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Spoons tulpaforces; confusion ensues.


Spoons

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Hey. I’m Spoons. I am spending around an hour a day tulpaforcing Liz, a ~5'8" (human) girl with long hair. I've forced for about 14 hours so far, but probably more like 11 of that counted because there were days where I fell asleep. I began around May 28, usually forcing for an hour a day but I slipped up and missed a few days due to work/classes. I have decided that I have forced enough personality to move on, and I am currently working on visualization.

 

Traits (forced for about 20 minutes each):

Introverted, focused, optimistic, affectionate, confident (this was originally ‘insecure’ but it didn’t really fit the image I had of her), trusting, honest, courteous, sensitive, generous, talkative, open-minded, creative, observant, motivated, and caring.

 

I can list these traits easily but I’m not totally sure if I was able to “feel” a few of the traits (specifically focused, responsive, observant). I plan on working a little bit more and reviewing as I go forward.

 

 

My Wonderland:

My wonderland so far is just a beach with a large rock (more like a mountain cliff) down to what I’ve dubbed the north of where I wake up. This mountain houses my memories and subconscious, and has a door with a lock on it that I haven’t visualized the key for yet. To the south there is a boat floating in the water, a simple sailboat tied to the beach.

 

I wake up on a black towel, face down. A red umbrella is placed in the sand between my towel and a white towel (parallel to mine) on which Liz is lying on her back. I pick her up and stand her up to work on her (I usually face her north). I had a problem where she would ragdoll and not support herself, but I have figured that out by telling her that I’m going to make her stand up and it’s only so we can work on her. I also sit her down on a bench a few yards to the north of where the towels are.

 

There is a forest a couple yards to the west and a sea to the east. If I go a little bit north and then turn west, there is a path into the forest, which goes due west, then turns north, and then goes west again. I went into this forest until the first turn and chopped a tree down with my hand (because I am so bad at visualization, it seems that super-strength is a possibility in my wonderland) and fashioned two benches out of it, one smaller than the other.

 

When I work on visualization, I usually picture Liz in a green bikini. This allows me to not worry about the minus-clothes stage and just focus on her.

 

Another interesting thing about my wonderland is that the sky changes. The first time I was there (when I made it) the sky was blue, and then today when I went in there it was sunset and the sky was purple and red (again I’m not good at visualization so it wasn't clear or anything, I could just tell it was red). I forced around the same time of day (2:00ish) both days, so I wonder what that means.

 

When I go to exit my wonderland, I lay Liz down face up on her towel so she can hopefully look at the sky or stars and enjoy herself while I’m not there. She hasn’t shown any signs of sentience yet, but just in case I want to make sure she is entertained. I lay face down on the black towel and count backwards from 5, slowly bringing my attention back to the black space of the back of my eyelids. As I reach 0, I open my eyes and tell Liz that I’ll be narrating, forcing later, whatever it is I’ll be doing.

 

Visualization Progress:

For the past three days, I've been going into my wonderland and working on Liz for about an hour and a half each day. I seem to have the basic body structure down, but the face just totally confounds me. I'm going for 3Dpd and I'm not good at drawing so the eyes are extremely difficult for me. I've been staring at these eyes for a while trying to get the image in my head but as soon as I close my eyes I immediately forget what they look like. At least my wonderland is somewhat stable.

 

My Narration Method:

The way I've been narrating (I started narrating along with visualization) is to pretend I'm on the phone with Liz and that she can't see or hear anything that is happening around me. This makes it really simple to communicate and tell her what is going on and what I'm doing, and ask questions that feel natural. I started watching "[C]" and have been narrating that to her (somewhat confusing the show for me).

 

My Meditation Method:

My method is not specifically for tulpaforcing but that is what I developed it for and is mostly helpful for clearing my mind and getting myself to my wonderland. What I do first is take care of anything I need to read/do (turn on Fede's tones, plug in headphones, look over traits, etc.) and then close my eyes and sit comfortably in my chair. I try not to have any part of my body touching (arms not crossed) and sit and try to clear my mind for a minute or so. After I’ve done this, I imagine that my whole body is the color black. As I inhale and exhale, I bring in gold color and start replacing that black layer, melting it away and breathing it out. I start at the tips of my toes working my way up to my torso, out from my shoulders to my fingertips, and finally to the top of my head, usually trying to focus on kind of a floating-underwater-feeling (Fede’s tones help with this). From there I can usually enter my wonderland and do any other forcing I want to do while feeling relaxed. When my face itches or I get muscle spasms I just imagine the affected area as being black again and just breathe it back to being that gold color.

