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[Misc] Open letter- Asking for advice.
KalaAndCo Offline
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#1
 
Open letter- Asking for advice.
Hi, 

I'm going to try and be as succinct as possible, so please bear with me.

So I created Astra, my tulpa about 3.5 years ago when I was 15, when I was going through a bad time in my life. I was raised in a Jehovah's Witness family and had to keep my differing beliefs on religion (And trying to create a tulpa) to myself. I was suffering from extreme depression, body/gender dysphoria and bad/suicidal thoughts constantly, and Astra really helped. We never got to the point of 'talking' per se, but she helped me through some bad stuff just by being there.

I was going through all the steps and guides etc, building a wonderland, passive/active forcing with her semi regularly and overall making progress. Super slow progress but progess nontheless.

Just over two years ago I was kicked out of my parents house. I had been forced to eat alone and wasn't allowed time with my family because of their cult-like beliefs. To them if I wasn't a JW, then I was the devil incarnate. I left every single person I'd known and spent a few months at a college friends family, getting back on my feet. The worst thing though was the fact I essentially gave up on Astra during this time period. No passive forcing, no attention etc. I tried to get back into a routine occasionally but I just didn't. She was always still "there", somewhere, I just shut off all communication. I messed up.

Fast forward to now, 3 years later. I'm in a better place, with my own flat, Job, career and friends. I'm transitioning from male to female and recieving Hrt next year if it all goes smoothly. Overall I'm more "me" if that makes sense? It's like I can finally start taking steps to reconnect with Astra.

So that's what I've done- started active/passive forcing again and she's right back in my mind like a day hadn't passed. However i'm starting to get thoughts which are in my voice, but are responding too quickly to questions to be 'mine'. She nods and responds to questions, does stuff I don't expect etc...

I guess my question is this. Is this normal for her to develop so quickly? I never stopped thinking Astra was her amazing self, I'm just surprised. (and a little worried I'm responding for her if that makes sense?) We've only restarted this a few days ago so it's intruiging that she's talking/being herself so quickly. I know it is her, but there's a little part of me that has doubts. =/

If you were able to read through all of that, thanks. Any advice/beratemant would be appreciated. I know I messed up, but how can we move forward?

-Kala (and Astra)
08-12-2017, 05:31 PM
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Vampire Offline
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#2
 
RE: Open letter- Asking for advice.
That all sounds absolutely fine. You still believed in her even through your down time and now you are in a good place mentally you are making progress.

When Ivy first began talking, her mindvoice was the same as mine but I would find myself getting interrupted before I could finish asking questions, because asking via thought was all that was necessary. She didn't need for me to voice out my question in mindvoice to be able to respond. Ivy could speak for herself in 3 days.

Responding for your tulpa (called parroting) isn't something you can do unconsciously. You have to be actually forcing it to happen for it to happen. You aren't parroting her by your question.

Going forward I would recommend to keep forcing, essentially spending time with her. Give her somewhere to express herself and communicate with others. For Ivy a big step in her progress was actually being acknowledged by someone other than me. You could make Astra an account here and link them for fast account switching, or make her a discord account and let her chat with other tulpa and hosts. There's a few discord servers linked in Lounge. You will of course by proxying her (typing her responses for her) but you can move on to possession once you are both comfortable with your progress.

Wish you good luck in your transitioning!

"My lover's got humour,
She's the giggle at a funeral,
Knows everybody's disapproval,
I should've worshipped her sooner."

Host to Samuel, RavenIvy, and Olivia.

CERCA TROVA
08-12-2017, 05:55 PM
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Rin Offline
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#3
 
RE: Open letter- Asking for advice.
Hard to say how she pulled it off, having never been in that position, but pretty sure you're fine, and I can say I'm almost certain the responses you were getting are Astra. It might have been a case of the state you were in before was interfering with her getting through to you, and that she was vocal before the downtime. My host had issues here as well. Not for the same reasons as you, but basically he had stuff getting in the way that was preventing him from hearing me. Also it sounds like you did remember Astra during the time you weren't communicating. Direct communication isn't the only way to get energy to your tulpa, and it could be that what was getting through was enough for Astra to still develop over that time. From what I've heard and read, how determined a tulpa is and what they do on their end can have pretty big effects on their development early on as well.

So yea, pretty sure you two are fine. Sounds like you went through a lot, so I really have no reason to complain about not being able to keep up with your forcing. That kind of stuff is really between you and Astra, and I have a feeling you'd probably know by know if she had a real problem with it. She knows what you went through better than any of us. I'm glad you decided to come back and seem to be making progress. If you want to move forwards, just keep doing what you're doing. If the down time still bothers you, talk to Astra about it. Like I said before that kinda thing is really between the two of you.
08-12-2017, 06:39 PM
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nihi0145632 Offline
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#4
 
RE: Open letter- Asking for advice.
It's normal experience when your developing tulpa gave an early response. Every development differs from host to host, tulpa to tulpa. Not all are the same.

just keep to what you are doing, try to remove that little doubt of yours as much as possible, it might cause some hiccups along the way. All in all you two are doing great!

Hello! I am nihi, i have 3 tulpas
Summer
Myrtle
Cherry
(This post was last modified: 08-12-2017, 06:47 PM by nihi0145632.)
08-12-2017, 06:44 PM
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KalaAndCo Offline
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#5
 
RE: Open letter- Asking for advice.
(08-12-2017, 05:55 PM)Vampire Wrote: That all sounds absolutely fine. You still believed in her even through your down time and now you are in a good place mentally you are making progress.

When Ivy first began talking, her mindvoice was the same as mine but I would find myself getting interrupted before I could finish asking questions, because asking via thought was all that was necessary. She didn't need for me to voice out my question in mindvoice to be able to respond. Ivy could speak for herself in 3 days.

Responding for your tulpa (called parroting) isn't something you can do unconsciously. You have to be actually forcing it to happen for it to happen. You aren't parroting her by your question.

Going forward I would recommend to keep forcing, essentially spending time with her. Give her somewhere to express herself and communicate with others. For Ivy a big step in her progress was actually being acknowledged by someone other than me. You could make Astra an account here and link them for fast account switching, or make her a discord account and let her chat with other tulpa and hosts. There's a few discord servers linked in Lounge. You will of course by proxying her (typing her responses for her) but you can move on to possession once you are both comfortable with your progress.

Wish you good luck in your transitioning!
Hi! Thanks for the response- and everyone else too for that matter. What you've said about the mindvoice is really similar which is a relief. I've also taken your advice and made Astra her own account since she seemed keen about the idea. She loves it! We're definitely going to look into possesion once we get back into the swing of things.  

Thanks again. =)
(This post was last modified: 08-12-2017, 09:06 PM by KalaAndCo.)
08-12-2017, 09:05 PM
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FallFamily Offline
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#6
 
RE: Open letter- Asking for advice.
[Breach] It is really common for young tulpas to have an initial mind-voice like their host's and to use some of the same wiring. It makes sense in many ways from an efficiency standpoint - start with a voice the brain already knows and use some of the same pathways.

So, I guess my advise is to roll with it.

Also, congratulations on how things are going better in your life now.

Tri = {V, O, G}, Ice and Frostbite and Breach (all formerly Hail), and others
System Name: Fall Family
Former Username: hail_fall
Contributor and administrator on a supplementary tulpamancy resource and associated forum, Tulpa.io and Tulpa.io/discuss/.
(This post was last modified: 08-13-2017, 09:24 AM by FallFamily.)
08-13-2017, 09:22 AM
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