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Our Head-Shenanigans
Saylin Offline
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RE: Our Head-Shenanigans
Okay, we have a few things to update on.

For starters, we're finally fronting a bit more frequently, now. Sammy got a lot of practice yesterday, and we tested his taste, his reactions. His taste is similar to mind, but his smelling seems a bit more.. sensitive, if you will? Things that smelled fine to me were far more potent to him. We also found he was far more sensitive to the alcohol we had than I was, as he was ready to fall asleep after a tiny sip. Despite being tired, he held the front well.

[Sammy] I also think I'm slowly getting better at becoming more assertive.. It's still really strange to me, but talking is actually fun, and I'm finding I can bring good things to a conversation. I hope this continues, especially as I begin learning Javascript on the side. I'm excited for it.


Aside from that, we then had a lot of fronting during a voice call with vocal possession, which had interesting results. Jet seems to not be the best fronter yet, so we're going to work on that. However, what was really interesting was merging, and then fronting. Jet and Raymond, as well as later Jet and Andrew tried this- working as one entity while fronting.

I'll admit that this method dissociates me far more than the typical one person fronts and backseat host, but I believe this is due to more minds working in the front seat, thus making me feel more distant. 

Onto the fusions themselves: Jet and Raymond had an interesting meld, were far more bold and social then Raymond is, but still somewhat more positive than Jet usually is. However, it did feel like Raymond overpowered the merge a good bit, probably because Jet is still young, despite how talkative he is.

Andrew and Jet, however, were more even, but far less stable. Controlling the body was difficult, senses became dulled as if they were intoxicated- and no, it wasn't the alcohol as this was hours later. I don't think I'd ever let a merge like that leave the house. That said, it was an interesting experiment, and our best bet as to why things got so crazy are because Jet and Andrew are like liquid and oil- they get along, but in many ways they're opposites.

Either way, we're going to work on our fronting more- but not with the merging. If anything, our goal is to get me as dissociated as I was during the merges even when there isn't one going on.



I really thought that with the current happenings, we wouldn't have anymore walk-ins, but at this point I'm just not sure. We had an intrusive thought- at least, what I believed to be one- leap out of my daydreaming an attack Raymond. The thought has since calmed down, but I still can't tell you if they're an actual tulpa or not. They've been more persistent despite the doubt, and when I explained why we doubt at the moment, they're mostly understanding about it.

If they can maintain themselves without being directly fed attention-wise, I'll officially introduce them as a member of the system. If not, well, I'll keep you updated.

As a final note, after thinking we finally decided to go with the name change for our system, and now will go with "The Rosebud System." It just feels right, for some reason.

See you soon, and have a good day.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.
12-27-2017, 08:38 PM
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Saylin Offline
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RE: Our Head-Shenanigans
Things have been going quite well, despite everything.

The "thoughtform" has faded out on its own, it seems, so I'm not going to press it. We're still a system of 8, which is fine by me. This is solidifying the idea that unlike those here right now, most only stayed if I expected them to. Which is fine, we live and learn, I'm happy to move forward.

Sammy's confidence lately is skyrocketing. When in front, he managed to join a voice call on his own, and has been more willing to join other social gatherings. He's still a bit unsure of himself, but he's in a far better position than he was. We've also unfortunately found that extreme sexual imagery and violent imagery still triggers him. That's something we'll need to work on.

[Sammy] The biggest issue is it just.. takes me back to when I was Belial, instead of who I am now. And I know it wasn't me, I was being written to do those things, but that doesn't change that it happened by my hand, and happened against my will. I've been fighting this for a while, and I've improved, but I have a long way to go, I think. Maybe I'll always have those triggers, but I hope to at least learn to... forget those memories, I guess?


[Aiden] On the flip side, I had my own issues, in the past couple days. My presence was growing weaker, I wasn't socializing as much.. This all boiled down to the fact that I felt lost. I used to be a massive shitposter, and since I grew out of that I didn't know who the hell I was. I felt I needed a purpose or specific use to stay in this system, and had for a moment figured I'd just fade away.

