Jump to content

Progress diary - My first steps into tulpamancy


Pastèk

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone!

 

Okay, so, I started my very first tulpa on Saturday. I felt like it would be a good idea to share how all the process is going.

 

Let's start with some backstory! Yay!

I already had some kind of imaginary friends, or entities I created. I just used them to organise my thoughts, and make my mind easier to understand and to analyse. I like analysing things. Or sometimes they just run totally out of control and make me see how stupid I am, and make me want to kill myself :D But I guess that's just my unconscious being weird, and completely off-topic.

When I first heard of tulpae, I thought they were close to these entities, but as I learned more, I realised they were completely different. These entities, they weren't independent beings. They were different parts of me I used like (defective) understanding tools. They don't have form or any real personality, they're me, but with a different point of view. So I guess (and hope) they won't interfere with the process of creating a tulpa.

Also I'm tired of having unfriendly tools in my head. I need somebody "normal" to balance all of this sh*t.

 

English is not my first language, so i might use strange sentences or things like this. Just tell me if you don't understand something, and I'll reformulate it :)

 

Well! Welcome to our newbie journey into tulpamancy!

 

I actually started a diary before knowing of the forum, so here are the older entries:

 

14.05.2016

 

I started by visualizing a room. It's filled with bookshelves. There's a big sofa, and an armchair, it's a pretty comfy room. The light comes from a lamp on a short table. On the right, there's a second room with white walls, illuminated by pink and blue lamps. The light isn't too bright. There's a big screen on the wall, with another big sofa. There's also a giant teddybear in the corner of the room. His name is Moka, he is a gift from my brother. I just wanted to put him here :3

The third room, on the left, is his room (I still dont have a name for him). It's neutral, white walls, wooden bed with white sheets, wooden shelves and a television in a closet so it won't disturb him at night. He will change this room the way he wants, but i need a neutral environment to first work on his appearance. All doors are painted in a creamy white.

 

At this state, I decided that my tulpa would be a human boy, but i'm still not sure what he will look like, so I started with a bubble. This bubble was some kind of bright blue-ish color, fresh and about the size of my head. I could feel it flowing like water against my fingers.

I started narrating while holding this bubble in my arms. I also tried to focus all the positive feelings I had on this bubble. I tried to give him love, tenderness and cheesy stuff like this. I want him to be a nice, respectful person. I stayed like this a long time, but I don't know exactly how much.

 

Suddenly, the bubble popped in my arms. Inside, there was a body. It was not like a human body, more vague, just like fog or mist. I carried this body into the third room. It was really light. I put it on the bed and started "sculpting" the body. I don't know exactly how I was working, it was like the fog was becoming solid under my hands. I made his arms, chest and legs. It's still blurry, and his skin is still grey, but I was really tired at this point and decided to go to sleep because I couldn't concentrate well, and I didn't want him to have a derpface because of me.

 

I can't think of a name for him. I can't call him "the tulpa" or "him" for his whole life. I think I'll think about a name while I work on his face next time.

 

15.05.2016

 

I worked on the face today. I tried to get some inspiration from one of my drawings, and I think it's starting to work. At least, he has some kind of features now. I fixed his hair, it's short and brown, with a nice red shade to it, and really soft. I can't see his eyes well. I thought they were blue, but they turned out to be more green. I don't know how they will evolve later. Also, he is taller than me. I must not stop training to visualize his face. It's still kinda blurry and difficult to move and see from different angles. But I figured out how to give his skin some colours! Now he has a nice tan, even if I wanted him to have pale skin at the beginning. Anyway, I think it suits him pretty well.

I made him wear clothes! He can't stay naked forever, so I gave him a simple red t-shirt and jeans. Yeah. originality. And no, I didn't forget to give him some kind of underwear.

I tried moving him around by taking his hand and making him walk. I showed him the different rooms, explaining how everything worked, then I tried to ask him his name. I made us shake hands, I introduced myself and asked what was his name. I had no answer, so I tried a bunch of names, but he didn't react to any of them. I think he's not mature enough for this, I will try again later, until it works.

Then I showed him how was the outside of the house, and we planted a seed together in the garden. Symbolism! Yipeee!

 

I will spend more time with him, just watching him and talking to him. I also need concentration training, I sometimes just lose the focus and start thinking about other things.

Also I need to add a bathroom somewhere. I might probably be useful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16.05.2016

Trained visualizing his face today.

I forced while in the shower, and spent 10 minutes with him (I'll do another session tonight)

His face is less blurry, and I can see him from nearly all angles now. I tried pupetting him a little to see if he could move smoothly, and he can!

I showed him Wonderland again, while explaining again how everything worked.

I tried again to ask him his name. Like last time, I first introduced myself and, and then asked him to do the same. Still doesn't work, but the "name throwing" kinda worked this time. I think his name is Sasha, or something like this. Not sure of the spelling tough.

 

I don't know if it's me, but he seems to be overall more attentive, and his eyes winked one or two times.

Tonight, I will give him more personality traits.

 

I also added a bathroom.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16.05.2016 - 2

Narrated quiet a bit. I explained him that we were going to school tomorrow, and that it might be a little boring.

