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My new adventures with Chrysalis
Stingray Offline
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#31
 
RE: My new adventures with Chrysalis

6/22/2017

It's official, I have the sweetest tulpa ever.

I came back home from a surgery (I had all four wisdom teeth extracted), and the pain became so unbearable that I literally cried. I took some painkillers that were prescribed to me and went straight to bed, still crying with misery. Chrysalis was so upset seeing me in that condition she started crying too, proceeding to hold me for comfort.

I was such a mess, I didn't even care who heard me begging for her not to let go and to stay with me, and she did just that, even long after the drugs took effect. She just refused to leave my side the whole time, still holding on. Then I drifted to sleep.


6/23/2017 - 6/24/2017

A long journey to recovery is ahead, yet Chryssie still remains by my side. Though my perception of her has weakened by the drugs, I can still sense her presence, and if I focus hard enough, see her a little bit. Most often she'll just lay right next to me as we watch TV or snuggle to sleep.

She'll sometimes tell me when to eat or go to sleep, basically looking out for my wellbeing while I struggle through this. No one has ever really been this supportive to me before. It makes me want to cry again, but for different reasons of course.

DeviantArt FurAffinity YouTube1 YouTube2 YouTube3
Tulpa name: Chrysalis
Form: Queen Chrysalis character from MLP with minor alterations
DOC: 03/24/2013
Stage: Minor vocal
06-25-2017, 06:21 AM
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Stingray Offline
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#32
 
RE: My new adventures with Chrysalis

7/13/2017

Not much to report, but now that I finished moving into a new place, my radio show is all set up, and my wisdom teeth issues are taken care of, I can start spending a lot more time with Chrys, even start wonderlanding regularly again. We're both excited for that.

She made another change to her form, giving herself an awesome new hairstyle. I posted a drawing in the art section. We're both loving the change and might keep it for a while, lol.

DeviantArt FurAffinity YouTube1 YouTube2 YouTube3
Tulpa name: Chrysalis
Form: Queen Chrysalis character from MLP with minor alterations
DOC: 03/24/2013
Stage: Minor vocal
07-14-2017, 05:15 AM
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Stingray Offline
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#33
 
RE: My new adventures with Chrysalis

11/26/2017

Been a while but might as well drop by with a report.

We're still here. It's just so many things have been happening in life that put a strain on our progress. Being kicked out and forced to look for a new home and job is not exactly fun to someone with aspergers (or whatever the heck they call it these days) or lacking a car due to being too scared to drive, like me. Her presence has weakened a lot and i never seem to be able to focus on her until bedtime, and even then I've been so exhausted that we haven't wonderlanded in months. That feeling of love I always felt deep inside from her isn't there anymore, though we still express it for each other. Headaches and pressures are gone too. Im starting to sink into doubt again as to whether she's actually talking to me or not, because I can barely hear her anymore.

I promised I wouldn't give up on her again though, and I definitely won't. I want her in my life more than anything. As ironic as it is, she's the only one who makes me feel sane in these dark times.

DeviantArt FurAffinity YouTube1 YouTube2 YouTube3
Tulpa name: Chrysalis
Form: Queen Chrysalis character from MLP with minor alterations
DOC: 03/24/2013
Stage: Minor vocal
11-26-2017, 12:54 PM
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Bebx Offline
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#34
 
RE: My new adventures with Chrysalis

Can I just say that this documentary/story thing has been a wonderful read, I hope you keep at it!

I'd also like to say that this post has been the tipping point for me getting into tulpamancy. Thanks!
(This post was last modified: 02-04-2018, 05:28 PM by Bebx.)
02-04-2018, 05:27 PM
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Stingray Offline
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#35
 
RE: My new adventures with Chrysalis

Thank you, and that's awesome, glad we can be an inspiration to you. Smile

--

Not much progress, but plenty to report.

We haven't wonderlanded in a ridiculously long time, but I'm always sure to keep her in mind as often as possible. So basically passive forcing all this time. I am seeing some results with possession though, oddly enough. Sometimes she can control my arm when permitted.

