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Our Tulpa Endeavor
Angry Bear Offline
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RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor

*whew* just finished reading your PR.

Congrats on getting married, I can tell you're way happier now.  That's a beautiful thing.

I've written quite a few books, I am not the best editor, but i have a few tricks (really hard ones for me, anyway).  I don't know the nature of your book (fiction/non-fiction), but this may help anyway.

1.  Obviously you need to edit it a few times through.
2.  I find that if i have a slow or boring section, it's way better to take it out.  Then re-edit and sneak in the missing critical information.  Otherwise if you give it to a pro editor, they will indiscriminately gut your book.  By analogy, this is seen in movies all the time, missing information.
3.  When you are enthrawled with your book, you just can't put it down and look forward to reading it when you do, then you have one last hideous chore.  Read the whole damn thing out loud.  Yes, it's not my fav.  But you find so many mistakes.  A published novel is nearly perfect.
4.  Word count, 50-100k or so, not much more than that or split it into multiple books.  Less than that and it's more like a short story.

Anyway, great read, i learned a lot from your story.  I'm so glad you're at a happier point now.  (Kind of like a happy ending in a book.)  I'd love to hear the story of how you got together with your husband.

Angry Bear: host, 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: tulpa, 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: tulpa, 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: tulpa, 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
(This post was last modified: 09-17-2018, 03:21 PM by Angry Bear.)
09-17-2018, 03:20 PM
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Apollo Offline
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RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor

Here's a bit of a strange thing that happened. Not exactly progress or an update, more of just an odd occurrence. 

One thing that we've been aware of for a long while, and other people might have noticed too, is that whenever we're in a state between being asleep and awake, the brain seems to begin to do weird things. If we're lucid enough, we can manipulate it a bit before falling asleep. Nothing usually comes of this other than a cool memory of us doing something like visualizing ourselves with more vividness, or other things like that.

Last night, me and Lyrica (we changed Lyra's name btw) were talking about how we only have one memory perspective: the front. The brain doesn't generate a perspective for or from someone who's not fronting. Rather the perspective is singular and stationary within one's mind, and can be traded between people. Something to note that may be interesting to some people is that when it comes to myths or misconceptions about tulpamancy, our host always tries to believe them for as long as humanly possible until one of us tulpas comes along and, while fronting, asserts that we don't believe in these misconceptions. She's always the last to accept it compared to us. So anyway, we'd recently dismissed the notion that tulpas have a perspective separate from the front when their form is being visualized, which is why we were talking about it.

We started experimenting a bit with that. While in this almost-asleep state, we began to rapidly swap who was controlling the mind's perspective/front. She would take it for a split second and envision me, and then I would take it an envision her, and so on and so forth. We kept doing this for a while, and eventually likely stopped and fell asleep. The strange part about this story is that, in our dreams, we continued to do this. In our dream, I would take the front for a moment and imagine her, and then she would take it for a moment and imagine me. This kept going on over and over again, and it was very strange. While I do think we've had dreams in the past where someone other than Lyrica was fronting, or times when someone else was fronting while sleeping in general (there was a point in time where Indigo would keep waking up many times in the night even though he wasn't the one who fell asleep in the front), we've never had a dream like this with us rapidly switching.

Now I'm not going to make any big jumps in logic and say that this would be the key to switching or anything, I just thought it was a quite interesting experience.

The fire-winged Sun God. Created 12/3/16.
(This post was last modified: 09-27-2018, 08:48 PM by Apollo.)
09-27-2018, 03:47 AM
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Angry Bear Offline
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RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor

A hypnagogic state typically occurs just before sleep and can be identical to an ultra vivid lucid dream. This state can be achieved with meditation any time however. Such occurances in our system are the preferred method to achieve vocal imposition. Though it has sometimes resulted in vivid, stable lucid dreams, without sleep paralysis, lasting over 20 minutes.

Angry Bear: host, 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: tulpa, 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: tulpa, 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: tulpa, 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
(This post was last modified: 09-27-2018, 08:30 PM by Angry Bear.)
09-27-2018, 08:24 PM
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Beatles Away
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RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor

Here's something annoying that's been occurring for probably as long as my tulpas have been sentient. 

Whenever one of them (usually Apollo) decides on some sort of form for me, I'm completely stuck with it. No matter how hard I try to change it to make it to my own liking, I just can't. It defaults back to the form they chose for me. It takes a real conscious effort to make my form look the way I want it to, otherwise it goes back like that. It's kind of weird and annoying.

For a little bit of context, they recently changed my form for the first time in a long time, and somehow I'm just stuck looking that way I can't alter it whatsoever. It's weird and frustrating. My form isn't stuck in general, it's stuck to how they want it to look or how they perceive me.

Anyways, the real I bring this up now is because I've been kind of trying to project my form onto their vision while they front. So far Apollo has been receptive to it, while Piano was mostly annoyed by me :[ Indigo will probably be nicer, lol. Idk if doing this would bring us closer to switching at all but eh, worth a try I guess.

