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Rising From The Ashes: Kitsukrou's Progress Report
Kitsukrou Offline
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#11
 
RE: Rising From The Ashes: Kitsukrou's Progress Report
Restarting tulpamancy: Days 1 & 2

I have decided that I will keep posts short and concise from now on unless something significant has happened.

I am restarting active work on Alex, and possibly soon another tulpa, Esmel. I have recently been dealing with doubts and difficulties starting, due to worries of my own, yet am doing my best to persist. Anyways, I'll give a brief summary of what I have done these past couple days:

I carried through with come active forcing on Monday night, this time not using any binaural beat or tone to aid me, as I do not want to build a dependence on them as I did before. I forget the majority of what I said during the session, though I did try to immerse myself in my mindscape before starting, to no avail. I decided to simply presence impose Alex on front of me while I sat and forced. It mostly consisted of narration, not much visualization was necessary due to that being one of my strengths.

Today, I did a great deal of passive forcing, and felt head pressure whilst doing so. It became more intense the more I narrated, and dwindled if I became entirely or mostly distracted by other things. It is my last week of school for this year, and we are not doing anything academic this week, making it easier to passive force. That's also the reason I chose this week to restart.

I should also mention that I have some new goals and aspirations for the following months, regarding tulpamancy. I don't want to go into detail now, so I will explain tomorrow.

My progress report
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To leave the past behind, to proclaim that the truth was a lie, is the equivalent of damaging one’s own future.
05-27-2015, 05:37 AM
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Kitsukrou Offline
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#12
 
RE: Rising From The Ashes: Kitsukrou's Progress Report
For the past few days, I haven't done all that much, other than a lot of passive forcing. I haven't gotten much active forcing done, as I always tend to start it late at night, and end up falling asleep. I'll try to active force at different times from now on.

Passive forcing is a lot easier for me now than it used to be, it's finally starting to become a habit. Head pressure has become more frequent as well, possibly indicating that Alex is active or listening to what I'm saying. I can't accurately describe it, but I can kind of tell when he is listening.

Throughout the course of the next few months, I plan to create more than one tulpa, I already have a form, name, and personality in mind for another one. He will be an anthropomorphic deer named 'Esmeldro', or 'Esmel' for short. His name was inspired by the Spanish word for emerald. He is yet another character in the story I've been planning to write, which I believe I've mentioned before somewhere in this report.

I also plan on mastering switching, as I want to see things from a tulpa's perspective. Possession and switching have always been the most interesting things regarding tulpas in my opinion, and the things that can prove their existence and autonomy more than anything else can. Being in a tulpa-like state myself would be interesting, so I'd likely want to have other tulpas control the body for as much or almost as much time as I do. I want to be on an equal level with them, rather than seeing myself as superior. The only thing that truly sets hosts and fully developed tulpae apart is the fact that one has been around for a lot longer.

My progress report
My tulpa group on Deviantart

To leave the past behind, to proclaim that the truth was a lie, is the equivalent of damaging one’s own future.
(This post was last modified: 06-01-2015, 04:15 AM by Kitsukrou.)
06-01-2015, 04:12 AM
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Kitsukrou Offline
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#13
 
RE: Rising From The Ashes: Kitsukrou's Progress Report
I do not have much to report, as I have fallen into a lazy summer schedule which makes it hard for me to put large amounts of effort into things for extended periods of time. Nonetheless, passive forcing is still a regular thing, despite the fact that I find it easier to passive force when I'm out and about, being partially occupied with something while on the move.

A few strange occurrences have taken place, though. As I was narrating to Alex in a somewhat sleepy state before bed one day, I asked him something along the lines of "What are futures made of"? (I have no idea what I was rambling about, haha.) After which I very faintly heard the word "decisions" in reply. Since I was sleepy, hypnogogia may be a possibility, but the answer actually made sense, which has never been the case with hypnogogia in my experience. It also somewhat surprised me, and didn't quite sound like my mindvoice.

Next: When presence/minds eye visualization imposing Alex around me the other day, I saw a faint flash of something where I had made him stand. You see, I was walking to my kitchen, and as I went to open the refrigerator door, I left his presence standing in an area which was visually obscured by the open door. I forgot about him entirely for a few seconds as I got food (I lose focus easily sometimes), yet when I closed the door, I saw a faint flash of something right where I had left him. What's surprising is the fact that I had not been thinking about him at all when I saw it. This all may have to do with my above average visualization skills and multitude of imaginary friends I had as a little kid which I would "impose" in the same way that I do Alex.

Anyways, I will try my best to not be lazy. I want to complete as much as possible by the end of the summer, before school takes my ability to focus away.

