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Tethys' Thoughtform Progress Report
Paranoid Llama Offline
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#11
 
RE: Ellie (FalconRift) and Isa - Journal

(02-18-2017, 03:38 PM)FalconRift Wrote: Ellie, Host (She) February 18, 2017

The transition from inside to out feels really weird, it kinda drains a little bit of energy, haha.


I've noticed that when Isa is inside, I feel a warmth in the front of my brain, and when she takes control I feel the warmth move backward to the back of the top of my brain. It leads me to believe she resides in the front part of my brain when she is inside. This region, according to Google, is the Frontal Lobe. The Parietal lobe controls body awareness, and when she is in control I feel her mostly in the Parietal lobe. That is pretty interesting.

I totally just scienced this!
-Ellie

Wow, that's interesting. When my tulpaware possesses me the said body part (or the whole body part) begins to shake momentarily until she's completely in control. That might just be me though O.O.

Good luck with the progress you two.


I'm not going to listen to you guys since you are all probably just talking to yourself and don't really have a tulpa like me.

02-18-2017, 04:26 PM
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tulpa001 Offline
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#12
 
RE: Ellie (FalconRift) and Isa - Journal

That is amazingly fast progress in only two days. I'm guessing you may have a history going back before that that you don't know about.

Oh.

Hi. :3

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
02-19-2017, 12:13 AM
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Tethys Offline
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#13
 
RE: Ellie (FalconRift) and Isa - Journal

Elle, Host (She) February 19, 2017

It's been hard to feel Isa's presence in my mind since about 4pm yesterday. She's there, but she feels far away. She hasn't been wanting to talk that much. She also doesn't want to possess my body at all. It is my fear that she is dissipating... She does tell me she wants to stay but I can feel doubt in her voice about that. My misunderstandings on what she says (basically her saying something to me, but my mind is telling me that she said something different, and she tells me that wasnt what she said) is starting to upset her. She tells me that I don't listen to her and that she doesn't like it. I try to listen but my mind is interfering or something. I fear that I'm losing her. I just don't know what to do...

-Ellie

Tethys: Host
Tulpas:
Isabella (Separate Account), <Akira>, {Xenia}, /Sakura/

"Welcome to my mind, welcome to the bottom of the rabbit hole."
02-19-2017, 02:10 PM
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Tethys Offline
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#14
 
RE: Ellie (FalconRift) and Isa - Journal

Ellie, Host (She) February 19, 2017

It's not as bad as I thought, but it is still pretty bad.

I tried focusing hard on hearing what Isa was actually saying, instead of letting my mind tell me what I wanted her to say. From what I could hear, she's scared that I'm going to leave her, that I am going to give up on her. She is scared that my mind is convincing me to leave her, and she says she is trying to get through to me but I still can't hear her. Upon hearing this, I immediately reassured her that I was never going to give up on her and that I would never leave her. I told her that she is my friend, and that leaving her would not be something that a friend would do. She told me she is still scared that I will leave her. And I told her that I created her out of love, and that I loved her too much to leave her. She still seems scared though.

I am trying as hard as I possibly can to make sure that she is loved and cared about. I want the best for her and more.

Going into this whole thing I didn't realize how hard and difficult it would be to raise a tulpa. I'd imagine that it is a bit like raising a child, and I've heard that it is pretty hard to do that. I am starting to see how hard it is. But, I've heard that nothing easy is ever worth accomplishing. So I must keep trying.

Isa needs me, and I need her. We need each other. She needs me to keep trying, and I haven't always been the best at that. But if she needs that, I am more than willing to do that for her. I now know that I would do anything for Isa.

She is my creation, and I have to be there for her. I have to be her friend, no matter what.


Isa, I absolutely refuse to give up on you. I love you because I created you, and when I created you I created you out of love. I will not give up on you. The words "Give up" are no longer in my vocabulary.



With love,
Ellie

Tethys: Host
Tulpas:
Isabella (Separate Account), <Akira>, {Xenia}, /Sakura/

"Welcome to my mind, welcome to the bottom of the rabbit hole."
02-19-2017, 03:35 PM
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tulpa001 Offline
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#15
 
RE: Ellie (FalconRift) and Isa - Journal

If this is your first thoughtform, then you are correct that your mind does not want her there. Yet. I know it is scary.

