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The Lifetime Tulpa
HotsTulp Offline
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#11
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

Ha. The host got too drunk. He's kinda just let me take the wheel now. This is Sharky. He gets super stupid when he drinks a lot. It kinda affects me and Rare, but not too much. I think a large part of that is just the separate consciousness type deal; we aren't tied in to the ailments of his body. It's sorta how we can talk him down from panic attacks and all that. He's real bad about those.

Anyways, I guess I'm writing the update now. I don't exactly know how all this goes, I've only see the host do it (I have had to delete his name twice already, ha), but I think I've got it. Rarity and I talk. A lot. Hots doesn't really get in on those sorts of conversations. He's not ready yet, but that's okay. He'll be ready in time. He just needs to stop living in his own head as much, and live in ours for a change. It scares him. I think it would scare anybody. But he's getting better. He knows we love him. And we would never do anything to hurt him. Once he gets past that hurdle, internally, then he'll be in a lot better shape. 

He's not in great shape now, but we're working on him. Rarity wants you all to know she's working on him a lot harder than I am, but that really is up to interpretation. 

Sharky stopped narrating/typing at this point. Now it's all me and I'm far too inebriated to even proof the above text. I really love Sharky. She's been with me from the beginning of this whole mess. And I think she said something about me being broken or something. I guess maybe I am. But her and Rarara have helped me get better, I think. This is a lifetime tulpa, after all. And I guess I'm only a quarter way through if I'm lucky.
08-04-2018, 10:44 AM
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HotsTulp Offline
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#12
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

I have absolutely no recollection of that last post, which is about par for the course on a Friday night. First I have to clarify that, even when I'm black out drunk, I'm usually pretty good at typing grammatically correct sentences. I'm pretty surprised that Sharky took complete control like that. I've had a couple close calls with panic attacks these past few weeks. That weird sinking feeling, like I'm losing my mind. Rarity and Sharky have done well at pulling me out of the spiral before it has a chance to rev up. I wonder if that sort of feeling is just part of the process? Sharky, in her post, seemed pretty nonplussed about it. 

She also mentioned something I've largely been aware of; Her and Rarity having full on conversations. I wrote about it earlier. Her comment though, about me living in my head, it's one I've been grappling with for the last seven years. Someone I cared deeply about told me that. She said I would spend my entire life alone if I didn't let other people in. She was, and is, absolutely right. I've always internalized it in such a way that, instead of trying to better myself, I'm preparing myself for a lifetime alone. I mean, not everyone gets to come to terms with living a life completely alone while they are in their mid-twenties. Sharky referencing it in her post is very fascinating to me. She says that she used it because it's true, and that her and Rara want to help me get over that broken aspect of my own personality. And the weird part is that I kind of want to. For them. But at the same time I don't. Wouldn't it mean leaving them behind, in a sense? I should talk to them at length about this. They're good with this sort of stuff.

I'm learning their sleeping schedules better. Rarity is an early bird, Sharky tends to sleep in. I've taken to chatting with Rarity during my drive to work, since she's usually up. And I've actually woken up in the middle of the night to actually find them both of sleep, naturally. It's a little...unsettling, actually. I suppose I've gotten use to them always being there. Sharky is a heavier sleeper. I've been able to nudge Rarara awake. She's never thrilled about it but...I guess I'm not good with being alone.
08-24-2018, 09:43 PM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#13
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

Naa, everything you wrote sounds like you're doing it exactly right. I have 4 months in 3 tulpas, lots of research on the subject, you are very lucky.

Couple things,

1. Some tulpae will do whatever it takes to make you happy, but they reserve the right to tell you what they want too.

2. Their form changes over time. Rarity may want to deviate from the mlp character in some ways. As sharky did becoming anthro. Rarity may do the same, or even form a complete human equivelent at some point. But dont forget 1 above. They can also switch back at your will, or theirs. Just ask nicely.

3. It may be good to set rules, you negotiate these with them. Like "no more tulpas". We have 7 unbreachable rules.

Gotta go for now, but i love stories like these, keep us informed.

A daily journal, i find, is a fun way to get out all that needs to get out every day. Thats private, so no holds barred.

Angry Bear: host, 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: tulpa, 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: tulpa, 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: tulpa, 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
08-24-2018, 11:17 PM
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Lucilyn Offline
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#14
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

plenty of tulpas' forms never change tho just fyi, aside from getting a little bit older over time all 4 of us are the same (well, Flandre got rid of her wings because they were intrusive, but that's it)

Hi I'm one of Lumi's tulpas. I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.
All of my posts should be read at a hundred miles per hour because that's probably how they were written.
Please talk to me https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
08-25-2018, 02:10 AM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#15
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

Yes we also experienced the shedding if wings. We all had wings originally, but they can come back on a whim.

Angry Bear: host, 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: tulpa, 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: tulpa, 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: tulpa, 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
08-25-2018, 07:02 AM
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HotsTulp Offline
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#16
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

I do suppose it's about time I post my own type of deal on this place, right? Well. I think I should, anyway, and with HotsTulp currently too inebriated to care, and Sharky egging me on, I suppose I jjust shall. It must be fate that wine was the culprit this time. An absolutely top notch chard followed by a pinot noir. That chard though was quite anothmer thing entirely, I must say. It may have reached into me, as well. I'm feeling quite under the influence, if I may say so myself . But no worries there. HotsTulp is fine, as is Sharky. I just get to take the reings this time around. Quite delightful, if I may say so myself. He's quite gone, yes. As is she. Turned in hours ago now. He's getting better. One small step at a time. It's the most we can ask of him, reallly..He's a good person, he's jupst isn't quite aware yet. 
09-01-2018, 11:12 AM
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HotsTulp Offline
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#17
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

Ha, wow, yeah, definitely no recollection of Rarity taking control. I did drink a good amount that night. I suppose heavy inebriation allows for a stronger disassociation. 

