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O1av's Tulpa creation log: Giving life to my subconscious


O1av

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Introduction

Well, I stumbled upon the concept of tulpae and this website a couple of days ago, and immediately my interest was piqued. I'm guessing I don't need to explain why tulpae interest me so much, as I'm sure you all agree it's just a very interesting phenomenon.

But that wasn't the whole reason why I felt I had to attempt to create a tulpa of my own.

 

Like many others, I suspect, I also thought of Fight Club when I first learned of tulpae. Now, Tyler Durden from that film (book) is not a very good person and I don't want to create him. But what interested me is how he seems to represent the less prominents traits from his creator and vice versa - they are like opposites that fill each other out.

 

That's partly what I want to create - someone who will give voice to the parts of my subconscious that I feel are there but have been pushed away, or to traits I once had but somehow lost.

Specifically, I'd like to get more in touch with the childish, impulsive, creative, unpredictable and overconfident part of me which in latter years has been pushed aside by my more thought-through, calculative, indecisive, boring or introverted self.

 

Another thing that I've noticed about myself is that I can more easily trust my subconscious than my conscious thoughts. I feel that I'm better at things when I'm not consciously focusing on it and just let myself do things automatically.

 

I feel, wether this is true or not, that somehow I've lost touch with who I want to be, a "real self", and I'm hoping that a more primal part of me is hidden somewhere in my head and can be given life through the creation of a Tulpa.

 

So, as you can see, I'm very much hoping that the Tulpa will prove useful to me, as a sort of more direct line of communication to my subconscious thoughts and as a sort of "better half" or at least "other half".

And of course, more than anything, there's my curiosity and interest in the concept and experimenting with it. From what I've read, the companionship sounds like it could be great too.

 

Alice

Since I first heard of tulpae, I've had a very clear idea about what mine would look and act like, so I based it off that. It would be hard for me to do anything else, though I won't mind if any deviations occur.

 

I'm calling her Alice, and I have a fairly firm idea of what she looks like. She's human, and if possible I want her to be indistinguishable from a real person (although I imagine her quite good-looking :) ) I guess no one will be interested in her exact look, it doesn't matter much to anyone but me, really.

 

The Log Itself Day 2

I started working on Alice yesterday, before I went to sleep, and started proper forcing this morning.

I've now spent maybe an hour or two figuring out kind of traits and personality she should have, writing down about 20 traits.

 

I also couldn't help myself spending about one hour visualising her as detailed as I could. The legs and hips were the easiest to picture, and most of the body was fairly simple, hands and face were not. I'm also having some trouble with proportions.

I know people have different opinions about visualising this early, but I really could not help myself seeing as I knew exactly what I wanted her to look like (down to smallest detail) from the second I first read the word "tulpa"... I guess it's an image I've been hoarding for a while.

 

I've also been narrating any notable activities i took part in during the day, telling her a bit about how I feel about different things I've encountered and talked to her about her personality as well. Basically I've been "telepathically" saying anything that comes to mind.

I've been acting in accordance with the whole "treat as sentient before sentiency" thing.

 

I intend to work on some more personality forcing, including doing a trait and likes/dislikes table like FAQ man's and the one in Pleeb's blog.

 

I've not felt anything physical or mental yet, as I suppose is to be expected after only ~2 hours of consentrated forcing/visualising and a bit of narrating.

Well, that's it. I'd welcome any feedback to any part of my post, and I'll try to update this as often as I can. For science.

Please note: I do not have a verbal/clearly sentient tulpa, and am still in the early stages of the process.

Any advice I give will not be proven effective, and should be seen as "food for thought" alone.

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You sound like you have a very good outlook to making a tulpa. Just by outlining a compliment to your own personality that's "childish, impulsive, creative, unpredictable and overconfident", you clearly have some solid traits to work from. I'll bet the personality you have in mind is already very fleshed by virtue of being you. Just remember to let that be a guide, and don't fight any changes that come to your mind later on.

 

Narrating out loud is also a huge help. Speaking in your own mind isn't bad, but you might confuse some of your own thoughts with your tulpa's by doing that, since it can be hard to tell the two apart. It feels weird at first, but speaking also helps establish the idea that your tulpa is a real, sentient person too.

