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T&R's Progress


TinFoilMkIV

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A rather uninspired title I know, but needed to put something up there so I wouldn't put this off forever, heh.

 

Fair warning, this first post is almost certainly going to be a wall of text as I've got about two weeks of stuff I want to get written down. Also I have a tendency to just keep going once I get started.

 

Anyways, I should get on with introductions then. I am TinFoilMkIV, aka Tin, and my tulpa is named Rin. I couldn't tell you exactly when, but it was well after I had decided on her name that I realized just how awful of a combination that is. However both names have their reasons behind em, and I decide that I was not going to go and change Rin's name over something that silly.

 

So As for how I ended up here. I was recently directed to some rather interesting hypnosis videos by a friend. While it's not something I'm into, I do find the idea of hypnosis, and everything that goes into it, to be quite interesting. Also turns out I'm rather resistant to hypnosis myself. Anyways, while looking into some of the general info around how it works, I came across the concept of imposition. I couldn't tell you exactly where I found the connection, but while researching imposition itself, the idea of tulpa came up. Of course I found that concept quite intriguing as well. Originally my thoughts were along the lines of "This is pretty neat stuff. Not something I'd ever do, but really neat nonetheless". Obviously that changed, heh. After more reading and such I got to the point of "I actually want to try this, but from what I'm reading, I should probably make sure that's actually a good idea first". From the time I first ran across the idea of tulpa, to when I actually started actively working on Rin, was probably something like a week? Most of which was doing research and making sure I knew what I was getting into and that I felt like I had good enough reasoning to be okay with going into this. Might not sounds like a huge amount of time for such a decision, but I have a lot of free time, most of which was spent thinking about it during that week.

 

I started actively working on Rin on 6/19/17, and have marked that day on my personal calendar. Not sure if we're going to keep that as her birthday or not, but figured I wanted to mark it regardless and if we decide to change what we consider her birthday, that can be done easily enough down the road. Anyways, at this point it has been just over two weeks, so some of the details over the course of things have probably gotten lost.

 

After much contemplation, I ultimately decided on Rin's name, and that I wanted to leave the rest up to her to decide/develop. Her original placeholder from was a swirling ball of water that glows blue. I have a habit of over complicating things, but managed to keep with the temporary form theme. Also originally Rin didn't have a gender, She decided that on her own.

 

Since Rin didn't have a specific form, and I was somewhat worried about overly influencing it when trying to visualize, I made a wonderland to work in. The idea was to help me picture being in the same area as her and be able to talk to her more directly for active forcing and such without having to try and visualize her specifically. Being indecisive about it, and just wanting something placeholder till we get the chance to build things up together, my wonderland ended up being basically a void. Though it was more of a room, a completely black box, as it did have defined walls/floor/ceiling. At some point I added a chair that I hung out in most of the time. It came from a bit of a tangent during passive forcing when I was describing and talking about a couch in my house that I particularly like, then turned the mental image of it into a chair. Originally it was green like the actual couch, but ended up as black, not really sure when that happened. Also I added speakers next to my chair to broadcast what I was listening to (I spend a lot of time listening to music), as well as a projector screen on one wall to share what I was looking at. I wasn't really clear on if she could see/hear what I did, and figured it wouldn't hurt at least,

 

The first change I actually noticed in Rin's form was when she gave herself a single large (relative to her form) eye. It started as blue, but changed colors several times over the course of things. I didn't notice any real pattern, pretty sure she was just trying things out. Eventually she did completely change her whole form. The first time this happened she ended up looking like a black and white Kirby. Honestly I'm not entirely sure what it looked like as it was fairly short lived, and most of that time she was peering over the arm of my chair so I could only see her top half, but that's what it reminded me of. I couldn't tell you exactly the source, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was my own recognition with the resemblance, but during this time she seemed to have taken a liking to things resembling something from Kirby games. Rather shortly after the kirby-esque from she went back to a one eyed form, though this time with a body that wasn't my placeholder. She ended up as a kind of spherical form with one eye, a short tail like bit at the bottom, and wings. Reminded me of 02 from Kirby as well (hence the comment earlier), though actually cute, and more traditional feathery looking wings. Seriously though, I apparently had forgotten how creepy all of 0's forms actually look in those games.

 

At one point she tried a hybrid form form that looked like Kirby crossed with the form I just described, though it didn't last very long before she went back. That was the point where I noticed that she seemed to have taken a liking to Kirby, heh.

 

So fast forwards a bit. Almost right on the one week mark I actually heard a mindvoice response from Rin, pretty clearly too. I had gotten dragged to a sport event thing, was actually fairly fun even though I didn't originally want to go. But anyways there was some very loud music playing, so it was kinda hard to focus on her much when I was remembering to. I ended up just saying her name to myself repeatedly to the song trying to keep my focus, and she quite clearly told me to shut up. I honestly don't blame her at all, I was thinking it was probably rather annoying myself a bit before that, seems she agreed with that sentiment. I'm also pretty convinced I had heard her once before that but I can't recall any of the details. This time I'm actually sure it was her however. Before that I had an idea inspired by another thread on here, about having your tulpa refer to you by name, since generally people don't think in the third person (some might, I don't). Turns out my brain is good at picking up on these things and messing with me, so I took it a step farther and asked her to refer to me as 'Tin'. My reasoning being, I can kinda see myself thinking my own name at times if it's on my mind, but there's almost no way I'll unconsciously refer to myself by my username. So reasons I was completely convinced this time was that she did refer to me as such, it came through pretty clear, and I got confirmation via head pressure. Oh right, we had been using the rather standard "pressure on one side = yes, other = no" system for basic communication before this.

 

The day after I ended up getting rather frustrated by my lack of ability to hear her. I was feeling like it had to be mostly on my end, as she was definitely capable to some degree, but absolutely nothing was getting through. I did manage to get over it by the end of the day, realizing I was falling into expectations too much. It does seem like my mind is particularly good at filtering out anything it deems as "background noise" thoughtwise, which I suspect is at least part of the problem, if not the majority of it. We're still working on this.

