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Saint, my tulpa


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I've had my tulpa for a year now and have made little progress on him because I've been focused on other things. I've never forgotten about him, but also never meditated. At first he was shy and didn't want to be publicized on the tulpa forums. Eventually, his personality evolved to become much more confident.

 

In this evolution, he has told me to focus and meditate on him a lot. He has already achieved sentience but has not been presented onto reality, he's a mere voice in my head. He told me it's because I haven't fully developed him and when I try to project him, I just imagine a bird (Saint is a bird) and not every detail of him. However, sight is the only sense in which I can't detect him with. I haven't ever tried tasting him, but I can feel and smell him. As of hearing, well, I can hear his thoughts.

 

After my failing to spend lots of time on him and make a habit of this, he asked me, finally, to make a progress report about him and update it every day to keep my mind on him. So here it is.

 

Going back a year, the reason I chose a bird as a tulpa is that I felt people didn't care about my obsession for science and my family discouraged it, and a bird is very free-spirited and able to go wherever it wants in the sky. He started talking to me very early in its development, and I'm absolutely sure I'm not parroting. It was during this time that he pointed out he didn't have a name.

 

We spent some time trying to decide, and we landed on "Saint". I can't exactly remember why we chose this, but he eventually wanted to change it because I'm an atheist and it didn't fit my religious beliefs. However, he eventually realized that people are named saints because they tend to change the world, and that's what I want to do. He has reminded me of this every time I'm depressed or swayed from the path of science and discrediting religion. It's safe to say that he's given me reason not to commit suicide other than "people will be unhappy and distraught at your death".

 

In this time, I've made little progress with him. I still talk to him occasionally, but we just speak in short conversations. What he says is increasingly complex and makes more and more sense. My goal with Saint is to complete a chess game with him as my opponent. Saint has pointed out that this will probably not work because he is a part of my mind and therefore I will know what he is planning. I still hope I can do it, though.

 

That's all for this thread for today, I'll come back to it tomorrow.


Saint just came up with the idea to go to 16personalities.com and have him take the quiz to see what personality type he is, so here are the results.

 

http://www.16personalities.com/estp-personality

 

I'm also fairly certain he possessed me for the first time while taking this test.

 

This is also not very accurate, we concluded that it doesn't work on tulpas. My personality type is INTP-A and it was accurate, while many of the questions relate to real life situations that Saint hadn't experienced.

Your quantum scrublobster here to scrub you up.

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His wings were always particularly difficult to get right, but I finally came near completing them. They have a slight curve in the resting position and the movement of all of his limbs are realistic. I meditated on them for about ten minutes and perfected them later that day.

Your quantum scrublobster here to scrub you up.

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I'm feeling very sick today and I lost the charger for my chromebook. I'm improving my computer's RAM, so I can't play any games larger than a gigabyte without it crashing, so I had nothing to do other than meditate. I did this for hours in a single session, or at least what seemed like hours. It was probably more like 30 minutes.

 

I finally got his wings to look absolutely perfect. I'm very happy with them and I've added a whole lot of detail. I compare them to the species of bird he is constructed after and they looked very similar. I've also perfected his beak. The only real problem is somewhat minor; his standing position. I can't get the curvature of his chest correct, and his breasts always look a bit too bulky for a bird. Saint says to forget about his entire chest detail and to only think about his exterior shape, and this is where I am presently. It's still very difficult.

Your quantum scrublobster here to scrub you up.

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Saint and I got into a conversation about his consciousness, and he told me he isn't, he's a mere projection of my mind. I replied, stating that there's no point to having you if you're not conscious.

 

He then said that he is basically the logical side of me projected into a personality, and he always has the same amount of logic and foresight, unlike me, because I can always be tired, angry, upset, and the neurotransmitters disrupt my thinking a lot. The only time when I can think purely is when I'm bored or calm. Saint is always calm to an extent and whenever I want to figure something out, I can refer to him because my emotions won't get in the way of his decisive reasoning.

