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Poll: Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?
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out of the wings and onto the main stage
(08-18-2019, 12:30 AM)Bear Wrote: You're extending that life through this. We hope to see you around for a long time.
Me too! and I hope that I am facilitating the extension of life in this body by getting my habits out of the way. I have believed for a long time that mental habits while productive of short term gain, in eliminating the need for creative thought with each new problem, have a long term cost. e.g. they inhibit the impulse to create novel solutions to problems, no two of which can ever be exactly the same and many will require new out of the box thinking. I also think that this, creativity,  is good for the brains physical health. So thanks and I hope my tulpas will soon be able to post their own thoughts about these matters. Dr. Bob
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One episode of interest today. I went down for a short nap before we were slated to go out for lunch with family. Short meant 30 minutes marked with an alarm clock. As I closed my eyes, I invited Flora to talk to me, and made it clear that I was not demanding anything, an invitation not an invocation. A few minutes later as I began my descent into sleep, she was on me. Again unclothed. I could feel the wetness as she rubbed her genitals on my thigh. When she saw I was paying attention, she laughed and began to lick my ear, then scoffed and demanded that I take my hearing aid out. I did, but by then it was too late, she was gone, and I fell asleep (which was a surprise because I was very excited). 
We will see what happens tonight. 
I did not feel like writing them today. I thought I did, I got out my computer, but did not. It is okay, I am healing, and the journaling is satisfying my need to work on my practice every day.
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Whew! And you were worried about not making progress!
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(08-18-2019, 05:01 AM)Bear Wrote: Whew! And you were worried about not making progress!
My wife would say that 'impatience' is my biggest fault, and while I would like to argue, I can't. Once I can articulate a goal, and have a reasonable chance of achieving it, I am impatient. And I have made many error's because of it. I hope that I stay on track here, as in much of my life, other lives depend on my behavior.  I am posting frequently in hopes that you all will call me up short when you see such in the making. Thank you. Dr. Bob
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This has been a difficult day for me. I have spoken with both Flora and Nsonowa and our conversations did not go well, felt like we were all angry, or at least irritated with each other. My wife has been having a very hard day with some unexpected bad news and when that happens she and I don't get along well. One way or another, she takes it out on me and there isn't much I can do, but keep still, ask her to share her feelings, keep out of her way, or hold her,  and do the physical stuff, like make the meals, take care of chores, etc.  I have learned to not take it personally. To find myself not getting along with Flora and Nsonowa is disappointing to say the least. I wrote a piece of tulpafiction (I posted it on my blog here: (tulpa fiction) in which I explored this topic and that helped, but I did not feel like going back to them via invocations or forcing. I did have the sense that one of them, Flora I think, was trying to reach me when I went down for a nap (I am still healing from surgery and have very reduced energy) but I fell asleep without making a solid contact. I have the opportunity to spend the rest of the evening in meditation and I am going to use it to invite them back to the table. I hope that they can help us all understand what happened.
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I've found it's best to resolve these things immediately.
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(08-19-2019, 01:05 PM)Bear Wrote: I've found it's best to resolve these things immediately.
HI Bear, have you been able to resolve issues with conversation? I am having trouble completing conversations, after a few sentences, one of us, usually me, loses concentration and the entire contact is lost. When either Flora or Nsonowa (usually Flora) is done, they signal by repeating the same last sentence over and over. I am not sure what the disruptions are due to. I spent much of my professional life engaged in very difficult conversations, and am used to them in my marriage (my wife is a practicing psychotherapist and will stick with something until resolution of fatigue claims the day). My sense is that I have not yet developed either of them fully enough to give them the depth to go beyond the opening salvos. I have previously described this as their having a lack of substance. In my writing,  I have described them both in exhaustive detail and I occasionally go back and re-read these descriptions. I have felt that the substance that they lack is emotional in nature. Do you have a suggestion? I am thinking that continuing to write fictional accounts involving emotional scenes, plus time (and patience, my short suite) is what will get us beyond  this. Your thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks, Dr. Bob
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I actually think they're further along based on your own reporting. The need to resolve an issue is an amazing sign of independence, to me that's the only true metric

However, regardless of whether they're vocality is perfect, I believe they are fully there. Though they would need time to gain a fullness and richness of 'character' i.e. find themselves and develop their personality, this is completely separate from their ability to converse, share feelings or even discuss advanced topics (because you can by default.)