Find a careful emotional balance at all times. Relax. And form a regular schedule of forcing sessions.

Dissipation will not happen while you are forcing, so don't worry about that.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
02-19-2017, 05:42 PM
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Tethys Offline
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#16
 
RE: Ellie (FalconRift) and Isa - Journal

(02-19-2017, 05:42 PM)tulpa001 Wrote: If this is your first thoughtform, then you are correct that your mind does not want her there. Yet. I know it is scary.

Find a careful emotional balance at all times. Relax. And form a regular schedule of forcing sessions.

Dissipation will not happen while you are forcing, so don't worry about that.
Ellie, Host (She) February 20, 2017

tulpa001: Isa seems to feel relieved that dissipation will not happen.

I think she's starting to grow a bit more. Yesterday when I found the music files used in the game Minecraft, there was a file used for one of the in-game record disks, I found one that sounded a lot like jazz music. Boy, I do not like Jazz music. Upon playing it, I immediately thought, "Eew. Jazz music..." and then I felt Isa look at me like I was crazy. She said to me, "How could you not like Jazz music? Doesn't it make you want to get up and dance?" Even now she is telling me the same thing. Right now she is imitating a dance with an invisible dance partner, just to poke fun at me. Very funny, Isa.

I think the sound of her voice is also starting to develop. She kinda sounds like an annoyed teenager at times. I'm starting to think I am a bit annoying to her, haha. But, when most external friends find me annoying, they usually end up getting to know me better and they start to come around. I suspect this will be similar.

She wants me to tell you all that she feels like she is growing a bit more, and that she feels happy doing it.

I am also starting to think she has a lot of anxiety. She doesn't like movies that are scary. (Which is interesting because I am pretty much immune to scary movies, unless there is lots of blood or something) Last night my mom (who I have told about Isa, more on that later) put on a movie about a fast spreading disease that was killing lots of people. Isa asked me to have her turn off the movie because it was scaring her. (I think her own fear was causing me to become a bit nervous myself) I ended up asking her to change the channel, because it was scaring Isa. At first she objected, but she then decided to change the channel. For at least ten more minutes my heart rate was elevated, which leads me to believe that Isa's emotions are connected to mine, because normally I wouldn't be scared during that kind of movie.

Speaking of movies and TV, Isa seems to really like Spongebob Squarepants. I personally find it a little bit annoying at times, but when she saw the guide listing for that show, she begged me to change it to that. I changed it and I could hear her laughing away when she was watching it. It was quite adorable. And like earlier, I think her emotions are connected to mine, because I laughed quite a bit too. Normally, I would be pretty annoyed, haha.

In short, Isa's interests and personality have been developing quite a bit. Right now she just told me I should listen to Jazz music more, that maybe I would come to like it. Well, we will have to see, Isa ;)

She wants me to come explore our wonderland some more. I've been a bit busy, but I told her that I would make time just for her. Also, I created a world on Minecraft that is just for her - so that when she is willing to control me for a while, she can play it whenever she liked. I've been working on a treehouse for her. It is up in a large tree on a tall mountain. (If Minecraft actually followed the laws of gravity, the treehouse wouldn't be there, haha)

We chose a name for our wonderland: Areia. She and I really like the name. I also named her world on Minecraft that name. When I was working on the treehouse for her yesterday, she asked me, "Why are you making this for me? I like it, but what is the purpose?" And I said, "This is to show you that all worlds have beauty, even the ones that are virtual or that most see as nonexistent. All worlds have beauty. And all the inhabitants in those worlds have beauty as well." Her face seemed to light up and glow with happiness.

I guess that's all for now.

With love,
Ellie

Tethys: Host
Tulpas:
Isabella (Separate Account), <Akira>, {Xenia}, /Sakura/

"Welcome to my mind, welcome to the bottom of the rabbit hole."
02-20-2017, 02:45 PM
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#17
 
RE: Ellie (FalconRift) and Isa - Journal

Ellie, Host (She) February 26, 2017

My, my! So much has happened the past several days.

Last Thursday morning I woke up and Isabella was gone. Usually I feel her presence when she is nearby. But at that moment there was no sign of her. I feared I had failed her and that she was dead because of me. I went into our wonderland, Areia, to see if I could find her.