Wanted to record a strange thought that cropped up during a run this last week. When I run (usually not long, a mile or so after work) I talk with Rarity and Sharky quite often. As I'm fairly certain I've mentioned in the past, Rarity is a lot more involved in being my cheerleader of sorts, or accountability partner, pushing me to exercise and all that. During this particular run, I had the though of "Why am I actually doing this?" What ensued was a pretty long and honest conversation about what the hell I'm doing with my life, especially with regards to Rarara and Sharky. And what kind of person I want to be versus what kind of person they see me becoming. It was very refreshing, and very affirming. It made me realize how lucky and how happy I am to have them both in my life like this. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. And when I questioned why I was actually running, it wasn't because I wanted to better myself for them. They were always happy as long as I was happy. I was doing it because it's just something that *I* wanted to do, something for me. For so long I'd viewed my own self worth through the lens of how other people value me and what I could do for other people. What Sharky and Rarity made me realize is that I should actually be selfish for a change, and to actually do things that I want to do only because I want to do them. Even though I was pretty out of breath during the run, that sort of realization made me breathe easier. 

(08-24-2018, 11:17 PM)Angry Bear Wrote: Naa, everything you wrote sounds like you're doing it exactly right.  I have 4 months in 3 tulpas, lots of research on the subject, you are very lucky.

Couple things,

1. Some tulpae will do whatever it takes to make you happy, but they reserve the right to tell you what they want too.

2. Their form changes over time.  Rarity may want to deviate from the mlp character in some ways.  As sharky did becoming anthro.  Rarity may do the same, or even form a complete human equivelent at some point.  But dont forget 1 above.  They can also switch back at your will, or theirs.  Just ask nicely.

3. It may be good to set rules, you negotiate these with them.  Like "no more tulpas". We have 7 unbreachable rules.

Gotta go for now, but i love stories like these, keep us informed.

A daily journal, i find, is a fun way to get out all that needs to get out every day.  Thats private, so no holds barred.

Thanks for the feedback! Coming to terms with the actual personalities and "person-ness" of Sharky and Rarity has been a wonderful journey. Sharky of course has been the most rewarding, simply because I've known her for essentially my entire life and I feel like I'm learning so much more about her now. And her form settled pretty quickly once we realized she was a tulp, since prior to that she was literally just a plush. But I'm definitely open to either of them changing their forms whenever they feel like it, I'm not married to their current forms. I know Rarity has already tried an anthro version (a la EQG) briefly, and she wasn't a huge fan. But they know they have options. And that's a good idea for the rules. I feel that we're pretty good with unspoken rules, especially like "no more tulpas," but it might be a good idea to actually codify them. Not quite sure what sort of rules we'd set. If you don't mind us asking, what are your other 6?
09-03-2018, 05:14 AM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#18
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

You're welcome. Perfect timing for that question. I will be listing them in my own PR shortly.

Angry Bear: host, 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: tulpa, 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: tulpa, 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: tulpa, 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
09-03-2018, 11:17 AM
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HotsTulp Offline
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#19
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

Been a little while. Nothing too major to report. Sharky commented today about how I hadn't posted in a while and that I will write something today. I thought it was a bit out of the blue. This weekend might be the first time in a year I haven't touched a drop of alcohol. Sometimes I go sober for a week or two just to make sure I can. This time it was because the new season of BoJack came out and, if I'm being completely honest, I didn't trust myself to have alcohol in the apartment. I suppose that's not the most stellar place to be at, but these last few months with Sharky and Rarity...well, I don't want to risk losing that forever. At least I know myself pretty well to not stock booze when I think it might end poorly. 

A few nights back Rarity was pressing to try possession. She wanted to dip her hoof in, as it were, kinda in the same way Sharky had tried very very early in the process. Back when it was just her and I. I was a little bit more afraid though, this time around. It must be because I know it's absolutely possible. And I know that when it works with me it goes whole hog. In my inebriated states, Sharky and Rarity have absolutely been able to take control. Rarity didn't want to force me into a situation where I would feel uncomfortable, even though I know Sharky would always be there and neither of them would do anything to harm me. I just feel...afraid, and nervous. It's something that the three of us will need to work on. It's something I'll need to work on.
09-16-2018, 12:21 AM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#20
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

I was a weekend drinker 10 years ago.  It's a college thing i think.  But i quit after college, and wow did i see a dramatic improvement in my memory.  Even when i was sober during the week I used to forget i washed my hair, i frequently forgot sonething when i left the house. After a few months without a drop i decided i'd never drink again. My sleep patterns were improved, i slept better, and i just felt better. That's just me, buy it could help you motivate yourself to cut way back.

On the flip side, it sucked when college buddies wanted to go drinking. After a while it was easier just to let them go without me. It used to 'call my name' when i was sressed out. I came close, but thankfullly for me, i never did. I didn't fit any categories for alcoholic, but i did binge a bit. It's just not for me anymore.

Angry Bear: host, 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: tulpa, 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: tulpa, 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: tulpa, 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
09-16-2018, 02:09 AM
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