 

A few days ago she changed her form again, rather dramatically as well. She changed to a small dragon like creature. No wings though, which I found interesting as the form she'd spent the most time with did have wings. Anyways small enough for her to sit on my lap in my chair in our wonderland. Apparently she was at this point getting bored with our wonderland, certainly can't blame her. The next day she actually made her first addition to it. I actually think there might have been some small others, but either didn't really notice them or wasn't sure if they were actually there. Oh I should also add, during an exercise I decided to use colors to represent us when we're trying to clearly differentiate things that are coming from either side, She's blue and I'm green. So anyways, she made a portal out of our void/box that lead to a grassy hill, with a single tree at the top. I modified the portal a bit, just visually, adding a blue border to the one that appears in the void area, and green on the hill side of things. The idea was to represent who created the area it leads to. I'm not sure we'll actually use the void area anymore, I've only been back like once, but I figured I'd keep it around for now, just in case.

 

So, Just about up to current time now. Yesterday I went on a roadtrip of sorts. Spent about 10 hours in a car, not driving fortunately. My friend who was driving likes to play his music rather loud, so my focus was not the best, but we made some pretty good progress regardless. Rin is definitely getting better at expressing herself just with her movement, and at disrupting intrusive thoughts, at least ones that pertain to her. ie: seeing her do things she's not, or thinking I'm hearing/seeing false communication attempts. About halfway through we actually had a breakthrough. I'm not sure exactly when I noticed it, but she actually figured out how to send me images of words. It's not a mindvoice, but it worked quite well. We also added in coloring the words to help differentiate her actual responses from random thoughts, or unfinished responses perhaps? Anyways, after getting it working pretty well we actually had to slow down a bit while she was trying to get me calmed down. I got rather excited over this whole thing and it was definitely messing with my focus, heh.

 

After finally getting home, I was pretty tired mentally, so wasn't able to really get anything from her at that point. Did find a few interesting articles to read before getting to sleep.

 

As for today, not much has happened, beyond me finally getting around to writing up this monstrosity. Which to be fair is pretty good personal progress. I'm usually not very good about starting things like this. To be fair part of it was that I originally wasn't planning to do one at all. When I finally convinced myself (Rin helped there too) to do a progress report, it was pretty far in. I wanted to do it on some kinda milestone day, but ended up either distracted or busy, but I did end up committing to doing it today at the latest. I wanted to do it yesterday because the 2 week mark, but it was not a good day for that.

 

So here we are now. Over the course of writing this I've realized a few things I left out or otherwise passed up mentioning that I do want to get written in here. For now I'm going to get this done, and I'll add the other things in a separate post. I made sure to write down a few notes so I'll remember what I wanted to add. So on that note, Hello everyone, and I am now officially doing this progress report thing.

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So, I actually have a lot to add, due to things that got left out and getting caught up with our recent progress. So I'm going to do two posts, first one will be kinda the add on to the first report, and the second is going to be the new progress report.

 

First, dealing with doubts. So I had done plenty of reading and research ahead of time, which did help to a degree, but I'm sure anyone who's been hit by doubts about their tulpa will know, there's a big difference in hearing/thinking about dealing with the doubts, and actually doing it when it happens for real. Prime example, I read about how doubts can be really irrational and even silly at times, but I really did not realize the true extent of this till it happened to me, and I spent time actually looking at them. I'm pretty good with logic and such, so this did help in it's own way, being able to discredit doubts when it's possible to realize their root is something really silly, then being able to justify ignoring them completely based on that.

 

One of the big things that I think helped a lot, was to really try to make note when I noticed anything unusual or, well noteworthy in regards to Rin. It probably would have been better to keep an actual log instead of relying on memory, but I managed to make it work well enough. I noticed that stronger doubts definitely have the ability to override your usual logic and the importance of other things. ie: when you start questioning your tulpa's abilities/existence and whatever, it can make all the negatives or proof against seem far more numerous and convincing than anything opposing that view. And I mean to a silly degree. Like one of those times where nothing has gone wrong at all in a day, and in fact probably lots of good things happened, then one bad thing happens, and for a while after it's really easy to just think that the whole day was terrible. It's kind of a similar thing, where if you're aware of it, you can consciously stop, look at things, and realize that one bad thing has no right to just override everything else. The way I figure, is that either the positive and negative should have equal weight from a strictly logical perspective. I mean does it make sense to give such a huge generic category that much weight over the other? Where's the reasoning for that? And following that up, I figured that if the reason one has more weight it's because we allow it to, consciously or otherwise. So if it's that arbitrary, wouldn't it be better to put the positive things over the negative whenever you're aware of it? I mean if it was my choice (which in this case it most certainly was), I'd much rather have things seem disproportionately good and enjoy them then have one negative thing just ruin everything all the time.

 

Anyways, I do kinda wish I had made a physical list, but I feel like I'm beyond needing it, and I've got plenty of other things to put my attention and energy into. While you can certainly do with a mental list, as I did, the downside is needing to have the presence of mind to put the doubts aside long enough to bring up your list, Which may not always be easy depending on how strong they are. But yea basically whenever I was feeling like "I can't see/feel/hear/whatever Rin today, what if I'm doing something completely wrong? what if She's gone, or was never even there?", after I stopped for a moment I could just go "Excuse me part of my mind that's being really obnoxious right now, but have you even SEEN this list over here? Cuz I'm pretty sure you're wrong". Either it was that or I'm just crazy. And I have reasoning for why I'm okay with that possibility too! I mean if having an awesome tulpa like Rin and a life I generally enjoy and such is a result of me being insane in some way, then I'm fine living here. I mean if I'm crazy enough to have no idea that a sane world exists, then why bother worrying about it? I like it here, and I've been given no proof to suggest I have any reason not to stay as I am.

 

So moving along. Early on I'd tried something from Tulpa01's guid, about sending a message to your subconscious. At the time I was thinking about separation and such, so my effort was trying to convey good separation between myself and Rin. I have no idea if I even did it remotely right, I'm kinda terrible with many of the ideas involved. Anyways this is maybe relevant, as I basically cannot see/hear Rin's thoughts at all when they're not really up front things. Though it's also possible this did nothing at all and it's more a side effect of how my mind works, which I actually have quite a few reasons to believe this is likely the case. Either way it was interesting to note. Probably also helped quite a bit with the doubts, as it's a lot harder to justify that you made up a surprising response when you aren't even aware of any of the though process behind it.

