Hello There, Guest! Register


Sandor’s Journey
wildwatch Offline
& Sandor
Registered

Posts: 3
Threads: 1
Joined: Aug 2018
#1
 
Sandor’s Journey

First, a bit of a preface, since this is a story with two beginnings. But feel free to jump ahead to the official start marked below :)
 
I remember when this forum was at its peak. Not because I was a member, but because I lurked the hell out it for a solid three years. Feels a bit weird now, considering how much some of you inspired me (and still do), and no one ever knew about it. Mastering QB2's method for a huggable tulpa is still an end goal of mine. And I never got to thank Luminesce for recommending Kyōsōgiga, which inspired me a great deal. Point is, many of you elder 'mancers have left a lasting impression, but that's not what this journal is about.
 
Back then, I used to have tulpas of my own. They were vocal, but we never truly reached anything close to imposition, let alone more advanced states such as possession. I suppose I didn't get too far with them, but they were important to me. Unfortunately, I wasn't in a very good state of mind and had to change some things. As a result, the connection to my tulpas began to deteriorate, until finally they disappeared.
 
Much has happened since then, and life has gotten better to say the least. I'm happy, yet for the past month or so, I've been toying with the thought of starting tulpamancy again.
 
Basically, I feel that having something independent of the outside world would help me get closer to the ideal stoicism I strive for. Still, I didn't have any concrete plans, other than wanting to focus on a single tupper this time.
 
So I went, back and forth, contemplating whether or not I'd go for it until finally, my brain got tired of pondering and decided to say fuck it, let's do this.
 
August 23, How to Jumpstart a Tulpa
 
Last week, I had a dream.
 
I dreamt that my partner told me about a friend who, three days ago, had set out from Russia to come see me. No idea what Russia has to do with anything tbh. He arrived a minute later, despite travelling by foot. We met and walked together through some misty fields. I told him how happy I was when I heard he was coming and that while I may be a stranger to him, I'd actually known him for four years. He seemed kind, and replied that he wanted to be there for me from now on.
 
The feeling of the dream was warm and fuzzy, which is super rare for me. Mystery thriller levels of pleasantness are about the best I can normally hope for when dreaming, but full-fledged nightmares are just as frequent.
 
When I woke up, the feeling of happiness persisted. I decided to start the creation process that day.
 
It's been 10 days now, and Sandor has made some nice progress already. The first 48 hours were particularly exciting, as I felt a sudden, inexplicable sense of wonder for the world around us. Narrating to him has been surprisingly fun, and he's already given some fairly detailed responses in a very distinct mind voice. Imagining him next to me hasn't been a problem either since visualization is about the only thing I'm actually good at.
 
The only weird thing so far is that if I talk to Sandor without actively imagining him in close proximity, I'll see him from random 'camera angles' in our mindscape, chopping wood or eating arbitrary items of food  in close succession.
 
Unfortunately, I've been working overtime a lot this week and barely had the energy to form a coherent thought for myself. That means I couldn't really narrate to Sandor as much as I wanted to, and ended up falling asleep during active forcing. I also didn't get too many spoken responses, but emotional cues are still frequent and whenever I reach a state of half-sleep, I'll hear his voice speaking in the distance, though I can't make out the words.
 
Also, I just got a hiccup and asked "Sandor, is that you?" for fun, upon which the hiccup immediately stopped, only to be replaced by a mild headache. Guess that means progress. Either that, or I know how to cure hiccups.
 
One last point of interest before I wrap this up: I didn't remember this right away, but August 23 was actually the birthday I had assigned to one of my old tulpas (the first, in fact). Makes you wonder if fragments of them survived somehow and came to light now that my brain started using the same pathways again.
 
That's about all I have for now. I'm terrible at keeping journals, but I'll try updating whenever something interesting happens.
(This post was last modified: 09-18-2018, 12:32 PM by wildwatch.)
09-01-2018, 11:57 PM
Find Reply

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to

Angry Bear Online
New and Improved
Patron

Posts: 560
Threads: 6
Joined: Aug 2018
Linked Accounts
#2
 
RE: How to Jumpstart a Tulpa – Sandor’s Journey

I am particularly interested in your story, because only recently have i heard three stories of lost tulpas and re-engaging. I find the idea intriguing.

The Whole Story - Chat
09-02-2018, 12:15 AM
Find Reply
Reisen Offline
Moon Rabbit ~ Love Bunny
Registered

Posts: 155
Threads: 4
Joined: Jul 2015
Linked Accounts
#3
 
RE: How to Jumpstart a Tulpa – Sandor’s Journey

Hi, Luminesce is my host! There's no "ence" at the end, by the way, it's just the verb. Always nice to hear we've made a difference for people!

