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Melete attempts to hallucinate


Melete

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I discovered tulpae (and consequently this website) on Sunday, read all the guides and quicklyset out to creating my own. Right now it's been three days (the waiting time for activation).

 

Progress so far: I'm taking it slowly, nothing remarkable has happened yet.

 

The first thing I did was determine my reasons for wanting a tulpa, in accordance to Irish's guide. Essentially, I want an exercise in creativity; I am intrigued to discover the limits of my imagination and subconscious. I believe that through creating a tulpa, I will learn a lot about both myself and human nature in general. The desire for friendship and companionship is a secondary motive.

 

His name is Arete, after the Greek god of virtue. I feel that the name helps me think of him as a real person, though I've explained that he can change it if he wants to. He takes the form of a male human.

 

I'm improving my narration, puppeting less, and it feels more natural (thus far I've felt like I've been talking to a brick wall), but I haven't felt any kind of response yet. Sometimes I'll ask questions and there is an awkward pause as I wait for a response.

 

Regarding his personality, I have given him ideals to aspire to, because it feels unnatural to tell a person that "You ARE x". I have described to him a threefold approach to virtue - a strong moral impulse, the intellect to focus it and the discipline to implement it - they have not really developed into a personality yet, simply an ideal I've set out for him to aspire to. I have imagined how these three main areas might manifest into a thought process and behaviour, but his personality is incomplete. Yesterday I pondered what his tastes might be, and was pleased to conclude that they are somewhat different to my own, though they are not as yet developed. I am keen to ensure that I do not simply recreate my own personality out of vanity - one of the main reasons why I determined that he should be the opposite sex to me.

 

Although I know almost exactly what he should look like and I've begun to build a mental image which is growing clearer, I can't truly see him yet, but I think I'm making gradual progress towards that. I can now hold a consistent mental image of him which feels akin to remembering what a real person looks like. I managed to do this by mentally recalling real people's appearances and then substituting them with my tulpa, so it is as though I am building upon memories. It has been suggested that I should find visualisation easy because of my skill in art, but I think it might be the most difficult part of the creation process.

 

I want him to look like a real human being with a natural appearance. His features are definitely Greek, his hair is curly and brown, and his eyes are a greenish blue. He is the same age as me, though of a different build, which is very much in-between - neither especially thin, fat nor athletic. Whilst I don't wish to curse him with ugliness, I don't want to idealise his appearance either.

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After doing some reading, it seems that this part of my post here actually means I'm making really good progress:

 

Although I know almost exactly what he should look like and I've begun to build a mental image which is growing clearer, I can't truly see him yet, but I think I'm making gradual progress towards that. I can now hold a consistent mental image of him which feels akin to remembering what a real person looks like.

 

I initially misunderstood what "visualisation" meant, and part of the reason I've been struggling is because I've been attempting imposition from the very beginning. Now that I understand that, I feel a little better. It seems that for a beginner, I'm doing okay on visualisation, though I know I have a long way to go.

 

I spent this morning doing more personality forcing. Listing traits doesn't seem to be enough, so I've instead been considering the frame of mind that would be required for such traits to manifest. I've explained to Arete the logic driving these thought processes, and I believe that these ideas and approaches will ultimately grow to form his own internal monologue.

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It's been a few days since I last updated, and a full week since I started creating my tulpa.

 

I haven't really done a lot of forcing since I started school. I'm starting to forget about Arete because I prioritise my studies, but I'll try not to neglect him. I'll get off the computer in a few minutes and do some forcing. Please, bug me to make sure I don't give up. It's a little bit dispiriting to have made no progress in a week when I know that other people here have a sentient tulpa in just a few days, but I am determined.

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School is overwhelming right now. I'm exhausted, and my studies are taking up all my time, energy and concentration.

 

I'm starting to wonder if this is really the right time for me to be doing something like tulpaforcing, but if I don't do it now, I'm not sure when I will be able to. Weekends and evenings are a continual onslaught and school holidays are nothing more than an opportunity to catch up on work.

 

I'm going to bed now, and I'll do some more narration before I go to sleep.

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I spent an hour open-eye tulpaforcing on the train today. Usually I do closed-eye, but I was tired and didn't want to risk falling asleep.

 

I'm making slow progress compared to some of the other newbies here, but I like to think I'm making progress all the same. Still no sign of sentiency, but tulpaforcing is in itself rewarding. I was internally narrating some of my most positive memories and explaining my love for art and academia in the hopes that Arete will grow to share my passions.

 

By the end of my hour's journey, I was exalted into an intense, almost euphoric state of meditation. I do not understand why people so often complain of boredom when they are perfectly capable of concentrating their thoughts (unless they have some form of ADD, which is unfortunate). A state of pure thought and concentration is one of life's greatest pleasures.

