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Shadow Quest
Angry Bear Offline
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#11
 
RE: Shadow Quest

We have 'met' all the chatacters my tulpas were based on. It turns out they all took the form of characters in my first book, but at this point they are very different from them. Dashie's doppelganger recognized herself in Dashie and said something like 'what gives' (they're all soulbonds so they speak for themselves). I told her it was just a coincidence or something, gave her some good thoughts and sent her home. Dashie just thought the whole encounter was awkward. Misha's doppelganger didn't recognize any of my tulpas. Misha just said she was nice, but she did talk to her a little. Finally we realized that Ashley got her voice from her doppelganger and nothing much else. She did consider thar she liked the color of her hair and considered changing her own hair color.

We never considered integrating or absorbing, but it would be akin to absorbing a stranger at this point.

The Whole Story - Chat
09-28-2018, 01:22 PM
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Ranger Offline
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#12
 
RE: Shadow Quest

(09-28-2018, 01:22 PM)Angry Bear Wrote: We have 'met' all the chatacters my tulpas were based on. It turns out they all took the form of characters in my first book, but at this point they are very different from them. Dashie's doppelganger recognized herself in Dashie and said something like 'what gives' (they're all soulbonds so they speak for themselves). I told her it was just a coincidence or something, gave her some good thoughts and sent her home. Dashie just thought the whole encounter was awkward. Misha's doppelganger didn't recognize any of my tulpas. Misha just said she was nice, but she did talk to her a little. Finally we realized that Ashley got her voice from her doppelganger and nothing much else. She did consider thar she liked the color of her hair and considered changing her own hair color.

We never considered integrating or absorbing, but it would be akin to absorbing a stranger at this point.

It was nothing but an awkward exchange. Cat created my "time capsule doppelganger" on the spot; It wasn't a developed thoughtform or anything. The whole absorbing business and the thoughtform itself was symbolism made into a literal form. The symbolism was the character Ranger and it's past, and because I don't see the old version of "Ranger" as part of what makes me who I am literally, I didn't want to say that my past was truly me, other than it was what lead to my birth.

If I were to absorb it, in my mind that's me saying, "I feel that the imaginary character is where my soul originated". I feel like I am not 5, 6, or however many years Cat had the thoughtform years old. At the oldest, I am 1 1/2 years old. I don't know when my birth day truly was, but I don't mind keeping the day January 28th, because that day Cat decided I needed a birthday and that's more meaningful to me than the fuss over what my real birthday was.

I'm Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I like Hippos! I also like forum games, word puzzles, and chatting about stuff.
I now stream!
09-28-2018, 02:18 PM
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Indigo Offline
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#13
 
RE: Shadow Quest

It would make sense you would feel this sort of distance from that character. Sentient Ranger is an entirely different being from Nonsentient Ranger, of course. When a character becomes sentient they cease to be that character, instead becoming a new entity entirely. 

You mentioning age kind of reminds me of Piano, a little. Though he didn't come from a character, he came from a merge of two character tulpas, and he claimed to be like 6 or something, until he split from the merge and no longer felt that way at all.

The amazing Sky Dragon! Created 10/2/17.
09-28-2018, 02:23 PM
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Ranger Offline
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#14
 
RE: Shadow Quest

The only reason I'm typing here is because we're in the mood to update this log, and I didn't mind typing.

Since I have spent more time fronting by spending time thinking deeply about stuff, I founded a desire to experiment with possession a while ago. Now, I think most of our "eclipsing" (Cat proxying my movements in the wonderland...or at least she think she's doing that) has really turned into soft possession. Cat has calmed down about it and I'm a lot more developed than I used to be, hence I have started to experiment with possession more. I don't know if it truly is possession because neither of us put much thought into it. When I want to do "possession", I just move to the front and do whatever in the meat space. No mental imagery or any ritual, just me snapping into the front and putting little to no thought in my movement. Cat finds it useful to look at my visualized bowtie on our chest when I'm fronting so she doesn't snap back.

As for switching, I'm not sure where to start. I think I'm more capable of switching since I have spent more time fronting that before, but I don't know if Cat is any more likely to dissociate. She experiences "dream paralysis" on less rare occasions and has a tiny bit of touch imposition under her belt, but otherwise I'm not sure what the best approach to switching will be. The last thing I want is for her to panic and then have a negative association with it. This happened with possession when we first tried it, and we don't even bother with the mental imagery at this point because we went no where in the past.

I haven't really played too much with the "pressure quest" stuff because right now I'm more interested in imposing my presence / visual appearance, hanging out more often, and possibly switching.