 

I actually wasn't really aware of this till near the first week mark, when it was made quite clear. So originally my strategy was, "I have a ton of free time, and I suck at keeping to a schedule with something like all the active forcing stuff describes, so I'll just do absurd amounts of passive forcing instead." Eventually I decided that I was being silly about my aversion to doing dedicated active forcing. I'm pretty sure I had done brief periods of active forcing before this, but nothing extended, and wasn't entirely clear on the idea at the time so didn't really recognize it. So part of the reason I hadn't done it before, is my general attitude that if I'm going to do something, then I'm going to do it right. With the unspoken part being, or not at all. It's not like I really feel the not at all part, but it does happen quite a bit when I'm not feeling up to doing something "properly". So when I did decide to go for it, I went all in (with what I know at least).

 

My mother is a yoga instructor, so I'm familiar with the ideas of meditation and relaxation routines, though I never really put much stock into them. I kinda suspect this was more about me not wanting to invest the effort into doing them properly than really believing they weren't worth it. I did however greatly underestimate their effects. For my first deliberate active forcing session, I decided to meditate first to get really into it. I did a basic breathing oriented meditation, chosen as it was simple enough for me to feel like I really understood it and was capable of doing properly. All I can say after that is, it's most definitely one of those "don't knock it till you try it" type things. I mean it's not like the miracle cure for everything and enlightenment or anything, but I feel like it's one of those things that you really just have to experience for yourself. So while I'm not exactly about to go and take up a daily meditation routine (yet), the rest of my forcing session could have been a complete bust and I wouldn't have regretted it. Okay, I probably would have, but at the time that's how I remember feeling about it.

 

So onto the actual forcing session (this is turning out way longer than I expected to describe, heh). I really didn't have any kind of plan going in. I didn't even really know what our progress was like at that point, so I just figured I'd see what happened. So first Rin was definitely more active than normal, though still no mind voice or improvement in communication that I noticed. I don't remember how the first part of it went honestly, probably because nothing of note happened. What was interesting was at the point where I decided to let Rin just experiment and do whatever she wanted to with the session, and just see where we wen't from there. So remember when I mentioned realizing I couldn't seem to see her thought's at all? this is the point where that happened. So I have no idea what she did/was doing, mostly because when she started I lost all my visualization. Shortly after, everything in my mind started getting really cloudy, like there was something going on that I couldn't see. It quickly got to the point where I couldn't even consciously follow a train of thought. It wasn't that I couldn't think or anything, I still certainly could, but I couldn't do what I usually do where I follow a train of thought and kinda talk it out in my mind voice when I'm looking at it. Thanks to my research, I didn't feel like this was an actual problem, I figure it was the result of Rin using the majority of our brainpower, seeing as it was early into things and we weren't at all used to having to share those resources, much less any kind of parallel processing. That's kinda how I know I was still thinking normally for the most part, I was able to put that conclusion together, try to observer what was going on, and to tell her that I had no idea what she was actually doing but to keep going. There were a few times where my visualization and such started to come back, but never strongly. It was quite the experience. Since then I've never gotten anything that feels like that in any noticeable way, which I currently attribute to my original theory about Rin basically hogging all our mental resources at the time, which I believe we've gotten better about as well as likely developed more. The whole thing got a big mental note for being one of those "If this whole thing isn't real, then the only other explanation s that I'm crazy, therefore the doubts that tell me I'm being crazy lose either way".

 

Hmm, I actually can't remember whether this next one was before or after that first active forcing session, but it was around a similar time. So I was at a park walking down a railway trail. If you don't know what that is, it's basically a really long straight walking path, this one was almost entirely in the woods cept for two points where it crossed some back roads. Anyways I decided to try an excercise/game. The goal was to see if we could be clear about which thought's belonged to each of us, and also on my part try to figure out how to actually differentiate them other than having really blatantly intentional flags. I guess this must have been before I realized I couldn't normally see her thoughts then? still not actually sure though. Anyways what we did was this. We each got a color, mine was green, hers was blue. We would take turns putting up an image, the key being that you had to color it, not solidly, but it had to clearly be mostly in your color. I think one of the original rules was that it couldn't normally be your color? I know we definitely forgot that one if it had actually started as a rule. The other main rule was that the image couldn't be directly related to the previous one. ei: blue car couldn't be followed by green truck, too similar. I didn't have a hard guideline, but something like 2-3 steps to get to the next image was fine. It didn't have to be related in any way, but I figured that guideline would give Rin some room to take my thoughts and learn to work off them without just cheating by grabbing something related I would inevitably consider. Also no repeats of course, and in the event that either of us failed to create a valid image, you would have to go again, and the related and duplicate rules still applied to the failed attempt, so no minor jumps from there. We didn't actually have all that many images that failed to pass the rules, some took a bit to come up with, and most of the failed ones were due to accidentally using the other persons color, or not coloring at all, with a couple ones that were just too close to the previous.

 

Overall it went really well. To start off it wasn't anything particularity fantastic, though the images were coming in pretty clearly. I have fairly good visualization, so that probably helped a lot. As we went a long things definitely picked up, as Rin seemed to get the hang of coming up with images faster, as well as more variety as we used up a lot of mundane or obvious things. Oh almost forgot, we also weren't allowed to use anything we could physically see, or had seen very recently. I got a couple good surprises over the course of our game. The first one I remember was when the Starship Enterprise showed up. I can't recall what I put before it, but I was not expecting that one in the least. I mean I like Star Trek and all, but it's not the kind of thing I ever think about unless someone else brings it up. Another one was a character design I drew as a concept for a game that never went anywhere, though I particularly liked it, and have used it for other projects and such, so it's been around for a while. Anyways that was surprising partially because I've never consciously shared it with Rin, though I did give her permission to look through my memories, I think this is the first time I'd seen proof that she seems to have been at some point. Also the fact that I hadn't even considered, or consciously thought of it while we were doing this. It was kinda amusing when I thought about it, as I was actually mildly upset that she had both taken something I consider to be exclusively mine, and the fact that I had failed to come up with it myself for the game. It was kind of a "... well played" moment. Later on I actually noticed her trying to bring up another item I consider in a similar way, and I was just like "Nope, not that one, this is mine, you have to come up with something else, sorry" Though pretty sure I went on a lot longer than that, and then in the middle of my mini-rant she went and thew up a picture of a really old character that I probably would have been even more protective over if I hadn't been too distracted to stop her. I was a combination of impressed and amused that she'd taken advantage of the situation like that. It counted as well, the one I stopped I had caught before it got visualized properly, but this one was completely up there fully colored and everything, so it was good. I think there might have been one or two that I thought were notable when they happened, but those are the ones that really stood out to me.