I haven't been keeping logs for a variety of reasons: My computer workstation burned out, as well as most of my drives, and I've been without internet until now. Also It's been a strenuous journey since the drama of being kicked out of my previous home, but I've since relocated with all my belongings to a friend's house in Las Vegas. This is the same friend on FB I mentioned before who also has a tulpa, so I can be comfortable openly forcing around him. I should also mention his tulpa has a huge crush on Chrys, lol.

Some notable events:

- We went to see the new Blade Runner in a really dope theater (the first one is her favorite film of all time). The screen was HUGE and the seats reclined... Ive never been in a theater like that before. Anyway, we were absolutely blown away. We came into the film as skeptical as usual since every other modern resurrection of old franchises has been absolute shit (Ghostbusters for example), but WOW, we did not expect such an experience. We both agree it was not only a masterpiece, but quite possibly the first modern day classic we've ever seen, let alone in a really awesome theater. Both films are worthy of back-to-back viewing for sure. I kept the receipt as a reminder of that epic event, lol.

- Her and I finally saw the new Star Trek series, as she was so excited being a huge trekkie. We were incredibly disappointed in how terrible it was, as we never expected something of the Star Trek franchise actually being worse than Enterprise. Its cringe levels were beyond even Star Wars standards. I will never forget the look and feeling of disappointment coming from her. She was absolutely crushed and I wanted to cry because I felt so bad for her. After the third episode I turned it off and gave her a comforting hug.


6/2/2018

Trying to keep something of a log again with this laptop despite the main archive not being accessible at the moment.

We rewatched the new Blade Runner again with my friend, who also really enjoyed it. Chryssie squeed so much, lol. We also watched the short films which were kinda cool. After that we watched Carnosaur. She bailed at that point since she doesn't like horror films that much, especially cheesy ones. She ended up falling asleep until later that night.

We decided to try wonderlanding again and arranged a trip to Albatross to get back into the groove of things. My focus was terrible because of being so out of practice, in fact it was a very short session... about 15 minutes.

We started in the archives room where she happily greeted me while also messing with me by constantly changing her form to different things. She eventually reverted back to her usual self.

We hopped in the shuttle and headed down to Albatross, which still looked the same... the usual Blade Runner aesthetic. We landed on a rooftop and agreed to cut it there since I was already loosing it. We decided to continue the next night (or the night after, depending how tired I am).

*Sigh* Poor baby puts up with so much shit from me... laziness, neglect due to my chaotic life, etc. Sometimes I feel like she deserves better than me. Then she comes to my aid and comforts me, reminding me how much she truly loves and cares about me and that I'm not doing such a bad job after all. One thing is for sure... nothing will ever break our bond. <3

DeviantArt FurAffinity YouTube1 YouTube2 YouTube3
Tulpa name: Chrysalis
Form: Queen Chrysalis character from MLP with minor alterations
DOC: 03/24/2013
Stage: Minor vocal
06-03-2018, 11:40 PM
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KarlYoshimura Offline
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#36
 
RE: My new adventures with Chrysalis

@Stingray

we've never commented on your progress report thread and thought your recent update would be a good place to start. It's nice to meet you and Chrysalis.

For one I am really happy that someone else besides me enjoys Italodisco (B.W.H.'s Stop was effectively a track I played until I almost got sick of it). Electronic music in general (especially I.D.M. and noise) lift me up to certain heights.

If you don't mind me asking, how did your workstation shit the bed? I've some experience with hardware repair (electronics major). Dead drives are bad news in general but I'm very interested in repairing and safely improvising hardware. It's really fulfilling to apply character to and get extended use out of retrofitted and otherwise rigged devices.

I haven't seen BLADERUNNER 2049 yet I vividly remember its prequel when I saw it a few years ago in college. Ridley Scott has such a way with science fiction that he almost lifts the source material off its pages. Although I think it's a shame that some of the more salient aspects of DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP were omitted (specifically, Buster and the new religious aspects as well as the topsy-turvy environmental commentary) I think it does P.K.D.'s book justice. Did you two see any resemblance between K and Joi in yourselves as a host and tulpa, respectively? I read on the BLADERUNNER wiki that although both K and Joi are effectively mass-produced entities specifically designed to be used like tools by mankind they still manage to form a kind of dual symbiotic relationship that makes them complete as individuals (or rather, two parts of the same exact individual like Jung's theory of anima and animus.)