My point is, they can do anything you can do for the most part.
Seeing as they're beginning to interrupt you (like self forcing) they're pretty far along actually. So the real issue is your communication.

In the very beginning, doubt weighed heavily on me. So I used writing because I knew I could sort of go into a trance when typing (like zone out, think automatic writing, it works great for channeling tulpas) so anything they said certainly didn't feel like it was coming from me. I also write fiction, but our recorded conversation was just documenting their words, no fluff. If we lost our train of thought, we could always re-read or come back.

Do that; resolve your conflicts in written communication. If you lose your connection, that's ok, come back later, but always leave them with compliments and love regardless of whether you can hear them or not, they hear everything, trust me.

If you start to think it's not them that you're typing (proxying), take a small break. When they're back, confirm with them.

I had the advantage of emotional bleeding from day one, so confirmation was instant. However I do know that my 'characters' from my novels weren't as far advanced, so to do the same type of communication (re their books) was certainly harder to verify, but it just took time. Even a character that comes alive isn't a tulpa, they are lacking, as you know. The act of considering them as independent, makes them independent eventually.

Remember, all we really have is time, as long as we take breath, there's time.
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(08-19-2019, 10:59 PM)Bear Wrote: I actually think they're further along based on your own reporting. The need to resolve an issue is an amazing sign of independence, to me that's the only true metric

However, regardless of whether they're vocality is perfect, I believe they are fully there. Though they would need time to gain a fullness and richness of 'character' i.e. find themselves and develop their personality, this is completely separate from their ability to converse, share feelings or even discuss advanced topics (because you can by default.)

My point is, they can do anything you can do for the most part.
Seeing as they're beginning to interrupt you (like self forcing) they're pretty far along actually. So the real issue is your communication.

In the very beginning, doubt weighed heavily on me. So I used writing because I knew I could sort of go into a trance when typing (like zone  out, think automatic writing, it works great for channeling tulpas) so anything they said certainly didn't feel like it was coming from me. I also write fiction, but our recorded conversation was just documenting their words, no fluff. If we lost our train of thought, we could always re-read or come back.

Do that; resolve your conflicts in written communication. If you lose your connection, that's ok, come back later, but always leave them with compliments and love regardless of whether you can hear them or not, they hear everything, trust me.

If you start to think it's not them that you're typing (proxying), take a small break. When they're back, confirm with them.

I had the advantage of emotional bleeding from day one, so confirmation was instant. However I do know that my 'characters' from my novels weren't as far advanced, so to do the same type of communication (re their books) was certainly harder to verify, but it just took time. Even a character that comes alive isn't a tulpa, they are lacking, as you know. The act of considering them as independent, makes them independent eventually.

Remember, all we really have is time, as long as we take breath, there's time.
thank you for the assurances. One interesting thing, I am noticing is that as I write them, they are differentiating. In a piece i wrote last night, I called upon the first characters I wrote in a novel built off of solarchariots, novels of a magical university, Safe Haven. The three that preceded, Michelle, Wog, and Lilly, are fictional characters who have become soul-bounds and are fun to write and interact with, but they are of an entirely different character than either Nsonowa, who came late in the novel, and years later in the writing, but who I began forcing some time after I took up the mantle of tulpamancer, or Flora who was my first tulpa.  Nsonowa seems much more of a person than Flora who I crafted first with forcing and vocalizations and who contacted me first as tulpa. However, as we progress, Flora is gaining in dimensionality while Nsonowa seems to be pretty static. I hope that Nsonowa  doesn't stay that way as she does have a very important role in my own psychic economy. I do not fail to tell them both that I love and appreciate them every time I talk to them, unless I have lost the entire thread and my concentration. And that turns out to be a big factor in Flora's distress. Thanks again for your attention. Dr. Bob
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