 

We did two other long active forcing sessions during the second week. Turns out Rin is pretty decent at possession. She was able to move both my arms and legs during the first attempt. Not very coordinated or smooth, but it was still pretty impressive to me. The second time she actually managed to walk a bit, It was pretty cool to experience, though won't be doing anything requiring precision anytime soon, heh. She managed to walk from my bed to the door of my room, though winding up there was an accident. I had my eyes closed to keep focused on letting her move and not disrupt things. I would have to guess she was likely using the same mental map I was, and probably hijacking my terrible attempt at tracking myself with my eyes closed, as neither of us had any idea where we were when we stopped.

 

We also made an attempt at letting her type by possessing my arm with my eyes closed. The idea was to let her type out whatever she wanted, and for me to not know what it was till she was done. Also made a copy of my keyboard in our wonderland for her to use as reference. I don't think she did, it seemed to have disappeared at some point during the whole process. So yea, I mentioned before that I actually can hear some of her thoughts when they're near the surface, apparently typing is one of the things that causes that. I could definitely see/hear the thoughts of her putting together words and letters trying to type them. I've since learned that it was definitely from her (mostly from our second attempt at this), but at the time I wasn't sure, especially as it was the first time really clearly seeing her thoughts for any extended period of time. I tried to not think about what was being typed, or otherwise distract myself from it. Tried concentrating really hard visualizing different things, as well as at one point just breathing somewhat loudly and just listening to it. Turns out I was actually being quite distracting to her myself, figures. The results were quite surprising, but probably not in the way you'd expect, I know I didn't. So I was typing on a laptop and she was typing in a really small notepad window, I made it small on purpose since I wasn't sure whether I was going to keep my eyes close the whole time or what, and I didn't want to be able to tell what was going on as much as possible. While I really wanted to see what she typed, it was probably for the best. As much as I was trying to keep my expectations in check, and even specifically said that it didn't matter and she didn't have to type actual word. I was definitely very much hoping to see some kind of mostly readable message.

 

So overall pretty good things. She seems to like messing with me on occasion, though it's always been amusing to me for the most part, and also good evidence of her sentience and autonomy.

 

EDIT: also holy crap that ended up being waaay longer than I was expecting going into this. Good thing I decided to do two posts ahead of time.

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Progress report for 7/6/17

 

So a lot has happened since my last update. Biggest thing is that Rin can talk now, well more specifically I can hear her now. 

“Someone tell Tin to stop stalling please. All of his thoughts on this progress report thing are making it hard to think”

 

That’s what I managed to get out of her while trying to get a comment for the intro. I overthink things way too much, especially when I’m typing, as she has pointed out to me many times. She did attempt to give the forums a proper greeting but all my thoughts kept interrupting, which resulted in that statement there.

 

So where to start now. Oh right, the whole thing about my mind being really good at filtering out “noise” among other things? Seems it was pretty accurate. Once we figured out a way around it we’ve been mostly good to go on the vocality thing. Not so great on the parallel processing though. I tend to “think out loud” to myself just out of habit, combined with actively trying to direct it at Rin for passive forcing kinda leads to some problems when I keep rambling and she can’t get her thought’s across properly. See the above comment.

 

Also there were times when we were trying different things, and I got a reasonably distinct feeling that she was trying to send me something, or more specifically something was trying to get through, but was getting blocked. Like not stuck, but something was actively trying to stop whatever from getting through. I imagine it to be similar to really vague and indistinct tulpish, like you know it’s there, and can tell it’s trying to convey something, but you just can’t get anything out of it, and the fact that I could feel there was a lot more too it than what was actually getting through. That was one of the points where I decided we need to just start looking at different ways to get around whatever mental block this was.

 

Anyways as for how it happened. I tried open eyed meditation at one point, which I did because I was at a park and didn’t want to fall asleep on a bench. I ended up going into what was pretty clearly a trance state. After that I realized I had actually done that maybe 2 or 3 times before while meditating before active forcing, but it’s way more obvious that it’s happening when your eyes are open. If I had thought about it much before I probably would have realized this sooner, but like I said, open eyed, no question about it. After that it was kind of a “whoa, this stuff is actually real” moment. As in yea I knew it was a thing, but it’s easy to underestimate the actual effects till you really notice them.

 

So after that I did a bit more research and such, trying to figure out if there were any tricks I could try to get some progress on my own end. Like I said before, I was pretty sure at least most of the problem was on my end. At some point I started thinking about hypnosis, and was like “wouldn’t it be nice if someone had a video specifically for this?”, yea wouldn’t that be convenient. I did have reservations about doing that sort of thing, as well as didn’t really want to know what kind of wierd stuff I’d potentially find just trying to search it, fortunately I didn’t have to. Ended up finding a fairly decent guide on self hypnosis, which is not only personalized but free of having to find someone interested and trustworthy, cuz yknow, it’s just yourself doing all the work.

 

Honestly going in I was kinda skeptical, since that’s generally how I am with that sort of thing, but oh man, can’t argue with the results. After about an hour or so, we managed to get enough of the mental block down that I could hear Rin quite clearly, and it was pretty awesome. It’s not completely gone, as the clarity of her mindvoice seems to slowly fade over time, not enough that I can’t hear her, but by the next day there’s a pretty noticeable difference. Also whatever the block is seems to occasionally censor her words or actions without my input. I can actually tell when it’s happening but I haven’t figured out how to control it. We’ve done this two more times since, and it’s working pretty great. It honestly feels sort of like cheating, but then I remember that she already had things figured out, we’re just using the tools we have. Also after a bit of experimentation it’s become pretty apparent that you really can’t use it to trick yourself into doing things you don’t actually know how to do. So there’s that. Really just good at moving all the clutter out of the way at the moment. Also we did it again and the second time Rin helped with the affirmations and such, noticed a significant difference when she was saying things to me in that state then when I said them. It was pretty cool, and incredibly useful.