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You sound like you have a very good outlook to making a tulpa. Just by outlining a compliment to your own personality that's "childish, impulsive, creative, unpredictable and overconfident", you clearly have some solid traits to work from. I'll bet the personality you have in mind is already very fleshed by virtue of being you. Just remember to let that be a guide, and don't fight any changes that come to your mind later on.

 

Narrating out loud is also a huge help. Speaking in your own mind isn't bad, but you might confuse some of your own thoughts with your tulpa's by doing that, since it can be hard to tell the two apart. It feels weird at first, but speaking also helps establish the idea that your tulpa is a real, sentient person too.

 

That last bit you mentioned about speaking to her out loud to reinforce the idea that she is real is what I've been thinking as well. Since creating the thread I've been trying to speak to her out loud every chance I get, and I'll hopefully be able to keep that up.

Sounds like there's something to it. It certainly feels like I'm acknowledging that she's real and worthy of me using my voice.

Please note: I do not have a verbal/clearly sentient tulpa, and am still in the early stages of the process.

Any advice I give will not be proven effective, and should be seen as "food for thought" alone.

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Well, something which may or may not be significant happened yesterday night: A huge deviation in my tulpa's look.

Since the beginning, I had a quite specific form for her. However, I always felt like something was wrong while visualising, and I was plagued by vague, intruding thoughts that changed her hair and clothes.

 

This culminated yesterday night as I was doing a visualization and personality session before bed. It was as if my image of her just changed entirely, without me consciously changing it.

This happened in a split second, suddenly she changed her hairstyle and clothes quite a bit, possibly her face as well. I haven't been able to properly visualize the face yet.

It immediately become much easier to visualise her, and suddenly things felt much more right.

I also did some personality work that night, and I tried to focus on traits that "came to me". Some traits did "come to me" easier than others, and they were all quite similar to traits I had picked out beforehand. However, I felt as if there was some resistance to certain other traits I brought up, and I sort of got the feeling that I was doing something wrong when I was trying to force a personality on my tulpa.

That same session I also started to see a lot of movement. She was jumping merrily around, maybe prancing, and generally acting silly. I'm worried it was all parroting though... Tried to do the prism, but I had problems visualising the prism, feather and tulpa simultaneously. I don't really know whether I was deliberately moving her around on some level, or whether it was subconscious or what. I really couldn't tell then and I still can't, but the movement is gone now unless I try.

 

I should add that I was quite tired at this point and was lying in my bed. I think that near-sleep state was the reason I saw this movement, and possibly the reason the change in form happened as well. I know people don't recommend forcing while in bed, but there's no doubt in my mind that the form change was for the better, at least. I'm just unsure about the movement...

Other than this, I've not felt anything or seen any other sign of sentience. I've done visualisation of personality forcing for about 2h 45m at this point, plus some narrating throughout.

I intend to stop all personality forcing, and will instead talk to her more freely about the different traits one can have and sort of let her choose. This is because of the feeling I mentioned that I was forcing something upon her she did not want, and because of what I talked about in the OP.

If you read the OP you'll know that part of my objective was to create a personification of repressed parts of my subconscious, and I feel it would be counter-productive if I tried to pick traits as if I knew my mind 100%. I'm pretty sure I don't. I really think it's for the better to let things work themselves out, but if this results in a lack of progress I might reconsider...

Despite a sensed reluctancy to accept my traits I'll keep creating a personality, FAQ Man style, and let the tulpa deviate if she so feels...

Otherwise forcing sessions would become very empty.

 

Well, those were my thoughts for today.

Please note: I do not have a verbal/clearly sentient tulpa, and am still in the early stages of the process.

Any advice I give will not be proven effective, and should be seen as "food for thought" alone.

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I have not much to say, other than don't use a wonderland, since you're wasting brain power on a background - power that could otherwise be fully focused on your tulpa - and make sure to use my tones in your sessions.

 

Oh, and welcome.

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I have not much to say, other than don't use a wonderland, since you're wasting brain power on a background - power that could otherwise be fully focused on your tulpa - and make sure to use my tones in your sessions.

 

Oh, and welcome.

Not using one, though sometimes I wonder if it might help. I'm going to keep not using one and see how it goes.

As for your tones Fede, I have no great faith in them but I'll admit I haven't really tried... I've been meaning to. The least they can do is drown out my annoying tinnitus.

Please note: I do not have a verbal/clearly sentient tulpa, and am still in the early stages of the process.

Any advice I give will not be proven effective, and should be seen as "food for thought" alone.

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