 

I now perceive Arete's face with the same clarity as a memory of a real person, and his voice is catching up, though he only speaks and moves when puppeted. I do not puppet deliberately, and I tend to apologise for doing so, but it's only natural to puppet on occasion. He has a slightly deep voice, and sounds typical for a middle-class young man raised in my part of the midlands, which is interesting because it is somewhat different to my own more southern accent - though all educated middle-class English accents sound quite similar.

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I'm feeling a little lost right now. I can clearly picture Arete in my mind's eye now and I'm narrating every day, but I don't understand how to get him to progress to sentiency or visual hallucination from here. Do I just persevere with tulpaforcing and hope for the best, or is there something I'm not doing right?

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I'm feeling a little lost right now. I can clearly picture Arete in my mind's eye now and I'm narrating every day, but I don't understand how to get him to progress to sentiency or visual hallucination from here. Do I just persevere with tulpaforcing and hope for the best, or is there something I'm not doing right?

 

Patience My Young Padawan, all will come to you in good time.

Keep talking to him, keep acting like he´s there with you, eventually your brain will start believing you and it will become a lot easier to communicate.

 

For some people it comes instantly, for others it might take a bit longer, the only advice i can give you is: Don´t give up, you never know how far away you are from making a breakthrough.

e7ec4d483e0b831df2d1d91f7fefd18e.png?1347739981

(PLZ DON´T STEAL MY DRAWING, IT TOOK 10000 HRS IN MS PAINT)

De bedste og smukkeste ting i verden kan hverken ses eller røres, de må opleves med hjertet.

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Patience My Young Padawan, all will come to you in good time.

Keep talking to him, keep acting like he´s there with you, eventually your brain will start believing you and it will become a lot easier to communicate.

 

For some people it comes instantly, for others it might take a bit longer, the only advice i can give you is: Don´t give up, you never know how far away you are from making a breakthrough.

e7ec4d483e0b831df2d1d91f7fefd18e.png?1347739981

(PLZ DON´T STEAL MY DRAWING, IT TOOK 10000 HRS IN MS PAINT)

 

Thank you. I won't give up, though I think it will take me a while.

 

I'm continuing to tulpaforce. The amount I spend tulpaforcing varies day-to-day, depending on what I'm doing. Sometimes I almost entirely forget or have my concentration occupied by other thoughts, whereas a few days ago I was able to maintain a sense of his presence for the entire day, even when I was working hard.

 

In any case, it might be refreshing for the older members here to know that I am not one of those newbies that has a talking tulpa within a matter of hours, days or even weeks. It seems that it will take far longer for Arete to materialise, especially when I'm this distracted.

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Regarding his personality, I have given him ideals to aspire to, because it feels unnatural to tell a person that "You ARE x".

 

I really like this. I am definitely going to try this with Cerise. It seems a lot better that forcing someone to be a certain way.

 

I think it's alright that tulpae take a while to make. IMO, it would be very strange to have another sentient being around all of a sudden.

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I really like this. I am definitely going to try this with Cerise. It seems a lot better that forcing someone to be a certain way.

 

I think it's alright that tulpae take a while to make. IMO, it would be very strange to have another sentient being around all of a sudden.

 

I hope you find it useful. It's difficult to say whether it works as a method until Arete gets to the point he tells me himself. My overall approach so far has been to try to talk to him and think of him exactly as I would a real person - except using my internal dialogue, rather than speaking out loud. I justify his physical absence by saying, "He's just not ready yet, but he will be soon," rather than, "He's not fully formed/sentient/existent yet." It seems that the more I think of him as being real, the more vividly I feel his presence.

 

I've reached a point where I can't physically see him or have him talk to me, but I can get a tangible sense of 'presence' - if I impose him sitting behind me, it feels as though there's a real person sitting behind me. Of course, when I turn around and nobody is there, the illusion is somewhat ruined. It's an interesting sensation. I'm considering restricting myself to imposing him behind me and carrying out conversations that way so that it seems more convincing until he's ready to impose properly. That said, I enjoy visualisation and I will continue to do that also.

 

It seems that most of the older members claim that it takes hundreds of hours to produce a fully-formed tulpa, so I'm okay with waiting. I just want to know whether I'm doing things right and feel like I'm making progress. Things are looking up and I get the sense that I really am, albeit slowly, making progress.

 

I've decided to give Fede's guide a go. It seems to have provoked an overwhelmingly negative response, but it actually seems like the most intuitive approach to me.

 

If it turns out that Arete doesn't like being treated this way (as some claim that all tulpae resent it), I'm sure he's thoughtful enough to understand why I decided to try it; I will apologise and we can move on.

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