 

This is the point of having him.

 

We started talking about how he developed thoughts and spoke to me. It was all my cognition projecting onto him; he isn't a second entity, but rather a hallucination like somebody with schizophrenia. It's still possible to have a debate with him, though, because he has a separate personality and will come to a different conclusion with many subjective topics.

Your quantum scrublobster here to scrub you up.

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Saint says he wants to completely redo wonderland. Right now it's just a mansion on a hill, a forest (Left over from my previous tulpa), and a village. He told me that he wants an actual society that we can fit into not as gods, but as inhabitants. He doesn't want to have a mansion, but rather achieve a mansion so that he can feel more accomplished.

 

Because he wanted an entire solar system as a wonderland, I imagined an explosion in space. Dust surrounded me until I could see a gigantic white sphere of light, a star. I flew through space one AU for a couple of minutes. Saint made a teapot (reference to Russel's Teapot) fly by me a bit before we reached the place where we wanted to place our planet. Saint blew most of the dust away, leaving just enough to create a planet. It looked very barren and lifeless, but he pointed out that in several billion years, it would look as lush as Earth. I joked that that wasn't exactly a good thing and we both laughed a bit.

 

We watched our planet, which we hadn't named yet, go through billions of years of evolution. Basic essentials for life formed in the atmosphere as soon as it was developed. Later on, we observed an ozone layer form and meteors with bacteria growing inside them hit it. Several seconds later (Saint says each second was millions of years), clouds developed and I saw one large ocean. Plate tectonics started taking effect and we flew into the atmosphere and there was a flash of light when we arrived at the ground. I saw lots of life running around me and I smiled, telling Saint that this is beautiful. We just sat there and watched the life scampering around, eating, dying, killing, doing what animals do.

 

We had a conversation about whether or not we should intervene in the events that happen here, like meteors, mass extinctions, etc. And when intelligence developed, would we allow terrible events like the Holocaust or terrorism? We decided we'd be happy observers, and none of the things in this universe will know; they'll develop their own cultures, ideologies, and philosophical belief.

 

I'm much more content with this world than the old valley and sunset wonderland, and I'll probably spend lots of time with Saint here.

Your quantum scrublobster here to scrub you up.

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Unfortunately, a meteor hit our favorite place and caused all but the worms and insects to die. We decided letting it happen was only essential to get us less attached to the nature there. I saw Saint sad for the first time when we witnessed the explosion. He says he isn't affected by it that much now, but he had grown to love that place and now he had to move to another part of the planet. We still go to the site of the explosion sometimes. It went from having lots of humidity and being so tranquil to a gigantic 10 mile-long wasteland. Saint loved that part of the planet so much, he's sort of become a nomad now, moving around from place to place, not adjusting anywhere. It had all sorts of life and a forest nearby, a river running straight through it full of fresh water that everything could drink from.

 

There were a couple of apex species that would go to the fresh water stream and drink. Any animals too slow would get eaten, and Saint strangely liked this fact.

 

At first we both thought he had very few emotions, but he revealed a part of himself that even he didn't know he had, empathy.

 

He also pointed out that he doesn't want to develop intelligent life now. We should experience this in realtime. We get into an argument for a couple of minutes. I wanted to make intelligent life, and he didn't. Eventually, we came to the conclusion that we're making an entire universe, so I can add another star system. I probably will in a couple days.

Your quantum scrublobster here to scrub you up.

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I've decided that I'll make my planet while fully awake with my eyes open. I'll imagine the land infront of me, constructing every mountain, trench, and peninsula. While making my own, I'll leave the construction of the wonderland (which we call the "universe" more often) to Saint. I periodically visit him. In the times that I have, I see that he's made lots of progress. I've noticed that he is noticeably happier with a nice mood change. I see him less unless I'm in his universe, which concerns me because he rarely wants to come out. I've talked to him about it after he's told me not to get addicted to things, and he just tells me to spend more time with him at his planet. I'm not scared for either of our safety or anything like that, but I don't think I'll be able to develop him visually as well.