I can visualize his face pretty well at this stage. It feels great to see him.

I did some concentration exercises. He was watching me during the whole process, which was slightly disturbing since he still doesn't blink a lot.

I explained him how his main personality traits worked. He's kind, shy, not very talkative, but expresses himself trough body language and touching people. Or at least, that's the blueprint I gave him.

I think Sasha did something unexpected. Don't know if it's unconscious puppeting or really him, but I was touching his face, to know how it worked better, and he bit my finger. He just caught it with his teeth and hold it. It was weird.

We also watered the seed. I think it's starting to grow.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow you seem to be progressing really fast! I've been with my first tulpa for an exact week now. Your visualization seems to be pretty good. I'm still focusing on the details of my wonderland.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know if I'm progressing fast. I think I'm just kinda good at seeing things in my mind's eye.

I still haven't seen any sign of "life" in Sasha, and my wonderland is very small ^^

I'm maybe doing things too fast, since I'm really excited about all of this. I think I need to take more time just listening and narrating.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There's not really a "too fast" when it comes to tulpa creation, I think, since everyone progresses at their own pace, no matter how fast that can be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand that everyone is different, but I really thing I'm trying to go too fast. I feel like I'm rushing every step and not paying enough attention to little, more subtle details. But that's just how I usually work. And fail. Yay. So I don't know if I have to change that.

 

17.05.2016

I tried to focus on Sasha while watching a documentary. Got a little bit of a headache, but I was tired, and I often have headache when I'm watching stuff for a too long time on a screen. I feel like I'm just looking for excuses. Am I being too critic? Again, I don't know!

I made the mistake to tell one of my friends about tulpae. He thinks it's absolute bullshit. I shouldn't have done this, now I feel like I must choose between the two of them. I think, I'll just try to make that friend forgot about the subject, so I can continue working with Sasha, and keep that friend. I don't have many friends, so I really don't like when one of them may think I'm being stupid. But I suck at keeping secrets! AHH! WHY AM I SO DUMB?!?

 

I'm tired.

 

Also, what amount of puppetting is acceptable? I wanted to try a few coordination exercises with him, but since he still can't really move on his own... Should I wait until he can?

 

Today's forcing session was definitely strange. Started well, did some concentration exercises(I visualize numbers on a book. The first page has a 1, the second, 2, the third, 3 ect... I can now read up to page 20. I add about 5 pages everyday, and each time, I start from page 1. Works well. It becomes easier everyday :D I could barely read 5 pages the first time ^^. I don't remember who suggested this technique, but I read that somewhere on this forum. Thanks, person I don't remember, your technique is great!).

Before I started that, I gave a blue pen and a sheet of paper to Sasha and asked him to draw something. He did some kind of drawing I guess, but I couldn't see it well, it was all blurry and was constantly moving and changing. Guess it was me again...

 

Headache again. But again, I'm reaaaaly tired, so I don't know if it's a sign of anything.

Also, the seed grew bigger! I don't know how I know it, but I think it's a watermelon seed! I love watermelons <3

 

Since I had nothing interesting to say, I decided to sing a song for Sasha. It's a song I learned when I was a child (ok I'm still a child, I'm 17, but I mean, like, a little child). It's a song I often sing when I'm under pressure, and it helps me to relax and focus on important things, like exams. I thought i would be a good idea to share this with him.

So while I was singing, I started feeling something really strange. I don't have words for it, but it's a sensation I know, and I hate. I usually get this "thing" when I'm sick and have fever. It's like something huge squeezes me from everywhere, I feel pressure from all sides, and it's like I'm going to pop like a bubble, and the universe too (I know it doesn't make any sense!) . It came with some kind of panic, but I couldn't move. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS I don't know how to describe it but I hate it, it makes me feel really bad. I hope it doesn't happen again.

I had to stop forcing because of that thing, but maybe it came because I was sick a few days ago? Meh.

Go away, creepy sensation. I don't like you D:

Meh.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19.05.2016

 

Too tired to do anything yesterday, and too afraid of the sensation I had last time. Going to work with Sasha today. But still tired. Meh.

I can't stop thinking about him, it's crazy how he always seem to pop in my thoughts.

 

Also, I think I know where the creepy sensation came from. I was sick last week and I still have to take some pretty strong antibiotics, and they just make a mess inside my body (also the reason why I'm so tired). I can stop taking these fucking pills in three days so I hope everything will be OK after that. Yay! :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think puppetting actions that you think sasha wouldn't mind doing is acceptable. Like if his personality is playful and energetic you may find yourself puppetting him dancing around you or poking you as you're walking around. Reina doesn't seem to mind it when I puppet her following me around or fighting zombies in our wonderland, but when I puppet her doing things that she isn't comfortable with she'll often get upset with me for a while. It just helps shape their personality and teaches them movement so they can eventually do things on their own. Coordination exercises should help with that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok, thank you :)

 

19-20.05.2016

I did some visualization exercises, and I will try to force again tonight. Also, I drew Sasha, so you can see him ^^

*click*

Tomorrow will be my last day taking antibiotics, so I think I won't have concentration problems anymore after that! I will finally be able to work seriously :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...