The black shoe diaries. (Amber and Toby)
Sort of back but more lurking now that I have a little time to be here.

Moving on.....

Toby and I are still good but the reason Im writing this is I wanted to share something.

I made a friend! Big Grin Yes me, belive it or not I made a real life friend who is into all the same weird shit I am but here's the thing.

We were casually talking about magic, paganism and the world of the metaphysical and I offhandedly asked "Have you ever researched thought forms?"

He thought for a moment and told me this story about how he used to live with his father (who sounds like an abusive prick) And how his dad enforced a strict bed time of 9pm and would beat him if he got up for any reason so to keep himself occupied he would talk to this little girl he created.

He didn't tell me her name but that she was about 6 or 7 and would talk back to him so he belived in that kind of thing whole heartedly.

I took a gamble.

I spilled the beans about Toby.

I've never told anyone about him before but my friend thought this was interesting and we had a long discussion about him before moving on to other things.

Toby still isn't sure if he is comfortable with someone knowing about him but I am happy that I was able to share this openly with someone.

I just wanted to share Smile
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Telling someone about your tulpa for the first time is always an interesting experience. Probably because there are so many possible ways for them to react - the best being, "Whoah, that's cool! Tell me more!" and the worst being put in an asylum. But if you pick who you tell wisely, the worst that usually happens is they don't care for the subject.
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
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Yep as Reisen said "the worst that usually happens is they don't care for the subject."

This happened to me. I told my best friend about the tulpa phenomenon, and while he thought it was interesting, he didn't really care about the subject enough to actually explore it.

I'm glad that you are kind of back though! You should completely come back! I miss this PR, and it was a pleasant surprise to see that it was updated Smile

EDIT: I forgot to say that you have extreme guts for telling your new friend about Toby. But then again this goes into what Reisen was saying about choosing the people you tell wisely, and you did exactly that, so I commend you. Very good judgment on your end.
"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

Yumi + Cinema
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OKay.... Alright lets do this.

Amber has handed her account over to me. I have no idea why. It's kind of weird to be honest but she seems to be of the impression that I can offer more to the community or something...

(I think you're funny and people haven't gotten the chance to get to know you so I want you to put yourself out there.)

.....I like myself right where I am.

(See, that right there. They'll love you just open up a little.)

Of course they'll fucking love me I'm awesome! Anyway now that we've established that. Hi everyone! I guess this is me making a sort of debut....Maybe...

I have no idea how this is supposed to work.

um... yeah so that's that. I guess I'll see you all around. ....Bye?
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Well welcome to the forums, Toby. It's neat getting your perspective on things.
"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
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Amber: So I'm hijacking my own account for a moment. I've been thinking a lot lately and one thing I have been thinking about is Toby and the progress or lacktherof that we have been making. I talked about imposition on all fronts and how this is something I would like to achieve and I read a lot of information but the effort that I put into it was hack at best.

We can sometimes do audio imposition. It doesn't happen often but it has on occasion managed to occur and that is definitely something I would like to pursue more of. The thing is though, I'm not 100% sure where to start.

I do know however that I would love to turn this into more of a step by step "Here's what I'm doing" Sort of thing and maybe if you all respond and keep me accountable Toby and I can make some progress.

The thing is I am a very impatient person and I feel bad for saying this but if I had just stumbled onto this forum without a Tulpa, like if I had not been looking for an answer for what Toby was and just wanted to make one I don't know that I would have possessed the dedication it takes to make a Tulpa so I admire all those who started from scratch and have created wonderful head mates.

But I feel like not only do I want to take Toby into the next level and bring him into the real world with me I also could probably benefit from this meditation in discipline and maybe just maybe it could benefit me in other aspects of my life to learn to sit down and keep at the same practice day in and day out without an excuse.

So consider this Day 1.


Toby: I have no idea where to start with this either. I don't know how I can help her. I don't even know if I can.

Amber: I remember reading somewhere that audio imposition was the best and easiest place to start.

Toby: That's great and all but how are you going to react to a disembodied voice following you around? You can't even sleep without a night light and I'm not trying to be rude but the last thing I want to do is scare you half to death every time I talk to you.

Amber: And here we see the problem.

Toby: Okay well our mind scape is pretty well fleshed out and so am I. You're finally at a point where you can look at me without going fuzzy or loosing your focus and things are starting to become clearer so maybe we should just jump to visual imposition since you're good at visualizing. You have strength there, might as well use it and the rest can come with time.

Amber: For those of you who don't know, the icon we are using is a picture of Toby I made.

Toby: It's pretty spot on too. The smile is right, my ears are a little smaller though and my hair is lighter brown. My forehead is not that big either. You could land a plane on that.

Amber: It's not that bad.

Toby: It's pretty bad.

Amber: Okay well that's the best I could do considering I can't just take a picture of you. Anyway, let's start by detailing the progress we have made.

Toby: Sounds good. I remember when we first started all this I didn't change much but you couldn't see anything in our mindscape except a big black room and sometimes maybe a spot light.