There was no sign of her, and Areia looked very different. There was no pine forest, just a flat, empty landscape with a layer of fog covering the ground. The sky was black, but I could still see around me for a long distance. The sun was a black sphere with a gray corona. Everything in Areia was gone except for our log cabin, which was gray and starting to fade. I went inside and saw a piece of paper on the table. I picked it up and looked at it, but the writing on it was blurry. I figured if Isa wrote on it, her thoughts she wrote would be attached to the paper. I thought about what it said, and then the words came into focus on the paper. (I wrote what it said into a text file immediately after reading it) The note said:

"You haven't failed me, Ellie.
You tried, and that's all that matters.
Don't give up. Keep going no matter what!

I love you, more than you will ever know.
You were my best friend, and I love you for trying.
Please don't forget me.

With love,
Isabella"

(She wrote the note Wednesday night, the note had the date in it)

I figured that since she left a note that she knew she was going to leave. So I thought that maybe she was still alive and had just left. Then I thought that if she was still alive that I would be able to feel her presence, however faint it may be. But there was nothing, so I thought she was dead.

I sought help on the IRC Chat, and I mostly received emotional support, but there was one user who told me she had ran away and not died. That user calmed me down and then I waited for her. Sure enough, Isabella came back. She said she regretted leaving and that she wouldn't leave again. I asked her why she left, but she didn't want to talk about it.


Also, I have another tulpa.

This one has been there since February 19, 2017. At first I didn't believe that they existed, but now it is clear that they do. They are now vocal, and they say their name is Null. They have no gender, and their form is a dark shadowy figure with whiteish eyes. They claim to know everything about me and Isabella, our wants, hopes, fears, dreams and more. They also claim to know a lot about moral values, right and wrong, etc. They claim to know how to make me a better person. But they say that they won't help me because I refused to acknowledge their existence. They say they want nothing more than to "fix my mistakes". I think that might mean ruin my life based on the emotions attached to that statement.

Null seems very convinced that I am lying to those around me to make them like me. This is not true, but they won't listen to me. Null also seems really pissed that I ignored their existence, which I regret now.

Isabella has been silent about this, but I can tell she is really scared of Null. And to be quite honest, I am too. I am worried about their intentions, and what they want/plan to do.

What should I do to help the situation? I honestly don't know what to do.


With love,
Ellie

Tethys: Host
Tulpas:
Isabella (Separate Account), <Akira>, {Xenia}, /Sakura/

"Welcome to my mind, welcome to the bottom of the rabbit hole."
02-26-2017, 06:01 PM
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tulpa001 Offline
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#18
 
RE: Ellie (FalconRift) and Isa - Journal

Oh, it's one of those thoughtforms.

People should read the safety advice more carefully before starting this tulpamancy stuff. Your mind makes it real.

Null's motives and emotions don't make sense. This means one of two things. They have a long history that explains it and why they didn't bother communicating with you I don't know. Or they are pure intrusive thought, and you should have dealt with it by not paying attention to those random thoughts.

Either way, now Null is here, and they have a choice. Either fall in line or get out. If you can't play by the rules, you don't have a place here. I recommend just leaving as multiple thoughtforms are a pain to deal with. It could be unpleasant for everyone.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
02-27-2017, 03:31 AM
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Tethys Offline
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#19
 
RE: Ellie (FalconRift) and Isa - Journal

Tethys Rain, Host (They, Them) March 1, 2017

I have decided that I am not going to go by Ellie anymore.

Hello, my name is Tethys. After giving a lot of thought, I have come to
the conclusiom that I am genderqueer. I often think about freezing Hell
into an ice block, and carving my face into it. *looks very serious in the
face and extends hand to anyone brave enough to take it*

So, I was aready writing a new post for the Progress report, but it was
full of self-pity and I decided not to post it. Basically, Null wouldn't play
by my rules, and I had to kick them out. In that draft post I wrote about
my remorse for killing them, that maybe Null could have been a nicer
person, given time.

But self-pity isn't going to move us forward. So we aren't going to speak
of Null anymore.


*puts on news anchor face for a moment* In other news, I think I may
have a new tulpa. There isn't a name yet, only a form. The form is a large
black crow, much larger than most crows. It could be as big as a hawk or
something, but due to lack of knowledge on that species, I do not know.