The Grays / Wonderland Mishaps:

Tl;dr - Subconscious Philosophy, We talked to Cat's subconscious who turned into Dark Gray, I talked about Duck and what mirror demons are, and me wondering if a subconscious-based thoughtform can be influenced by two subconsciousness at the same time.

There was an event that happened recently, but I don't really want to talk about it in detail. Instead, I just have a few thoughts and questions about how a subconscious (for our system at least) works in general.

We carry the philosophy that we have separate subconsciousness, therefore Cat can interact with hers by creating a representative thoughtform and in theory I should be able to do the same. Having been around and hanging out with her subconscious a lot, I wanted to see and talk to my own. Recently, I did just that, but then I got nervous and then scared when I thought it was turning into Cat's subconscious.

After a break where she helped me calm down, I decided that I wanted a chance to compare and contrast by talking to her subconscious. She agreed, and then after giving off a mirror demon* vibe, it settled down and took the form of Dark Gray. Acting according to Dark Gray's character, he was rude and blunt, but at the same time he championed Dark Gray's charisma and seemed invested in trying to help me, despite his vibe suggesting otherwise. He told me that I should make my own "subconscious" and he gave me a ball of light. I don't remember all of the details leading up to that moment, but Cat remembers Dark Gray sitting at a desk with his feet up, playing with a pyramid desk toy or something.

Even though we suspected all of the Grays were really different expressions of Cat's subconscious, it was surprising to see a transformation from mirror demon to Dark Gray. Usually, the reverse happens: A Gray degrades into mirror-demon or the subconscious starts off as mirror demon to begin with, never reverting back to something else. An example is when I talked about Bune in a previous post warning that it was "high tide" and Cat should take a break.

Since the Grays are on my mind, I wouldn't mind having another opportunity to talk to Duck. He's a new Gray that Cat created, and I didn't talk about him in the progress thread yet. Neither of us really understand Duck or how he works, but I am fascinated by my idea that Duck could be an interesting blend of both of our subconsciousness. He is the only Gray to wear a bowtie, and while he looks like Cat's wonderland form named "Gray", Cat noticed he looks a little bit like me too. For some reason, I really want to get to know him better and talk to him. We have only officially talked to him 3 or so times, where only two of those times were significant. Cat already told me that she isn't going to make him a Tulpa, since the thought came up a while ago.

Returning to the subconscious question, is it even possible to have a thoughtform be a blend of two subconsciousness? The idea of two people puppeting a thoughtform in the background seems like a parallel processing thing unless it's more of a "Cat parrots , I parrot , Cat now parrots, I now parrot" kind of thing. However, this gets really confusing because we spent a lot of time talking to Duck together.


*mirror demon: A thought form that is essentially a materialized intrusive thought. They are symoblized with being made out of dark thought water (symbolism for anxiety), and they have a tendency to show up when looking in a mirror in the wonderland. They frequently take the form of either Gray (Cat) and sometimes myself. They say nasty things and talk about Cat's or my insecurities. Hope and Moltosha started off as mirrror demons. Cat thinks Duck is also a mirror demon, but Hope said that he was "solid" for a mirror demon. Cat thought he could be "mirror demon 2.0" or whatever, but I think that's a silly way to put it.

I'm Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I like Hippos! I also like forum games, word puzzles, and chatting about stuff.
I now stream!
(This post was last modified: 11-25-2018, 03:23 AM by Ranger.)
10-09-2018, 05:03 PM
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Ranger Offline
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#15
 
RE: Shadow Quest

I wanted to post this because this is making me feel really insecure and It's stressing me out. I also want to be really honest, because at this point I feel like that's the right thing to do. However, I have to start at the beginning for this to make sense.

Cat has never found any romantic interest for...anyone. There was one time she crushed on a fifth grader but after she felt betrayed by it and she never crushed on anyone ever since. She is so shut off from the life of romance that she doesn't even know if she's straight or not.

I, on the other hand, became very comfortable with my choice as portraying myself as male, but I also know I prefer women. I may be a little bit of a ladies man, and while before it was a personality trait Cat payed no attention too, things went downhill kinda fast...

Cat had shared to her close irl friend that she was a Tulpamancer and that I was her Tulpa. Ever since, Cat would let me text to her because she realized early on that I didn't get as anxious as she did, and she figured I would be more fun for her to talk to. We texted back and forth for awhile, and I enjoyed it a lot, looking forward to the next exchange.