Amber: I saw a movie theater once.

Toby: HA! You walked in on me watching Mean girls. But yeah. And then I grew that cherry tree for you.

Amber: That was a shocker. We were forcing and I went in expecting not much at all and he comes out of nowhere, grabs my hand and leads me into this room with one wooden door and tells me to open it.

As soon as I did I was rushed with light, the smell of flowers and the sound of water and I stepped out onto this patch of grass. I could hear a stream flowing and I looked over and saw that the path we were on led toward a red Asian looking bridge that overlooked this babbling brook filled with rocks and Koi and just past it, like so close that I could reach out from the bridge and grab a branch was this grand Fully blossomed cherry tree.


[Image: japanese-garden-at-cranbrook-red-bridge.jpg]

Imagine this but the red tree would have been a low hanging cherry blossom tree.

That's where we met for the longest time.


Toby: Every time. We talked under that bridge, we went fishing.

Amber: We never actualy caught anything because I'm not killing anything in our mindscape.

Toby: That's a lie she just sucks at fishing.

Amber: Do you ever not say what's on your mind?


Toby: Honesty is the best policy.

Amber: ANYWAY. Back to the wonderland. That was our tree and I didn't make it, I had no hand in it so I guess that was my proof of sentience.

Toby: Because I DEFFINITLY didn't prove it before.

Amber: I'm stubborn okay. Anywho. It wasn't long after that I showed up one day and I couldn't find Toby. I called and called and called but he wouldn't appear and I started looking around and I noticed this house. Imagine that picture if you will and say you arrive from the left, well that big open space on the right is where it would be. It's a huge, white two story farm house(ish) an again it wasn't something I created or had a hand in.

Toby: That was all me Big Grin

Amber: Sort of like this except imagine a large and I do mean LARGE lagoon like pool in the back with a waterfall attached to it. It's more mountainous around it too. Like from the bedroom window you can see our cherry tree but if you go into he kitchen there's this gorgeous rocky mountain view. I love it, I spend a lot of time there. The outside looks rustic but the inside is quite modern and lovely and every room has a purpose.

[Image: white-farm-house-duncan-pearson.jpg]

Toby: Can I tell them about the room of requirement? Please let me tell them about the room of requirement!

Amber: Fine.

Toby: I made a room of requirement!!!! Okay so if you go in the front door the first thing you see is this big oak stair case and just past it is the entrance to the kitchen on the right that attatches to the dining room. At the very back is the sliding glass door that leads to the pool and on the left is this big oak door and the first time I took her in there it was just clutter. Wall to wall clutter and she thought I was insane.

Amber: I did. "OH GOD YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS AWESOME ROOM FULL OF GARBAGE!"

Toby: That is not at all what I did. Anyhow I told her to walk out. Imagine what she wanted to see and come back in. Aaaaaannnnddddddd....

Amber: It was an art room. Huge and full of canvases, paints, tarps, brushes. Everything you name it.

Toby: Aaaaaannnddddd

Amber: The next time it was a library.

Toby: aaaaannnnndddddddd.....

Amber: No.

Toby: aaaaannnnnddddd.

Amber: ........Toby made a batcave.

Toby: I had a batmobile and everything.

Amber: He did. So that was all stuff that I neither condoned, helped with or knew about. Toby did it all.


Toby: I'm proud.

Amber: It's beautiful you should be. We spend a lot of time there. And I've gotten really good at seeing him there, its even gotten to the point where I can touch, smell, hear and feel him so realistically when were there which is what leads me to now.

Now we need to pull that out of the wonderland and into my world.

Toby: I honestly don't understand why. It's just fine where it is.

Amber: For you. I love it don't get me wrong but while everything is great you're only experiencing me in your world. I want to experience you in mine so now I have to do what you did with the wonderland. Like reverse creation.

Toby: I don't get it.

Amber: You created the cherry tree, the house, the food everything we experience in the wonderland you did almost without me now I need to do the same thing to bring you into my world. I fall asleep in your bed every night. I want you to fall asleep in mine you get it?

Toby: I think so. I think I have a few ideas. Maybe instead of imposing a whole person at first why dont we start with something small to get your mind used to the idea.

Amber: like what.

Toby: Why don't I leave my shoe on the floor in the living room. It's a black converse so it shouldn't be hard to imagine. Just everytime you pass that spot try to picture it there and when it's finally realistic we can work on you touching it or something until you don't have to think about it. Then we can work our way up to something bigger like a shirt hanging in your closet or some bullshit like that.

Amber: Haha, that's actually a good idea. So I guess that's a little background a little conversation and I guess we're starting with a shoe.

If you made it this far, thank you so much and if you have any tips feel free to share. I'll keep you posted on my black shoe diaries.

Toby: I feel like you're going to change the name of the PR again.

Amber: You're probably right.
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Penelopesweet@icloud.com is where I will be if anyone wants to find me.

I asked the mods to delete or ban me.
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I am sorry to see that you two are leaving the forums. You've both been valuable contributors here.
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