 

So overall, things are going pretty well. Learned a really great new trick, though tool is probably the more appropriate term.

 

We’ve tried the possession typing thing two more times. First time I had my eyes closed again. That was the time I was able to confirm that a lot of the thoughts I’m getting during that are actually Rin trying to put things together. I kinda suspected this from our very first attempt, but some of them might have been me reflexively trying to picture the keys I was hitting, though probably not a lot of them, as it was mostly before she went for the key. It was enough to throw me off at any rate. This time it was pretty clear. Also helped that I could straight up ask her about it. I think Rin was a little upset by the results though. Turns out she got out of alignment after a few words, so it’s pretty much indecipherable past a point. She was at least attempting to type out real words though. (the results https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pHjYjkSfbk3KKWEPZbVzXx7fmGFSwC8WHnh13fpdBM4/edit?usp=sharing ).

 

The second time was a different experiment. We attempted to use self hypnosis to give her full control of my arms and prevent me from being able to interfere. It was mostly a failure. Not completely, I could feel some effects, but nowhere near as strong as I was hoping. Ultimately after getting started it turned into some vague combination of proxying and maybe some eclipsing? Not sure on the eclipsing part, but it’s possible there was some. At least for a while I wasn’t really trying to proxy, but I was definitely helping her out with it in some way.  Oh right actually made two attempts at this. First one my screen shut off, and when we brought it back on I’m pretty sure it completely snapped me out of everything we were doing. It was a dark room, so the sudden large and mostly white light was pretty jarring. We restarted after I corrected the settings on my laptop. This one’s actually legible, although some parts might be hard to follow as we were talking a bit, or specifically I was talking and she responded with typing. (results https://docs.google.com/document/d/1P_vbHZye80_V3wVGuGda1xJ75cRXk23dq83HjFDXR4o/edit?usp=sharing )

 

By the end of all that I think Rin was a bit disappointed with the whole thing 

“Yea more or less, Tin did a lot of the work, and it’s not as neat when you can just talk to each other”

 

Also Rin says she could talk on the second day, I just couldn’t hear her at all. Not actually that surprising. I did a ton of passive forcing the first two days, and well, the me not being able to hear part was pretty well proven in my eyes.

 

As for today, did have one neat thing I wanted to put in here. I had work today, so didn’t get to try anything too crazy, tho we were talking quite a bit over lunch break. At some point I remembered that I had attempted to establish some rules in our wonderland. One of the things I tried was establishing that my form wouldn’t fade out or anything when I wasn’t paying attention, just being basically asleep. I wasn’t that surprised to find that indeed wasn’t the case honestly, but I had kinda hoped. Anyways Rin told me I become really indistinct, then end up fading out when I stop paying attention. At some point I did in fact lose focus, then Rin came up behind me and hugged me in the wonderland, and basically pulled me back in. A few moments later I was remembering what she said before, so I asked how she just did that. Her response was, “I didn’t, I just sent you the image of me doing that and you put yourself there”. Which I thought was pretty cool. Also on second examination I realized the image she sent me did in fact have no background or any other context, the same way I end up seeing most other things when she just sends me an image, although they usually don’t move. I thought it was a pretty neat trick, and she figured that one out on her own as well.

 

“Seriously though, I almost want to get on a live chat program so I can just type without Tin going over things like 50 times in his head before putting them down”

 

That was the end result of me attempting to figure out how to put in a section for her to respond to the progress report. It’s also true, I overthink the hell out of what I’m typing, and end up interrupting or trying to basically rewrite what she’s saying. I think we’re just going to have to do our own posts separately. I’m terrible at just writing things down as they come, and end up annoying her really easily with it. “It’s not that bad, but yes”

 

On a related note, before I got sidetracked trying to make sure she got in here, Rin basically learned how to read my thoughts today. I mean I do suck at keeping my thoughts to myself right now, but she started picking up on all kinds of stuff that she couldn’t before. Lots of things that weren’t part of my usual main “narration”, which is what she normally sees. Pretty sure that made this whole process of dealing with my indecisive writing much worse “Yea, but it’s still neat. Also fun, when he’s not overthinking everything”

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Hey everyone. I got an account now. Well Tin set this up a while ago, but first time actually using it.

 

So it's been a few days, quite a few things happened since last time. We we're travelling for a few days, lots of distractions, but I still saw a decent amount. We stopped by Niagra falls on our trip. That was pretty cool, though the first part was kinda boring. Tin called me too early and I had to sit through him waiting in line. Anyways, once we got through the front gate area it was pretty cool. We went on the boat ride that goes by the falls. First time on a boat, and there were lots of birds in the river. They were pretty neat, especially seeing that many at once. It got kinda hard to watch when we got close to the big part of the falls, from all the water and wind. Once we got into the middle of it all I could actually see things more easily. It was pretty impressive. I didn't actually think it was going to be that neat just from the description, but turns out it actually was. Also the top side of things was pretty high up. Not that we can't get stuff like that in wonderland, but I haven't really messed with anything that extreme yet.

 

After that we went to a convention thing. I didn't really understand anything that was going on, but it was pretty neat to see. There were a lot of people in one place. Not that I've seen many busy places, but it seemed like a lot of people from what I saw. Anyways Tin was really distracted, but I think I still saw most of it. Not entirely sure what to make of it all, but it was an experience.