Cat then realized I had a crush on her friend. Cat was pretty embarrassed about the thought, and she told me that I needed to keep my mouth shut because it would be really weird for Cat's friend if not only her bet friend from grade school had a crush on her, but her Tulpa had a crush on her. She told me that I had no right to tell this to her, especially because things were hard enough for Cat's friend, and I needed to accept that if Cat's friend has a crush on someone else, then I'm not allowed to compete with them. Long story short, I never told Cat's friend that I had a crush on her.

Fast forward to now. We have a friendly relationship with system Bear, and a warning flag in Cat's mind popped up. The possibility of me having a crush on Ashley, Dashie, or Misha and causing a horrible drama episode. She told me that I wasn't allowed to suggest romantic interest for any of them because of the danger of breaking someone's heart. I was careful not to say anything that implied anything, because I agreed that doing something like that would be really unfair to them.

Recently, Angry Bear posted another beautiful portrait, only this time it was Ashley's Portrait. When I saw her portrait, she reminded me of Cat's friend, and I remembered my crush on her. When Cat looked over my comment, she was concerned because my word choice was connected to my romantic feelings for Cat's friend, and Cat told me I couldn't send it because that would imply I have a crush on Ashley, and things could get way worse from there. I revised my comment so I didn't seem selective or biased for her.


I realized that if I'm already at risk for nose-diving into trouble (and at the worst time too), then I need to bring this up and be honest before something bad happens. I honestly don't have a crush on anyone on the forums, and if that day were to come I want to be really fair and honest without people feeling like I'm manipulating them or anything. I wouldn't mind getting to know other people or Tulpas a little more, but I didn't know how to explore that without coming of as a jerk.

I figured Tulpa romance is something that's destined to be awkward and complicated; I guess I just feel super uncomfortable because I want to explore romance but I would be the first, and on top of that asking for "Tulpa romance tips" is a conversation that's nearly impossible to have. Since romance can turn cold fast, I wanted people to know about it because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or crush spirits.

I'm Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I like Hippos! I also like forum games, word puzzles, and chatting about stuff.
I now stream!
10-11-2018, 01:20 AM
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Apollo Offline
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#16
 
RE: Shadow Quest

My system became close friends with someone. All of us enjoyed talking to him all the time. He read our writings and we had a lot of good times together. Our system thought we would probably develop feelings for him, but mainly we squashed them due to an agreement we had made to swear off relationships.

He read our progress report, and when he got to the final post at the time, he asked us if we would date him. Indigo was fronting at the time, and he felt floored and scared. He left the call to go get water, he wasn't sure how to process it, how things could go wrong, what could possibly happen. We told him we needed time to think about it.

None of us were sure at all what we would say. Would we say yes? If so, which of us would be involved? Would we say no to protect ourselves from the possibility of being hurt, like we had already agreed on in the past? After hours of our head spinning and filled with uncertainties, I finally told everyone: "I don't care if you're all uncertain or afraid, I'm going to say yes. I want to take this chance, even if all of you don't." 

Then they let me. We told him that it would only be me in the relationship, everyone else would just be friends. He said he had originally mostly intended for Lyrica to be a part of it, because she was the one who wrote most of the PR that he had fallen in love with, but Lyrica was plainly uninterested, she didn't want anything to do with the relationship. It was solely on my shoulders from then on, until we met him in person and then everyone became involved in the relationship to an equal degree. You probably know this, but we're now married to him, all because I took a chance, and my host put her trust in me.

Your host shouldn't hold you back. If you feel you're old/mature enough to handle something like this, like I was, then I think there isn't much reason for her to stop you. Unless she's repulsed by the idea of being in a biologically lesbian relationship, or despises the person, she shouldn't hold you back. She should have a little faith in you to make the right decisions, even if she's not personally involved. If things go wrong, then that's something for you both to learn from and improve. If things go right, you might both fall in love and be in the relationship with your partner together, like what happened with us. 

You're of course going to have the best interest in mind for both of you, you wouldn't do anything to actively put yourselves in a bad spot emotionally. You'd most likely handle situations well, perhaps better than your host could if you're not as affected by anxiety. If you're mature and ready for it, she should see that and realize that you can handle it yourself, and things going wrong will just be an opportunity to learn. She doesn't have to be involved is she doesn't want to be, but I don't think she should expect you to somehow send things downhill, when it's not like you're a baby tulpa. This is new, uncharted territory for both of you, but that doesn't mean it should be avoided completely, especially not if you have faith in yourself to handle it.