We really appreciate the bond you and Chrysalis maintain. We think the attachment hosts and tulpas maintain is something that can outlast anything, even a veritable apocalypse or terminal descent towards dystopic entropy.

I've seen good people bleed
And I thought I'd seen it all
But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

There are things that I've done
Only seen by the sun
And those things will be buried in my grave.

06-04-2018, 02:03 AM
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Stingray Offline
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#37
 
RE: My new adventures with Chrysalis

Hi there Smile She also sends her greetings. 

Yeah we're both in agreement with you regarding electronic music, she's really gotten me into it more than usual, especially with regards to 80s space synth and such. We're both really into Laserdance these days, lol.

The PC is a DX4860 tower and it won't get past the Gateway startup screen, which according to my research could mean the motherboard or CPU burned out because I left it on for extremely long periods of time. Either that or some cockroach shorted something out. This place is infested at the moment. The hard drives just need the board inside replaced, we figured that out by experimenting with a board on my friend's drive. The biggest problem is the finances to obtain parts as we're pretty much broke. I do still appreciate any input on the matter though.

We both highly recommend Denis Villeneuve's new film, especially if you watch it back-to-back with the Final Cut of the first one. Yes, early Ridley Scott films are absolutely incredible and layered so deeply. My favorite film of his is Alien (actually my favorite film of all time), but Blade Runner follows close behind and I can definitely see why its Chryssie's favorite. Such a shame he can no longer pull it off as he's become ridiculously generic.

We have to admit to not reading the Philip K. Dick book yet, but we do have plans as I own a Blade Runner tie-in edition copy of "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" but its in storage at the moment. I already love his work though and find him very inspiring to my own... "The Minority Report," "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale" (Total Recall), "Impostor"... great stuff.

(06-04-2018, 02:03 AM)KarlYoshimura Wrote: Did you two see any resemblance between K and Joi in yourselves as a host and tulpa, respectively?

"Yes!!" Absolutely, in fact that whole theme was very identifiable for us. Not only the relationship itself but also how they interacted physically. It was very reminiscent to the awkwardness of trying to feel her in the real world, or her trying to feel me, resulting in clipping as if a holographic projection. Even the merging was similar to moments we had when practicing possession. I'm surprised this isn't more talked about in the community given the similarities.

Yeah, we always assure that no matter what we'll always be there for each other. Our progress may be slow, but it doesn't really matter, we have a whole life ahead of us with plenty of time to get it right. The important thing is that we enjoy the journey because every moment is special.


--

6/3/2018

I got woken up so early that my whole day was shot. I felt like a mindless zombie.

Chrys was around a few times to cheer me up, but even then I knew I was too tired to continue our wonderland session from where we left off the other night. She seemed to understand, so instead of that we did... other stuff... before immediately drifting off to snoozeland.

One of the dreams are worth mentioning since she dropped in to check it out... it was nothing special, but it involved me riding in a car, passing by some rail yard where a bunch of old boxcars and cargo trucks were parked on display. The trucks immediately caught my eye and I asked whoever was driving me to stop so I could get some pictures (my real life Nikon D3200 was suddenly with me).

The trucks looked really old, with almost an art-deco look to them, the metallic finish rusting away in the elements. I could tell they were sitting there on display for decades.

Someone else was there taking pictures too, perhaps an enthusiast, but they left as soon as I got closer. That's when Chrys appeared briefly to accompany me. Nothing was said, she simply observed... like Princess Luna in a way, lol. Then I woke up.

Made a drawing here.