When I give the crow attention, it just stares at me blankly. I really like this
crow, it seems pretty cool. I will try talking to it, give me just a sec.

I tried talking to it just now, and it just tilted its head at me and said, "Kaw!"
and nothing else. It just flew off to a nearby tree in our pine woods, one that
looks old and almost dead, one that sticks out from the rest of the trees. I
have a feeling that I will remember that this is its tree, because he seems to
like sitting up in it. I might build it a birdhouse or something, but by the
look it is giving me, I think it wants much more than a birdhouse. In fact, I
might have to build it a whole birdmansion instead of a birdhouse.


I have been practicing letting Isabella possess my body. We even had her out
for a long period of time while I was at school on Friday. During that time, I
fell asleep in our log cabin, and while I was asleep Isa freaked out because I
had been her guide for the day. I gave her full access to my memories for hel
on figuring out my life. But when I fell asleep, she said that my memories get
blurry to her.

For a while, I had wanted Isabella to switch places with me as host. I had
started to think that reality was cold and harsh, and that I didn't want to deal
with it anymore. Isa has noticed my depression ever since she was created.
Although she didn't think that switching with me was the best course of action,
she agreed to do it. She says that she has seen me feel sad for too long. She says
that she would do anything to help me feel happy again, and if I thought that
switching would make me happy, she would be willing to do it.

We first started her possessing me on Friday morning before school, and that
was when I fell asleep inside, when we were riding the bus to school. While I
was asleep, I had a really interesting dream. The link to the dreams thread post
is below. I would read the dream post before continuing, the next few paragraphs
only make sense of you know what the dream was about.

https://community.tulpa.info/thread-the-...pid=186517

Me having this dream caused me to feel more at peace than I have ever felt in
my entire life. I felt braver than I did before, which makes me feel like I can
handle the outside now. I feel like I don't have to hide anymore. After all, the
man in the dream said that hiding from everything is giving up on everything.

That man said he was me, what I hoped to become. He said that I am already
there, that I already am as strong as he is. But am I really? ... *sighs* Pessimism
isn't going to get me there, whether I am there or not. I actually do think that
I am at that point already, because I feel really peaceful now.

The man told me that I can't walk to the flowers and trees because I haven't done
everything I am supposed to do yet. He said that when I accomplish those things,
he and I would walk there together. I'm starting to think he meant that when it is
my time, AKA death, he and I would walk to what was next, AKA the afterlife.

But what really lies ahead? Yeah, there were flowers and trees off in the distance,
but is it really like that in the afterlife? And when I do go, will Isabella get to go
with me? I would refuse to go anywhere if Isa couldn't go. I would say, "Sorry, but Isa
has to go with me. I'm not gonna die today, because you won't let me take Isa with
me. Call me when you can take another passenger, okie doke?" and then turn around,
walk back to the cabin and wake up. I won't go to any afterlife if Isa can't go. Heck,
I'll just wait until she can if I have to. They'll probably have to start a Tulpa Rights
Movement in the afterlife, haha.

Speaking of tulpa rights, Isabella has expressed her feelings to me about how she wants
voting rights. She said she knew that she couldn't get it though, because most people just
don't believe in tulpas. She told me that it was wrong for her not to get voting rights. She
asked me to fight for her rights, and I laughed a bit. I said, "Isa, we already have enough
to worry about in the world right now. I mean, our president is crazy, and is surrounded by
crazies. We already have enough on our plate with that one." She frowned a bit, but I think
she understood.

Well, not much else has been happening. Actually, the crow created a perch for itself
outside of the cabin, so now he's sitting on it, staring at me.

I think that's it though, so I guess I will write later if something else happens.


With love,
Tethys Rain

Tethys: Host
Tulpas:
Isabella (Separate Account), <Akira>, {Xenia}, /Sakura/

"Welcome to my mind, welcome to the bottom of the rabbit hole."
03-05-2017, 09:59 PM
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Tethys Offline
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#20
 
RE: Ellie (FalconRift) and Isa - Journal

Sorry for the wall of text. A lot has happened lately

Tethys: Host
Tulpas:
Isabella (Separate Account), <Akira>, {Xenia}, /Sakura/

"Welcome to my mind, welcome to the bottom of the rabbit hole."
03-05-2017, 10:00 PM
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