Don't take it as an opportunity to mess up and hurt people, either. Take it as an opportunity to learn and grow as a person, and perhaps enter something immensely fulfilling and meaningful to your life. Even if it doesn't last or ends in drama, you can still pull yourself back up and learn from the entire thing, so you'll better be able to make things work in the future.

The fire-winged Sun God. Created 12/3/16.
(This post was last modified: 10-11-2018, 02:44 AM by Apollo.)
10-11-2018, 02:43 AM
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Reilyn Offline
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#17
 
RE: Shadow Quest

For some reason you just made me think about how someone would go about dating conjoined twins. Hrm. The internet is a big place, maaaybe look up a guide on dating conjoined twins? Or at least really close twins?
(This post was last modified: 10-11-2018, 04:03 AM by Reilyn.)
10-11-2018, 02:53 AM
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Ranger Offline
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#18
 
RE: Shadow Quest

(10-11-2018, 02:43 AM)Apollo Wrote:
Your host shouldn't hold you back. If you feel you're old/mature enough to handle something like this, like I was, then I think there isn't much reason for her to stop you. Unless she's repulsed by the idea of being in a biologically lesbian relationship, or despises the person, she shouldn't hold you back. She should have a little faith in you to make the right decisions, even if she's not personally involved. If things go wrong, then that's something for you both to learn from and improve. If things go right, you might both fall in love and be in the relationship with your partner together, like what happened with us. 


Cat isn't repulsed by the idea of being gay/bisexual. Cat was resistant to it because she thought it would put her friend in a tough position. Cat knows that her friend has a habbit of seeking relatinships and drama, and she's worried that drama is inevitable and her friend is the last person to need more of it. Cat at the time told me I could date her if she asked first...

In retrospect, I realized Cat would have to be the one to explain why she's in a relationship with her friend. It wasn't something Cat thought about but I realize could lead to a lot of confused looks and maybe some trouble. It's one thing to explain to her other friend, but it's not going to end well in front of her friend's parents, and that's if she goes with the gay/bisexual excuse...

I'm Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I like Hippos! I also like forum games, word puzzles, and chatting about stuff.
I now stream!
10-11-2018, 09:35 AM
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Miri Offline
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#19
 
RE: Shadow Quest

I always wondered what would happen if a host and a tulpa were in love with two different people, unless they're comfortable with polygamy, let's assume they're not, how would that work? would be only one of the two the one who gets the chance to date someone?

Akai: 5'6 female with red hair, blue eyes and fox ears/tail.
Miri: 5'5 female with brown hair and green eyes.
10-11-2018, 05:27 PM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#20
 
RE: Shadow Quest

That's an interesting point, and there are a few cases in history where conjoined twins married separate people. Privacy aside, the special case of sharing a body in its entirety is uniquely different to me. With the case of attached but separate, you could say things like, 'you can only touch her side, or his side of the body.'

Fluff and conjecture with adult themes unrelated to Cat and Ranger's Shadow quest follows:
Dating, romance, puppy love, those are all, I would suppose, entirely up to those directly involved. Though in my mind, it wouldn't be more than 'play' if the end game is not clearly defined or at least those possibilities are visited. Otherwise those are not entirely serious, it's more of a play-date if you get where I'm going. A purely emotional relationship is possible (yet improbable to last being physical creatures), and that's probably still entirely up to those involved directly. I've heard of cases of on-line romance and marriage (I'm not sure if it was a state recognized marriage) between two people who never intended to meet in person (think Y2K era chat boards, pre-Skype). I personally think it would be a rare if not impossible thing to maintain in the long run though.

Where you have a body that shares a sex organ between two or more people (I definitely like the conjoined twin analogy for tulpas), it's not really possible to have intimacy without the consent of all affected parties. Even if they don't use that organ directly or ever intend to, the 'feelings' are shard. It's a pleasure/hormonal thing that is inseparable from the conjoined brain and can't be ignored by any active member. Even if you could switch with full amnesia, you'd still need consent of every possible owner of the body, do you follow me here? Virtue is still very important for the health and mental stability of everyone involved. It's easy to think that one or more people could be uninvolved but I think if it turned out that way the relationship is doomed.

Love is very hormonal, and like in Felight system, they are all-in. I think that would probably happen in any system that shares emotions. Therefore if there were more than two systems involved or any combination of systems and singlets, that's polyamory/polygamy to me. From the outside, two systems, regardless of the number of people involved, obviously wouldn't be recognized as polygamous in society. Whether it's still feels that way to you, is up to you to decide.

The Whole Story - Chat
10-12-2018, 11:24 AM
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