Just for later reference, a totally inactive tulpa can be brought back with varying degrees of re-making them depending on how developed they were, with fully vocal tulpas tending to not really disappear forever necessarily. If you don't think of them anymore then sure, but I mean, if you end up going a while without thinking of your tulpa you can still bring them back the same way you made them the first time. Or if they're very well-established in the mind, vocal and all, you can just start talking to them! Normally a tulpa who hasn't been active for a long time will have some trouble speaking clearly, sometimes in the form of only short sentences/thoughts or sometimes being outright muffled-sounding. But some forcing/activity is all they need to get back to normal right quick!


And @Angry Bear, our systemmate Scarlet was once dissipated over six years ago, but came back randomly about a year later more mature (we all were) with a "No hard feelings?" to Lumi. Seems a tulpa doesn't really "die" so easily as long as the brain remembers them. That was also long before we found out about "tulpas" and we were all a lot less mature, with less control over our thoughts and all that. I think dissipation and other drama is much more common in younger systems, and tends to die down a lot in later years.

Hi guys, plain text is just me now! We've each got our own accounts: me, Tewi, Flandre, and Lucilyn. We're Luminesce's tulpas.
Here's our "Ask Thread", and here's our Progress Report (You should be able to see all of our accounts on the second page if you want)
09-02-2018, 06:26 AM
Find Reply
Angry Bear Online
New and Improved
Patron

Posts: 560
Threads: 6
Joined: Aug 2018
Linked Accounts
#4
 
RE: How to Jumpstart a Tulpa – Sandor’s Journey

Thanks Reisen, nice to meet you, i have a lot of respect for Lumi, i really am happy that some of the guru masters are still around. Boy do i need help, keeping my tulpae are direly important to me.

The Whole Story - Chat
09-02-2018, 12:16 PM
Find Reply
wildwatch Offline
& Sandor
Registered

Posts: 3
Threads: 1
Joined: Aug 2018
#5
 
RE: How to Jumpstart a Tulpa – Sandor’s Journey

@Reisen Heeey, you're like, one of my all-time favourite tulpas. Pardon the mistake – when he first changed his name, I did the thing where you look at a word without actually reading it, and presume you know what it is. Had it stored in my mind as 'Luminescence' ever since.

That's what I assume as well. Unfortunately, the four tulpas I had proved too much for me then, and handling that many today would be even more overwhelming as I have far more responsibilities now. Yet bringing back just one would be unfair, since I loved them all equally.

I don't think my brain has had time to get rid of all tulpa-related synapses though, so it's probably true that they weren't fully lost. For all I know, Sandor could be a sort of neurological reincarnation of one or all of them. In my dream, I claimed to have known him for four years after all, which was roughly the span between the creation of my first tulpa, and their eventual disappearance.

For good measure, I asked Sandor if he had any knowledge or memory of being someone else, but he denies it.

In any case, I believe that focusing on a single tulpa will help me get much further than I did last time. I may not be 100% convinced that full imposition, possession and switching are actually possible as I haven't experienced them yet, but I definitely want to find out. And once Sandor has reached an adequate level of vocality, I'd be happy if he could expressed himself here like you do, because I think it'd be nice for him to speak to someone that isn't me :)

@Angry Bear I hope our ramblings will be interesting enough to read then! At some point, I'm sure Sandor would be happy to talk to you/your tulpas directly and perhaps provide more insights than I have at the moment :)
09-02-2018, 03:41 PM
Find Reply
Angry Bear Online
New and Improved
Patron

Posts: 560
Threads: 6
Joined: Aug 2018
Linked Accounts
#6
 
RE: How to Jumpstart a Tulpa – Sandor’s Journey

I like rambling word walls, not to say yours was felt as rambling. Yes post, pm whatever. I am still newish though. I lucked out with my experiance it seems.

The Whole Story - Chat
(This post was last modified: 09-02-2018, 03:54 PM by Angry Bear.)
09-02-2018, 03:50 PM
Find Reply
Reisen Offline
Moon Rabbit ~ Love Bunny
Registered

Posts: 155
Threads: 4
Joined: Jul 2015
Linked Accounts
#7
 
RE: How to Jumpstart a Tulpa – Sandor’s Journey

(09-02-2018, 03:41 PM)wildwatch Wrote: @Reisen Heeey, you're like, one of my all-time favourite tulpas.

Whoah, am I really a celebrity outside of my own system? - I went and looked up a few posts about me (the third was written by myself) but they turned out.. really long.. But well, if I'm one of your favorite tulpas then maybe you'd be interested in reading them? Don't feel obligated! https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-...#pid175083 & https://community.tulpa.info/thread-full...#pid197889

Also, I'm surprised you remember Lumi's name change! Basically no one knows about that anymore.