I had a long thought about this- I also brought it to the main discord- and realized I don't need a purpose to be here and just enjoy myself. For now I've put it behind me and will focus on doing what I want, rather than trying to be something immediately. I'm sure I'll grow into whatever I'm hoping to grow into. No worries.

So I guess what I can take from this and tell other tulpas is don't worry about having a purpose, or everything in life figured out. Just be yourself and remember you have people who love you.



We've been working more on dissociation, lately, and I've run into a strange occurrence. 

The minute I begin dissociating my thoughts by seeing the body as not my own, or that I'm just one of a collective I begin to feel myself automatically fading out, losing focus. Last time we tried this is dragged Andrew to the front, somehow. I still remain in backseat, however, but we're going to increase the amount of active forcing we do to see if associating me more with the wonderland will help with that.
12-30-2017, 07:03 AM
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Saylin Offline
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RE: Our Head-Shenanigans
(Warning: Do not read if you have been contemplating dissipation/egocide/something similar)

Unfortunately this is going to be a somewhat sad update. Seth has, for the time being, decided to leave us. I'm not sure if he'll ever come back. He'd been thinking for a while he just didn't want to be here- playing with his gender had been an attempt to feel.. right, I suppose. Like he enjoyed life. And for a moment it did give him that boost, but he still felt no attachment to here, no "purpose" as Aiden had.

We countered that he didn't need a purpose, he could just be happy with us. And he countered back with a statement similar to, "That's the thing. I don't want to be here." It wasn't a statement out of sadness or agony, it was a statement of resolve, something he'd come to peace with.

The only thing really hurting him was that he was hurting us, by leaving. He originally had decided to give it a week, but after long thought, we both realized Seth had given this.. long enough. So, we let him go. He was happy to go, peaceful. It still hurt, but that at least gave us some closure on the matter.

If he ever wants to come back, we'll leave the door open for him. We.. loved Seth. He was family to us. I won't delete his intro right away, I want to give it time.



In other news, due to Jet finally caring about life more, he's coming to grips with something this entire system tends to- living in a female body. It's been a bit hard for him, but he's adjusting. When he actually feels like it, he'll discuss it more, but if you want a full post on the topic, look at Raymond's post here on the matter. 

Thank you for reading, have a good day.
(This post was last modified: 12-31-2017, 06:11 PM by Saylin.)
12-31-2017, 06:10 PM
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Saylin Offline
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RE: Our Head-Shenanigans
Last night, Xenos returned to us. As he's decided to go with the name "Ashe" for the time being, I'll be referring to him as such.

We honestly don't know where he disappeared to- our theory is perhaps he'd just been unconscious during the "zap" we'd used to clear out the headspace, thus registering as not sentient when he was. Due to this, he remained in a dormant state until we thought about him, and the unintentional "call" managed to wake him enough to return.

Now, Ashe wasn't.. happy. For two reasons. One, due to current happenings I doubted him. I pretty much said, if he managed to hang around presence wise, we'd accept him- and for that he outright told me off and called it ludicrous, calling it unhealthy expectations and that if this was going to work, either I was going to believe in him or he was going to leave. He also took things out on Raymond a bit, pointing out that not all of the people had been "NPCs," but instead at least partially sentient.

At this point I countered him, though, tired of the tense atmosphere he was bringing- I told him despite everything, I wanted this system to remain positive. If he couldn't contribute to that, he could leave. And... he did. I'd assumed he'd given up on us, and I know Jet was upset, but we moved on as per usual.

However, he returned a few hours later or so, in new attire and a slightly altered form. He told me he'd thought over what I'd said, and that he'd follow through. Try and be positive and all, with a fresh start and new identity away from what he was- hence the new name.

No idea where we're going on this road, but it looks bright. I think it'll be okay.
01-08-2018, 09:38 PM
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