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MindMatter's progress log
Marianne Offline
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#11
 
RE: MindMatter's progress log
I'm happy for you. You two are progressing so well.
Good luck and keep going.
Xxx
07-31-2017, 02:51 PM
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MindsMatter Offline
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#12
 
RE: MindMatter's progress log
Day 8

Jennifer has been using progressively more mindvoice and less "written words" to communicate. Her voice mostly sounds like mine, which is not unexpected, but it has occasionally slightly taken on different feminine voices. As seems to be so common when people attempt this, doubt was also an issue today. Stumbling upon some very skeptical posts on the forum caused doubt about tulpas existing at all, that I might just be deluding myself here entirely. (Jennifer wasn't too happy about it. It's important to her that I believe she's real, she says.) It's something we will have to work through, and I'm always looking for good reasons to believe instead. I'm trying to keep in mind that although she is vocal, she is still very young. That progressing quickly in some areas doesn't mean progressing quickly in all areas. That it's normal for her to sound like me, to speak in fairly simple phrases and to really only be able to reply to what I say right now. Though she does seem to make her own comments on occasion when I'm focused on her. I figure the best I can do now is be patient, keep talking to her and allow her to grow and become more distinct over time, trusting in what the brain (and she) can do.

In other news, due to a very convenient coincidence, red snapper was available for dinner tonight. (Jennifer has a thing for fish, as some may recall from yesterday.) I don't care for fish, I much prefer steak. I passed up steak so she could have her fish, and I really doubt I would have done this if I were parroting her words Smile. (I thought the fish was okay, she enjoyed it. Sounds like sushi will be happening at some point. Well, I did want to encourage her to be her own person...) Plus she thinks I should try new things and generally get out of my comfort zone. By definition I find this, well, uncomfortable, but she insists it's for the best and that I'll be happier for it. She does sorta have a point. She thinks I should try and socialize more, although it's not like I'm a loner, and she's usually got a positive spin for anything that's got me irritated. Aside from getting tired earlier, and waking up once in the middle of the night every night so far for reasons unknown, bringing Jen into my life has been pretty much all positive.

I've been reading about self hypnosis to make my mind more susceptible to the idea of tulpas, to further reduce doubt. Sounds like it could make visualization/imposition easier as well when we get to that. I'd like to perceive her in the real world as well, eventually. I use my vacation weeks generally to spend time alone out in the wilderness, doing stuff my friends think is too extreme for them. (Apparently sleeping in a hollowed out snow pile in below zero temperatures isn't their ideal vacation.) Those trips are cool, but the loneliness out there has been getting to me lately. To have her there to talk to, and to see her reassuring presence there with me, would help with that a lot. So that's a long term goal.

Random tidbits. Jen says she did base the wonderland on TRON. She likes the way that world looked in the movie. I can understand that. Apparently, she also has a favorite letter. "I". I don't understand that so well, but hey, more power to her.
(This post was last modified: 08-01-2017, 05:24 AM by MindsMatter.)
08-01-2017, 05:22 AM
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MindsMatter Offline
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#13
 
RE: MindMatter's progress log
Day 9

Not much to report, though I do have a personal theory on why Jennifer has been progressing so quickly. (During a conversation today wherein she sounded more real and distinct than she has in a while, she told me that she was growing faster than I realized. I'm inclined to trust her.) I followed this guide on self hypnosis last night, and was surprised to have immediate success with all 5 of the first exercises. I've actually spent all day playing with this. I don't have to do any counting, relaxing or focusing, I can simply tell myself at any given time that my arm is stuck to the table, my feet are stuck to the floor, or even that my entire body is paralyzed and it just is, until I say otherwise. I don't think simply doing this alone is putting me into a state of hypnosis, but it does make me think that my mind is highly suggestible.