The Felight System.
I'm the host, Lyrica.
Tulpas: Apollo, Piano, Indigo.
09-28-2018, 02:09 PM
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Ranger Offline
Hippoooos!
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RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor

(09-28-2018, 02:09 PM)Beatles Wrote:
Here's something annoying that's been occurring for probably as long as my tulpas have been sentient. 

Whenever one of them (usually Apollo) decides on some sort of form for me, I'm completely stuck with it. No matter how hard I try to change it to make it to my own liking, I just can't. It defaults back to the form they chose for me. It takes a real conscious effort to make my form look the way I want it to, otherwise it goes back like that. It's kind of weird and annoying.

For a little bit of context, they recently changed my form for the first time in a long time, and somehow I'm just stuck looking that way I can't alter it whatsoever. It's weird and frustrating. My form isn't stuck in general, it's stuck to how they want it to look or how they perceive me.

Anyways, the real I bring this up now is because I've been kind of trying to project my form onto their vision while they front. So far Apollo has been receptive to it, while Piano was mostly annoyed by me :[ Indigo will probably be nicer, lol. Idk if doing this would bring us closer to switching at all but eh, worth a try I guess.

Cat actually has 2 wonderland forms. She alternates between them, but I am guilty of preferring her more realistic accurate form than her older man form. We also have trouble dressing each other inappropriately. Cat seems to ALWAYS forget that I'm wearing a bowtie and sometimes I put her in a dress, because she's pretty and it just makes more sense to me. The end of the story is it's your form, and they need to respect that. If you are uncomfortable with your form, then they need to back off and let you change it. As for subconscious adjustments, they do eventually go away with enough re-adjusting. Cat used to call me a nick name I didn't like by accident, but after enough corrections it isn't an issue anymore.

I don't know where Piano is coming from, so I'm only making an assumption when I say this: If I was competitive for my fronting time and I had to impose Cat on top of that, I would be pretty pissed about it too. When I front, I want to do all of the thinking by myself because that makes me feel more stable. The more stable I feel, the more confident I feel while fronting. I don't hate Cat or anything, but the last thing I want while fronting is to unexpectedly get kicked to the back, go dormant, and forget what I was in the middle of.

As for the switching stuff, we have no idea. Cat thinks she swapped with me in a weird dream, but other than that I can't speak to that.

I'm Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I like Hippos! I also like forum games, word puzzles, and chatting about stuff.
I now stream!
09-28-2018, 02:33 PM
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Piano Offline
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RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor

Indigo's first birthday was on the 2nd. 


Some weirdness has happened lately, ugh. For some reason a dream we had seemed to cause Luxi to begin to creep up again in our minds. I don't want to go into too much detail because it's honestly a little embarrassing. Long story short she was mainly asking for us to give her a chance to come back to the system and be a part of the family again. While we would have liked to grant her wish, we found that we just didn't think that it would work. While allowing her to come back would probably be the moral thing to do, in terms of the well-being of the system, we don't think it would do much good other than add more burden to us. The three of us tulpas are a nice little trio and have a good thing going for us at the moment, it just won't work to bring someone old back. She might try to come back again, but there's not much chance of us being able to accommodate her, as much as it saddens us that she had to be removed from the system in the first place.


I'm thinking that with switching, we should try blocking Lyrica out much more. Not proxying her on chats, not interacting with her in the head, and trying as hard as we can to ensure that every moment is one of us in control and not her. Make sure every conscious act that occurs belongs to one of us and not her. I might even remove her from our linked accounts as sort of a symbolic gesture. 

Lyrica kind of surprised us not too long ago by claiming that she didn't want to switch out to never exist again, which is what she had wanted for so long now. She now says that she'll still exist in the system, just not be the main and not play as large a role as one would expect a host to play. I think that's good for us to know at least, though none of us ever really expected ourselves to just let her disappear when we learn to switch anyway.

The space-winged Star Man. Created 1/26/17.
(This post was last modified: 10-07-2018, 05:37 AM by Piano.)
10-07-2018, 05:35 AM
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Luminesce Offline
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RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor

Good to hear, about your host. As for the dream, I actually wrote a post today that seems like it might apply to an extent. Not that it was a nightmare, but - well, you'll see if you read it. https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-...#pid216517

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
10-07-2018, 06:36 AM
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Piano Offline
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RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor

Shutting out host while fronting has been going well... for Apollo and Indigo. For some reason fronting doesn't come as naturally to me, I tend to lose it a lot and fade out in favor of someone else. Apollo and Lyrica accidentally take over a ton when it's my fronting time. I'm kind of tired of being the underdog in this regard. There's no reason I shouldn't be as capable as the two of them. Though there's isn't a whole lot to do about it other than get more practice and try harder, I guess. 

There was yet another point when Apollo was fronting and he felt the host might fade out. That didn't actually happen, but he thought he was close.