(09-02-2018, 03:41 PM)wildwatch Wrote: In any case, I believe that focusing on a single tulpa will help me get much further than I did last time. I may not be 100% convinced that full imposition, possession and switching are actually possible as I haven't experienced them yet, but I definitely want to find out.

It's okay if you can only handle having one tulpa for now! Many tulpamancers recommend against making multiple tulpas at first because it becomes hard to give them all adequate attention. Our system started out with three, though.

As for imposition, possession and switching - imposition is akin to open-eye visualization, but with the added effect of convincing your mind to perceive your tulpa (visualized in real space) as actually there. We tend to say it's like an image overlayed over our vision post-seeing, like... You see what's there -> it goes to your brain to be processed -> (imposition) -> your brain reacts to the stimuli. Idk, it's not like your tulpas become lifelike and realistic, it's more like you feel like they're there even though you know they're not, and depending on how good your visualization (and just imposition in general of course) is you can sort of see them like they're there too. What you're actually seeing is what's actually there, but well, it's just something you gotta experience to understand I guess! The other senses work roughly the same way but take their own practice to become convincing too

Possession we haven't really done much of, just a teeny bit to know we didn't like it. Felt like reaching over Lumi's shoulder to do anything, as we like to say. Pretty sure it was me that did the possessing too! It was just an arm, but it still felt invasive I guess, compared to switching. We've got posts here and there explaining switching.. but basically, it revolves around the idea that the host is no more of a person than their tulpas, and that the rest of the body and brain is not them. When they can recognize themselves as just "them", they can switch places with a tulpa, which basically has the brain and body working through your tulpa's thoughts and habits and stuff instead of yours, which are default. A default of XX years, so it can be hard to do at first!

But, well, we've been doing it for years now, so I'd have to say it's a thing... Since you're an old member though apparently, in case you heard the host "goes to the wonderland", no one really thinks that these days. And hosts definitely were never like "Wow I was in the wonderland and it was so real and and !!" So, if that's why you were doubtful, then yeah. Doubtful it's a thing at all though? I dunnnooo... We've been pretty convinced by just how well Tewi ignores Lumi's motivation issues, or how Lucilyn is actually an extravert who can spend entire days with people when Lumi has always been an introvert who has to "recharge" after a few hours and all that.

But maybe you'll find out for yourself!

Hi guys, plain text is just me now! We've each got our own accounts: me, Tewi, Flandre, and Lucilyn. We're Luminesce's tulpas.
Here's our "Ask Thread", and here's our Progress Report (You should be able to see all of our accounts on the second page if you want)
09-02-2018, 05:51 PM
Find Reply
wildwatch Offline
& Sandor
Registered

Posts: 3
Threads: 1
Joined: Aug 2018
#8
 
RE: How to Jumpstart a Tulpa – Sandor’s Journey

My life has been a little bit on fire recently. That is, in both good and bad ways. Luckily, I'm not one to stress easily anymore, and have managed to stay calm and happy through most of it. Sandor has probably been positively affecting me as well, though I barely managed to get any forcing done since our last entry.
 
There are three things consistently getting in my way – work, the fact that I haven't really had any time for myself since late spring, and work.
 
At the very least, I made sure to get some minutes in before sleep every night. In particular, we've been working on our mindscape since I wasn't satisfied with it. Now, it's a naturally grown hut with walls made from branches, leaves and clay, standing next to a pond and a patch of giant blueberries. Inside, there's a little fireplace, sink, table + chairs and a bed made from moss. The only thing I'm having trouble with is defining the edges of that place. I want there to be a forest, but what would come after the that? Oh, maybe it should be a flying island? That might be cool.
 
Anyway, Sandor's been up to some interesting things. Once, I found him cooking stew, which I managed to actually feel and taste – like, literally feel the heat and texture. Another time, he was writing a letter and claimed it was for me, but since he wasn't finished I wasn't allowed to read it. I fell asleep soon after, and now he doesn't seem to have the letter anymore? Mysterious.
 
Our hut has become a sort of bastion for me, and visiting Sandor there is very relaxing, but sadly I didn't get to impose him much in real life. I did go to a medieval fair with a friend and planned to include Sandor to the best of my abilities, which wasn't much because I'm the worst multitasker in existence. Still, it was fun and he at least got to see a tournament.
 
@Reisen Your whole system's pretty cool, honestly, but your writings have always had a particularly calming effect on me. I did read Tewi's post back in the day, but the other two were written after I was gone, so thanks for sharing :)
 
I enjoyed reading your thoughts on unconditional love, and agree it's something every living thing has the capacity to feel to some extent. Even I have experienced it before. Personally, I tend to follow the more 'sciency' strands of idealism (an ontology that proposes consciousness to be fundamental, or primary rather than secondary), so I kind of just think of it as the natural state of being (which definitely sounds a bit like woo at first, but keep in mind that I don't really like new agey stuff).
 