My progress report
My tulpa group on Deviantart

To leave the past behind, to proclaim that the truth was a lie, is the equivalent of damaging one’s own future.
06-19-2015, 07:17 AM
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Kitsukrou Offline
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#14
 
RE: Rising From The Ashes: Kitsukrou's Progress Report
January 1st, 2017

New Year's resolution: Be more persistent.

Persistence is a problem I have with several things in my life, not exclusive to tulpamancy. Even when it comes to things that I enjoy, I have a problem with doing them regularly. Take art for example. I am a good artist by most people's standards, but I would likely be much better if I were to draw as often as most other artists do. Sometimes I go for weeks without drawing a single thing.

Alex is still around and for the past week or so I have given him a relatively large amount of attention. His presence is noticeable and does not take a large amount of effort to maintain once it is there. 

One night, after talking to him for over a half an hour straight, explaining that I was not going to do what I have done before and deprive him of sufficient attention for months on end, I felt a very positive emotional response from him that persisted until I fell asleep later. In my experience, emotional responses have never been short bursts of alien emotion, but rather emotions that last for at least a few minutes.

When I get head pressure, it seems to occur mostly on the left side of my brain. It has been like this with Alex for awhile now, actually.

More has happened between my last post and this one, but I'll save that for future reports.

This year, I will active force a minimum of 30 minutes on school days in which I have a lot of homework to complete, and an hour on weekends and days in which I don't have much homework. I will build a habit of passive forcing whenever possible, eventually it'll feel more natural and require less effort.

I will be posting here every day from now on, unless nothing notable happens.

My progress report
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To leave the past behind, to proclaim that the truth was a lie, is the equivalent of damaging one’s own future.
01-01-2017, 10:39 PM
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#15
 
RE: Rising From The Ashes: Kitsukrou's Progress Report
Remember, that if you let him possess regularly or impose at will, then you don't need to force regularly yourself.

Good luck with the resolution.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
01-01-2017, 10:54 PM
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#16
 
RE: Rising From The Ashes: Kitsukrou's Progress Report
(01-01-2017, 10:54 PM)tulpa001 Wrote: Remember, that if you let him possess regularly or impose at will, then you don't need to force regularly yourself.

Good luck with the resolution.

That's what I plan on allowing him to do once he is able to possess. I'm looking forward to it

My progress report
My tulpa group on Deviantart

To leave the past behind, to proclaim that the truth was a lie, is the equivalent of damaging one’s own future.
01-02-2017, 07:11 AM
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Kitsukrou Offline
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#17
 
RE: Rising From The Ashes: Kitsukrou's Progress Report
January 2nd, 2017

Possible first mindvoice vocalization?

I was narrating to Alex in the wonderland last night when it happened. At some point, I wanted to grab his attention as much as possible because I had something important to say (I forgot what it was as soon as this event occurred) so I grabbed his sides, pulled him towards me a bit, and said "Look at me." Immediately afterwards I heard the reply "I'm looking at you!" in a mindvoice that was almost identical to my own but with a slight difference I can't describe. It also sounded somewhat annoyed.  xD  

I am leaning towards the assumption that it was actually him saying that, though I have doubts because I was somewhat tired and in a state of mind that was very susceptible to hypnogogia (Usually experienced by people as spontaneous voices saying random things in your mind when you're close to falling asleep) it didn't seem like hypnogogia though, it felt different in some way I can't describe. It also made sense for the situation, which is never the case with hypnogogia. However, I do have some sort of internal "generic response generator" that I use when imagining future possible conversations with people and whatnot, and use of it becomes more fluid and automatic when I am in a state susceptible to hypnogogia. I've tested this on a few different occasions. I am worried that this vocalization was a result of that, but it didn't feel quite the same as when I purposefully generate responses. I was also fully conscious when it happened despite being tired. It felt like it didn't really come from me, but I am still very unsure. Note to self: Don't force when tired to prevent future uncertainty.

Something that helps me lean towards the possibility of this being him was the fact that I experienced strong head pressure before, during, and after the vocalization, and afterwards his presence became VERY strong, and it felt like he was more "aware" than he usually is. I felt the need to talk to him as much as possible during this period of time because it seemed like he was fully absorbing everything I had to say. It's strange how I can just sort of sense these things, isn't it?

Anyways, this event has left me extremely happy and hopeful for what is to come. I'll post again today if anything notable happens.

