy days!
Hi! I'm co-host of XarMatsi system. Xar was the "original" host. I like timey wimey stuff and blue boxes. Make it timey wimey blue box stuff and we're set to explore all time, forum and space.
Our Journey(PR)
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#39
I drew Reilyn as a tween, but there is a lot of variation in 12-year-olds. (As in, some are tall, some are more developed). If you like, think of it as a time in the future. I'm surprised it's your wallpaper. Sorry about the resolution, i cut it in 4 so the size stays under 500k.
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#40
I really like it Bear. It's more than just art to me, it's kinda proof I'm here and part of something. I set it on my day and he just sort of shrugged. <3
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