DeviantArt FurAffinity YouTube1 YouTube2 YouTube3
Tulpa name: Chrysalis
Form: Queen Chrysalis character from MLP with minor alterations
DOC: 03/24/2013
Stage: Minor vocal
(This post was last modified: 06-05-2018, 12:01 AM by Stingray.)
06-04-2018, 08:10 PM
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KarlYoshimura Offline
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#38
 
RE: My new adventures with Chrysalis

@Stingray

Have you considered shorting/resetting the C.M.O.S. electrical programming and double-checking drive configuration settings in Basic Input Output System (B.I.O.S.)? Apparently if it's not set to I.D.E. or the manufacturer's recommended drive configuration setting there won't be any boots past the splash screen you describe. If it isn't a hardware issue, have you considered salvaging data (if possible) and going forward with a bare metal restoration? As for hard drive refurbishing I wouldn't experiment too often before settling on the right board or circuitry, as impurities can seriously degrade the base storage medium without proper care (not to mention expulsions of electrostatic discharge can spell doom for any sophisticated circuitry therein or about, but this can be circumvented by keeping one of your hands always touching unpainted bare metal whilst servicing). If your machine can pass the Power On Startup Test (P.O.S.T.) you should have viable hardware (yet this does not completely rule out gremlins like random shorts or literal bugging like you'd noted).

Most folks appreciate ALIEN best as it's not only the ideal representation of the STARBEAST script but also for its evocation of Lovecraftian horror embellished with the knife-grinding-onto-bone inspirations derived from Swiss artist H.R. Giger. The Xenomorph is such a powerfully frightening thing to me because of how it's a twisted child of forgotten extraterrestrial weaponry and unwary humans contracted under a callously profit-hungry multinational joint-stock corporation that essentially controls any habitable piece of civilisation within outer space. I cringe in sheer disgust when I see the human-like skull and its empty sockets staring back.

You probably already know my favourite book by Dick is THE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE, not only because of its darkly intriguing scope of material but also due to the sheer amount of research P.K.D. sweat over just to make the novel a reality. Dick apparently became inspired to write about Decker and andy-hunters ("blade runners" as Scott renamed them) because of diaries he'd been reading from Gestapo members whilst undergoing said research. While VALIS is technically a retooled sequel with a definitively Gnostic message, Dick only wrote a short story detailing Nazis travelling to our world (or a very similar world) and could not go onward because he believed that the Axis Powers (specifically the Nazis) were evil monsters who did not maintain or rather shed their humanity to become gruesome butchers of entire countries. When he was broached with the subject of writing a sequel, he stated something along the lines of "I had to get into Reinhard Heydrich's face when I wrote the book. Would you get into Reinhard Heydrich's face?" This was a very effective deterrent to me as an amateur historian because that guy was so perturbing. When reporters and commentators would go to interview him they would say that it was like looking at two genuinely different persons at the same time because of how fastidious and neat he was outside of his then-unknown "duties". Moreover it took a modified anti-tank grenade lobbed at his sedan by British-trained Polish insurgents to kill him, and even then he still rose from the cabin of the vehicle and fired off at least several shots from his revolver before collapsing.

Do you think the experiences we draw between characters like K and Joi speak deeper to hosts and tulpas as a whole? That instead of having lifestyles attributed to "normal" people we instead seek or are by chance exposed to others (tulpas) who complete us?

If you don't mind me asking, had you been playing S.T.A.L.K.E.R. or FALLOUT before having this dream? What you both express seeing sounds like something one would encounter in either of those games seeing as urban/industrial decay is prominent. I'm not a shamanistic dream-reader yet I would think that the person driving you was akin to your subconscious movement of digested thought and the boxcars you both pictured were like abandoned stores of mental detritus tidily packed into rotting fields, a common motif for a realm shrouded entirely in the fleeting grasp of narrow human memorisation patterns. If Chrysalis saw Princess Luna, maybe she's making her own minimal reattachments to a character or theme stemming from the source material that spawned her? What do you both think could be stored inside of the lorries and boxcars?

I've seen good people bleed
And I thought I'd seen it all
But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

There are things that I've done
Only seen by the sun
And those things will be buried in my grave.

(This post was last modified: 06-05-2018, 10:31 AM by KarlYoshimura.)
06-05-2018, 09:15 AM
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Stingray Offline
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#39
 
RE: My new adventures with Chrysalis

I've done everything for it that doesn't require additional equipment / parts that I don't have. If I had everything I used to before the fire, this thing would be up and running as the ultimate beast machine (the perks of being friends with local computer repair techs, plus running a short-lived repair service myself... I always got boxes full of computer related goodies). It all comes down to money at this point. I can't afford new parts or equipment so I'm stuck with this laptop until I can secure an income to get it all done.