My progress report
My tulpa group on Deviantart

To leave the past behind, to proclaim that the truth was a lie, is the equivalent of damaging one’s own future.
01-02-2017, 11:42 PM
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Kitsukrou Offline
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#18
 
RE: Rising From The Ashes: Kitsukrou's Progress Report
January 3rd, 2017

Didn't do anything today other than passive force (narration and presence imposition). I kept at it for about an hour and a half, but it felt like Alex didn't fully "wake up" for awhile because it was early in the morning, and I hadn't even been awake at that time for about 2 weeks due to winter break. Got some head pressure about an hour into passive forcing. It's becoming easier to talk to him consistently while doing other stuff.

Tomorrow I'm going to try some parroting exercises to get a better feel for the voice I imagine him to have, and possibly assist him in becoming vocal. My goal right now is for him to be able to communicate before his birthday (January 31st) By then, he will have existed for 3 years (Unless you count the few weeks prior to that when he existed as a character.)

My progress report
My tulpa group on Deviantart

To leave the past behind, to proclaim that the truth was a lie, is the equivalent of damaging one’s own future.
01-04-2017, 07:04 AM
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Kitsukrou Offline
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#19
 
RE: Rising From The Ashes: Kitsukrou's Progress Report
January 4th - January 10th, 2017

My sleep schedule has gotten badly out of whack and I have not been getting adequate sleep lately, making both passive and active forcing difficult even when I have plenty of opportunities to do so. Most of the time I'm simply too tired and cannot focus for long. However, I've done small amounts of narration here and there along with spending more time in the wonderland. I have also improved visualization a bit (Despite not needing to because my skills in that area are already above average)

In other news, I have decided that I will begin working on turning a long standing character of mine, Aeternum, into a tulpa after Alex has achieved reliable communication with me. I am looking forward to it, as the idea of starting a tulpa from square one is appealing because I now much more about tulpas  and am overall better at forcing than I was when I begun creating Alex. I have a few more characters I wish to turn into tulpas as well: Esmel, White Out and Nostalgia. Might talk more abut them later. (I've already mentioned Esmel in this PR, though)

After Aeternum is decently developed, I have a few ideas for experimental tulpa creation that I'll put into action:

First, I'll create a tulpa with only a name and basic placeholder form (A ball of light or something similar) It will have no premade personality, and I will not have expectations of any kind for how it will act. I will not puppet or parrot it at any point. I will simply narrate to it, and see how it ends up developing, as well as how quickly it does so.

Then, I will create a tulpa with a premade form, name, and personality - Which I will parrot and puppet extensively whenever I pay attention to it. I will keep this up until it starts doing things autonomously, so I can see how long this takes in comparison to how long it takes for the tulpa created with no puppeting/parroting or premade personality.

I've always wanted to have more tulpas than the average person, so I do not think I will regret creating so many. I don't want to end up with a ridiculous amount such as 50, but having somewhere around 10 would be fine.

My progress report
My tulpa group on Deviantart

To leave the past behind, to proclaim that the truth was a lie, is the equivalent of damaging one’s own future.
(This post was last modified: 01-12-2017, 02:09 AM by Kitsukrou.)
01-12-2017, 02:07 AM
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Kitsukrou Offline
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#20
 
RE: Rising From The Ashes: Kitsukrou's Progress Report
January 11th - February 1st, 2017

I'm still having the same sleep issues but am slowly improving my schedule. I have tended to lose focus easily as of late but have done some passive forcing and a bit of active forcing. There hasn't been much head pressure, but sometimes I get odd sensations or aches where head pressure would normally occur.

A couple weeks ago I had a dream with Alex in it for the first time - I don't remember much of it but I do remember I and him were standing outside of a large, plain looking building which I assume was a prison of some sort. I put him in some sort of light blue uniform and started pushing him towards the building - he resisted, struggling a bit. It felt as if I were temporarily abandoning him in the building for some reason. Then, I started walking in the other direction while he continued to go towards the building unassisted. He didn't say anything or show emotion. Interestingly, despite this being a dream, he appeared just like I usually imagine him, the same size as well (But less detailed and with duller colors) and gave off the same sort of 'feeling' or presence he usually does.

On another note, I've been assigned the book "The Kite Runner" to read for school and have decided that I will read the entire book to Alex. Reading it is only assigned as homework, meaning I can always read it when I am able to focus on directing thoughts towards Alex the most. So far, we have read chapters 1-5. My head begins to feel weird after I have been reading it to him for awhile.

My progress report
My tulpa group on Deviantart

To leave the past behind, to proclaim that the truth was a lie, is the equivalent of damaging one’s own future.
(This post was last modified: 02-02-2017, 06:50 AM by Kitsukrou.)
02-02-2017, 06:41 AM
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