 

That's where I'm at right now. Today I tried to force but I'm taking an intense 4 hours a day class for college so my hour was not very productive (even though I tried using Fede's clairvoyant track, the only one that seems to not work for me yet). I'm going to try to narrate during work and tomorrow I should have a lot of time to force.

 

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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Today I forced for about an hour, but found myself unable to focus due to being really tired from this one class I’m taking (4 hours a day of HISTORY, college is a pain in the ass). I was able to enter my wonderland only for a brief second before my mental image would deteriorate. I started using Fede’s Clairvoyant Focus tune which he said was to help those falling asleep, but it didn’t really do much for me. My narration also fell apart because my focus shifted to my manager singing in falsetto to "Red Solo Cup" three times in a row (he's old, fat, and can't sing). I think I need to work on the face first, starting with the eyes. I figure that I should work the most on the hardest part, and after it becomes easy to picture the eyes the rest should come pretty naturally.

 

Progress: Minimal.

 

Homework: Look up pictures of eyes, get good sleep for a lot of forcing tomorrow.

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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The last two days have been spent either under the influence of marijuana or exhausted from lack of sleep. Since I have weekends off from both my college classes and from work, Saturday and Sunday seem to be my taking-it-easy days, and I'm usually in no condition to force. My plan for the time being is just to work 5 days a week because I have three hours between classes and work that I can use at least an hour of each day to force. I don't want to allow for the possibility of my subconscious messing with Liz while I doze off while.

 

Progress: Took 2 days off, which I don't think is a big deal, FAQ Man said in his guide that he did 1-3 hours 5 days a week, so I should be okay.

 

Homework: Buy caffeinated drinks, continue narration.

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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Even if you only log a half hour a day, you'll get done eventually. The important thing is to be persistent, so don't sweat it if you aren't pulling 3 hours of forcing every day.

"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

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>I went into this forest until the first turn and chopped a tree down with my hand.

Minecraft anyone?

Blog

Current Tulpa status:

Debating whether or not to restart tulpa forcing... ;__;

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Today I forced for an hour, but I wasn't really able to focus well because I am tired. I still am having a ton of trouble bringing Liz's view into focus, and her hair keeps changing style and back and forth between brunette and blonde. I think my problem is that I just don't know what I want her to look like, so I don't have a face or hairstyle to really put on her. Eventually I gave up trying to focus and just sat her down on the bench and talked to her for a while. I showed her rock paper scissors and explained to her how it worked and also sung (in my head-voice) the first part of "House of the Rising Sun" because I had never done anything other than just talking to her. I didn't make her puppet playing rock paper scissors with me, I just showed her how it works. When I'm forcing I get kind of a weird, pulsing pressure at the back of my head, but I think that's just blood going to my head, as I am really tired today. It happened the last couple times I worked on visualization too though... I guess I'll just wait and see. I've been narrating a little, but only out loud when I'm in my car driving somewhere. I watched another episode of [C] while narrating but that kept forgetting names of the characters and I'm guessing if she can't even really form thoughts yet me describing fight scenes with Assets and Entrepreneurs is just going to confuse her, so I think that's the end of that.

 

Hours so far: 15

Progress: Nothing really, I can picture the body pretty well I think, but it's just a generic female body. The bust size isn't absolute, really nothing about the body is so far. I can get pretty good definition of like one arm if I glance at it from the bench, but as soon as I look above the shoulders it's unfocused and blank.

Homework: Sleep, narrate, and look up pictures of faces.

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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Forced for almost an hour today, I'll go ahead and count it as being only half an hour because my thoughts drifted (it's been a long day with classes and getting my passport renewed and and bleh). Worked on some visualization, really have not made any progress. I can't seem to get as "into" my wonderland as I could before. After maybe 20 minutes of attempted visualization, I switched back to personality and went back over the traits. As I did this, the back of my head started throbbing again. The back of my head hasn't throbbed any time other than when I am forcing. I went through all of the traits again and explained to her why she had the trait like "You are generous because making other people happy makes you happy", not too detailed.

 

Hours so far: 15.5

Progress: Beginning to think that the throbbing means something? I asking a question like "Are you generous?" and the throbbing persisted, and asking questions like "Are you a bear?" and "Are you Willy?" the throbbing was still there. Maybe Liz is trying to communicate with me but doesn't have coherent thoughts yet? I guess I'm being optimistic, I wasn't really expecting sentience for another 20 hours at least.

