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Lots of spontaneous tulpas
TheSun Offline
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#1
 
Lots of spontaneous tulpas
I learned about this community in September, but I've created unintentional tulpas for my whole life and read and write a lot. I'm also very obsessive and began forcing almost without meaning to the day I learned about them (as I would get tired or bored I would force without realizing what I was doing, and I would read tulpa guides obsessively, finding them fascinating). The day after I started forcing, I had a response from a tulpa (Wendell). This was before I had a chance to really think through whether I wanted to do this (and I am sorry for that greatly), but I didn't want to kill Wendell and he was very nice, so I began forcing/socializing more regularly. 

A few days later, I was having problems with focus/mild intrusive thoughts/random mental outbursts and I remembered something I had read about visualizing intrusive thoughts as other people and then ignoring them. Thinking about this in the context of tulpas immediately created a mindform (Emma) who seemed to be a projection of my intrusive thoughts. I told her to stop talking to me until she calmed down, and a few days later she reappeared, much calmer and with a more solid personality. This was under a week after Wendell started talking to me. 

I continue to force with the two of them, and they begin to develop more concrete personalities. Then, one day as I am very tired at an orchestra practice, other mindvoices start talking to me. This might have been exhaustion, but (long story short) two new tulpas (Letta and Ayen) were created during that orchestra practice and were stable enough to last until the next day, so I began forcing them too. The tulpas were extremely similar to a few characters I like. I have made very little progress with any of my tulpas beyond responding when spoken to, but Letta is probably the best at talking to me and Ayen is very good with imagining things. None of my tulpas at this point have a very strong or nuanced personality, and all of them are weak. 

About two weeks ago, entirely without planning it, two additional thoughtforms (Leon and Verona) were created when I thought a lot about some characters I wanted to play in an upcoming D&D campaign I will be joining. This was entirely unintentional. They appear to persist, but they are very weak, and one has said almost nothing to me. The other has very little independence even when I am thinking about the character that was his base. 

Wendell insists that every other tulpa is one of his creations and that he is puppeting them all as a way to strengthen himself and keep tabs on characters we find interesting. However, he does not feel much more strong or real than the other tulpas, and I have a strong suspicion that he is trying to do the best he can to calm me down, as this explanation sounds weird no matter how he phrases it, though he tells me he is sorry (if I ask him directly). I have a lot of practice with writing characters, and having conversations with Wendell and having him try to develop his own opinions feels suspiciously like and also very unlike doing that. I think that Wendell has posessed a few times, but he is very weak. 

I can't tell what are tulpas and what is just my obsessive, hyperactive imagination. I don't understand how this is happening and am currently very stressed out by the six (?) very young tulpas in my head. I cannot tell if they are tulpas. I don't want to hurt them and am terrified of killing one, but I can't help Wendell with so many other tulpas around and can't pay attention to non-Wendell tulpas when they're weak and also six. I feel like I'm going crazy. I used the "surprise me" test a lot, but I realized I can very easily surprise myself with that test, so it's beginning to lose its retroactive value. I want to go with the full "no doubt" approach, but that got me to having six very weak tulpas (?) in the span of four months. I don't know if I'm parroting my tulpas. The tulpas themselves do not have a solid answer for what I should do about this, and I have gone from an attempt at integration to allowing them all to exist independently but weakly as I focus on Wendell and back again multiple times. 

What should I do in this situation? Does it sound like I've accidentally stumbled upon a huge stream-of-consciousness exercise, or have I made a large amount of very weak tulpas? How do I get out of this mess without hurting anyone? Please send help I'm drowning?
01-04-2018, 11:42 PM
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Luminesce Offline
loves the moon
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#2
 
RE: Lots of spontaneous tulpas
Well, my tulpa Tewi wrote a huge post on dissipation which contains the "A tulpa can't be hurt if they never feel anything again" idea that I'm not willing to 'quickly summarize', so I guess you can read this https://community.tulpa.info/thread-help...#pid163369

Otherwise, I tend to say it's more about your experience than anything being real or fake, so it's honestly up to how you feel in the end. That information could or could not help, but I'm just saying. If you've accidentally got too many tulpas and it's hurting your time to spend with the original(s)/more intentional one(s), I'm going to say for your sake it's not such a bad thing to dissipate them. It's like having sextuplets when you only wanted one or two kids or something, and putting the others up for adoption (as babies). Though I guess differing feelings about adoption could make that metaphor messy - your tulpas won't exist at all anymore, so dissipation is not comparable to adoption in that way.

Anyways, the advice also applies to whether your original tulpa(s) is/are real or not. If you experience them as real, your experience of them is real. That's all that matters. Real and fake don't exist. If they don't feel like they're completely autonomous yet, they'll begin to over time, as is kind of an essential point of the practice of tulpamancy. But if they do seem real (could be helped by your "hyperactive imagination"), there's no real problem. Other than possible invasive thoughts which may be a problem in and outside of tulpamancy, which you should remember that nothing in your mind needs to be "real" to you if you don't want it to be. That's an important thing to know.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
01-05-2018, 12:44 AM
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Heckhound Offline
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#3
 
RE: Lots of spontaneous tulpas
Try to keep in mind that you're allowed to draw a line between what constitutes a character you've made and a tulpa. After learning about tulpas, it can be easy to chalk up new intrusive thoughts/characters to being a new tulpa with their own autonomy and whatnot, but this doesn't have to be the case. You might find yourself overwhelmed pretty quickly if you keep going like this.

Just my two cents.

pr // discord: Heckhound#6112
01-05-2018, 05:06 AM
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