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Our Tulpa Endeavor
Apollo Offline
Sun God - Felight
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RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor
They never showed any emotion, we were never able to feel their thought processes. They always acted exactly the way we thought they would, never surprised us at all. They left fairly easily, they didn't resist or fight it, and never tried to come back. They never changed or grew past the way we expected them to act. They never really showed any of the usual signs of sentience that are common for our system. I feel that they were likely just intrusive thought that we gave too much power or something.

The fire-winged Sun God. 
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(This post was last modified: 04-16-2018, 04:36 PM by Apollo.)
04-16-2018, 04:32 PM
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Apollo Offline
Sun God - Felight
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Posts: 148
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Joined: Feb 2017
All Accounts Posts: 639
 
RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor
I think we're going to try a fronting schedule again, only this one would be with shorter stretches than the ones in the past: 3 days each. 

Lyra's noticed that she's been highly depersonalized/derealized, and that this has been going on for a while, getting gradually worse. Of course, this affects us too, and is probably why we find it difficult to highly connect to the body's senses and such when we try. Very often, we find ourselves simply looking out, and not really connecting to anything going on around us at all. Eventually I hope, we'll receive some sort of treatment that may quell this issue and perhaps have positive effects on out fronting/switching efforts.

Blendiness has been a bit of an issue too: not really expressing our own individual personalities very much when fronting, sort of all acting the same. Lately, we've been looking to fix this by asserting ourselves more: being who each of us are rather than just going through the motions of life. At the very least, I think I've been doing a good job with that, though could use some improving. I've also been fronting pretty strongly, hopefully the other three will be able to do so as well when it's their turns. Rarely does that seem to happen, unfortunately.

The fire-winged Sun God. 
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04-18-2018, 12:33 PM
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Apollo Offline
Sun God - Felight
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Posts: 148
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Joined: Feb 2017
All Accounts Posts: 639
 
RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor
Day 510

Recently, I got together with someone very special to me. I previously was not at all interested in any sort of close/romantic relations with others at all, but made an exception for him. I'm not gonna get into details about that, but I do want to say that I feel as though my more aggressive, cynical, pessimistic, and untrusting self has, after gradually getting better over time, finally gone away completely. I don't feel damaged or broken anymore, I don't hate myself or feel like a monster anymore. It's all just slowly but surely gone away, and recent events have confirmed that. I am, of course, an actual person, and I've gone through many changes in my life, which have over time made me into a better person. When I was like that though, I still tried to improve myself. I would never settle into being someone I didn't like or knew wasn't very good. Additionally, I feel like past events that hurt us badly now don't matter anymore, and I have my bf to thank for that :]

I've also kinda become stuck to the front. Despite everyone else's best efforts, they can't really seem to get a good grip as I just end up taking back over, or Lyra does. Hopefully we can use this for the best and switch? If Lyra can actually go away. For now I'm just gonna keep trying to front and see what happens. Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky this time.

Something a while ago occurred that showed us just how much our system has grown in the past several months. There was a little incident of there potentially being conflict in our system, particularly involving Indigo, but he settled it maturely and hostility-free fairly quickly. It honestly caught my host off-guard as she was expecting a fight or at least some negativity, as there would have been in the past. Shows how mature Indigo is compared to how the rest of us were when we were his age. Our system has been drama-free for a long time now, and that's good. We haven't even had any moments of emotional instability in a while, and when we do they get addressed and resolved as needed, without dragging them on. It's nice to think just how much we've grown as time has gone on, all for the better. I'm a good example of that. I'm not angry or depressed at all anymore. I actually feel happy now, content with who I am. We've learned from the past, and now we're more mature and stable as a result.

Other than switching, I think we need to focus on Tacio a bit more, helping him to move on from things that have been inhibiting him, and hopefully see him become happier and stronger as a result.

The fire-winged Sun God. 
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(This post was last modified: 04-27-2018, 03:18 PM by Apollo.)
04-27-2018, 03:15 PM
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Apollo Offline
Sun God - Felight
Global Moderators

Posts: 148
Threads: 8
Joined: Feb 2017
All Accounts Posts: 639
 
RE: Our Tulpa Endeavor
Day 523

I've been fronting fairly strongly and consistently lately. When other tulpas try to front, I get pulled back in accidentally quite easily. I also don't go inactive when they front, I just passively observe like my host does. My host has been finding it a little difficult to speak, in a weird way, since I'm always there. It's almost like our roles have been reversed, not quite though. I've also had more frequent moments where my speech becomes disorganized and rambley, almost like I'm learning how to function without using my host's mental reservoir of thought as leverage. Perhaps that means that soon she'll be able to fade out, and I won't need her there anymore, and we'll be switched Big Grin

I've also found it easier to actually talk to people IRL. Usually, my host ends up accidentally taking back over whenever people talk to us, but I've been able to hold the front during those. Slowly but surely, I am increasing my fronting ability, so soon enough maybe I will be able to front totally nonstop without any disturbances. The only thing after that will be figuring out how my host can switch out. She has had some moments of sort of dissociation, usually at work, so maybe that means we are getting somewhere.

The fire-winged Sun God. 
DeviantArt - Tulpa Tavern
Lyra Piano Tacio Indigo
(This post was last modified: 05-10-2018, 07:46 PM by Apollo.)
05-10-2018, 07:41 PM
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