Homework: Get sleep. Narrate more. Stare at pictures of faces.

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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Yesterday I didn't force at all, I was really busy from classes to hanging out with people to work to sleep. I read JD's post about forcing density, and it makes a lot of sense to me. I am going to try to force for at least an hour a day just to make sure I don't end up with no sentience because I can't keep up with forcing. I'm going to try to follow Glitch and JD's advice both by being consistent and lengthy with my forcing sessions. I haven't tried multiple sessions a day, so that's probably my next move.

 

Forced for a little more than an hour today. I went without Fede's tunes because the construction upstairs seems to have abated for the time being. I tried to go to my wonderland and had limited success doing that, I really have no visualization skill whatsoever. I'm hoping that just persevering at it will make my skill eventually get better, but for now it's pretty damn awful. I switched to personality about 20 minutes in. I added some traits (brave and adventurous) and worked on them each for a little bit. I removed the "sensitive" trait because I felt like it didn't really match her overall personality. I can finally get a general idea of who she is, optimistic and caring about other people and a little naive. I am not going to work in any negative traits on purpose, not because I want her to be perfect, but because I am fine with deviation and know it's going to happen so I will let her get her own imperfections if the deviations happen to fall that way.

 

I got a headache for the first time since I worked on personality, on the right side of my head, when I was working on the "brave" trait. It was when I was attempting to feel what it was like to be brave and communicate that to her. I still have a headache (half an hour after forcing) but it's less intense. The pulsing pressure also came back while I was forcing, it's puzzling me quite a bit.

 

Hours so far:17

Progress: More personality solidification, I feel satisfied with what I did today. I don't really think the throbbing means anything at this point, probably just blood flowing to my brain because I was using it intensely.

Homework: Actually remember to narrate (although I usually only do in my head-voice). Maybe leave visualization for a later date, unless I find a really good face to base Liz off of.

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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Today I sat down to force for an hour without Fede's tones, and an hour with Fede's tones. I realized something: I think I work better without noise than with the tones. Although visualization is a little different, the tones seem to distract me and allow my mind to wander more freely. I also worked a little visualization practice in, because I think just more work with my "third eye" will help visualization come easier. I did the meditation technique that Hawaiian posted, and then kept swimming to see what was further down the place with water. I found a door, which opened to a long hallway filled with water (I felt kind of like I was suffocating, I had to convince myself that I could breathe in this water, or that I had a tank or something) and that hallway continued to open into a huge empty expanse. One of my few really bad phobias is the open ocean (watched too much Shark Week) and I had to force myself to calm down and look around me, and all there was seemed to be a huge wall that the hallway came out of, and the surface of the ocean hundreds of feet above. I swam to the top of the ocean (and the wall) and realized that that wall was just the end of the sand bar that was my wonderland beach. This put things in a nice perspective and I dove into the water on the beach and back down into the water and to the stairs and walked back up into the air.

 

Now back to the tulpa.

 

I found a really great base picture (here), but the face is angled, so I'm having a really tough time imagining what it would look like from the front. I am also having trouble again with the hair, but the picture helps a lot. I had a lot of trouble looking at the whole body, and the thickness of the thighs/upper arms keeps being weird and out of proportion. I feel like I haven't really progressed much in terms of visualization skill.

 

I also looked into what Tulpatalk had said, and confirmed that the back of the head is indeed the visual cortex. This just means that when I am working on visualization blood is flowing to my brain, and has no relation to Liz or her feelings (which I kind of expected, but still feel a little dissapointed). I'm just going to keep working until I get a response.

 

I also worked through personality, reviewing all the traits and channeling them into a ball of light that got bigger and more reactive (no other word for it, like atoms jumping around) as I put more traits into it. I then went into my wonderland and pushed that ball into Liz's body's chest. I didn't get a reaction like many other people did, this is actually probably the third time I've tried to do this and not really gotten anything from it. The whole time I was talking to her about how that body and personality were both hers and really were one, and were hers.

 

Hours so far: 19

Progress: Base picture found, was able to work for the longest session yet (at the cost of my attention towards the end of the session). Also reviewed personality, but did not seem to make a huge impact. I have been narrating at least a couple hours total every day.

Homework: Stare at base picture, try to figure out how hair and eyes work. Narrate.

Tulpa name: Liz

Some traits: Confident, Open-Minded, Motivated

Progress: Working on Visualization

Sentience: Rare pressure responses

My progress with Liz.

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