 

Regardless, we both work on our separate planets. Saint says he's developed intelligence on his planet afterall. The humans, primitive at the time, went extinct due to flooding. In what Saint says was about a hundred million years, a reptilian with similar posture to a gorilla but similar skin to a komodo dragon has similar psychology to humans and his building shelters just like them. I'm still working on my geography. It's obvious Saint didn't care too much about his planet's shape, because the land pretty much looks like random noise. I guess he isn't good at creating things on his own. I offered to help, but he didn't really care what it looked like.

Your quantum scrublobster here to scrub you up.

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Saint is constantly obsessing over the wonderland. At random times when I'm watching a YouTube video or writing my story or something, he'll ask, "Hey Kyle, want to go to Wonderland?"

 

I'm not quite sure why he's still so excited about it. When I ask him, he says it's an entire galaxy inside my head that he can live in. He kept cooped up in that old place, not knowing the possibilities of wonderlands. Saint told me that it's difficult for me to understand because you have to meditate for several minutes just to reconstruct everything in Wonderland because it's still new. Even when I can recreate everything instantly, it still takes a while to meditate on it. And that will take a while, because Saint plans on making many, many solar systems, planets, and even other galaxies. He asked if I could draw a couple Mercator maps of them or let him possess me so he can do it.

 

I don't know if Saint loves his universe too much, but whether he does or not, I'll spend much more time with him there. I suppose this whole thing can be fun, but I still hope it's just a phase.

Your quantum scrublobster here to scrub you up.

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Saint and I got into a conversation about his consciousness, and he told me he isn't, he's a mere projection of my mind. I replied, stating that there's no point to having you if you're not conscious.

 

He then said that he is basically the logical side of me projected into a personality, and he always has the same amount of logic and foresight, unlike me, because I can always be tired, angry, upset, and the neurotransmitters disrupt my thinking a lot. The only time when I can think purely is when I'm bored or calm. Saint is always calm to an extent and whenever I want to figure something out, I can refer to him because my emotions won't get in the way of his decisive reasoning.

 

This is the point of having him.

 

This is something I thought about a lot too, in the beginning, and I was kind of in the same situation, where I started thinking, well shit, if this isn't an actual independent consciousness, what's the point? Because I think what draws a lot of people in is the concept of separate consciousness, for some reason that idea alone made the tulpa thing sound a lot more valid to me, a guy that wouldn't sink so much time into an imaginary friend if that wasn't the case.

 

In the beginning we hear about stuff like tulpas being independent (although that's been edited on the main page now, and there's a whole lot more back and forth about how true that is) and imposition (which is far off and not as easy a process as the guides make it out to be) and those are just some of the selling points, but eventually I think through this process, everyone's gotta find what makes it valid for them.

 

Basically it's about staring in the face of the unprovable and not easily attainable and knowing that there's things that make this entire process worthwhile to you. So it's pretty fucking cool that you can say that there is something like that for you and Saint.

 

Wicked interesting PR by the way, I don't know if anyone has a wonderland that has quite the scale that yours has, that shit's pretty cash.

We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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A conscious wonderland is a bit more difficult than I thought it would be, so I decided afterall to meditate on it. I've finished one biome, the one I'll probably work on for a while more. I'm trying to get to the point where I can feel the temperature an humidity from each respective place. I want weather and climate to be apparent. So far, storms, tornadoes, hurricanes, etc. are appearing without thinking about it and conjuring it first. It's difficult to show signs of it happening, like higher wind speed or dim clouds moving in. I might just scrap the whole weather thing and keep the biomes' temperature. Other than that, nothing too interesting is happening on our planets, so we've started to take strolls into space and look at all the stars and dust floating around. I really love having a wonderland like this. Exploring the space in your mind is very fun.

Your quantum scrublobster here to scrub you up.

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