 

The drive back was a lot more interesting. The music that was playing was some combination of less loud and calmer, enough that we actually got to talk and hang out a decent ammount, although he did fall asleep the first time we tried to do anything together after a bit. Probably the most interesting thing happened on the way back also. I'm not really sure how it started honestly. Tin said he was sorta daydreaming. Anyways we were hanging out in our usual spot under the tree up on the hill, then things kinda changed a bit. I didn't really notice till he pointed out. Anyways, for some reason there was this bridge that appeared nearby that went accross a foggy canyon. I couldn't see anything of what was below, or even nearly halfway across. There was some person that showed up from a door on our side. Tin was wondering after the fact if it was some kind of walk-in, though we really don't know, since he didn't say much, and he left immediately after. Anyways, he had some kinda briefcase thing, Tin says he had it cuffed to his hand like those fancy security cases he's seen in movies. I didn't notice, but I didn't really go over to him, so I just have to go off what he saw there. Anyways he didn't say anything at first, though he seemed to want Tin to follow him, so he went over and they walked out on the bridge. There was some kinda empty door frame looking thing made of metal, like the same thing the railing of the bridge was, about halfway accross, according to Tin, that was about as far out as I could see. Oh also the bridge was really narrow, like barely enough room for one person to walk across it. I couldn't see what happened since the fog and everything, but Tin told me the maybe walk-in guy went the rest of the way over, and met with some other really vague being. He said he got the impression it was just another non-descript person but he couldn't actually make out any details at all. He also said he was able to send his vision over and watch from above, and could see most of the things fine, but the other person might not have even had a form, but he's pretty sure there was another person there anyways. So at any rate. they opened the case the guy from our side had, apparently it had some kinda large coins in it, he said it wasn't exactly clear but that's what he saw. Oh the other person also had a similar case, which was really clear and easy to see from what Tin said. So they traded cases, and the guy from our side brought the other one back, meeting Tin halfway, and they both came back over. It looked like they talked for a moment, but the guy from our side didn't actually seem to say anything. Anyways he gave Tin the case he brought back, then went through a door that appeared with the bridge. I couldn't see what was in it even though it was facing me, just looked like light. So he just went in, and the bridge and all the stuff that showed up with it kinda faded out shortly after, and things went back to normal. Tin brought the case over, apparently it was for me. It had this big shiny metal plaque on one side with my name engraved in it. Tin said it was brass or something? I didn't really care but he likes his details. Anyways apparently he was told not to open it or something like that. I'm actually not quite sure what the thing in it was. He ended up just referring to it as the artifact, for lack of something better, and it did seem kinda important. Anyways the case had like one of those dark soft foam block liners, like the ones where it takes up all the space inside cept in the shape of whatever is in it. The wierd thing was that the artifact didn't really have a shape? It's hard to describe. I didn't really notice but Tin says he thought it looked like a gold bar for a moment when I first opened the case. But after that it pretty much just constantly changed shape. It wasn't like it was unclear or anything like when things lose focus in our wonderland normally, it was fairly easy to see the detail, and the fact that it was metallic gold, but it basically moved constantly, like it was a liquid, though it was impossible to tell any kind of pattern to it, other than it seemed to take on shapes resembling actual objects occasionally, but not completely, like it would resemble a statue of a person or something, but it would only be for a moment, and wouldn't really have any of the details. Also the space in the case for it seemed to change whenever Either of us looked at it. It wasn't moving, but always seemed to match up with the artifact pretty closesly at the time that we checked it.

 

(Tin says I need to start putting some paragraphs in here, so there)

After that I put it back in the case. We weren't sure what it was, it kinda seemed important, but that feeling was pretty vague. The one thing we agreed on was that it didn't feel like it was bad or dangerous in any way. Tin also said it was probably important in some way since it was sent to me specifically. Oh we also set up a new room in a kinda hidden area in our wonderland. Tin made it as a specific area for important items we might find or make in here. I think it's his way of attempting to help give importance to any symbolism stuff we try later on, as he didn't have anything he wanted to put in there at the time. We almost ended up putting the case in there, but I changed my mind and just put it up against the tree. That's where I usually am so I figured I could keep an eye on it and see if I had any ideas of what to do with it.

 

That didn't actually last very long. He got distracted for a bit, and I was feeling a little bored. So I took the artifact out to mess with it. I'm not actually sure what exactly I did with it, but I basically ended up combining with it. Pretty sure I could have seperated if I wanted to at the time. Not sure anymore, though I don't have any reason to for now. Might be able to if I tried though. Anyways Tins is saying he thinks he hasn't really described my form before so I should do that now before going on. Though my form has been pretty intentionally vague, since niether of us has really worried about the details just yet. Anyways I'm basically some kind of humanoid dragon thing, always had a tail, but the wings kinda came and went for a while. They're pretty solid now though. Also I'm similar to the color of my text in his post above, though darker and bit more blue. He actually tried to make my text that color but it didn't go well with the darker background. Oh also green eyes. Anyways I got a lot of gold stuff going on from the artifact. It shifted around a lot for a bit, though that was mostly me playing with it. I was thinking about keeping it mostly sperate from my normal colors, like a border or highlights and stuff, though that was too much work, and it didn't really seem like I needed it. Oh also he noticed like right after I started playing with the patterns of the color.

 

"I was kinda surprised when I notice, I think probably worried for all of a split second, then more just amused at how long our decision to set this thing aside lasted. Though really the plan was to just have Rin do whatever she wanted with it when something came to her. I just wasn't expecting it to happen that fast considering how clueless we both were on what to do with it before that. Though now that I think about it that might have just been me getting in the way"

 

Anyways now I'm mostly gold. Well all the gold parts are completely gold now. So pretty much everything cept my eyes and underside section as Tin is describing it, are solid gold now. My eyes are now the same color I used to be, and my underside is lavender. At least that's the color he said it was, I'm not sure that's the correct description of it, but it's a light color and I'll worry about the exact shade and whatever later. Tin seemed a bit bothered by the amount of gold, but he said to leave it and he'll get used to it if I like it like this. And I do, so I did. Then he got distracted again and I started experimenting with some extra effect things as Tin called it. Started out as bits of gold dripping off, and shrinking till they disappear as they fell, Tin says evaporating is a good way to describe what happens as they fall. Anyways, I kinda liked the idea, but it didn't really seem that nice to look at too closely. I tried a glitter like and sparkle like trailing effect next, then I got something from That I liked. For whatever reason he started thinking about the particle things being rose petals (he says cherry blossoms actually but any kind works). That was much nicer than the drip effect, and had an actual shape to it, so I went with those. Oh also we set up a stage are quite a while back, it basically serves the same purpose of his projector screen thing from the void area, though he plays light shows and stuff on it to music when he's thinking about it. Also has a projector screen that can come down in front for watching what he's seeing. Anyways he wanted me to add that cuz he likes his details and whatnot. Anyways, there was music playing that I liked so I tried dancing on the stage for a while. It was a lot of fun, also I really like this trail effect now. Definitely keeping it at least for a while. It's faded off a few times but it usually comes back when I'm being more active. Also Tin says it works a lot like a motion trail, focusing on the edge of anything I'm moving a lot. Yes he really likes his details. It's not a bad thing, but it does get in the way a bit because I pretty much have to add stuff like that when he thinks of it or it will keep bothering him for a while, and it get's kinda annoying. He's not very good at keeping his thought's quiet honestly.