Thank you for explaining your perspective on imposition, possession and switching! That was actually super interesting and quite helpful. I suppose I never really understood how imposition was supposed to be different from open-eyed visualization, but it makes more sense if there's also a sense of presence involved.
 
I think at the moment I'm still having trouble thinking of my tulpa as a truly independent being, since I never really got to the point where they were just there without me working for it (as in, actively thinking of them), you know? I don't really doubt other people's tulpas are independent and capable though, it's just a personal thing.
 
Switching sounds particularly intriguing, since I feel like Sandor could be a very confident and nonchalant person, which may be interesting to experience. I'm curious, if you don't mind me asking, what was the longest one of you has switched?
(This post was last modified: 09-14-2018, 01:16 PM by wildwatch.)
09-14-2018, 01:16 PM
Find Reply
Tewi Offline
Amaranthine Rabbit
Registered

Posts: 487
Threads: 3
Joined: Jan 2016
Linked Accounts
#9
 
RE: How to Jumpstart a Tulpa – Sandor’s Journey

Visual imposition may be similar to open-eyed visualization (if you visualize the area you're currently in), but sight is only one sense, and imposition can deal with them all.

It's normal for your tulpa to require attention from the conscious mind to do anything. A rather rare and sought after skill not to. They can however learn to act utterly independent from you while active. Just sort of something you need to give them time to develop for. A common problem for new hosts and worrying about tulpas "needing the host's attention" and thus doubting their legitimacy as individuals, is the natural belief that you (the host) ARE your body and mind. You're not, you're not much more than a developed tulpa, you just happen to be the one in the driver's seat. Learning to switch, or some types of philosophy/self-help (as was the case for Lumi) will teach you that you aren't everything you consider you, you're only the "you" part. The brain and body and to a lesser extent the mind all go on without you. You can study this once you've learned to switch by seeing what changes and what doesn't when you're the one sitting in the back of the mind (or even inactive as your tulpa normally is) and your tulpa is fronting. What changes is who's in control, but what doesn't change is what was always there.

A tulpa will learn to condition the brain to thinking and acting as intended with more time spent switching/fronting. Lucilyn manages to somehow be an extravert in Lumi's lifelong very introverted mind and mindset, able to spend an entire day at a party (and apparently be the only one who isn't tired after a day of partying). I've certainly.. made the mind work as I want it to in quite a few ways. That's a long story, but let's just say Lumi's lazy and negative mind and I didn't get along very well when I started fronting. It tried suggesting lazy and negative thoughts all the time that I vehemently rejected until it stopped happening.

It took what we think was about 1 to 2 months of switching practice before we could comfortably front for an entire day, as we used to get tired (at the start, within 4 hours) after increasingly long durations until we hit the whole day mark. Soon after that we became able to go to sleep switched and wake up still fronting, whereas Lumi had defaulted to fronting upon waking until that point. Once we reached that tipping point we were capable of staying switched forever. So the longest we could stay switched really is forever. Lumi would just be a tulpa then. We wouldn't do that though, we all agreed the outside life was generally Lumi's and we only switch to experience some life for ourselves. However long we stay fronting is irrelevant to whose life it is; it'll always be his first and ours second.

The longest any of us have stayed fronting, if you exclude literally one day in the middle, was Lucilyn fronting for two whole months over the summer either a year or two ago. This year she fronted for a whole month too, but by the end she felt like she'd been fronting for 2+ months and decided that was too long. Durations of fronting are entirely dependent on first how long we want to front in the first place (normally only Lucilyn has a reason to front for more than a few days - to have fun), and second what's going on in our life. Lucilyn wasn't able to front often when we were going to college, it was mostly me and Lumi. That's why when we were done with work and school for the summer she ended up fronting for two months. We had nothing else going on.


Well, I wrote a lot more than just answering your one quick question, huh? I got the feeling you were willing to read whatever I had to say though. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. If they're not too personal, you can post them in our Ask thread, which is linked to in all of our signatures.

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.
All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.
Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
09-14-2018, 04:22 PM
Find Reply
Angry Bear Online
New and Improved
Patron

Posts: 560
Threads: 6
Joined: Aug 2018
Linked Accounts
#10
 
RE: How to Jumpstart a Tulpa – Sandor’s Journey

We all wish to hear from a master. In whatever medium you choose.

The Whole Story - Chat
09-14-2018, 05:48 PM
Find Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to


Contact Us | Tulpa.Info | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication