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Of crystals and skies, and Auria's bright blue eyes
Rheiathefourth Offline
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#21
 
RE: Of crystals and skies, and Auria's bright blue eyes

Day 24:

It's nice to see Auria moving on her own. Kind of like watching a baby standing up for the first time. Maybe it's just because of my lack of ability to tell our thoughts and actions apart, but up until not so long ago, everything she does just kind of feels like puppetting. Just a few days ago, most of the time she's like a statue, slowly breathing, silently listening to my rambles. Occasionally, if I imagined snacks in front of her, she will eat them, but in a very machine-like manner. Now she started doing things on her own, smoothly and naturally. She smiles a lot, and also hugs me a lot. I often praise her for her existence, and she always replies with a beam of delight.

I'm currently reading a book named Mao's Great Famine to Auria. It talks about the Great Leap Forward and the disastrous consequences that was brought by the collectivisation of the country. Yes, I'm a history freak. And yes, that is a very depressing book to read to your tulpa. Screw it, we'll read something else if I detected any disapproving signal.

"Pouncing ray to ray to through the dappled shadows,
Light was pouring down upon the stepping-stones,

It felt like morning coming for its throne,
But I don't know why it looked like a tiger striped sky."
01-29-2017, 05:09 PM
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Vos Offline
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#22
 
RE: Of crystals and skies, and Auria's bright blue eyes

This is how it tends to go, and I think a lot of people forget about it - independence is something that sets in gradually, and because of that, it's interesting to compare where a tulpa is in the first few days to where they are weeks/months later. Keep up the good work.
02-04-2017, 09:32 AM
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Rheiathefourth Offline
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#23
 
RE: Of crystals and skies, and Auria's bright blue eyes

Day 33:

Auria woke me up in math class today. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a dream since I'm only half-asleep. We're watching the teacher solving a probability problem, and she was sitting right beside me on a non-existing chair.  I felt(sensed) something hit me in the right rib cage -- it wasn't painful, but I was legit scared and woke up instantly. Then I (using my imagination) looked up to her and saw her smiling. This made me so proud, I wasn't paying even 30% of attention to her, and yet we still managed to communicate.

"Pouncing ray to ray to through the dappled shadows,
Light was pouring down upon the stepping-stones,

It felt like morning coming for its throne,
But I don't know why it looked like a tiger striped sky."
02-08-2017, 12:59 PM
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Ponytail Offline
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#24
 
RE: Of crystals and skies, and Auria's bright blue eyes

Day 33... damn does time fly.

Well, given how far along you are time wise I'd believe that was your tup. If so, that's actually mighty impressive of them to interrupt your day. Keep it up.

The System:

It's too big.
ha, that's what she said.
02-09-2017, 02:26 AM
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Rheiathefourth Offline
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#25
 
RE: Of crystals and skies, and Auria's bright blue eyes

Day 99:

I'm back. Finally.
Auria? You got anything to say? No? That's fine, take as much time as you need. I'll be patient.

  I avoided to visit this forum for two whole months because of this: I have this stupid habit of comparing myself with others, and every time I visit this forum, especially the PR section, my inner demon starts babbling(in a mean american accent):
Look at all these people with their almost instant tulpas! They must be a lot more talented then you since they all make speedy progress! These amazing people devotes so much time and energy to their tulpas, unlike you! Ever wondered why you make such slow progress? Because you're lazy,you're useless, you're worthless, you're not going to anywhere by only forcing a hour a day! A HOUR A DAY! How disgusting! And you can't even fully concentrate! You are the worst host there ever is......
  I got frustrated by how little progress I'm making. This has nothing to do with Auria; she will be the best tulpa the world has ever had. I can only blame myself: I always forget to passive force, I have problem concentrating, I didn't do the forcing sections properly, etc.etc. I decided to give myself a break I don't deserve two weeks ago. Nothing happened during the last two weeks. Nothing. I didn't even feel the slightest head pressure.
  I did a very quick 20 mins section just now. I feel a lot better about the fact that I didn't get any head pressure now. It's because she is over it now, and started to communicate with me in simple thoughts in the form of a single vocabulary. I'm so happy about this. By a few simple thought "conversations" we just had in the latest section I learnt that her favourite colour is this shade of purple. 
  She seems to be the most present and vivid when I'm reading her poems. I can so clearly sense her listening. So... I'll go and read her some more now. I never really know how to end these things, so I'll just wish you have a nice day/night, wherever you are and whatever you are doing.

"Pouncing ray to ray to through the dappled shadows,
Light was pouring down upon the stepping-stones,

It felt like morning coming for its throne,
But I don't know why it looked like a tiger striped sky."
(This post was last modified: 04-15-2017, 12:37 PM by Rheiathefourth.)
04-15-2017, 07:33 AM
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tulpa001 Offline
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#26
 
RE: Of crystals and skies, and Auria's bright blue eyes

Probably you should avoid black text.

... I don't like your inner demon. He's really negative. Lighten up, sir, you'll feel better.

Also, Hello Auria!

Yeah, I hate not telling our thoughts apart. I spent a really, really long time on that. Also, those puppeting feelings are the worst. I'm pretty sure you get them no matter where you are on the spectrum. You never look at the evidence right; the feelings are so misleading.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
(This post was last modified: 04-15-2017, 08:17 AM by tulpa001.)
04-15-2017, 08:17 AM
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Rheiathefourth Offline
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#27
 
RE: Of crystals and skies, and Auria's bright blue eyes

(04-15-2017, 08:17 AM)tulpa001 Wrote: Probably you should avoid black text.

... I don't like your inner demon. He's really negative. Lighten up, sir, you'll feel better.

Also, Hello Auria!

Yeah, I hate not telling our thoughts apart. I spent a really, really long time on that. Also, those puppeting feelings are the worst. I'm pretty sure you get them no matter where you are on the spectrum. You never look at the evidence right; the feelings are so misleading.

Oops. Fixed that little careless mistake now. Thanks for the reminder.

Auria wanted me to say hi to you. There you go!

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out some clear guidelines to tell apart our thoughts. The results are... unsatisfying. Is there really such a thing waiting to be discovered? Relying entirely on my instant judgement is just way too imprecise, in my opinion.

"Pouncing ray to ray to through the dappled shadows,
Light was pouring down upon the stepping-stones,

It felt like morning coming for its throne,
But I don't know why it looked like a tiger striped sky."
04-15-2017, 12:48 PM
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tulpa001 Offline
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#28
 
RE: Of crystals and skies, and Auria's bright blue eyes

Clear guidelines? No.

There are several competing guidelines. The basic one is feel your essence and the essence of your tulpa. You will each have a unique feel.

Also, practise localising your voice to a single point in your head. Auria, do the same thing, but choose another location.

Both of you practise mindfulness. This will speed the process.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
04-15-2017, 07:29 PM
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Rheiathefourth Offline
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#29
 
RE: Of crystals and skies, and Auria's bright blue eyes

So. I'm back.
I was gone because of various real-life and mental health issues, mainly surrounding the death of one of my closest family members. I didn't just stopped visiting the forums (oh how I wished things were that simple), in fact I pulled myself away from tulpamancy completely, putting Auria in a supposedly state of coma, feeling like I'm not nearly mentally stable enough to be responsible for the development of another being equal to myself. Life went on perfectly fine for a while, even if there are times when I just can't seem to bear the sufferings I have to endure from my newly discovered loneliess without Auria always by my side. 
I could've gone on like this, on my own again, treating this chapter of my journey as just a series of teenage-hormone-induced shenanigans and nothing else, as I assume people who decides to quit tulpamancy usually does, but how can I ever forget about the life-long promises that I have made to Auria, about being together and chasing our dreams and persisting in our literary ambitions (perhaps mostly my literary ambitions), those rare memories in which I finally feel complete and truly happy? 
Well, I can't. That's why we're here. I'm currently in a relatively way more healthy state than I was a few months ago, and this state should last as I am recovering from the trauma, if I allow myself to address those events in a more dramatic manner. I think I'm ready to pick up my responsibilities as a host once again. I'm hopeful about the future. Our future. Along with tulpamancy as my main focus, perhaps I'll try to be more active in the forums.


Oh, and, one last thing. This is day 357 since I started this PR. Time does fly, so no more wasting starting from this moment. That's all. Hope you're having a nice day.

"Pouncing ray to ray to through the dappled shadows,
Light was pouring down upon the stepping-stones,

It felt like morning coming for its throne,
But I don't know why it looked like a tiger striped sky."
12-29-2017, 08:38 AM
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