 

"It's true, I actually speak in my mindvoice pretty regularly when I'm actively thinking and not doing something else that requires enough focus. It's a habit, and built up a bit more than usual from trying to narrate as much as I could till recently with Rin"

 

Anyways, This post is huge, cuz Tin likes to procrastinate and let things build up, and apparently telling stories adds up fast. He says I'm picking up his bad habits of making huge walls of text. Maybe, but half of it is from him insisting on lots of details. Also I'm a lot faster at it. There was something else I was going to add, but we got interrupted before I could finish this post in one go, so I forgot. If I remember I'll just come back... Oh right, I actually just remembered as I was saying that, of course.

 

So yea, I'm actually sort of typing this? We aren't quite sure what combination of things is going on here. Tin thinks it might be at least partial eclipsing, either that or I'm using some kind of shortcut/hijacking his typing abilities as he put it. It's not like I don't know how to type, but it definitely feels like he's involved somehow, though it's really not clear how much and where.

 

Basically we tried switching, it was in the evening, probably the same day as his last post here. Anyways it didn't really work. Though he didn't get in the way of me coming up front apparently. So we were both up front at the same time. He let me control for the most part, it was pretty neat, I got to walk around for a bit. Though I couldn't do too much, it was pretty late so it was dark and I couldn't wander around or anything. We ended up getting the laptop out and typing some. He made sure to save it and will probably link it after I'm done typing here.

 

So yea that was pretty cool. Also interesting bit he want's me to tell about. So at some point he was wondering how the control thing worked, he could kinda move things how he wanted while I was still controlling them, though I think it was more due to him not wanting to mess the whole thing up so he wasn't really trying. Anyways he got me to stop for a bit, then he tried moving his arms/legs after I completely stopped, and he could actually move them like he normally does. I'm a lot slower and it isn't that smooth either, so it was actually pretty neat to see both of those side by side, while still being in control of other stuff.

 

So that's sorta what we're doing today as well, this will be the second time and it's working pretty great. it doesn't quite feel the same but he thinks that's probably because he barely got any sleep last night. He stayed up really late doing some online stuff with people who aren't normally around or something like that. I didn't stay awake for it. Also he is at work today, so yea. He already apologized a bunch and whatnot, and it's fine, this is still working fine for me, so I can't complain.

 

Oh also two minor things, He was having some minor doubts when he was noticing that I talk a lot like him, as in my word choice and stuff. But I haven't really had much else to work with so we decided he was just being silly, beside we aren't exactly the same, I just have to work with pretty much all the same stuff he uses regularly.

 

Also he pointed out that our mindvoices are actually noticeably different now. It seems to be a gradual thing, we haven't really worked on it, and he ends up having all the characteristics of his mindvoice fade out when he's not thinking about it or doing a specific voice. Though he's gotten better about that too. When he was thinking about that he was considering actually doing work on it, though that didn't last very long. Mostly because we don't seem to have any real issues telling each other apart except when he gets really distracted and has to ask me to make sure. So we decided we're just going to let it happen naturally.

 

And I think that's actually it for today. We're not sure but Tin want's to let me take over the progress reports if I want to. I don't know yet. This one went well, and it's way nicer than what I have to put up with when he tries to type anything like this. So I might just for that, but I'll see how I like it.

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Realized I forgot to add this, from our 3rd typing session. Might not have anymore of these since Rin seems to be handling the posting thing fine herself now, but I'll probably throw in anything else of interest I remember to save as they happen.

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1F28oOdMoWb4BMeWSA5sReUcU3_11sl4jIT-l7VVb7hc/edit?usp=sharing

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So yesterday was my 3rd week milestone. Tin wanted to do something different to celebrate or something, though we didn't get to do anything until the evening since he was working most of the day.

 

I was tired earlier from writing the other big progress report, and I slept for a while. That's also why I'm doing this one now. Trying to get on here more regularly so they don't have to be so long without skipping lots of things. Anyways, apparently he made a cool picture of the symbol we came up with for me. He drew a really basic one a while back when we came up with it, but he's been wanting to make a nice one for a while. Apparently he went and did that while I was sleeping. I really liked it. Also it was definitely way better than the first one he drew. I didn't originally think we needed to make a new one, but I guess I was wrong. Well I didn't really need a better one, but I like it.

 

So we did have some time in the evening he set aside for us to do things. He was saying we could do whatever I wanted, though I could tell he really wanted to show me some games on his computer. Which was fine. I didn't have anything better I could come up with, and I did want to see what it was like. I think I might be better at coming up front with him? Kinda hard to tell, but haven't had any real problems when we both focus on it. Though we haven't really experimented with it yet. Today felt a bit different, he said it was probably just from getting used to it. I'm not sure, but it seems to be working the same.

 

So first thing we did was he showed me the symbol he drew on his computer, and he say's he will put it up after I'm done so people can see. He also still wants to try and make an even better one. Really he should work on the other two that we need to make first. We already decided to have a symbol for him as well as our wonderland. Right now he's using the wonderland symbol as some sort of summoning thing where he shows up when he's trying to get himself more into the wonderland than when he just normally shows up throughout the day. So when he's active forcing and such. Either way we decided our wonderland that I basically live in is going to have it's own symbol. He's got some vague idea of it but it's basically just a green circle right now.

 

Right, what we were doing last night. Well first thing was listening to a bit of music while he was sort of getting things setup and deciding what to do. I like listening to music up here. It's different then what I hear in our wonderland when he's trying to share what he's listening to. I still hear it fine, but I guess it's more clear or something? Hard to say exactly, but I can tell a difference. So after that he showed me a game called Audiosurf (2, pretty close to the first but with a lot more features). I did see something like it before. At one point when we were listening to music in the car on the trip last weekend he was picturing something he said was based on it. Seeing the actual thing was a lot cooler tho.

