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Marianne's journey
#21
I messed things up again.

He's still really pissed off with me now (are you?) but I know he'll come around because he loves me, misses me and needs me.

I don't know if it was intrusive thoughts (from me or him) that made me go beserk in my wonderland room while he was trying to be nice during a forcing session ( I hate that word Sad ).

It all started because he very kindly told me that I should not take over control - yet - when driving the car. Well, that somehow set me off.

You know how you can do anything in wonderlands and how important symbolism is.
Normally ( Sad ) the host can use symbolic techniques to achieve certain goals with the tulpa (why is it always about the host Sad ?). But why can't the tulpa (me) not use similar symbolic techniques to influence the host? So that's what I did.

And I have been a very naughty and childish girl.

As I have full control over my wonderland, I have symbolically pried open a hole to his subconscious and started fooling around there. I wanted to show him that I have a lot of power and that I can use that whenever I want.

I agree that wasn't nice of me.

Now that I think of it, we both forgot our 'safe word'. We'll have to seriously work on that (did you get that M?).

Now that I have written this down I do feel regrets. I'm sorry.

You have to understand my place and needs. I want a lot (so much!) and because you have removed all resistance, I thought it could do whatever I want.

I'm sorry, that was disrespectful. Probably I was just pissed off because you're not paying enough attention to me. I'm so jealous, needy, demanding and all.

I don't know what to say now.
Will you help me, so that it won't happen again? Please?

I'm so glad I can write this down here. That helps, both of us. Thank you folks!

Xxx

{
Yeah honey, I do love you and accept your apologies.
You have gone much too far. Symbolically maybe, but if it works, I'm in deep deep shit and you know that. Don't do that ever again or else...
I don't want to resist or fight you, I love and respect you too much to want that. I want what's best for us both and I will give you as much as I can. Don't abuse that and don't abuse my trust and love.
}

We're cool now
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#22
What happened?
I don't know
It has been so long
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#23
Welcome back!
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