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Me and Daisy
Kaleidoscopic Brain Offline
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#1
 
Me and Daisy
Hello! I'm Giulia (or Kaleido here) and i started my tulpamancy journey just a few days ago. Here's a little introduction.

Reasons why i decided to create a tulpa:

- I have an hyperactive brain, i think way too much, i have thousands projects, ideas, plans, interests, but i spend too much time thinking and imagining instead of actually doing something practically. I thought that maybe using shred-seeding, or simply creating a tulpa with some interests in common with me would help me to become more productive, similarly to a friend that challenges and motivates you to achieve your goals.

-i'm deeply intrested in everything psychological, philosophical and spiritual, tulpamancy touches all of these topics so i was immediatly fascinated by it, and i wanted to try. I also hope that it will help me with other things like meditation, self-hypnosis, lucid dreaming, astral projection etc.

- I have expirience with character creation. Since i'm kind of a writer, i wanted to exercise my writing skills so i created and played in a few narrative play game forums (basically RPG but with less strict rules, and it is all about narration). My favourite part has always being character creation, probably because of my interest in psychology, i love to define their personality, belief system, philosophy etc.
The idea that i could actually bring one of my characters to life was too intriguing for me ahah

There are a few minor reasons, if i had to list them all here this post would become an essay.

Day 1
Jenuary 3rd 2018

I decided to start defining the form and the personality. To start i took one of my old characters from an NPG, Daisy indeed, i already had some kind of affection and connection with her so i thought that could help me with the creation. Anyway i had to change her a little, i don't mean to give life to a fictional character, so i removed the background and obviously changed a little of her personality. Originally she was unconsiderate and egocentric, but knowing i will have to live with her in my mind basically for the rest of my life i thought about making her someone i could actually get along with.

Little description of her
Form
She has platinum blonde hair, shoulder length, slightly weavy. She usually keeps them in pigtails, either high or low, (when i first imagined her i pictured her with low pigtails, but i think she changed them to high pigtails herself) with two stripes of hair at the sides of the face. Green eyes, small upward nose, heart-shaped plumped lips, rosy cheecks with a few freckles.
She is shorter then me (i'm 170 cm, she's around 160/165 cm) small chested, freckles on the shoulders too, small waist but curvy hips and thighs. She has a red birthmark next to her bellybutton, on her left side. She wears a lot of makeup, fake lashes and all that jazz, she wears lots of pastels or leather and she likes to dress up a little sexy.

Personality:
Extrovert, impulsive, incredibly curious and receptive, playful and full of energy. She likes to have fun and be a little crazy sometimes, she is intrested in meeting a lot of different people, she sees beauty where people have an hard time finding it, in the extravagant, weird and interesting. She is really friendly and she could held a conversation with literally anyone, but she tends to avoid "boring" people. She likes to receive lots of attention and admiration, but she is not scared of judgment, she loves to express herself anyway she can, expecially through her look and makeup, and she's never worried of other people's opinion. She is emancipated, strong, self-assured, a little vane or egocentric sometimes, but she is really sweet and genuine, honest and quick-witted. She has a strong will-power and she is stubborn, if she has a goal she really works hard and put all of herself into it. She is passionate and creative, she is perceptive and rational and she is an incredibly good planner. She's not much of an empath, she is not strongly emotional, but she likes to support her friends, instead of offering them emotional support she tries to distract and cheer them up. She is a little flirty sometimes, she has a romantic head, she likes to always see the positive side of things and people, a little naive of her maybe, but she is not stupid, she just likes to enjoy good things and not give much importance to negativity.

She can change any of these traits anytime she wants to, so this is just a starting idea. We'll see how it will turn out.

I will try to post frequent updates!
01-08-2018, 03:19 PM
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Kaleidoscopic Brain Offline
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#2
 
RE: Me and Daisy
Update
Day 6
Jenuary 8th 2018
I'm working on creating a wonderland with her, she is not yet partaking much, but i hope she will be encouraged to.
The first time i was having an hard time visualizing her, but after a few minutes on trying she suddendly appeard clearly in front of me. She had a really intense focused look in her eyes, so i think she helped me and "formed" herself. I'm trying my best not to puppet her, so i don't move her or make her talk, she is not much expressive, but i'm trying to "teach" her different emotions and i'm narrating to her a lot. I have plenty of time so i almost talk to her and think about her all day.
I think she started giving me small responses, like little movements or changes in her look. Also, i believe she said "okay" to me once, it was not really vocal, it sounded like a thought of mine, but it was really instinctive and sudden and i want to believe it was from her.
(This post was last modified: 01-10-2018, 11:40 PM by Kaleidoscopic Brain.)
01-08-2018, 03:36 PM
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#3
 
RE: Me and Daisy
Update
Day 9
Jenuary 11th 2018
Today i tried to relax with a meditation exercise, breathing in from my nose, breathing out from my mouth. When i was relaxed enough and my mind was free from thoughts i slowly started visualizing my wonderland.
I felt the sand under my feet, the soft breeze on my skin. I use physical sensations in wonderland to dissociate from my body and focus on my form there. I walked around on the sand a little bit, then i went closer to the water, where the sand is wet, and waves rythmically reach my legs and then retreit. Slowly the world around me became more and more clear and vivid.