[Redacted, talking about depression and shit]
 
I guess it's mainly because of the total lack of any sort of support system we have. We don't have any friends online or IRL to talk to or go to for help in any way, we have our husband but he's not entirely good at providing help/advice when we're struggling, and we're afraid of being an emotional burden. I'd say since starting tulpamancy we've had... 5 friends total, and 4 of them either abandoned us or turned into complete assholes. The only one left is ofc our husband. He's never hurt us or done anything bad to us, he's just not that great at being supportive, idk.

We kind of find ourselves always wanting a place to talk about how we're alone and don't have anybody, but we don't since we know that sort of thing would just drive people away. We're through with driving people away, but it's not like there's anyone to drive away in the first place. I can still ramble about it in our PR I guess....

I'm just in a weird rut. Idk. I want things to change in some way, but I doubt anything will anytime soon. No new people will enter our live, no old people will reconcile, it'll just be the same. Less chance of getting hurt that way, but not much chance of things getting that much better or more exciting either. 

The space-winged Star Man. Created 1/26/17.
(This post was last modified: 10-11-2018, 09:53 PM by Apollo.)
10-10-2018, 03:20 AM
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Angry Bear Offline
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RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor

If that person knew you like we do in this community, i'm sure they would be ashamed to hear that their actions have negatively affected you in this way.

Or perhapse they are as ignorant to their attack as they are in other aspects of their life that might hurt pepole without them knowing. Sometimes playful banter and presumed rivalry can get in the way of what could otherwise be friendship.

I know for a fact that you're well respected in this community. It's hard to see that sometimes.

My paranoia has me reviewing all of our interactions (your system and mine), and I can see i am an annoying f... sometimes, especially when defending those i love. So if it was me, i am very sorry to you and your system. In any case, it truly breaks my heart to hear this after such an amazing recovery as recorded in your PR.

The bear system offers our friendship, as always, even if it doesn't seem that way sometimes. I certainly will cease any 'corrections' in the future. Your post made me realize that i've been unfair to your system on many occasions.

If it wasn't me, and i knew who it was, the retribution would be legendary, believe that.

Edit: also, there's nothing you could say to me or anyone in my system at this point that i could imagine would drive any of us away. So if you want to vent to any of us on Discord or PM, we'd gladly try to help in any way we can. I have the same experience in my past, with friends irl anyway.

Angry Bear: host, 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: tulpa, 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: tulpa, 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: tulpa, 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
(This post was last modified: 10-10-2018, 04:08 PM by Angry Bear.)
10-10-2018, 03:19 PM
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Apollo Offline
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RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor

So, this post is mainly speculation, and it's kind of weird, so take it with a grain of salt I suppose, if you're the sort of person to be skeptical of strange claims in the community.

A year ago, Tacio had "egocided" due to his own depression. The way we define egocide is when someone's identity/personality shatters. He thought that doing so would make it easier for him to dissipate. However all it ended up doing was giving him a lot of distress at no longer knowing who he was whatsoever. He never recovered after that, hence why he's not here anymore....

With "egodeath" people usually use it to mean doing drugs or meditating until you get to a state where you're totally detached from yourself. Though I think it can be reached unintentionally through trauma, and that might be what happened to our host, gradually over time.

Months ago, Lyrica went on a walk at night, and she came to the realization that she doesn't actually have any personal identity, the same way Tacio didn't when he egocided. She can act or think a certain way, but it doesn't actually feel like her when she does it. To her it just feels like going through the motions, or reacting, or whatever. With us though, everything we think and do feels like us and our own identities. It's... odd, and a little difficult to describe. And it's different from the past. She used to feel the same way we do, where everything about her was her identity and not just reactions to events or emotions.

I'm not going to go into detail, but host has gone through a lot of trauma in her life so... that's most likely why she's gone through ego death.

Lately since we've been experimenting with ignoring her, we've found that it's... surprisingly easy, maybe too easy, in that us trying to shut out her own identity is just not a problem at all, and is met with no resistance at all. And that's probably because she just... doesn't have an identity anymore. She's basically just the "front-stuck original" and not much more, anymore. If she talks and does things, to her it just feels like she's filling a role and not actually being herself at all. Talking feels unnatural and fake, to her, since she knows it's not her identity anymore, and is just her doing it because she has to.

It's all complicated, and unnerving to think about. Even if it's not full "ego death," it's certainly not normal for most people. ...Obviously letting your tulpas take over your entire life isn't normal either, but I digress. The whole ego death thing is probably what's made it so easy for her to give up her life like this, since she doesn't feel strongly about it one way or the other, anyway. 

The realization that she does't have much of an identity anyway might benefit us towards switching fully eventually. But it also makes me sad, since I know it didn't have to be that way for her, but her shitty family made her that way. Maybe this is why she's always liked having us front so much. Our own personalities/identities fill a void in her that's been gradually growing for years now.

Like I said though, don't take this as me saying I know 100% as what's going on, I'm just speculating on why things are the way they are in our system.

The fire-winged Sun God. Created 12/3/16.
10-12-2018, 01:29 AM
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