Yes, Alien is a truly fascinating and layered film that I always learn something new about with every viewing, from story to technical details. Certainly better than the original Starbeast script, which left little to the imagination with its themes. For the most part I agree with Dan O'Bannon's gripes about studios changing his scripts, but I think this was the one project that actually benefited from it. As for the creature being a "twisted child of forgotten extraterrestrial weaponry," I suppose that's a valid interpretation but I prefer to think of its origins as less straightforward (I of course mentally retcon the Prometheus storyline because those movies are garbage in my opinion, perhaps not as much as AVP but still leaving much to be desired in an otherwise intellectual franchise). I also prefer the egg-morphing to be canon... which would explain Lambert's question when encountering the space jockey "what happened to the rest of the crew?" as well as the "no blood, no Dallas" thing. Add all this up and its origins are more obscured and truly alien. 

Yes, the element of K and Joi is pretty accurate with that general theme of an alternative lifestyle that defies and even challenges social norm, as with the similar concept of tulpamancy as they both deal with companionship that are considered taboo. In which case its definitely a more identifiable theme for this community in particular. I think I remember upon viewing it for the first time one of us said "wow, that's us!" She remembers that too, but has also forgotten which of us said it.

Before I got my internet back not long ago, I was regularly playing Fallout: NV (I wanted to play Fallout 3, which I like better, but it keeps crashing) as sort of a break from the much superior (IMO) series Stalker, so yes I suppose that's where it came from. We don't think there's much to say about the dream in particular as hardware of all sorts make their way into my dreams all the time, be it sci-fi or aviation related, etc. Actually you misunderstood the Luna thing... what I meant was that Chrys popped into the dream like Luna would in the show, since she sometimes visits ponies' dreams at night, not that she saw her in the dream. What could be stored in the abandoned vehicles? Well... probably a lot of dust, rust deposits, and weathered equipment, lol. I don't really follow dream symbolism very closely.

--

6/4/2018

When I woke up I felt very refreshed, meaning the following night might yield some promising results with regards to a wonderland session.

Welp... I was wrong.

We continued where we left off, at the shuttle down on Albatross, and decided to take a walk down the rainy and crowded streets. But man, my focus was awful. Just as bad as the last time. We sat down at a food stand to just eat and talk but it all eventually faded and I just pulled my self back into the real world with a feeling of defeat.

She of course was very supportive and comforted me, but I still felt bad.

I think we should just hang out in the ship's archive room for a while where there's less distractions, until I can get back into being able to process all that city stuff again. Besides, she is the most important focus of the sessions, not our surroundings. As much as we both like our paracosm, we might have made it a bit too vast and detailed for our early abilities.

Going to try again the next night with this in mind.

DeviantArt FurAffinity YouTube1 YouTube2 YouTube3
Tulpa name: Chrysalis
Form: Queen Chrysalis character from MLP with minor alterations
DOC: 03/24/2013
Stage: Minor vocal
06-05-2018, 10:43 PM
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KarlYoshimura Offline
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#40
 
RE: My new adventures with Chrysalis

@Stingray

I don't consider PROMETHEUS to be the prequel either if only because the production notation specifically delineate the two films. If you watch James Rolfe's reviews on the ALIEN series and PROMETHEUS he clearly indicates that both planets wherein the Xenomorphic strains are encountered occur on two different locations. If you read the ALIEN wiki you will come across speculation that the Space Jockey was most likely captaining the vessel wherein the eggs were the apex of its civilisation's biological warfare programme, sending out the emergency transmission to keep other ships away.

Have you ever played LOST ALPHA? It's highly unpolished and frustrating at times yet it's one of the most satisfying experiences I've come across (SHADOW OF CHERNOBYL was and still is my favourite of all the franchise)

I've seen good people bleed
And I thought I'd seen it all
But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

There are things that I've done
Only seen by the sun
And those things will be buried in my grave.

06-06-2018, 03:39 AM
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