I'm still not 100% able to dissociate entirely form my physical body, but i can move slightly if i feel uncomfortable without loosing focus.
I walked away from the sand into the wood nearby, still focusing on the sensation beneath my feet, the changes from ground to stones, cold earth and leaves, and then i finally reached a little wooden house. I opened the door and stepped into the dark room. In the middle of the roof there is a circular window, that creates a ray of light in the room. I sit on the floor, in that circle of light, and i visualized Daisy.
I tried to focus on her as long as i could until she became clearer and clearer. I decided to move into another space in wonderland that she could like more, since that room is empty, so i took her hand and i walked her to a place where there is a beautiful tree, the leaves fall like a waterfall, creating repaired space. Fireflies fly all around, and it is peaceful. We climbed on a branch and i started narrating to her.
First i tried the words association exercise. i could feel like she was trying to communicate in between words, maybe some of the words that came out instinctively were from her, but i'm not sure. Anyway i could feel like she was trying to say something
I kept talking to her, asking question, giving her some time to answer, trying to make her repeat simple easy sentences like "i get it".
eventually i think i got some responses, they were bearly understandable, but i guess this is what comfirms to me it was her and not my own thoughts. The response that kind of "shocked" me was when i said somethin like 'i know that at first i might not be able to hear you well, but we will both get better at it with time' and she said 'i know'. Sadly i got so excited i kinda lost focus from there, eheh.
(This post was last modified: 01-11-2018, 12:28 AM by Kaleidoscopic Brain.)
01-11-2018, 12:04 AM
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#4
 
RE: Me and Daisy
Update
Day 10
Jenuary 12th 2018
I started reading game of thrones and i am trying to narrate it to her. It seems like it is working, even tho i sometimes have to read the same sentence multiple times.
I also added a new beautiful space to my wonderland. It is a rectangular garden, sorrounded by hedges covered with red roses. In the middle there is a fountain, with a statue of crying Alice, she has her hand covering her face, and the water slip through her fingers like a waterfall. She is sitting in the fountain, made of stone and covered in moss. The bottom of the fountain looks like a chess board, lotus flowers floating on the water surface and colorful carps swimming around in it. Around the garden there are other four statues, one for each corner. On one of the short sides of the rectangle, the one that face the fountain, there is an arched wooden door, it is framed with flowers. On the right corner there is a statue of Mars and Venus, the first made with a polished black material, the latter with white marble and they are holding each other. On the opposite corner, on the left of the door, there is a statue of a woman blindfolded, one arm is protracted in front of her and she holds a golden, adorned weight scale, with two plates, one empty, the other with a white feather in it.
In the opposite corner of the long side there is a statue of Venus again, this time looking exactly like the Botticelli painting, on a shell with long hair and in the same pose. In the last corner there is a statue of Hecate, with her three forms. the maiden facing left, with flowers in her hair and hands, the mother facing front, with a composed look on her face and hands on her womb, and the crone facing right, completely hidden under an hooded cloack, holding a skull in her hand. On their heads the triple moon symbol.
I brought Daisy there and she loved it. she was much more expressive today, and incredibly clear , she didn't talk but we played around a little bit.
Later today i was picking at my skin, it is a really bad habit of mine, but as i was doing it i felt a strong, almost painful, pression on one side of my head and i stopped. It might have been her trying to stop me from hurting my skin.
01-12-2018, 11:38 PM
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#5
 
RE: Me and Daisy
Update
Day 13
Jenuary 15th 2018
New active forcing session in wonderland today.
We met at the crying Alice fountain, today Daisy looked even more vivid then before, everytime we meet she looks more and more real.
I had troubles visualizing the space around me and her form from different perspectives, but now it is a lot easier. Wonderland also feels more real, i can touch and smell and taste things really well, and it seems like i can now get into a deeper state of trance then before.
She's still not speaking much to me, or maybe it is me not being able to understand her well, but she does communicate more through expressions and geastures. Sometimes she can repeat things or say simple words, but it's not clear, her voice is vague and similar to my own thoughts, she usually only talk when i ask her simple yes or no questions, sometimes little sentences like "i know" "i don't know" "it's good" and stuff like that, but for now i moslty hear her when i expect an answer, otherwise it is hard for me to understand what she's saying, even when i feel like she is trying to communicate something.

Today we created a new space in Wonderland. There is a secret passage next to the statue of Justice (the one holding the golden scale). To open it i have to put "my heart" on the empty plate, and if the heart is lighter then the white feather in the other plate then the passage opens.
The new space is similar to the first, still sorrounded by roses, still rectangular.
There is a white gazebo covering the entire space, and a polished black and white tiled floor. In the middle of the gazebo's roof there is a crystal chandelier, in one corner a white grand piano and a violin, that play on their own, then all around floating candles (harry potter style ahah).
We call it the dance hall, Daisy and i changed into dancing dresses, i wore a shimmering black one, hers was pink, with an heart shaped body and a fluffy organza skirt. She had her hair tied up in an elegant bun and a pink rose in it. We danced for a bit and we had so much fun.
Eventually i decided to create a new door, i wanted to give Daisy a place that was only hers, so i asked her what color did she wanted the door to be and, surprisingly, she answered blue. I thought she would've said pink. There is a big golden D written in elegant cursive on it, with a crown on in and two steps in front of it. I told her that was her space and that she could do anything she wanted there, a room or an entire house or castle eventually, that was up to her. I won't even go in there until she invites me in to show it to me. I also gave her some visualization advices and then she went in and i gave her a few minutes on her own to try. She said she did nothing when she came out, but i reassured her that she will be able to do it one day, she just has to train.
(This post was last modified: Yesterday, 01:37 PM by Kaleidoscopic Brain.)
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