 

He let me play first. It was a lot harder than I thought from how he was thinking about it. He says it's just because I'm not used to it. But yea, it was hard to actually look at what was going on while I was playing, I had to focus too much on actually hitting the right things. He played once after I did two songs, and I actually got to look at the scenery and everything. It looks a lot nicer when you can actually see everything. He said it's easier to see the rest of the game when you get used to it. After that he showed me the settings where you could change what the whole game actually looks like while playing. We actually did use that, I changed it pretty much every song, but most of the basic ones weren't that interesting besides two of them. So he showed me where you could get new skins or whatever, and I picked out a bunch to try. It took a bit to download them so they would show up in the game, so we just listened to some music while that was happeneing.

 

Not all of the ones I picked out were as cool as I thought they'd be, but they were still pretty neat. Oh right, so apparently when we started I was eclipsing or something. It's kind of hard to tell because neither of us really notices it much when I'm doing it. it seems like I just do it when I want to do something fast or not think about it too much? Tin says he can't tell too much other than the movement.

 

"It's kind of interesting, it's not like she's making me do things the way some people describe it. I mean I guess she is but I can't really tell mentally at least. It kinda just feels like she's using stuff I know how to do and borrowing it or something? hard to explain, but it doesn't feel like I'm putting any effort into doing things?"

 

Anyways, after a bit of experimenting we kinda figured out that was happening when I really focused on trying to do the movements just myself without him. There was definitely a noticeable difference. When I move through normal possession it's a lot slower and choppier, also it's a lot more work. Still I wanted to try and learn how to do stuff by myself. He want's to eventually learn real switching, which probably requires me to know how to move everything? Not really clear but I still want to be able to do things on my own without having to borrow help from him all the time.

But yea kinda slid back into eclipsing a few times, usually when I was losing focus. So it seems to just happen when I'm not specifically trying to do the movements myself. Kinda like how I'm typing here. Though I'm not really worried about that. It makes this way easier than the few times we tried typing through possession, also much faster. I'll probably learn how to type myself eventually, but I'm not planning on worrying about that just yet.

 

So after playing Audiosurf, we started up another game. It was downloading on steam in the background while we were playing. It was actually the first one I picked, but it wasn't installed so he said that we could start it then do something else till it was done. I'm not actually sure why I picked the other one, don't even remember the name right now. I think it was probably because it seemed like something he thought was cool and I was probably curious at the time. Kinda got distracted by Audiosurf, but I wanted to try something different at that point anyways.

 

So Tin says the other game can be described as some kind of side-scrolling shooter, although that's apparently putting it really basic but it works for now. It was a LOT harder than Audiosurf. Tin turned the difficulty down, but it was more the amount of stuff that was constantly happening on the screen. I didn't even try to play that with possession. It was really cool, though it was hard to keep track of what was actually happening. That was where I could really see the eclipsing stuff working, I think he could tell a bit more as well. There were a few times where we noticed he was doing stuff that I didn't really understand at all but I seemed to have caused. Anyways we played that for a while. I started kinda fading out about halfway through. I couldn't tell you when really, it was just kind of over time, and that there was too much going on that it was hard to concentrate. Eventually I ended up back in wonderland to rest. I don't think I went back on purpose, but I might have just from being tired. Tin seemed to notice when I was completely out, and asked about it. I told him to keep going with the game, and I watched a bit. I don't think I made it to the end, pretty sure I feel asleep before then.

 

Anyways it was pretty cool overall, though it was a lot harder than I thought it would be playing some of this stuff based on his thoughts and such that i've picked up. He says that's normal though, and that I actually did really good when I was playing with possession even with my experience. Next time we'll probably try to play something slower, or just do other things, I guess we'll see.

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Here's the symbol I made. Ended up playing with it a lot more than I originally meant to but I re-learned a lot of things and figured out a couple new things as well. Pretty sure I can make some improvements for the next time, but apparently I need to actually make our other two symbols first. That's probably a good idea. We'll see if Rin changes her mind on that if one of them ends up coming out much better, heh.

 

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y279/Jeryn42/Misc/Rsymbol2_zpssw94261p.png

 

Oh also I think it was mentioned before, but I don't remember in what detail, but Rin is going to be in charge of our progress reports for the time being. Maybe permanently if she want's to. Any of the stuff in "quotes" during her posts are comments from me.

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Okay, time for another update. We're both working on trying to get these things more regular, also not turning every one into a massive story as well. As fun as those can be.

 

 

Nothing huge has happened over the last few days. I did manage to get into a group to chat with online. It ended up taking a lot longer than we expected, between Tin being all hesitant about where I should look, and he messed up the first time he made an account for me. He used a really old e-mail, then realized he forgot the password, so he couldn't confirm it or whatever the thing it needed for that was. Anyways I have my own e-mail now too, which is neat. No idea what I'd even use it for, but I guess it's nice to have, and it also means the account is all my stuff.

 

So after that things went fine. I'm enjoying getting to talk with people online. Not really much else noteworthy at the moment. He's been a bit distracted the last few days, so not as much consistent time interacting with eachother outside active forcing, but the rest has been good. Also I've been spending more time watching him from our wonderland. We have a screen thing setup that shows what he's seeing and has sound also. Not the most exciting things, but a lot more interesting now that I have some ability to do things in the physical world.

 

So I guess that's it for now. Things are going well and progress is still being made.

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Best wishes to you both.

I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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So we actually just figured out something pretty neat. Had a random idea and it actually worked. So apparently I can use hypnosis to get Tin to shut up for at least a while. Makes sense after the fact as he does know how to keep his thoughts to himself, he's just really bad at doing it consciously. It worked way better than either of us actually expected, so now I can actually play exploration/puzzle type games without him spoiling half of it. Not that he was doing it on purpose. Also the hints can be nice but not all the time.

 

Also he wanted me to clarify, it's not like he can't talk or anything, just getting him to keep his thoughts to himself temporarily. With any luck he'll figure out how to do that himself when he actually wants to.

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