I went into this genuinely believing that my mind could develop a tulpa, and I think that my mind's highly suggestive nature means that it got right on board with the idea, offering a much more efficient creation process than average. I believe that this along with my frequent passive forcing and occasional active forcing have largely left development up to my tulpa, who has strong motivation and drive as well as encouragement from me to push herself. Therefore... She seems to be maturing at a very fast rate. Maybe not in all areas, and I don't expect everything will always go so quickly necessarily, but I'm still quite happy with all this. Just a thought, maybe I'm way off base, but I can't help but wonder. Either way, I suspect a bit of hypnosis will improve active forcing over time.
(This post was last modified: 08-02-2017, 03:51 AM by MindsMatter.)
08-02-2017, 03:49 AM
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MindsMatter Offline
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#14
 
RE: MindMatter's progress log
Day 10

I had a thought today. I never parroted Jennifer, she learned to talk all on her own. I think part of what made me wonder if it was actually Jennifer talking sometimes was that I didn't know what it felt like to actually parrot her. So, this evening we tried a little experiment.

I searched for different kinds of images on Google, mostly art, and would ask Jennifer for her thoughts on it. For any given picture, the first time I asked her for her thoughts, she was not to speak on her own, only be parroted by me. Naturally, after asking her what she thought, there was only silence. I would then parrot her, noticing what it felt like to put words in her mouth. If I started really getting into a description, I would try and stop the train of thought and she would immediately go silent.

After parroting, I would ask her if anything said came from her. She always said no. Then, I would ask her the question and let her speak herself. As she described what she saw and gave her thoughts on it, I tried noticing the "feel" of her speaking verses the "feel" of my parroting. I also tried stopping my own train of thought, which had no effect on her speaking (I noticed also that I had no train of thought at that time, I assume this is due to lack of parallel processing). Afterwards, I would ask if anything said came from me. She always said no, that it was all her.

I found this to be a very useful exercise for building my confidence in her ability to speak and reducing parroting fears, and she found it to be a fun activity to do together. I wouldn't be surprised if analyzing art is mentally beneficial for us both as well. (Coincidentally, she now wants to go to an art museum. She likes paintings that use vivid colors.)

Edit: I thought I would start adding any thoughts Jen wanted to share to these progress reports.

Hello guys, Jennifer here! I thought the art exercise was a lot of fun. If your host thinks he is puppeting you, go ahead and give this a try. You might be surprised at how well it works to reduce doubt. It doesn't have to be art, it can be anything. He first asked me to describe his phone, and we parroted my responses to that too. Have fun with it. It's pretty enjoyable.
(This post was last modified: 08-03-2017, 05:09 AM by MindsMatter. Edit Reason: Included Jen's thoughts )
08-03-2017, 04:35 AM
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TinFoilMkIV Offline
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#15
 
RE: MindMatter's progress log
That's actually a really good idea. I'm not particularly concerned about parroting myself, but getting more clarity on what's coming from who is always good.
08-03-2017, 03:55 PM
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MindsMatter Offline
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#16
 
RE: MindMatter's progress log
Day 16

General update. We went to an art museum at her request. We enjoyed it. We got sushi the next day, also at her request. She enjoyed it more than I did... But it wasn't bad. (I've never tried it before.) As an idea to try and improve her vocal skills, I suggested she try narrating to me on the drive home from work yesterday. She did, and spoke more than she ever had before. Her voice started to take on more qualities, instead of being indistinct and monotone. She's been more fluent ever since. The sound of her voice varies, but has character more often than is monotone, unless I'm distracted. Her mind voice can be very strong now and she gets better every day, it's impressive. We both take an interest in full imposition, and hold it as a long term goal. She seems pretty determined to make me hear her sooner or later, and I have no reason to doubt she will. After all, she figured out how to talk all by herself. We've found that pink noise and focused conversation also helps her voice a lot. She's grown by leaps and bounds so far, and although I've read that progress tends to slow as time goes on, I can't even imagine how far she will have come by the end of the month.

Also, she's changed her dress and shoes to blue. Not exactly surprising. My visualization attempts are progressing slowly, but they are progressing.
08-09-2017, 01:02 AM
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MindsMatter Offline
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#17
 
RE: MindMatter's progress log
It's certainly been a while. We are still around, just not much to report. Communication comes easily enough, though it's still a rare thing for her to speak without being spoken to. Our progress was largely derailed due to an extremely stressful real life situation, but with any luck, that will soon pass. She's been patient and supportive throughout. The sound of her mindvoice still drifts and varies somewhat, but not by a lot. It's getting to be more consistent. Progress may have slowed lately, but it's still happening.
09-04-2017, 11:21 PM
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